Monday - I now officially do not enjoy mondays.

Yesterday = a VERY BAD day. In all regards. I'm very blessed to have amazing friends and family who are walking with me through this. You guys rock.

I can only pray that the rest of the week goes a little smoother...

22 days to Principal Photography
20 days to Spring
5 days till my parents fly to Vegas and win the jackpot (no pressure)

I will not be blogging as much - as time is escaping me. I actually slept last night - but it might not have been a good idea. Ugh.

If you wish to donate a hug, please feel free. They never go to waste. :)

you do the math

21 days until the first day of spring.

23 days until the first day of principal photography.

gazing

my dad has a telescope. i never had the opportunity to use it. i was just thinking about how nice it would be to look into the night sky with a telescope. the closest i've come is in the game MYST - the first one of the series - where you have to go into the observation deck to find constellations for certain dates. sad - yes.

I'm just working on deal memos - and now have to call my female Gidim-zul to talk to her about her role. This is me procrastinating. I often wonder how big of a blog I would have if I was still in University in residence - due to procrastination (it truly is an art form).

Listening to LOTR and The Beach soundtracks. "While we were hunting Rabbits" by MG is on the mix today as well. Although, songs with words can distract me too much when I'm typing out documents.

Tina brought the scrapbook that the girls had made for me when we met up last Sunday. I read through it again today - it's been since December that I have seen it (Tina held onto it as I was going to church and couldn't carry it). I just want to say how beautiful it is. I never really took my own pictures in University - and always wanted to nab my friends' photos to make doubles. Instead, they built me a collage scrapbook of our years as 'Swines' and growing as friends. It's amazing to go back and see what the world was like - how young we looked (although I haven't changed that much) - and just remembering the great times. I can't say that I enjoyed my schooling so much at YU. I honestly feel that most of my tuition money was wasted on 'mandatory' classes that I barely focused on, and there were very few professors in the Film Department that I truly felt were valuable to building my knowledge and understanding within the medium. The few that were important influences in my education were amazing however...so I guess that makes up for it? That's what I used to tell myself to make me feel better about the incredible amount of money I spent on schooling. All that said, I have never once regretted the money spent on living in Tatham Hall for four years in a row (rm. 610 all four years) - the friendships you build at University truly are ones that you carry through your life (at least this much is true for myself).

Aucky is really loud right now. Outside of the constant running on the wheel (which is healthy for him), he has now taken to running into his chew tube and somehow ramming it into the side of the cage - very loudly. I can't say that it was fun to listen to this morning while I was napping on the couch. He's been super hyper lately - I have no idea why. The other thing that he does is climb into this 'loft' area above his maze and just stand on two feet scratching at the roof of this area. For long periods at a time - straight through. The other day I was wondering how I will feel when he passes away. They only live 1.5-2 years MAX. He's almost one. I have grown to love him dearly - he's the closest thing to a puppy I have owned.

25 days to go.

watching Saw II tonight. might go for a walk through downtown TO after that - sit at City Hall (on the upper level) and just take some time to breathe through this. Making Skor cake tomorrow for the PotLuck after set up. So yummy - but it is only wise to make this when many people will be eating it - sooooo rich/fattening. :p

I'm feeling blank today. Hopefully this will change.

that gosh darn song again

I made Martine listen to Nico's phone ring today so that someone would understand the addiction to this music. I don't know if she has the song in her head - but at least I could play it for someone.

My Ode to Canadian Olympics - We are in fourth place with 20 medals at the moment - 6G, 8S, 6B. Not bad. I remember Olympics being more exciting - but it feels as though the spirit has been lost. I don't blame anyone specifically for this - however, I don't believe that all the judging 'scandals' that have been happening and again other scandals altogether HELP AT ALL.

I'm not looking forward to 2010 when the games hit up Vancouver. That city is getting a major facelift. I was there in November of 2005 and it's crazy the construction plans. My biggest worry - how we Canadians act in sporting events. Mainly - how the crowd treated the Junior Hockey Tournament in Vancouver not too long ago. The way that the crowd treated the teams outside of Canada, especially the American team - was terrible, and I was truly ashamed of how Canada was acting. Political jargon is one side of things, however, bringing boiling issues in vent towards a team of young hockey players who are simply trying to play a tournament and have absolutely no control over their Country's stances - is immature and disrespectful. Unfortunately - this crowd was representing Canada - and it reflects poorly on all of us.

Anyway - I am worried about how the Olympics will go down. However, slightly excited about possibly buying a place to live AFTER the Olympics are done. If I were to stay in Canada - BC has me hooked. For the scenery, the fact that it supports the film industry, the mountains, ocean, beaches, air quality, the fact that it is only like 12hours away from San Francisco, and that you can drive right onto Hwy 1 with the scenic route - and you can hang out in oceanside coves as you adventure by the waters. Amazing.

New Zealand still has my heart though. Todd said something today to the regards that i will be working on movies until I'm 45 - I was like 'dude, girl's gotta take a break - and a girl's gotta chase all her dreams'. But then again - who knows what will happen or what path I will lead. Tore's going to be setting up the next feature while we're shooting "The Storm" so that we can start pre-production right away. I hope that maybe after this one I find the time to trek through NZ with a friend - and travel through Indonesia and finish the rest of Oceania - return to San Francisco and maybe drive through the country to get home. :) Aw, I guess I feel like travelling right now.

I'm might be going to visit NY after this film is done. I get like a week off before I start on post-production TS/pre-production on the next one. I have a friend from LA who does a lot of art direction work in LA/NY and he's invited me to come visit with him on set and he can show me the city - he stays in Grenich Village (the first time, he wanted to pay for my flight out cause i couldn't afford it). So it'll be nice to check out the city and catch up with him. I might plan to go down with a friend - I like those type of adventures. The best is when you travel with someone you might not know all that well - a trip like that can put you in a place where you will begin to truly understand and see a different side of that person then you ever would see in the everyday.

It's fun. Backpacking is all about that. You hit up a country you have never been to - meet people there, travel together, grow close, go your separate ways, meet new friends ... it's an awesome cycle.

That's it for now. Today was productive - did our measurements with Lonz and dealt with art department concerns. Tore locked the motorhomes and we went to visit the company and checked some out. Sweet deal - how many low budgets get motorhomes??? Craziness.

My songs right now: The Used "Blue and Yellow" and Clann Zu "Absense makes the Heart Die". They might be in the same musical tonality. I don't know where my head is at.

Have a lovely night. Gold stars for everyone surviving another week. :)

26 days to PP.

