Friday, May 19, 2006

February wins

This date is cemented into my head. This is the day I plan on stepping onto that plane and discovering the rest of the world.

I'm so excited. I'm going to be spending the rest of my time in Toronto saving up more money (a key thing when travelling) and getting ready for the worldly travel. As spontaneous as I would like to be - it has to be somewhat planned to properly acquire my VISAs...

Nothing but smiles today.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Blue Crush and odd fridgeisms

I watched Blue Crush the other day and have been mentally catapulted into the world of surfing. I first saw the movie at a sneak peak screening way back in the day. It's not a bad movie, and as a girl, when the credits start to roll, it does make you feel really good and capable of taking on some pretty big challenges. : )

Grouped with all my dreams about swimming, i'm convinced I'll learn how to surf in the near future. You have to understand that I'm not exactly sure if I can swim. I took lessons when i was in grade 3, sadly failed my Yellow class because i didn't want to open my eyes in chlorine. My parents made me go back and I did pass the class the second time - luckily. They do this one test where they hold a coloured item under the water and you need to say what colour it was. So, this time around i did open my eyes, but i couldn't see anything of colour - just my instructor and the water. So I guessed the colour. My instructor challenged if i just guessed, and i was like "no?". What a stupid reason to fail a swimming class anyway.

I quit after that year, because I just felt that I was going to fail for the wrong reasons. Eventually, in high school, I went to the YMCA and got private lessons to learn how to swim. That was, at the time, money down the drain. My instructor was more interested in talking to her coworkers then helping me. Ugh. What I did learn how to do were breathing techniques as well as swimming strokes. I quit the private lessons and simply got a membership and swam every other day for hours. I tried to teach myself how to tread water - which is the ONLY reason i don't think i can swim - I don't know if I can truly tread in deep waters. I took two flutter boards to hold me up and then tried to do the foot techniques - very awkward with flutter boards. But with no one around, i didn't really want to remove the flutter boards (the lifeguards that were 'working' were kind of in this glass room that didn't connect directly to the pool area - they were never really in the pool lifeguard area). So I taught myself how to get from every floating position (front/back/variations) to every swimming stroke that I know. So at that point in my life, I felt that if I fell into deep waters, all i would have to do would be get into a ball to create boyancy, float to the top and then transition into one of the many swimming strokes I had learned.

Anyway. I need to get back into the water to practise. I love water - i'm the one person who never wants to leave it - and the one person who probably can swim the least. When i was with a friend of mine swimming in his pool one morning, he challenged me to go into the deep end and tread water - and it worked!!! That was the first time I ever successfully treaded water and was also the last time I was able to go swimming - so I left on a high note, thinking good about my technique.

I keep dreaming about swimming. I love those dreams. I'm in the water, I'm enjoying my new found abilities - I never really want that to end. It's that time of year where you want to just be in the water wakeboarding, tubing, skiing...

After watching the movie, I had this terrible urge to learn how to surf. I love snowboarding - and i'm not saying that surfing is exactly like that (it's closer to skateboarding i think in terms of technique) but i feel that I would take to surfing very quickly. I just need to sharpen my swimming techniques - cause that undertoe is intense!

As I travel the world, I plan on hitting some surfing hot spots. And despite my fear of shark infested waters, I think I might just brave looking like a seal on a board.


Fridgeisms. I went to my fridge the other day to grab an apple. Closed the door and started to walk away. Came back because something caught my eye. My pillsbury dough boy croissant rolls EXPLODED out of their container. : ( Sad. They were dried out and no good. I have no explanation for this incident. I am wondering if i will ever purchase Pillsbury items again.

Strange days.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Random blog – welcome to the tangents that I create

Sunday, May 14th, 2006

Allergies. I was walking by this guy cutting grass the other day and thought about how happy I was that I could appreciate the smell of grass – some people simply can’t. Their allergies drive them wild, and to enjoy simple things, like smelling flowers, they grow a need to pop a Reactin. I think those without allergies sometimes take for granted what they can appreciate. It’s like with anything in life, the moment something in your life is challenged or complicated, you start to truly focus on your ability to appreciate it. You get sick, and suddenly you really miss smelling/tasting your food. Your vision starts to go, and you have a renewed appreciation for eyesight. I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate my health on a normal day, but when I do feel under the weather – I find myself appreciating my normal healthy demeanour much more, and realize that I take it for granted. Maybe it’s just me. “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” rings true on many levels – including the simplest things in life. I can’t imagine the spring time without being able to enjoy the smell of the changing of the seasons. And I thank God that I’m able to appreciate this.

I am applying for a job tomorrow morning for the Toronto International Film Festival – as a Publicity Materials Coordinator. I have strong references, and now I pray that I make it to the interview status. Jobs in the production field are slim pickings right now. Resume is out there once again. The features/television programs are fully crewed right now, so I have to wait for the next batch to come through for the summer productions. There is another job prospect for a commercial company, but the job is still in the development stages. I think this job with the TIFF would be a great new challenge where I could apply my skills on a completely different level. I hope that this one works out – it would run until mid-October.

I am thinking about joining the church’s softball team this summer. After putting up a post asking if anyone would like to train with me, I have finally received some feedback, and it looks like I’ll have some people to toss a ball around with to get ready for the season. This is the first time in a very long time that I have been able to offer my time to a team sport like this. It should be great fun. Let’s pray that we make the cut!

Tonight is the finale for Survivor. I remember when season one came out – I saw a commercial and my mom and I thought it would be like this French show we used to watch called ‘Fort Broyard’ where contestants went through challenges and in the end they were in a room full of gold coins and they had to collect as much as they could within a certain time limit AND make it out of the room before the lions were released. So I was surprised when we saw the first season and it was a television series. I am not an avid fan of survivor. However, since being on the film pulled me away from consistent Amazing Race watching, I was able to wrap my head around this show. Anyway, it wasn’t a good season, and the winner didn’t deserve it really – strong competitor, but I wasn’t rooting for him. Oh well.

My dysfunctional pants. So I went shopping with magali last week and bought these jeans. I tried them on, they looked great, and looked at the tag and noticed that it had an extra 20% off due to damage. I was like, strange – I don’t see anything wrong with these pants. So I talked to this one girl and she explained how the seem wasn’t sewn right and it was on a slight slant. I was like, who cares? I can’t even notice it. So last Wednesday I’m wearing the pants and I start walking to catch the subway. Hmmm, these pants are acting really strange. Oh my goodness, now I understand the dysfunction in the pants. The seem on the right leg is so slanted, that after you spend time walking, the seem eventually finds a way to twist until it is going down the front of your leg. I can’t really explain it. But I’ve been thinking about this – should it bother me? Should I really care if the seem isn’t 100% on the side of my leg. Not normally, if the other leg’s seem did the same thing. All this to say that my pants are acting kind of strange, and I’m going to have to get peoples opinions when they see me in the pants next. Ho hum.