Oh yeah - and I now know what the Skeleton is. After reading a preview of the next day's Olympic events, I saw Skeleton on it like three times. Why would they name it the Skeleton? It's basically luge on your tummy facing forward - that's scary as heck (they travel super fast!!!).

I want to try street luging or snow lugging at least once in my life. At one point in my childhood i remember wanting to pursue that. Maybe it was a 'cool runnings' moment - switched from bobsledding to luging.

Hmmm. Whatever.

catchy songs

I have a song in my head - it's the song that is the 'ring' for our steadicam's cell phone - it's great. Although, I find myself singing to it when he answers. That's no fun. It's something to the extent of 'blue skies, are waiting for you'. If anyone out there knows what song it is - please help me out here. It starts off like a 1930s tune almost - and this girl starts singing. It's actually a PA for his phone server - but whatever.

Today. Well, I have finally found our insurance company. This woman was great - she walked through all of my questions. We were on the phone working through it for like an hour. She really wanted me to understand every detail - which is exactly what I wanted to hear. It's important - this insurance will be saving this film's butt for the next 3-5 years (from pre-pro through to distro).

Main focus of my day was that - really. Did cast things. Worked through other 'not so exciting to type here' stuff.

Important - I made time for myself today. I pretty much shut down my 'film world' and went downtown to hang out with my friend and living room leader Sue, to catch up. And it was great. It's just nice catching up with people - especially ones that you have been seperated from due to work. This is call to my girls Julie, Silvia and Jen - it's time to hook up. Also, my Graham cracker - haven't seen you since you came back from your Thailand adventures.

Aight people. I don't really know what to talk about today. I should actually get back to work. We are travelling to Hamilton for measurements tomorrow morning. Should be interesting - I will finally have an opportunity to see our St. Paul's location. Great!!!

Skunks - did I tell you about the time the two skunks came by my back door in the dark? Usually, it's raccoons, and we just open the door and they run away. Well this time I looked through the blinds with the flashlight - and there they were - 2 skunks - tails in the air pointed at the door. Ugh. I was trying to print something off the computer - but it sits near the door. The last thing I need is for any sound to travel to their ears and cause them to spray.

Three summers ago, Sarah, Dana, Carli and I lived downtown on Sullivan st. Talk about the weirdest summer - year of SARS and the blackout. Anywho - it turned out that we had an entire family of skunks living underneath of the house. Basically they burrowed underneath from the backyard. What was worse - is that at the back of our apartment there was Dana's room and then the kitchen, my room, then the living room. It was a long house. Carli and Sarah were downstairs with our bathroom. Anyway - the skunks burrowed straight until they were almost fully underneath of the kitchen (the basement wasn't as long as the main floor). One morning - Sarah and I were at the hospital working, and Dana woke up. She has the patio sliding doors in her room. She smelled a skunk outside the door - so she slamed the glass door shut. Well, apparently skunks don't like that. They began hissing and could be heard under the kitchen.

Then the inevitable - they sprayed all underneath of our house. I'm telling you - not a pretty picture. The smell would not leave us for weeks. Honestly - it was horrible. Dana was going home that weekend - and had to bring everything fabric with her - all her clothes and bedding - everything in the apartment STANK!!! We febreezed everything and poured carpet powder on the floors, use aerosol cans to put a nicer scent in the air. Honestly - not something I ever want to repeat in my life.

So yeah - these two skunks live near here and prance around often enough. Hmmm. Our security light barely works too - so when I do come to the alcove behind the house to get to the door, i never know if there will be one waiting for me.

So - i guess i did have a story. Smile - it didn't happen to you.

The houses are all connected - so there are very little windows.

ps. 27 days to go.

one month - 4 weeks - 28 days

However you want to put it - we're there. We had fun today. I must admit - when you laugh this much while scheduling a film - it must be good. :p

I'm loving our crew. And really - you can't go wrong when you're loving the crew. Chris, Karl and I today scheduling, followed by a look through with Todd. Very productive.

It's funny - anytime I get off the phone with Tore or meet up with Todd, I leave there feeling amazing about the project. It's when I'm alone in my apartment working on everything that I start to lose it. You need moments of inspiration though, and they have been great encouragement.

The GO Train was good - first time alone in a while it seems. Just forced myself not to work and just sit and listen to music to calm my soul. You better believe I took some notes - but I held back...

I should head off to work...it's almost ten and I have to call Big D.

I should be joining Karl & Chris as they run some tests.

:p

eating a box of raisins...

dinner. i remember studying at YU, and basically forgetting to eat. I would eat arrowroots, soda biscuits and icing(was in the fridge - you eat anything when you are hungry and don't have time to shop). Sandra would come into my room to pick me up for a dinner break and generally find me in this dyre situation.

I don't think i'm that much smarter. I should make a salad. The good thing is that I finally opened that box of raisins that has been decorating my one shelf for a few months. yum.

I'm listening to "Closure" by Chevelle - and it's just the right tone for me. Today was a day. UGH

Tomorrow will be that much better - :p

I think it's my 'crunch' time and i'm starting to feel it. One person getting pulled in a million directions is difficult. Next film - we will have an office support crew - which will make all of our lives easier. :)

I met with Brian Dugan at WFW today. They are a great team. I accidentally met a crew member too who works there - Bob. He is funny! :) Anyway - I was there for about 2.5hrs. I had travelled down on the TTC with a day pass (mental note - when money is plentiful, must buy car again). Well, when I was heading out, we noticed that it started to snow A LOT. I had branched off from my meeting with whites, to speak to an individual from Tellavision (same bldg) - and by the time I was finished there, Brian came back to tell me that Bob would drive me to my next location. :) That was super awesome of him. This was a way to informally get to know Bob - he is super pumped up about the film...which is very nice!

Anyway. From there I went to discover the true cost of HD tapes (ugh) and then on to meet with Martin and John at T2W. That was super nice to hang out with them for a bit. I was setting up our account with them for this film, and catching up. They are also amazing people who I have been in affiliation with due to my years as a PA. They treat me very well.

Then I stopped in and said hello to Mr. Chow at Absolock on Dundas. I have always loved going to this location when I was a PA. It's a unique spot in the city. We cut our keys there - but this little store has the best character and the people who work there are wonderful.

I finished my runs with another run to Codes to pick up our HD tapes for the camera tests (which are now postponed). All in all, it was a great day for visiting old friends all the while setting up our new accounts. Very great. However, being away from my computer all day is very hard - and the plethera of emails is overflowing.

I sit and smile though - because I love it none the less.

I was thinking about Oscar today. Then I was thinking about Red. If you don't know me, these were my cars. Red was the first new car my family ever owned. After graduating University I wanted to get a car to have more opportunities with PA work in Film (trust me - it helped). Anyway, so after looking into a bunch of new cars, my mom decided she wanted a new car - so she bought a Mazda Protege5 and I got Red. :) She was about 11-13 years old by then. But very well kept and pretty (new paint job due to the ice falling from a building incident). My mom babied that car cause it was her tank while she did home care. Red was a Mazda 323. The radio didn't work because rain would affect the wiring - so I had a portable radio in the front with me. No air - which proved to make Red into a prison during the black out - when my sister and I were trapped in traffic in mississauga through to toronto.

Anyway - one day, while passing out my resume - and on my way to meet up with Mags to go edit a very old student film - a cube truck ran into my car. We were on Adelaide Street travelling east - I was in the left hand lane turning onto a street, and the cube truck, who was in the lane right to me, decided to turn onto the exact same street and never even looked for me. I was ahead of him, so he should have seen me. Anyway, the silver steele bumper on the front of his cube truck ripped into the side of my car, lifting my car, and eventually caught onto the door - and tore my door away from my car. It was kind of scary - cause I was locked to him and we were headed towards a telephone pole. Luckily, we stopped in time - but my car was wrecked. That was the last time Red would be driven. :(

Let me tell you - dealing with insurance companies after you've been in an accident is something I would not wish upon even people i don't like. It just plain SUCKS. It was not my fault - but they don't care. I'm not doing to revisit this moment in my life - but when it rains, it pours - and my life at the time was a whirlwind of downward spirals.

During a trip home for Thanksgiving - I went to look at cars with my dad. He pointed to Oscar - who is a 99 Mazda Protege, deep green. Anyway - i didn't have a job - and I definitely couldn't afford him - as he was like over 10,000$. Anyway - it turned out that he would be more affordable than an older car as I could take out a loan on him. Within a week, he was mine. My parents drove him to me on our way to a wedding in London. This is when my brother and i found out that the cd player doesn't work. Yuck.

Oscar and I had a long run together. However, most of our time saw him parked on the side of the road. I was working a lot when we were together. With these jobs came a production vehicle. And Oscar sat and maybe grew depressed - cause he started breaking down. A car that breaks down when it's not being used is rough. So I poured money into his facelifts. Dufferin Mazda became a second home to me - and with it, a lot of free servicing. :) Anyway, it was the end of "Zoom" and I knew that I didn't want to have a car sucking out my funds - so I had to sell the poor guy.

Can I tell you my luck? I had just put Oscar onto a new insurance plan - as I didn't sell him before my RBC one ran out. Two days later, I'm walking down the street and see a sign on my windshield. I ran up and grabbed it and ran away - not noticing anything. The note read "I'm the one who hit your car." My heart sank. I had three people coming that day to look at the car. And some guy on my street had backed his car into it and took out three major parts on the driver's side of my car (we have street parking - and this guy had a driveway). I have no idea how fast he was going because my car was hurt bad enough. Anyway - so I had to put in the claim and try to still sell my car. God really loves me, cause at the last minute (before Oscar was removed from AutoTrader) a gentleman came by to buy my car. He had been in an accident with his family (everyone is okay) and was going through the 'insurance phase' and needed to find a replacement before the rental car was taken away.

So after a quick two day transition - Oscar was signed off to this new family. In two years he will be shipped off to Africa - where this new owner said he will send it to his family. :) Wow, the life this car will see.

Whoever is still reading this must really want to know about my life - this is a long post. All this to say that I was thinking about my cars today. I love driving - there is a freedom to it. "The Red" is playing on iTunes right now and I can just imagine driving along Hwy 1. Beautiful.

Back to work. BIG BIG days ahead.

29 days and counting.

Captivating

A girl from my church posted this online. It's from a book she is reading right now called "Captivating". We've been discussing on our message board about this book. This sentence really resonated with me. Maybe I'm having a moment.

"every girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. she longs to be swept up in a great romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the beauty of the story"

Isn't it true though? I've been pondering this idea for 5 straight days now. I always used to think that being pursued was simply difficult to handle. I'd rather someone just tell me how they were feeling - and not so much 'hunting me down'. Then when I was trying to make sense of it to another friend, I remember this summer I had where I had the pursuer and how wonderful it felt and how much I DID feel like the leading lady in this great adventure. It was the unknown. Yet, there was still a power that I held as the woman being pursued.

Boys and girls are funny. God made Adam & Eve for each other - simple right? Look at us now with all of the games and whatnot. I bet He's enjoying the show. Why do we make things so complicated?

I've been listening to Jess Cantelon's CD a lot while working - as well as LOTR soundtrack music. I love movie soundtracks - especially Howard Shore and John Williams. Maybe the songs I'm attracted to at the moment reflect my mood. I'm particularly drawn to Enya's "May It Be" (so beautiful) and "The Riders of Rohan". I heard a snipit of the beginnings of Craig McConnell's (composer for TS) score - it sounds awesome. Music is so powerful.

end blog. resume work.

I think i'll be blogging a bunch - as a break from work. i always have something to say. :p

today's a day that has come and gone

It is now 6.00pm. According to my laptop.

It's been one of those days.

I met up with the girls last night - a group of five friends from University who lived in residence together. We're a funny bunch - we all lead such different lives, it's funny to think how we became friends.

It was Tina's birthday on Friday - so we got together to catch up and spend time together. Charlene and I had the water bottle nearby most of the night - to protect us from the kitties. Last time I was at Sarah's house, I scratched my chin raw from an allergic reaction. I never knew it got this bad.

Sandra is going to be married in June of 2007. Her Neilson dairy product comes out this week - test run of a strawberry milk. Go try it today! Tina starts a new job on March 6th - she's moving towards external affairs - something she has wanted for so long. Sarah was offered another position with Taking It Global - same rate, but amazing opportunity. Charlene is volunteering some of her time (she is such a busy person!!!) as a production manager for a theatre group. :)

I love my friends. We were all together in the kitchen. As I was cutting up fruit for the salad, it doned on me how much I loved these friends. I miss them so much. They have each been a great influence in my life. Their presence has made me a better person today. I am truly thankful for having met them.

And today, I miss them. I miss them and so many of my other friends who I haven't seen in the longest time - and who I long to speak with. There are some of us who have been trying to hook up for almost 2 years.

Hmm. Why do I want to leave this place? I laughed about it last night - that i would be here for a few more years working on films before taking off - but it's okay if that happens. It's more time to build stronger friendships with these girls, guys and my family.

Everything happens for a reason. I wonder why I'm posting these thoughts. They aren't new thoughts. They don't really go anywhere actually.

I just wanted to say that last night, I saw my friends.