The bikini. Bathing suit season is probably a very bad time of year for most women. Every single woman has some sort of self image concern. Period. And this makes for a difficult shopping season. Yuck. I myself will not be the first girl on the beach to take off my clothes and prance around in my bathing suit. And yet I find myself wanting to expand my bikini collection. Why is that, if I have no great plan to be seen in them in large crowds? What is the fascination with the purchase? I found this adorable bikini bottom last week – but the tops were all sold out – and I was very much tempted to purchase it – but what for? Am I really going to wear it? It made me realize that I think we all need to become better consumers. I think a large portion of shoppers purchase things, at least one item, that they never end up actually using in their life span. A cute gadget or clothing accessory – why do we do this to ourselves? Anyway, it’s May and it’s too late to ‘work up to our bathing suit bodies’ – but I’m none the less continuously tempted to buy the infamous “Lateral Thigh Trainer”. I’ve also been thinking about swimming a lot lately – which probably explains the bathing suit shopping inspiration. I miss swimming. You don’t really swim in Toronto – cause the water is really unhealthy. It’s unfortunate. You could always swim off the island towards the larger part of Lake Ontario. It’s a start, and for some reason I would trust that water more than from the shores of the actual city.

I skipped for 10 minutes the other day. It’s actually quite ridiculous – I have no where to skip. I go up my landlord’s driveway and skip between the two houses. I wish I had a backyard to skip in. Also, if you don’t go out early in the morning, you honestly have a steady flow of people traffic staring at you – which is just strange when you’re skipping between two houses. I think I’m worrying too much about what other people are thinking about me. Anyway, my knee started to hurt which just ticked me off. Is there anything I can do physically that doesn’t hurt my knees? I should really start my physiotherapy soon. *sigh*

My favourite candy. I was thinking about sweedish fish today – my parents brought me back a box from their trip to Las Vegas. The 1cent candy version are my FAVORITE candy – sadly, they don’t really exist anymore. Sad. : ( They do have the 5cent version, but they aren’t the same. I think I’ve reached the point where I need to accept this annihilation of the 1cent candy generation. I need to shift my cravings to a ‘richer’ candy.

Someone was asking for the ‘puss in boots’ fairy tale – and it reminded me that I played the cat in that fairy tail in my 1st or 2nd grade. For some odd reason we were all divided into groups of three to re-enact a fairy tale and my group did so well, we had to go around to all the other classes and show the fairy tale (jr k to grade 8)

A Salute to Mothers. Today is Mother’s day. Yay to all you moms out there. I love you mom. : )

My commercial worthy cookie. I made cookies today. I was craving like one cookie, and decided to make a whole batch. Probably the most dangerous thing you can do when you live alone is make an entire BATCH of cookies. They were Pecan Chip Cookies. Now, the first batch that came out suffered some casualties. I accidentally hit a chair with my hand (holding the cookie tray) after pulling them out of the oven, and two of them hit the floor and died. It was sad. However, the others survived the impact. Actually, one of them made me wish I had a camera. It was this perfectly round cookie – I was amazed. There would not be another round cookie like that. I was so proud of that cookie, thinking about if I was shooting a cookie commercial right now – the women doing the baking in the background, THOSE women would spare that perfect cookie and put it into one of the takes of the commercial. Then I thought to myself, what if the cookie isn’t supposed to be round and it was actually the example of imperfection. Its fate is the same none the less – it will eventually be eaten. Poor cookie. They are quite delicious though.

Where is waldo? I have the NES game version of this game. It’s actually hilarious – and I should challenge someone to it one day. The graphics are very poor (old school Nintendo) so you can barely tell who anyone is – which actually increases the difficulty in the game. I just want to say that Waldo was a great book series – and I was thinking about them today when I was cleaning out my apartment. I had all the books growing up and had hours of fun trying to find him on every page. Terrible. The game really is funny though. I have absolute love for classic atari and old school Nintendo graphics - very unique look. : )

My hobbit name is: Orangeblossom Burrows
My elven name is: Celebriän Sàralondë
Visit http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/ if you wish to find out yours. : )



I AM ALL CAUGHT UP!!!

I’m finally all caught up in my blogging. So it will look like I blogged a wallop today.

This is my downfall with journals. If I lose touch/fall behind, I feel that I can’t move forward without providing a recap on previous events. I like talking about things in detail (another downfall to journal entries with me). This is usually where my journaling falls behind – I usually give up at this point. I’m one who writes life moments in short form and it’s enough to joggle my memory so that I can recall the entire event. However, it’s not enough when you are telling a story to another individual. So I’m all caught up with the most lengthy blogs in history. Hats off to you if you get through even just one of them. : )

Today is Tuesday, May 16th – and it’s mad raining outside. So I’m all cozy up inside ‘spring cleaning’ my life. Sorting through the apartment and trying to get rid of things. And now, am happily caught up (mostly) on my blogs.

I think my motivation is coming back - and that makes me smile. : )

planes, trains and automobiles

Friday May 12th, 2006

So we’re on hold to see the first complete rough cut of the film. Anton has a complete rough cut ready – but Todd’s en route to Montreal as we speak. It’s only fair that he gets first dibs at viewing the cut – but I’m so excited to see Anton’s work. Todd will be seeing the cut upon his return on the 16th apparently. I look forward to seeing it later next week. : )

I’m trying to be productive today. I can’t believe that I’m still chasing departments for their money. The poor grip department – we’ve been dealing with this one cart rental that has thrown off their petty cash returns. Ugh. Soon, this will be done. I hope.

I have found inspiration for my mother’s present – however, it saddens me to say that it will not arrive at her house until after mother’s day. : ( I’m excited to see how it turns out and I hope that she likes it. My parents are very unmaterialistic people – and I would love nothing more than to do things for them and take them places to share experiences (ex: travelling) with them. Sadly, due to distance, this isn’t always possible. I’ve decided to create something as a bit of a picker upper for her. Something that can encourage her on days where she needs it most. Mothers are the most amazing people. There is a bond with their children that is tremendously strong – and no matter what happens in life, a part of them will always be in you. I am very blessed to have my parents in my life, and I wish I could thank them for believing in me and being a great support system.

My parents are going to be coming to Toronto sometime this summer. My dad does not want to tell me the confirmed travel time. This is because him and I are going skydiving. This is something I told him years ago – that we would go together when he turns 50. I swear it must have been when he was 42 or earlier. His birthday was back in October, and we had to wait until the spring/summer for the season to start up again. So here we are. We both share a great fear of heights – however, this is not something that has ever stopped either of us from doing things like climbing or flying (he has his pilot’s licence!). The idea of jumping out of a plane and freefalling towards the planet – yeah kind of scary. But at the same time so exhilarating! I think he’s trying to back out on me. I remember for his birthday I sent him a TON of lottery tickets and a note stating that if he won a SIGNIFICANT amount of money on any one of those tickets, he COULD back out of the skydiving adventure. He failed his mission, and now he’s mine. : ) I am very much looking forward to this adventure.

I might go home next weekend (may long weekend). I might have a ride up – and I haven’t been home since Christmas. Still haven’t decided yet. My sister is also coming down from Ottawa. My parents are working, so they won’t actually be at home. Might be a good time for me to sort through my junk so that I’m ready to leave on my worldly travels.

I charged my iPod for the first time since being on the film. I missed having a soundtrack to my life as I walked around. Actually, mp3 players are great – I find they can really encourage someone to work out. Yay good music. This was my short ode to music. : ) I actually still need to figure out how to get all the music off of the desktop and onto my laptop.

I’ve been shopping for a digital camera lately – so very important to capture the world around you visually. I think I have it down to two choices – (1) the Nikon coolpix P2 and (2) the Canon Power Shot S21S. Tempting, very tempting. I am much better at buying large/expensive purchases for other people – not so much for myself. If anyone knows me and how I treat new things – it’s hard for me to break them in. I’m over cautious at times – I’m working on this, but it takes time to shed challenging quirks.

I was thinking about San Francisco today. So nice. I have a friend who is flying out to LA for a film festival that is showcasing one of his projects (congrats Anton!) – and I’ve tried to convince him to go to San Fran – so beautiful. It got me thinking. I honestly consider San Fran one of the most beautiful cities. Maybe it’s just the entire west coast, but none the less, it’s a great city. I thought about if I had to list my favourite cities in the world, well, it would be a very small list, cause I haven’t been to too many places yet in my life. Sad. I hope to change this list by the time I’m 30.

Thus far, I guess my top 3 are:


1) San Francisco


2) Vancouver


3) Hong Kong

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Followed behind by Los Angeles, a city that will always be close to my professional heart.

I can only imagine countries that will provide beautiful cities/towns that will one day become part of my favourites list – some hidden gems in Cambodia, Thailand, China, New Zealand, Vanuatu, Korea, Africa, Costa Rica, Hawaii, New York, and some places in Canada for sure – who knows. I still have so much to see – these eyes are not experienced enough to make a list. I am very excited about seeing New York city – I’m thinking soonish, but maybe during the fall is best – cause that part of the US is probably a lot like Canada and simply beautiful with the changing of the seasons. My parents are going down in September – might go with them – would be interesting.

I hope you had the time of your life...

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006

Today I’m feeling unsettled. I had an incident last night on the phone with one of the executives and it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I felt that he crossed the line when he asked about my personal financial situation in a way that really threw me. My living situation has changed since this film has started, and I had already deferred all my payment (long story – not bloggable). I’m in a very difficult situation right now – and I definitely need to find a job to help pay for my bills/rent and also to save up money for my travels. I don’t intend on staying in Toronto to work in film, and this is something they haven’t talked to me about yet. There are so many plans going around about other films – but no one has asked me what I want to do.

It’s gorgeous outside today. It has been and will be all week. It’s a wonderful change to be out in the day (from being a nocturnal film member, who was so tired during the days that I did work, that I never truly had the energy to appreciate the beautiful days that did occur).

My week has been very nice. On Wednesday, we had living room. We actually grouped with another living room and had a meal together. It was so nice to meet new people – or really put faces to names of people I have spoken to on Fnet before. Rob made chilli for everyone – and others brought some fixin’s and goodies. It was really good and the setting was great. I’ve been away from my Living Room for so long – it was just incredible to be with everyone tonight. We’re doing something new this time around – we’re building the curriculum for the first time. The book we’re reading is “Mere Christianity”. I started reading the book last night – and it’s brilliant. C.S. Lewis is a genius with his words. Before this book, I had only ever read his series “The Chronicles of Narnia”. It’s a really good read – and I look forward to getting through the book.


Friday, May 5th, 2006

I don’t remember what I did today until I called Magali around 1pm. I really wanted to get out but couldn’t find a reason to leave the apartment. So, we spent 6 hours shopping. It was great. We went up to the Outlet stores off Hwy 7 – and it was just something I needed to do. It’s been so long since I have gone shopping for myself, and finding bargains is always encouraging. We ended the great day with dinner at “Jack Astors” followed by the screening of “Shop Girl” at my house. FINALLY – we were able to rent this movie. I have wanted to see it since it came out in theatres last fall. It was the last copy at Blockbuster too. It was an okay movie – it was sweet. I never really formed a critical thought about it – outside of the fact that the lighting was very distracting at times and felt slightly amateur. That is all I can really remember. I loved the cast – they are actors that I truly enjoy watching. Anyway, I love the song they used in the trailer of "Shop Girl” – by Death Cab for Cutie “Sound of Settling”, and I’ll be darned, it’s not even in the movie. : ) Go figure.


Monday, May 8th, 2006

My weekend. I didn’t find motivation to do anything yesterday. I was doing research on the computer all day for a variety of things. I read somewhere that you can train a hamster to respond to his name (at least react) – so I’ve spent some time trying to train Aucky. There was some quality time spent with my pet, however, kind of wasted time because I don’t think it worked. Maybe he’s too old to be taught new tricks. He’s almost a year old now. I’ll let you know if it ever works, but don’t hold your breath.

Today started on a good note. I skipped this morning. And wow, am I ever out of shape. I only skipped for like 5 minutes (yes, it’s depressing for me too). I am encouraged that I will build that up throughout the summer. So yeah for workout schedules. I did some work on the film – accounting stuff. Then I made my way to Freedomize. Today we were on set up. It was a fun day – it was the day the women unleashed their secret “Hat & Gloves” day on the boys. A thread on the women’s message board had been brewing for months. The girls looked great – some of them were head to toe ‘church ladies’ others were simply accessorized or dressed in vintage pieces – it was great. At the door, I was greeting people in with Elaine – and we both think it was a good thing that I was one of the greeters – cause there was a flood of girls in suits at the back of the church, and for someone coming here for the first time, could scare people away because we look ‘formal’. I was simply in cargos and a t-shirt – so Elaine and I balanced each other out. At the beginning, Tom and I were doing extravagant welcomes with leaning into one another showing our best jazz hands. Sadly, it was lost on most people who would turn their backs at the last minute. : ( Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

I feel more at home at Freedomize now – this church has been going through many changes and it feels really good right now. The sermon was great tonight – with David speaking about the story of Saul. This is the one story that I know the most in the bible.