I miss my living room. :( I haven't seen some of them for so long. They are the zanniest bunch around - from mad artist skills (every type) to uber rocket science power, Super security and gentle hearts. I can't wait to catch up with you guys. We are having a pot luck on Sunday with the other setup living room - so I'm very excited about this. :)

30 days to go.

The science of the 'jelly belly'

Jelly Bellies were on sale the day after V-day. You have to love the 'day after' holidays for the immediate price drops. Convenient.

Anyway - i love jelly belly. I'm not saying i'm big into jelly beans in general, cause i'm more of a gummy candy type of person. But there is something really cool about the chemistry behind the jelly belly. How do they make these things taste so real?

We were talking about it tonight - and came to the conclusion, that by far the JUICY PEAR is the most perfected flavour of the jelly belly collection.

Although, if you have ever tasted the Harry Potter Jelly Belly series - you might think otherwise. I remember dirt tasting pretty narsty - and I think grass tasted like the smell of grass. This series is a mystery to me. Why would you ever want to encapsulate the flavour of vomit, spaghetti, ear wax into a candy coating? How did they find a test group? Did a helpless group of children involve themselves in a jelly belly flavour testing - and unknowingly were being fed the most vile flavours to be inserted into a candy format? They look identical to the original jelly belly. Worst part is that they invent new flavours for this series all the time. It's so funny watching another person try to eat one of these. In terms of candy consuming, eating these might just be the greatest challenge, next to downing a vile of pure sour juice (also a cruel candy invention - makes my jaw seize thinking of it).

We have harry potter jelly bellies in the house - and often, i'm weary of eating the regular ones we have. I am always wondering if someone has switched the flavours around as a cruel joke. Cause the last thing I need to be doing is going to chew on a 'cherry-cola' flavoured jelly belly and coming out with something that tastes like earthworm. :o)

hello stranger

Hello blog browser,

Welcome to my blog. As you sit there reading about my life, why not drop a line and say hello. : ) I'm quite friendly - and rarely bite.

I created this blog for my travels (which are now on a slight delay) - but have decided to begin writing my virtual diary to get into the swing of things. Funny enough, I don't know too many people who know about my blog. I don't really tell people about it. Inviting people to read my personal thoughts - it's intimidating. What if i'm having a bad writing day? What will they think?

Honestly, who cares? This is me, and i am what i am. And quite frankly, all I can do is love who God created me to be. I do serve a purpose in this world - although at times, i can't see it. I think blogging is difficult for me cause i'm a serious tangent talker. Generally i start on one line of conversation and flow into so many different tangents. I will always come back to the lost conversations to complete them. It makes it difficult to post though - cause I talk too much (it's genetic - my grandfather talks a lot!!!!). My mom used to say that when I would come home from school i would start talking half way up the driveway and hunt her and my dad down to tell them about my day. Maybe this is half true - i probably only started talking when i opened the door. Parents add such endearing exagerations. :) Anyway, the best way to get to know me might not be my blog - I'm a package deal (very lively in person). I guess we're all much livelier in person...

Internet is probably one of the most interesting inventions. We have the ability to communicate with anyone around the world through this system (as long as they can be online). So any one of the over 6 billion people in the world could be reading this right now. That's kind of cool if you think about it. And here you are, one of those people, reading about me, also one of those billions of people. For you math folk, what is the probability of falling upon someone's website while randomly searching the internet? Obviously, you (the reader) were meant to read this document. Maybe a post i have will change your life. :) wouldn't that be wonderful? :) i don't honestly know if that would happen - but hey, sometimes i say insightful things. To me, this blog is for my memories. I love the idea of memories and preserving details of my past. I can pick up a stub from an event/movie/concert and just looking at it triggers all the memories surrounding that day or time of my life. This is probably true for most of us. I love that feeling though.

I was walking to the hairdresser's today and found great enjoyment in walking in fresh piles of snow. I can't say that the snow is prolific in my area, but i found hidden piles on my journey. I like how it feels - stepping on a fresh sheet of snow. I also love how it sounds. I was taking my short cuts through to Yonge street - so I could actually hear it - not like walking downtown where the traffic drowns out detailed audio.

I really am anxious for winter to come. I am still waiting to go toboganning and sadly, it's not much of an option just yet. I have to admit that I love the transition from Winter to Spring and the whole idea of the world around me renewing itself. At the moment I feel like I'm constantly being thrown into this feeling of transition (it snows one day, +8 the next). Every time I'm on the GO Train, I look out the window and we pass the same scene - fields with melting snow or no snow. When spring time actually comes around, i'll be numb to it's arrival. Sad.

Anyway. I want to explain the adorable image that welcomed you to this wonderful little note. It's an "homage" to the swines. My rez floor was 'The Swine House' (we didn't name it!) - loved being a swine for four years in a row - as it truly was the best house in the building. Fact: swines are actually very very clean animals. So, don't judge!

If you happen to still be reading this little note - i challenge you. Post a comment! It's actually a very healthy activity. And then I will know that I am actually not writing to myself and maybe i can better cater to my viewing public. :)

And if you like challenges, i invite you to attempt a challenge i had posted in my dorm room in my 4th year - put a starburst in your mouth (fully wrapped) and try to unwrap it aided only by your teeth/tongue. And if you master that, you rock, but don't get cocky until you can take that wrapper and fold it into a paper airplane in your mouth.

I think it's impossible. I would love to meet someone who can do it though. A bunch of us tried for a full year and got no where fast.

thank you for visiting my site. I have enjoyed your company.

Virtual hugs and many blessings. and if you're interested, there's always more to come...

Sooooooooooo windy

It's nights like this that make me wonder why we are all going to be shooting a movie in the dead of winter, exterior, nights in Hamilton?

I just got home and am very happy and appreciative of the warm interior. I can still hear the wind violently playing with bins on my landlord's deck above our door. It's not as bad as this morning when i could barely walk because the wind was so strong. It's intense what weather can do - I do not want to be around when the end of the world comes. Compared to that, this is peanuts.

I just got back from a movie. I spent some time with my friend James, who for the second time, left the country for a week long trip and I just found out about it. It took a month for me to find out he had gone to Tokyo, and tonight - he just got back from Cuba and I never even knew he left! Friends are funny sometimes. I love hearing when someone is going away on vacation - I get so excited for them. The idea of getting on a plane and exploring a different part of the world. It's just amazing. And to think, 200 years ago, there weren't any airplanes! The idea of travelling around the globe was not the same. Everything feels so accessible.