Back when I lived on Foxbar, I didn’t have cable and to tell you the truth I barely watched tv. But there was this one show that I used to watch every Saturday (for kids) that spoke about the bible. One segment on this program was an animated story telling of the bible – where this boy and girl would travel through biblical time with their robot and participate in the old stories. The one I remember most was the story of Saul – who became Paul – the chosen one to deliver the new message of Jesus after his resurrection. Anyway, it’s such a powerful story of redemption. And it really makes you look back on your life. It was a really great sermon to hear this week.

After tear down, I travelled home with Jason & Becky’s to play the next video game in our ‘scare you silly’ quest and of course, eat some yummy pizza. The game is called “Condemned” – crazy. We’re half way through the game. You are this guy who I believe is a cop or fbi agent. Anyway, you are framed for the murder of another cop because this psychopath uses your gun to shoot the cop. While you try to track down the true killer, you’re being hunted down by both the real killer and by the entire police squad. It’s not really scary so much as suspenseful. The graphics are amazing! It’s on the xbox 360. We’ll need another night to finish the game.
I spent the rest of the night at their house and then walked home early the next morning. It was a nice walk home. When I got to the St. Clair Reservoir, I realized home much I missed living in that area. If only for that park – my favourite park in Toronto. I would run there every night. It overlooks the CN Tower, the main downtown high rises as well as Casa Loma. It’s so quiet and beautiful there. *sigh* It was a nice day for a walk.

I’m going to be spending a good deal of the day working through tomorrow’s plans – we’re going to be scouting the summer unit’s location tomorrow. Finally – we’re all excited about this road trip. We’re eager to start the planning process. Other than that, I have a week to clean up and pack up Malcolm’s stuff – before he picks up the last few things.


Tuesday, May 9th, 2006

So we were supposed to go scout the summer location today, but that fell through late last night. I got the call at 10.30pm from Tore. He didn’t have his number with me, so had to wait until he got home. I wonder still why Todd didn’t just call me himself. Anyway – I had to call Lisa and Karl and pray that they weren’t already in bed – as we were all going to be catching the 6.45am train the next morning. I felt bad too cause Goose had already come over to spend the night, as there is no way to travel from Richmond Hill to Union at that time in the morning. We watched ‘The Italian Job’ instead (great film – makes you want to drive really fast cars – sort of makes you really want a supped up Mini). Today we strolled up Yonge street to check out the area. She always wanted to see that part of Yonge. It reaffirmed my desires to remain in the area – which is good. Everything I need is around me. I live on a great side street too. With the spring blossoms, it’s so beautiful around here.

Mother’s Day is this coming Sunday – and I remain uninspired. I want to do something special – but it’s hard when my mom lives 3.5 hours away. Still thinking, always thinking.


Wednesday, May 10th, 2006

Productive day. Worked out. Cleaned up. Made vegetarian meatloaf for my living room. Worked on ‘Mere Christianity’. It was a nice day. Then I started to feel under the weather. I had that ‘itching’ feeling of a cold for like six days. Then Sunday night it hit me and just got worse and worse. One of those colds where you feel terrible first thing in the morning as your throat adjusts, then everything feels better during the day and it hits you hard again at night. It’s Maegan’s birthday today – and I’m sad that I’m missing her party. Happy birthday pumpkin! I hope you had an awesome night with friends. You deserve it girl!



Thursday, May 11th, 2006


Today was a rainy day. I braved the weather conditions none the less. This is a big deal – because I’m not a big fan of the umbrella. There is no point to me to carry an umbrella. Generally, when it is raining, there is wind. When there is wind, umbrellas invert. This inversion causes the poor umbrella holder to spend time in the pouring rain struggling to get it back to normal, in the end making the holder more wet. I would love an umbrella that works. Maybe my opinion would change then. There was this one girl I saw at Avenue and Bloor once that inspired me. She had a string tied around the tip of her umbrella. The string ran all the way down the front of her umbrella and into her hand where she held it. This made sure that the umbrella would not invert. Genius. The other problem I have with umbrellas and rain – is that there are a lot of people without umbrella etiquette. Yes ladies and gentlemen, there is such a thing and it is VERY important while walking on a busy street. I have almost had my eye poked out way too many times to start on this one people. Terrible.

Even though it was raining – I had a good day. Went to the store and bought a lot of movies. HMV had a lot of movies priced 3 for $20. I have a lot of gift certificates for HMV – so I spent some ‘fake money’. It was good. Bought supplies for my mother’s day present and walked back home, struggling with my umbrella and slowly drawing water up my pant leg. Sad. So I was drenched when I got home.

I called Sarah up and made plans to spend the day with her. A bunch of people were getting together at the “Red Lion” at night to hang out with her before she leaves (this Sunday early in the morning) and I wanted to spend some one on one time with her before hand. It was great to catch up with her. She’s nervous about leaving, but I know that once she gets there she’s going to feel at home and wonderful. So exciting. What an opportunity!! It was great to see some old friends too – saw Claire (from our film – funny), James, Frenchie, Jesse, Tanya, Matt and new friends alike. We sat next to their fire place – so very warm on this chilly wet evening.

It’s strange when you say good bye to friends who you won’t see in a long time. What can you do really? I don’t know when Sarah will be back – I do hope she either stays in Nairobi working with the UN or starts her worldly travels. She wants to do it, and I think this is a great opportunity for her to begin her world touring. You never know though. I’m just really happy for her – so saying good bye was strange. I would love to see her more often in my life, because she’s one of those friends that you connect with so quickly on an honest and true level. And I’m proud of the path she’s following. I hope to meet up with her on her journey once again.

Hugs to you Sarah. Be safe and know that you’re loved!

I planted a seed, and hope that motivation sprouts from the ground

My biggest problem lately has been my lack of motivation. I need to find motivation to work – and be merry and rollerblade and work out and rock climb. My head is in a whirlwind. I am excited to buy my gear. I know I keep saying it – but despite wanting to stay in Toronto, my heart is calling me away. At the same time, I feel called to stay in the city for another year – which is encouraging. It may be my last. I pray that God can provide a job so that I can afford to stay – otherwise, I need to leave.

I’m going to learn Maori while I am here – to help with my travels to New Zealand – not that Maori is a largely spoken language – but I would love to meet the aboriginals and in sign of respect, I can take the time to learn their language. I am also excited about continuing to learn Swahili. Brian started to teach it to me in university because I was really interested in this language. I can remember my first lesson was on my neighbour’s white board outside their rez room. I met Brian, who is from Kenya and lived in my house in residence. We were in the hallway and I was leaving a message on Charlene’s door (neighbour). He came by to say hello – and we started talking and then he told me he was from Kenya we started talking about Swahili. So he wrote different sayings that I had to practise on Char’s whiteboard, which I later copied onto paper. It was a funny way to meet Brian. I am very proficient in this one specific conversation – (Kwaheri.
Habari yako. Mizuri sana, na wewe? Hakuna. Nafania nini.) where I can say hello to myself, ask how I’m doing, say I’m chilling, how about you? There’s more to it, but I think I would butcher the grammar/spelling. It’s actually quite funny. So, I can be very polite and start a great conversation – however, I can’t move on too much more from there! I plan on learning more in the near future. I would love to spend some time in Kenya (and other parts of Africa). I might just travel out there to meet up with Sarah in Nairobi before her placement at the UN ends. : )

Goose and I went to the first night of York’s 4th year film screening. It was very disappointing. I opted out of hanging out with the profs, an old friend and a lot of 4th year students – I never was big on hanging out with university film people when I was at York. By our fourth year, it was almost like high school – with the ‘popular’ crowd and the outcasts and the in-betweeners – and I’m not a fan of this type of division. It was actually probably the most annoying year at York in terms of my program. Also living on campus, you tend to hang out with your rez friends a lot more.

Shopping – it’s time. I would love to get one more job. I’m praying for this show called Jumper to call. They haven’t hired their producers’ assistants yet – so my fingers are crossed. The only possible downfall is if they bring their assistants from LA – which could happen.

Linda is not so gung-ho about the rock climbing for the summer. I’m sad about this, but it’s okay. I hope to find a climbing partner in the near future. Not having a partner is the only reason why I don’t climb anymore – you need a belaying partner. Sarah and I were going to join a gym together, but then she was offered this contract with the UN. We were both sad about the climbing, but very excited about the job prospect. I think I’m going to buy a lateral thigh trainer, skip rope and roller blade.

This girl I knew in elementary school is causing probs in my home town. She has been arrested for B&E and will be in jail for 3 months + 18 month probation. It’s kind of sad. I remember thinking that this girl was on the path to recovery but she has fallen again. I hope that she is able to find a social worker in jail that could be her mentor. We’re too old for crap like this.

I was just talking about this last night – how when I go home, I always want to go shopping with my mom, but the second I get into the mall I want to leave. For some reason I dread bumping into anyone that I knew in high school. It’s nothing against anyone – but I mean seeing a friend is nice – say hello and catch up. But then there are the people you knew by face and were never friends with, and sometimes they were just plain mean in school, and they act all nice when you bump into them in the present. I’m all about forgiveness and knowing that high school was high school and we’ve all grown up since then, but I’m really not a fan of ‘fake people’. I find that a lot when you bump into old ‘acquaintances’ – there’s almost always one person who is genuine, and one side really forcing being nice. Ugh. I have no idea why I’m blogging about this.

Clearly I needed to vent about something – and this is my safe haven. I am going to be productive now. I need to read Mere Christianity.

I like perching on chairs, but I was not made for trees

APRIL 24th, 2006

Today was the day that I had to drive the minivan back to Hamilton. Yup, our busted/dented rental van was going back. Mags got a quote at her mechanics, and I was to meet Tore in Niagara to get a quote at his mechanics. So I drive out - such a nice day. The vineyards are starting to blossom - it's great, I'm listening to Delirious?, love driving alone, I'm reflecting. I meet Tore up at his mechanics, get a quote and was asked to follow Tore home to drop off some things that were in the back of the van. We're going down all theses side roads. All of a sudden, he phones me up and is worried that I wouldn't get the van back to Hamilton on time (before Carter closes). So he pulls off the road into a strip mall parking lot. We jam everything into his lexus, and he gets into his car. Wait a minute!?! I have NO IDEA where I am - and he's leaving me alone. I knocked on his window to ask for directions back to the hwy, cause at this point, I have no idea where we are - all sideroads somewhere between Niagara and Welland. He deserted me!!! I was stunned.

The directions he gave were terribly unguided. I called Goose to ask for mapquest help (i didn't have a map with me either). Eventually, I actually found my way back. I'm normally very good with direction - it's just I wasn't paying attention because my head space was focusing on getting to Welland and not losing Tore on the road (you know, there is an etiquette behind 'guiding' another car through streets - you're not supposed to lose your partner). And I knew that driving from Welland to Hamilton was straight forward.

So i'm on the highway thinking about getting to Carter. I had a friend meeting me there to drive me back to Toronto. It was all perfect. I look back into the now empty van - oh my goodness - I'm missing a car seat!!! AHHHHH. I call Chris' home line - they aren't home yet (were in Ottawa for the weekend). Call magali asking about where the seat might have been. Driving a new Dodge van - the very back seat was a 'puller-downer', but I couldn't see any place that the middle seats would fold away. Magali is worried now. I can't return a van missing a seat!!!

I decide to drive by the Jones' house to see if there is a van seat in their garage. And who do I meet on Eastbourne - but Chris Jones himself. So funny. They just got home when I pulled up. Anyway - turns out that the middle seats do 'stow-and-go' - but it is terribly difficult to see. It took Chris 30mins to figure it out the first time. There is a mat hiding the connections. But when it's folded down it looks like there are hooks where you would put seat connectors from a chair that has been fully removed.

Anyway. He pulls up the seat and Caleb jumps into the car. I still need to clean the van and gas it up again. So we're getting it cleaned, including the 'chili stained front mat' from the first night. That stain does NOT come out in the least (shame). Can I tell you that by the end of the movie - we had returned TWO vans with CHILI STAINS in them. There was a mishap one day with the 12 seater - a chili bowl was knocked over and hit between the driver/passenger seats. Who are we?

Get the van back at the very LAST minute, and head out to the Jones' house to return my favorite partner Caleb and spend dinner with the Jones. Such a lovely end to a day - surprise visit with the Jones' family.


APRIL 29th, 2006

We were in Hamilton yesterday. Lisa, Magali and I joined forces to repaint and do touch ups at the Jones’ residence. I would brave Hamilton for that family – they truly are gems.

It was a fun day. Started off with a sleepover at my place (Goose spent the night). Watched a flick and chatted. Then our Saturday began. A trip to Union station first thing in the am. An important pick up at Cinnabon and a rush over to the bus to catch our GO transit to Hamilton. We opted to take the bus because the express was leaving 10-15 mins prior to the train. Of course, this is the weekend that the Gardiner was closed (cause last weekend was raining – and this weekend is beautiful) so the driving was very slow.

Arrived at the bus station in Hamilton and waited for our chariot to pick us up. We had the megaphone in the car with us. I told Chris about this time when I was testing out car replacements for my recently deceased “Red” and this one guy on the road who had a speaker system hooked up to the outside of his car so that he could talk to other drivers. He would comment on their ‘rude’ driving if need be. So Chris, the genius that he is, decides to lodge our megaphone into his sunroof. Oh my goodness.

Hamilton is like a big American city – there are certain areas where you have to watch your mouth/drive safely/roll up your windows and lock your doors. Those were the areas where we did not speak into the megaphone. The rule book went out the window the second we were in more ‘pleasant’ areas. We would each make comments to people around, and Chris even activated the siren through the megaphone. Silly fun that was well deserved.