Anyway - we went to see Brokeback Mountain. Even though there could be a lot to say (pro/con) about the movie (especially the adorable sheep), one thing struck me the most - how intensily I connected to the relationship between both Heath's character and Jake's character. Lately, I feel absorbed in relationship discussions. On our message board for Freedomize, the girls have had an ongoing discussion about dating within the church, which has now moved onto a public board for the boys to input their views. And today, I just feel like I've been a part of so many different conversations about my take on relationships or just relationships in general. We were created to become a couple, so its a very universal topic. It's just been great though.

Maybe no one will share my opinion about this movie, but there were points where I just felt their emotions and my stomach was turning in knots with their pain. And I think it's because the way the relationship between the two men was - is the type of intensity that I want. Their extended separations drew them together so much stronger with each meeting, and I don't wish that upon true love in real life. There was just something so beautiful about the story. When Heath Ledger's character was in Jake's character's bedroom and he took the shirts that were tucked inside one another and just held it so close to his body (i get the fact that some people will think it's almost cheesy) but it hit me so hard. I was sitting there wanting that strength in my own relationships. I was craving that love - the type that true love can bring to your life. He loved his 'friend' so much and his pain was so 'real' (yes, i get that it's a movie). I don't think I can word it properly right now. I thought about it for too long, my words are escaping me.

I knew I wanted to rent this movie when it finally came out - but seeing it on the big screen was great - only because of the amazing backdrop (shot in Alberta!!!). The mountains and greenery were amazing. Re-affirmed my desires to live on the west coast. I can't wait until I can wake up every morning and go for a jog along the ocean staring at the mountains. If you've never driven the Pacific Coast Highway - plan it for your next trip. It's just an amazing drive. Anyway - so I got all excited by seeing these mountains.

i'm waking up in like 2 hours to start at it again - so i better go to bed. if this blog seems off beat - it's cause it's 3am and i shouldn't still be awake (almost 24hrs).

side note - gotta remind myself about IWALYA. James and I were talking about all these quirky stories from our pasts. I just laugh when I think of how long I've been on this planet - and the fun stories that I keep filed away in my head. When you least expect it, something will trigger a memory to say hello - i find them to be really nice surprise smiles in your day. :)

again with the nostalgia.

it's all just a part of life...

Malcolm put up this post yesterday. We had previously talked about how we would discuss this matter with people. A select few already knew about our situation - but personally, I have been wanting to make it more public. I don't like pretending, and I hate keeping people out of the loop. I thought he worded it really well, so I asked him if I could simply post his story. Not because I want people to read about his views on myself, but more he puts it down on paper so well. This is our story.



BEGIN MALCOLM POST:

The Malcolm and Alison saga

The Story - a brief overview

Alison and I had our first date in November of 2003. Prior to that we knew each other from University the previous school year. She was in her last year and I was in my first. On several occasions we hung out, but nothing substantial. On a fluke we hung out once in the summer of 2003 which was enough to convince Alison to send me an 'I like you' e-mail, and this lead us to the aforementioned first date. The result was enough to warrant future dates and eventually we could consider ourselves a couple.

On December 13th, 2004 I got the crazy notion to propose to Alison. My decision was based on a number of things including an endearing nature that was both cute and very intelligent, her nurturing/caring personality, and the perception that she was the balance to my personality. The wedding date was set for October 15th, 2005. By May 2005, I had finished my 3rd year of University and decided to move in with Alison. If I had not I was afraid that I would be stuck in a lease for another full year with my two roommates at the time. I love those two roommates and all, but if I was supposed to be getting married in October I didn't want to be in a lease with them. However, as plans change, I believe it was in July or August that we postponed the wedding. Funny thing, the week before we decided to postpone, we had sent out all the wedding invitations. So some people were receiving an invitation and a postponement in the mail at the same time. Finally in late November or early December we decided break it off completely. Of course we we're still living together, and that's the situation we're in now.

The decision

We told ourselves that the decision to postpone the wedding was because the wedding itself didn't feel like what we wanted, and neither of us had the time to make the wedding what we wanted. We also realized that we were getting way too stressed out and fighting too much because of the pressure from this wedding. As soon as we said that it was postponed there was a HUGE sigh of relief between the two of us. We were just worn down from the marriage process. It felt like things between us just immediately started getting better. Of course all this was at least partly disillusionment to the deeper issues we both knew we had. And our close living quarters just exacerbated our annoyances with each other. As a couple you're supposed to "bend" your ways of thinking on both parts until you meet the other in the middle and your arguments are decently subdued, and love is the most pervasive element. We both found that we both bent as far as our stiff muscles would take us and we still could not touch the toes of the other. Therefore we came to the decision that we could never be fully reconciled as a couple and we had to end it. We understood the fights we had in the past in the context of the stress at the time. But you can only blame your situation for so long until you realize that there is and will always be something. We both love each other very much, as friends. I think we are an awesome couple, but only in a limited capacity. It's very difficult to continue with a relationship that is pigeonholed to work in only certain types of situations and consistantly not work in other integral areas. So that was our demise as a couple.

the aftermath

After several contemplations of myself moving out, it was decided that we'll stick it out until I'm done school. After all, we both still enjoy each others company, and we both find it more comforting to slowly ween away from each other. Besides which, it would have been very difficult to find an appropriate and affordable place for 3 or 4 months until I've finished school. Especially since I've gotten a job that's a 5 minute walk from this house. I'm sure there will be tears, and fights and everything else associated with the emotions of breaking up when our last one or two weeks together come; but for now, we are living together, and we love each other. We love each other in a different context from what we did. I know I will always love Alison, but it will be as friend.

A Diagram

1. We were two separate lines
2. We bent our ways towards each other...
3. ...and we founded our relationship
4. as we break up, we are two separate people again
5. we are realizing that we can start to stand straighter and rediscover who we were before we changed oureselves towards the other out of respect and love.

I am personally excited about this rediscovery of myself. This is nothing against Alison, but there is this thrill from the freedom of independance. Part of that thrill is because it is something different from what I've been living for several years, and change usually feels fresh and exciting. Part of the thrill is nostalgic, and part of it is based on the excited of opportunity without worrying about how to get there with someone else. I'm sure some time after this opportunity to stretch my limbs, I'll be wanting a relationship again because I'll feel lonely or some junk like that. Life is funny like that, there is this constant flip flop of contradiction that we are in charge of balancing.

so that is the story

END MALCOLM POST

And here we are. The hardest part about this whole situation is how long we have known about the seperation, but living together has put us in an awkward place. If you've ever seen our cramped basement apartment - great for one person, difficult for two people, especially going through this type of seperation. But we make it work - sometimes. :) I sleep on the couch (which is very comfy to me) even though Aucky's 3am runs can drive anyone nuts. I'm so busy with this film, it works for me.