Painting was fun. In the dining room, Goose, Chris and I worked on painting the ‘butter’ shade onto the salmony pink walls. All the while, Chris was telling us about the entire plot for the film “Lucky number Slevin”. We’re taping up newspaper to cover the intricate wood works through their house – using NOW and EYE newspapers – terrible choice in newspapers – all pornographic images and Chris has 5 children. This also was terribly amusing to us. Lisa was busy doing touch ups in the Kitchen. Eventually we all made our way to the bedroom where we began the touch ups of the green paint. You can only really work in the bedroom when the sun is out – otherwise you can’t see where the white primer is evident.

Chris eventually bailed out on us to drink beer with the neighbours. When we realized this – we shouted at him from his bedroom window. Vito!

We called it a day and sat down with the family to have dinner. So yummy – barbecued WEBERS burgers & hotdogs. Good ol’ Webers – if you don’t know what this place is – you need to take a drive up north. Half way between Toronto and my hometown of North Bay there lies this little place on the East side of Hwy 400 called Webers. This place is only open during spring/summer/fall – when the weather is good. Small little place – you stand in line outside just off the hwy, and either eat in your car, on a picnic table in their field or in the train cabin. It is an experience that a lot of cottage folk know about – and is so yummy. My family always stops in one direction when driving home or to Toronto. My brother and I always stop when the season permits.

After dinner, we headed out to the park with the kids in our ghetto painting clothes. Had a ton of fun. Played some tag – but Lisa smacked her hand pretty hard against the metal and her wrist swelled up pretty quickly. By this point – we had finished running around. Cate went home with Grace and the rest of us stayed back to wait for Chris who was going to meet us in the park. It was dark outside – but we still tried to play Frisbee. But that became pointless when you started to simply guard your face from being smacked.

Chris eventually showed up at the park and we hung out in this tree. So let me tell you about this tree.

Yesterday (April 28th) I spent the day with Linda (from church) rock climbing. Started out trying to find climbing shoes at MEC to no avail. Spent some time re-learning the knots and belaying procedures with another team of two. Had fun chatting it up with other climbers. Realized that we were the loudest team there – only because we were encouraging one another – and no one else seemed to be doing that. Did some bouldering. Met some guy who kept telling us to never give up. Never did climb the 3 story wall – barely made it up 2 stories. Was reminded that I have a great fear of heights but LOVE climbing none the less. Had a blast – had a lot of laughs – man did my arms and legs fall apart at the end of the day. Sadly, we will not be getting a membership to ‘The Rock Oasis’ together. I would love to, and still hope to find a climbing partner in the near future.

All this to say – that I love climbing – despite my fear of heights. Even after spending a day scaling walls, I could not for the life of me feel comfortable in this one tree we decided to climb. It was a cool tree with a lot of sitting spots. Eventually I made my way into the tree and Caleb opened up a spot for me – which I kindly declined, because it meant that I would have to move up this separate limb.

My fear of heights is strange. It really only comes into play when I am around a larger group of people. The more people are around me, the more nervous I get. It’s a trust thing. I love and trust everyone who was in the tree with me, but I get anxious in those situations. So anyway, despite spending a day scaling – I realized that a wall is one thing – a tree is a completely different scenario for me – no matter the height. I didn’t climb trees when I was a little girl. And to tell you the truth, the only story I remember about trees was when my dad put up the swings for the first time in the spring and I went to test it out and the knots came undone and I was thrown onto the pavement and busted up both my knees. Other than that, I would have those falling dreams when I was a kid, and in Earlton we had that big tree outside our window and all I can remember is dreaming about falling through the limbs of that tree.

I perch on chairs. I was nicknamed “Perchy” on Wild Card because of the way I perched on this chair in the office. But get me in a tree and I become more of a sloth – hugging the limbs rather than enjoying my perching abilities.

Upon our return to the Jones’ household, we spent some time with Claire & friends – as she celebrated her birthday. We had brownies and ice cream. Yummy. Then the lot of us gathered around the living room and watched “Snatch” through the night.

That night, Lisa, Magali and I drove home and had fun catching up on a week sans production.


APRIL 30th, 2006

Today is Sunday april 30th. The last day of the fourth month of the year. I have yet to enjoy a part of this year it is simply flying by me. sad.

Today is my parent’s anniversary – their 29th. Byron’s bday – I believe it’s his 32nd, but I’m not sure. And today is also a “Swine girl” (we were swines in university – our residence floor/house was the “Swine House”) gathering for Sarah who is leaving for Nairobi in early may. And I’m currently missing it – it’s 2.38pm and I’m supposed to be at Javaville – and things are delaying me. eep eep eep.

I feel like I’m letting people down lately – and I don’t know what to do about this. I feel like everyone is so understanding but I’m upset that my mind is aloof lately.

Glah glah glah

I have to either enjoy living in this basement apartment or hand in my letter of departure to my landlady tomorrow. Still trying to figure out what to do there. trying and trying

I finally found an apartment by the waterfront that is affordable. The apartment building is actually a coop – and may have 2 bdrm apartments available for September – CRAZY. I definitely want to live there once in my life, that is by the water in Toronto. We’ll see how things pan out – my mind is very rushed with decision making lately.

LATER THIS SAME DAY!!!!

Today was nice!

Goose came down with Chris’ car from Richmond Hill. I convinced her to join me with the girls at Javaville and also to come to church to see Chris & Catherine (who were coming down to pick up their car and also to see people at Freedomize). She agreed. We spent the first part of the afternoon with the girls. Quick catch up (as we were behind schedule) It was funny, cause at one point this girl who was sitting nearby overheard us talking about Africa. She came by to introduce herself. It turns out that she works for a similar organization as Sarah and has actually been in Nairobi working with some companies within the youth sector. They were able to exchange phone numbers and information. Small world. Sarah is two weeks away from her departure – so meeting people like this will be a real morale booster for her.

Church was really nice. Cyril’s sermon was great – it provided me with the kick in the face I needed and have been looking for a while. Worship was great too – even though the turn out was small, the music resonated through the crowd. It’s been a while since worship has truly moved me, so it was fantastic to be there. It’s also a different experience for me to go to Freedomize. Ever since the film began, I have been able to meet so many people within the community that is Freedomize – and it has been a tremendous blessing and wonderful experience. I feel like part of the community now – and even though I was before, it never really hit me until recently. It feel really good to be at church. It was sad however, as one of our members was leaving for the summer on an adventure, and I wasn’t able to join the team for their send off. Next time. : )

Today, I just feel good. At this point in time, I hope that I am able to get into that apartment building – it is in such a quaint little area. Yonge & Eglinton is really nice – but it would be wonderful to be on the waterfront. Wake up and walk outside to step onto a rollerblading trail – I would love that. I don’t really know how to brake yet – so my area (hilly, road bumpy, pot holey) is kind of intimidating for me in terms of rollerblading. I might just have to brave it though.

The end of a film.

I think I blogged a bit about the adventures we had a while ago – but I never had a long reflection on my memories of that day and what it meant to me. Here we go (posting a month later).

The last day was the best day I find. Even though there were a handful of us who would be awake for somewhere between 24 – 48 hours and working straight through, and even though by the end of the next morning (into the afternoon) things were getting kind of rough – it was a great end of day/end of shoot. Our main unit is wrapped and we move on to organizing the summer unit.

On this last day, Mags and I were without our laptops. Thank you God. We were able to spend more time with the cast & crew working with them and on set helping out. This meant the world to me. Even though we became (along with Chris) the official ‘runners’ of the production, we had a blast today.

I started my day out in Toronto. On top of that, I started my day late. I drove back home the night before so that I didn’t have to drive in the day of our 18 hour production day. Why add more driving to that day. However, driving home was very hard after our splinter unit day – so very tired. I left home to head off to PS in rush hour – ugly. On top of the ugly traffic, I forgot my cell phone at home. So not the day to forget your cell phone at home. I had to go back – no choice. Grabbed the cell, and just called PS and said I had to hold onto the filter for one more day – cause by this time it’s after 9am and I have to be in Hamilton by 11am, and on top of everything else, I hadn’t arrived at WFW yet – and worse, I was across town in morning rush hour.

Today was the last day and what better way to spend your last morning then by picking up gear. Don’t get me wrong, I grew very fond of my boys at WFW and all the mornings that we spent together picking up/returning gear. But today would be the best day – and ‘Red’ (one of the guys) probably didn’t smile as much at me on this day. I had a great deal of gear to pick up – mostly HMI equipment. Oh yeah, and like 50 sandbags????

Ah, the gear that I was told would fit into a panel van was not so. I go to WFW and probably freaked the boys out there – we had the biggest puzzle to figure out – which can make packing a vehicle with equipment fun. It’s almost always a puzzle. We could not get the 12 seater’s seats out – so we had to work around the angles. So while two guys and myself are carefully packing away the gear – Tore calls. After SEVERAL protests on my part that now was NOT the time to talk about production stuff (as we were in the middle of packing up gear, and I was at least 30mins behind at this point in time – and had the gear that people would be waiting on) – I was eventually able to hang up my phone. Frustrated none the less - as I was now further behind. The packing went fairly smooth at Whites, and after about 20 mins, we did in deed figure it all out. Yay. These boys rock my world – they are very friendly to distressed women.

I remember this one morning where Goose, Martine and I all went in to WFW to pick up some gear before heading out to Hamilton, and we just couldn’t pick up any of this pathetic gear. After the boys had a chuckle, they did come by to help us out. It was the 5K generator that threw Magali and Martine – while I just could not for the life of me wheel this Ski-hi to the stupid van.

Good times all around. So I’m finally on the road. Pick up Chris at his house (mind you I’m a speed monster when I need to be – so at this point I’m only 15mins behind at CJ’s house). We go pick up the generator and head out. Now, something happened at this point in time – we forgot something. I can’t remember what it was but we had to go back. Bummer.

We get to the church in Campbellville a little over an hour after originally leaving the Jones’ household and our van is flooded with crew trying to get today’s special gear out of the vehicle. It was amazing – we had all these extra people who were brought out – it was a beautiful sunny day and we were going to be shooting on this blue skied wonderful day.

The day at the church was interesting. Set up for everything took a while. The traffic never did help our sound. Even with our PDOs blocking traffic – our church was just down the street from two main roads (secondary highways) with quarries around. So simply hearing the trucks on their breaks was unbearable. Laughable at times – but more in a sad painful kind of way. The PDOs could only stop traffic coming towards us – they couldn’t stop the traffic travelling on the street perpendicular to ours. Which is where we ran into the problems.

The driving schedule for this day was crucial. We had to figure out who would be driving what vehicles where, at what times, who would be doing the offloads and who would be driving them back – all the while planning the fact that none of us would be sleeping. It was a crazy schedule – but Chris figured it out. The first thing was to get rid of a cube truck. So we spent some of the time at the church cleaning out the trucks – cause Camera had to move into the art cube in order to make sure the returns went smoothly. By the time we got to our next location we had to have one empty cube that would eventually be driven to Hamilton at which point, Chris would then pick up his car (conveniently parked at Carter Trucks) and drive back to set with freshly awake drivers. Smooth plan.

So I helped out Brent a bit with setting up a 12 x frame. That was fun. Setting up the kitchen went smooth with the team. Our only actors were David and Dan for the moment. The day was going smoothly. Smokey was back out on set with us (D Ottier’s dog) kicking his food around and actually whimpering. For some takes if you were near him but not beside him he would bark – so you had to go by and pet him and suffer puppy love overload to make sure the take was quiet. Funny dog.

Sunny weather – not what you expect for a ‘winter’ film. We of course were not prepared for this – and had no sunscreen. I went out around 2.30pm to pick some up – but the effects were already evident. We had people cooking (most of us got some form of sunburn or heat stroke by the end of the day). The sunscreen was too little too late. Oops. I will always remember to have that in our kit next time – especially when you shoot out in the country and a small bottle costs like $26.00. Ugh.

The caterers, sweethearts, gave us a delicious chocolate cake to celebrate our wrap. So nice of them. It was so yummy. After finishing up the main part of the exterior church scene, we had lunch in the basement hall. We cleaned up the hall/kitchen – packed everything back in the trucks, wrapped out the pick ups that a small group were shooting outside the church (incl. sound pick ups) and we headed out as a fleet to the Munn farm.

Just driving up the driveway was funny. Some of our PAs put the cones along the driveway (to indicate where to turn) and it was great, except the driveway was too narrow to turn onto with the cones blocking the path. So, one by one, we drove over the cones. I think I hit all four on the one side. We moved them aside and as Darryl drove up, one got severely trapped in the back tire. Nice little moment.

Whatever vehicle that did not need to be at the location had to be parked at the Faith Mission (our holding area just down the street). It was sooooo nice to be out there shooting. We parked our empty cube truck and all production vehicles at the Mission and walked down the country road back to the location. This would be the only walk I would embark on this road, because when the sun set a darkness lurked about on the road that none of us could explain or predict.

Craft and hair/makeup were set up at the mission – and it was kind of creepy. Once darkness fell – there was really very little around this space and the building wasn’t fully locked. I was worried for Elaine at times. When we were in the kitchen with her at one point she made a reference to the fact that it felt like “The Shining”. Fantastic – now I’m worried.