I am really looking forward to being single again and just living my life differently. Before Malcolm and I started dating, I was really enjoying being single - there's something unique about growing on your own. It's wonderful once you do find that certain someone that you can grow old with - but what's the rush? :) My biggest thing is finding someone who has the same life paths as myself. I work in film - it's a huge passion of mine. I want to travel the world - and let my kids see the same (this is cause my parents opened our eyes to world travel at a young age with our Hong Kong adventure). I want to live on the west coast (if in Canada), near the mountains, the ocean and the forests. Although leading a hectic career life, I crave a simpler lifestyle. All I really want is my very own puppy...

It's really important to have that mesh with a partner. I am not in a rush to find anyone or be with anyone. God will let me know when it's time. If that right person comes into my life in the near future, so be it - I just hope he understands that I still want time to myself. Opportunities are beginning to present themselves to me, and I know that I need to focus on them. But if he's the right one, he will understand. With God by my side, I'm not alone, sad or worried. He makes things a lot easier to deal with. I'm so excited for what's to come. The unknown can be so wonderful if you embrace it. The best part is, I'm never alone. He allows a certain level of bravery. :)

i thought it was a spark

When I was on the subway, I first thought the blue flash was a spark. Funny that I think about this now, but why would a subway spark above - that would be a street car. Anyway, I guess I didn't want to believe that I thought I was seeing lightning.

It's February 16th, 2006. Snow is finally almost here - and then we are hit with a very fast and heavy rainfall and full on thunderstorm. I was speedily walking home cradling my laptop case (hats off to CJ for lending me the Targus bag - cause it's waterproof - saved my expensive investment). Then I came across a huge limb from a tree, most likely struck by lightening. It was very large and overtook this one household's front yard. Despite the rain, i just had to figure out where it came from. I couldn't figure out which tree in the immediate surrounding it came from.

Puzzling. Anyway. Speedily walking in rain, yet still on icy sidewalks is not the smartest thing to do. :)

So be careful out there everyone. You should all buy the spring mounts you can get for your boots. They aren't picks, but metal springs that dig into the ice/snow to provide a sturdier step.

I was listening to my iPod today and heard TDG's "I hate everything about you". It's funny how that became the song of the summer of 2003 for a select few. That was probably the best summer ever. SARS screening at St. Joseph's health centre, we became the biggest family - and everyone, old and young, would hang out all the time outside of the hospital setting. It was like my last 'summer'. It was right when we graduated University, and considering that SARS killed the film industry momentarily, it was right before my career began. But there was something about that song that spoke to some of us. I think it was one of those fun times in your life where relationships are just off the wall complicated - and that summer brought on some real drama.

Oh, nostalgia! I'm going to curl up in a ball and watch a taped survivor episode and maybe spend some time with Aucky.

peace.

Tag

If you have never seen this commercial created by the Nike advertising reps from Portland, OR - you have to check it out. This was done a couple of years ago in the city of Toronto. My friends kept telling me how great it was, but I never saw the damn thing.

I came across it on Radke Films' website when I was checking out their production services. Go to Radke films or to the following website: http://www.methodstudios.com/mot395.

Definitely worth the download time. So fun and inventive!!!! :)

I miss those days with freeze tag and tv tag - but it would be awesome to play a game with the entire city!!!! :p

I worked with the same creative team from Weiden+Kennedy right when this commercial had finished airing and once it started winning a bunch of commercial awards. It's funny, cause so many people were so excited about 'Going to School' - I was honestly overwhelmed by the public's reaction. I loved 'Tag' so much - and now I wonder how much publicity the main character from 'Tag' received when he was on the streets of Toronto. This company has a very strong creative team for sure, their commercial output is very impressive.

To this day, my favorite memories about the commercial are: 1) witholding the news from almost everyone I knew - so that when it aired, I was swarmed with emails/calls with people saying that this girl on tv looked like me (personal favorite - a friend inhaled a mouthful of popcorn when she first saw it - not that I want her to choke, but it's awesome to read that!) 2) My pastor David McGhee coming up to me and telling me that I was his favorite television commercial actress ever. : ) That was funny.

And to think, this was God's way of helping me complete my fourth year of University. He works in very amazing and 'fun'tastic ways. I guess 15 minutes of fame is fun. I love it! :)

PS. Watch Tag - you won't regret it.

no knee surgery for me. yet.

I finally met with my sports medicine doctor tonight (post MRIs). So, on the phone, the message that was left to me was that there was only a tear in my left knee. Of course, when I got there, the story had changed. The good news however is that I have averted knee surgery yet again. :)

My left knee has a cyst in a crevise that irritates some of the muscles and tendons. I can't recall all of the medical terminology. Nothing serious - but therapy is necessary. My right knee has cartilidge damage (after all these years, the truth finally comes out). Pretty bad on the knee cap, not too much yet on the opposing bone where the joint moves (where it rubs - you medical/physio students must be cringing at my lack of terminology). I have very flexible quads, yet my hamstrings are not. Apparently, this is strange. My feet need orthotics, but seriously, we probably all need them to some degree. My hips - still the same old story - hyper flexible = problems.

This clinic is sooooo expensive, so I never went to get my physio yet. They have recently introduced an 'essentials' therapy where you go in, learn the exercices and then do most of it at home - and this is only 20$/session. Now I can afford physio. :)

The best news, is now I will start taking glucosamine pills to help my right knee's joint problems and also I will finally be fitted for a proper knee brace on that knee. :) This will make such a difference. Sadly, I think the doctor is pretty sure I will not be running again (not a good idea for my knees), but kick boxing might be in my future. Also, with this physio, i might actually be able to ride a bike again without pain.

Good day. Short note. So unlike me to write so little. Blessings.

Bowel Buddies...

Have you ever heard of them? Most likely not, but it's the funniest thing I saw in the supermarket one day. Not to mock anyone in need of remedies in this department, however - I remember this product when I was pushing my cart through the 'healthy/natural' food section of the Loblaws on Queens Quay last year.

You can't forget a product like this. It was a bran-type cookie called Bowel Buddies cut into flower shapes.

WHO INVENTED THIS? Worst, what team thought this would be a good idea - flowers???? I think they are normally just round bran waffers - but when I saw this box, I had to laugh.

Ugh.

maybe it's a Saturday thing

Lately I've been feeling really low on the weekends. I have no idea why.

Today I was looking online at condos in Vancouver and San Francisco. Not that I will be moving anytime soon, but the idea of leaving this place and going to be alongside the ocean breaks my heart because it feels so far away. I finally have enough money to leave and go on my worldly travels, then God hands me a career opportunity impossible to turn down. So here I am, still in Toronto. I'm close to family and still with a great deal of amazing friends. So why do I get so down?

I stopped running almost 2 years ago due to continued knee problems, and at that time, eating problems. No, I was not anorexic...yet. I definitely eat food. But I wasn't eating enough to push through my exercises. After living with this one roomate, who was basically stealing my food, leaving me with nothing to eat at the end of the day, i ended up losing a lot of weight. But at some point, i liked the way I was beginning to look - even though I knew I was starting to look very very thin in certain parts. But for the first time, the problem areas that I had were finally fading away. Yes, thin girls have problem areas too - the worst part is that I could never tell someone about how I felt about my body because I would be snarled at for even mentioning the idea. This is a very grave reality for many girls. Everyone has areas of their body that they wish they could change. After several weeks with this roomate, and that whole situation (long story), I did eventually become anorexic. I would sit there and analyze my mind set, and at one point I fully understood how smart and not so smart people alike could be pulled into this psychological warfare. A negative self-image is a very powerful weapon. I did things to myself I thought I would never do. When I was a teenager, I remember toying with thoughts of suicide, but I was strong enough to wrestle those demons away. Although suicide was not an option this time around, self-destruction was. With a diligant bf at the time, and worried fam/friends, I was able to regain my weight.

But I was never able to run again. Running was my out. Kickboxing was my out. I was lost without them. I really needed/wanted the physical push that I was able to gain from these activities. I miss running at the St. Clair Reservoir at sunset, while overlooking one of the towers of Casa Loma and the downtown skyline. It was such a beautiful time. Generally, there were less runners at this time of night. It was a grass trail, so no worries with pavement. I always thought it was okay for me to run as long as it wasn't pavement.

I meet with my sports therapist on Monday to begin treatment on my knees and also learn how to work with the hyper-extensive hips and full leg issues I have been having for over a decade. Baby steps. It still hurts not being able to do my favorite activities. I dream of kickboxing again, yet it might be too much for my legs. And it honestly tears me apart. Then I discovered rock climbing - and I love it so much, but can't seem to find a partner to belay with.

Anyway. This blog will be all over the place and also very long. My mind's just like that right now. I walked to Spence Diamonds today, 2 months late for my semi-annual ring inspection. And the whole time I kept thinking about where I wanted to move to after the film was finished - I can't live in this basement apartment anymore. It's great, but I miss the sunlight/windows. I was walking from Eglinton all the way to Sheppard (took me almost 2.5hrs). At one point I turned to see the view towards lake Ontario - and it was so beautiful. Partially cloudy skies today with plenty of sun. The CN Tower in clear view overtop the skyscrapers/condos. And then I thought about how without the CN Tower, Toronto was just another city with the same skyline. And I think that's what was missing for me in Vancouver. Maybe the CN Tower is homey. Who knows. But there is something amiss with different cities. Although, with the ocean and rolling mountains along the coast, Toronto can't compete with the west coast.

Another thing I couldn't stop thinking about was why i was going to Spence. It's mainting this false lifestyle. I'm not engaged anymore. Our wedding was postponed in early August of 2005 and was cancelled soon after. Malcolm and I are no longer a couple - yet I have to continue to maintain the ring in order to keep up with the warranty from the company. When can it go back? Is it wrong to return an engagement ring? I think it would be sad if this diamond couldn't fulfill it's purpose. It is very beautiful. Maybe I'm just in a slump because of our circumstance. We still live together - can anything be more awkward with a couple. He's an amazing person, and even through all of my production mayhem (currently scattered throughout the apartment) he is supportive and understanding. It is a very emotional challenge to live with someone you no longer have that connection with - especially when you know that most of the people around you still don't know you have broken up. When he leaves at the end of April, I will be alone to face everyone's questions - although I expect most people I know to be fully understanding, supportive and amazing individuals. I don't need support for this though. This is a decision we made mutually - and I'm very much excited to begin this next chapter of my life. With God in my heart, I know that life will happen as it should and that I don't have to worry. For you single folk out there - never be sad about a relationship breakup. I am overwhelmed when I think to myself that I haven't kissed my future husband yet. This should excite you, you have yet to kiss your future spouse. How cool is that? I get so happy inside when I know that one day I will meet and kiss my future husband. First kisses are amazing and so special. And that one will be even more special, even though I won't know it at the moment - but you get my drift right? This is the hopeless romantic part of me coming out, but it's honest - and I think it's such a magical thought. :)

I always wanted to run away. I'm homesick, yet I have no home. Not here. I think it was Malcolm who once told me that I must be homesick for Heaven. Earth is our temporary location. When you think that on average we're only here for like 70 odd years, and the afterlife is forever. I'm homesick for heaven. It hits me hard sometimes. I love life and living it, but I definitely could do without this void in my heart for a place to call home. I just want to be on top of the highest mountain in New Zealand overlooking the oblivion that is the unbroken horizon of the ocean. I used to sit on the shores of Lake Nipissing and pretend that I was looking out into the ocean. You could only see the islands in the middle - but no land at the other end (the lake is quite large). There, my mind was free to think about all the possibilities that lay ahead in life.

Why are we so anxious to grow up? I couldn't wait to be in high school when I was a little girl, and I blame the Archie comics for that. It looked like so much fun, like this city I was living in would suddenly become amazing for some reason. High School came and went, and here I am like 7 years later. wow. North Bay never transformed into this amazing city. And eventually, I moved on.

Is there a point to this blog? Probably not. Just ranting I guess about my inability to grab hold of something and be sure of it. Everything is so wonderful, at the same time I don't know how to process it or am unable to. Why am I so sad though?

I just want to go home. I want to take a break and not feel as though I'm letting anyone down. I want to run up and down Bayview avenue and magically end up at the ocean every morning. No matter where I go in this world, this feeling will follow me. I am so excited to travel, and then I'm put down for dreaming of the road. My heart was once crushed when someone told me that I wouldn't find what I'm looking for on my journey. What did I say I was looking for? A new view point on the world? Because I honestly believe that the world outside of North America offers a beautiful experience to see new cultures and life. I want to meet people from the Maori tribes, I want to help build homes and a school in Kenya, I want to volunteer my time in Cambodia, I want to understand the old world traditions in central China as the world busily rises around these small villages. I want to go to Wolong China's Panda Reserve, and see my very first Giant Panda live - I want to feed him bamboo and possibly even touch his paw. I want to meet my grandparents half-way around this world and have tea with them - and just share this life that they have travelled. I want to see what we can't understand from the comfort of our homes.

My whole life is a journey - and I really only want to see the world that was created for us to experience. And really, I want to meet like-minded people who want to smile, hike, participate in adventure sports, conquer mother nature and enjoy this trip with me. Isn't that the every day though?

I woke up this morning asking how I could make it a better day - how I could live my life fuller? I didn't know how to answer that question.

I promise I'll be happier tomorrow. I'm going to play with Kristy and then visit Freedomize. and breathe.

xo

to infinity and beyond

Forever is a scary thing to grasp. I can't conceive the full idea of living forever.

Eternally...mind blowing.

It hurts my head. I think it might be impossible to grasp in our human minds. I think this is because we all live on a time limit - we know that eventually, we will physically die. Spiritually, we will live forever - however, I don't know if it's possible to imagine and fully understand the idea of this forever waiting for our spirit. We can pretend like we know and we can say that we can conceive it - but I believe the one part of our brain that might understand, is a part that we don't know how to use yet. Ugh.

Maybe it's just me. But since I was a little girl, I've tried to think about the idea of forever. One thing I would ask myself (from when I was like 10 till now :) sad, but true): Can clearness go on forever - or will there be color at the end? Is there the possibility of infinity? "Clear" is a colour, ex: air - you look through it, and not really at it. So, can clearness go on forever? What would it look like? If you think that the answer is simple, it's not. Have you ever seen clear forever?

And space for that matter - it's infinite. My challenge is for you to actually TRY and grasp how much infinity is!!! It's insane - it really begins to hurt my head. We're so used to the idea of boundaries. If it's not your city limits, it's the fact that we live on a planet - and we are in a solar system - which we have yet to travel beyond. And there is still this whole other existance out there. Did God create it all to stimulate our brains? Cause if we're not using it, why is it there?

When I was a kid, we used to banter about either a game/a role in a group gathering/position on a team by friendly back and forth nonsense. I'm sure most of us used this method, where one kid would say something and the next would follow up with a "+1 over anything you say". The first kid would follow up with a retort "nah uh, +2 over anything you say". Kids banter this way until one of them exclaims "+infinity over anything you say" and the best one is "infinity + 1 over anything you say!!!".

What is infinity + 1? can we honestly go beyond infinity. If not, where is Buzz Lightyear always flying away to? :p

does time exist in heaven?

Malcolm's grandmother passed away yesterday morning. His father called him to let him know and I heard through the phone conversation. She was very sick and had been in the hospital since mid-December. Malcolm said something so beautiful as we lied down thinking about the situation. He described her final moments as she must of drifted off to sleep and spoke of the joy she must have felt in her heart at the sound of the angels. It's a beautiful thing, faith brings you to God and in Him you find an eternity of hope and love. I think it allows some of us to face death and not be afraid. It's never easy to lose a loved one, but there is this beautiful hope that remains. She truly is with the angels now. I can't think of a more beautiful place.

I put off my life too much sometimes. Overtaken by work, I put things off that should be done now. Like telling a friend or a family member that you love them. We all take advantage of the idea of tomorrow. We're so busy with our own self-absorbed lives, much of what we want to do is pushed off to another day. These things seem so simple, but we live with hope for the future. The future is tomorrow. What if you didn't wake up to meet tomorrow?

I have been going through booking cast on our production today. That part is great and very uplifting. I'm also calling the people who attended our call back session and were not selected. Those calls are not my favorite thing to do. You hear this wonderful excitement in the actor's voice when they hear it's you, and by the time you finish telling them that someone else was selected, you can't help but hear the shift in their tone of voice. It's crushing. This makes me feel as though I'm not strong enough to be a producer. I guess you get used to it after a while? I'm a dreamer though, and I know what it's like to be on the other end and hearing the rejection for a job you've been waiting to be called for. Chasing dreams is so difficult. It can be mind-blowingly awesome - and with a great deal of perseverance, you will succeed.

I think you just have to remember that the journey will always teach you something new and for that, you must be thankful.

Life's journey is very trying, but the payoff in the end - that makes it worth living. I am very happy to be here on this planet pursuing this pathway that I am meant to be on, and will continue to do it happily until He calls me home. Tonight I say a prayer for everyone I've ever lost - and to Malcolm and his mom's family for their recent loss. May she rest well with the angels tonight.

wasting my day...

Even though I usually start my days out strong working, it's more difficult on Saturdays. Yet, there is much to do.

Anyway - i was just thinking about Teen Girl Squad.

This #7 issue is a personal favorite - when the Teeny Tiny Girl Squad discuss their counting abilities. 'What's her face' says "I can count to G" and the 'cheerleader' says "That's nothing, I can count to purple backwards."

So funny. How do you be so short? :)

Doe, a deer, a family pet deer?

The tv was on in the background while I was working the other day, and it was tuned into this show called "Life's animal miracles". One of the storylines followed this couple in Quebec who found an injured/abandoned fawn in their front yard one day. So they took him in to take care of him for a little while, and he just became their pet. It was the funniest story. The couple were really cool about the deer - allowing him nothing but roaming freedom. When he was starting to grow up, I guess he lived in the house sometimes, he jumped onto the bed when they were sleeping and just stared down at them and finally nelt and chilled out with them. They were in awe - thinking this deer must be their 'puppy'. During the hunting season, they would fit him with a hunter orange 'coat' (it was really to cover his back, strap through his belly) so he would not be hunted. There was footage of the couple walking through the forest and he would follow and walk up to them where they would just pet him. Honestly, I wish I could have found a link - cause it was so unbelievable, and also very beautiful how this couple treated this deer. Can you imagine having a pet deer? He was sooooo cute, especially with those super cute eyes!!!!!

Touching. Call backs are done - and most of our cast is selected. You know when you work with someone, you start to pick up things that they say/do. Well, i'm starting to pick up some of Todd's little gestures. It's just funny when that happens. But that's from almost 30 hours of casting together. Wow. Last night was great though, we had Jeff (our David) reading with the talent, Goose and I watching for input, Chris came for the lead characters to lend his opinion, and Doug was able to join us as well to work through the casting session. It was so important to have all of these people there - even with 6 people, there were some tough decisions to be made.

Now the question is can we do this film in 20 days? :) Is this not an age old question almost... Karl, Chris and I are going to push through the schedule this week in order to present the city of Hamilton with our intentions. We need to meet with the Hamilton Transit Commission, Police services and the film liaison - as some of our filming locations are invasive of the busiest streets there are. Nothing like a good challenge!

August - we should be done. Hopefully, Todd will want to take a vacation, then right into pre-production on his next film. :) Crazy!!! That's what chasing a dream is all about.

This one girl we saw at auditions has quoted at the bottom of her resume: "Dreams are goals with deadlines."

it's so true - here's to chasing film...