So night came, we started shooting with poor Dan (who was the only actor on for 18hrs), Kori and our three dummy children. Just funny. We’re shooting. Mags and I ran around the area trying to find an open beer store (had to go to Burlington – thank goodness we remembered this one spot that we drove by days before). We get back and hang out. Fun times on set. There was the little frog that Matt had (cute little guy). Smokey whose playfully enjoying the weather and all the attention.

There was a really funny moment with one of the China Balls. Hugh was bringing down the light from where it was hanging over the garage door and for some odd reason a lot of us were watching it. Anyway, when he brought it down a part of it caught onto the side of the garage and tore. Everyone watching the event just went ‘Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww’. It was hilarious. Poor Hugh had an audience.

At one point, in one of the many runs back to the mission from set (a 2 second drive) I realized that Cristy’s car was blocking me in. So I was about to turn to get her to move it for a second when I saw someone on the road staring at our set. I thought it was a crew member. “Hello whoever is at the end of the driveway”. I was like 15 feet away, but couldn’t see a thing in front of me in detail. The person didn’t say anything. I was like “Creepy”. After Cristy moved her car, we noticed that this guy went down the road. Two of our PAs were in their car coming back from the mission and saw him in their headlights. By the time Mags and I pulled out from the driveway, this guy was gone. There were no roads that lead away, he just disappeared. The PAs didn’t know what had happened and we were creeped out. So we all started locking our doors – cause we honestly didn’t know who it was. They didn’t answer when called to, and they simply vanished on the road.

So this creepy vanishing guy becomes like a legend on our film set. I was shuttling people to the mission and the van was filling up quickly but everyone wanted to see how many people we could cram into this 12 seater. By the time Todd tried to get in, he decided to just walk. At this point, the creepy man story had spread around set and we protested and crammed him into the car. On the drive to the mission, they documented on the BTS camera the story of this creepy guy and why there were like 22 people in the van. I went back for the rest of the crew and Magali stayed behind to do fire watch – what the hell is wrong with her????? I was going to join her, but passing out paycheques and the shuttling took up the entire time. And with creepy guy on the loose, I had no idea why she was motivated to stay behind. In the end I think she began to creep herself out – but I was back with crew that were done eating before her thoughts got the best of her.

We had ‘an imaginary’ PA for a while on set. I don’t remember exactly why we started with this guy – but we did. I can’t remember his name – but eventually it was what we called the creepy vanishing forest boy – so that we could reference him quickly.

Driving some crew back from holding, I told Darryl about the story, cause he was curious and he started signing a song about how he was going to come out and kill us (in a funny Darryl amusing kind of way). I was like ‘no he’s probably already dead on the side of the road’ – so he sung about zombie creepy man coming back from the dead to get me. You have to understand Darryl and his humour – it was a moment where you had to be there but it was so funny. So yeah – difficult story to portray through a blog.

So goose and I went and ate after everyone was back at it. Chris was in the building trying to sleep. Elaine was trying to sleep. Martine was sleeping somewhere. Everyone else was working on set while Goose and I were cleaning up (vaccuming, packing up the trucks again). We missed certain parts of the filming while we were working at the mission, but were able to come back for the window shot (we couldn’t miss our last shot). It was sad though, cause we missed the shot of the beast beside a tree looking at the house. From the road – that shot looked incredible with how it was lit. Goose and I drove up and couldn’t help but pray that the crew had taken one shot from the road. I couldn’t capture it with the digital camera, but it made this farm house and pond look amazing. Eery and beautiful.

We take the last shot – and we are now wrapped. Beer comes out, people celebrate, and start to pack up all over again. This time, we have to get everything into 3 cubes and make sure we’re ready for offloading in a few hours.

It was a time to say good bye to everyone, thank everyone and appreciate the end of a long day/shoot. It was nice. At one point David put me on his shoulder though – and I’m not a big fan of heights. So I was freaked out. He eventually dropped me off on the hood of a cube truck – gah. After checking the location again, we got people in their cars and shuttles and back home. We packed up the trucks and the drivers came in with Chris and they set out on the road. Those who were driving and had been on set all day had accountability partners to make sure that they would be okay on the road – no falling asleep.

Goose and I finished up at the Munn farm – and were going to head out in separate vans. At one point, I put the last case of beer (collected all the full bottles into one case) on the driveway. Goose pulled the red van up right behind the case and got out. I can’t exactly say how long she was out of the van, but when she got back in, she continued to drive forward. I was walking behind her at this point and thought ‘she must have picked up the case of beer – that’s nice’ and then CRUNCH. Everyone around started laughing and she slowly backed up revealing the busted up case. There was beer everywhere. Quickly we began to clean up the driveway and put the broken glass in one box and the somewhat intact bottles in another box. Well, these ‘intact’ bottles had dented caps, bubbling beer and were fizzling. Eventually they started to combust and beer was squirting out of the caps and from the sides. We had a problem here. We took a few boxes from the garage to contain the spillage, but nothing was helping. Our garbage bags were all at the mission (Mags & my next stop). Then the phone call came. Chris called me to say that the home owner was on his way – perfect timing, he was pulling up the driveway as we spoke. Goose and I looked at each other and just threw the bottles into the Jones’ van (which I was driving) and prayed that they wouldn’t leak on our trip to the mission.

Before leaving, we went behind the garage to say good bye to the electrics (Hugh, Kendall and Nabil who was sleeping in the back seat). Our fun moment of the day – Hugh was in the driver’s seat. Kendall was at the back with the hatchback open changing and Mags & I knelt down by Nabil’s window to wave goodbye. We had no idea he would wake up. We didn’t hear the yelp – but we did see him jump in his seat. Hugh started laughing up a storm while Kendall was throwing comments from the back. It was hilarious.

So back to our dilemma. Goose and I travel back to the mission and I rushed to pull the beer out of the van. It hadn’t spilled yet – but was starting to stink up the vehicle. You might be asking yourself why I didn’t just put the bottles in the trunk – well the vehicle was full of stuff, that’s why. I was about to get on the road with a ton of busted up beer bottles, stinking up the car and praying that I would not run into a cop – cause oh my goodness, that would be terrible.

At the mission, Goose was getting ready to head out to meet the boys at WFW to offload. I was driving back out to Hamilton to pick up Chris to drive out to Toronto to help offload and also pick up the art department cube truck and drive back to Hamilton. It was at this point where I saw over her shoulder that the back end of our production van was dented up. It was terrible to see this. There was yellow paint etched into the back end. A huge side dent as well as a smaller dent on the back bumper. The paint was rippled. It was just weird – and this vehicle was supposed to go back in a few days. Terrible.

I took some pictures to show Chris and Goose drove it into the city where eventually Tore would be able to have a look at it.

Driving was unbearable. I was on a lot of country side roads before getting to the main highway. It was morning rush hour in the country – which is significant enough. All the while, I was terribly tired and becoming very sleepy. I started calling everyone who was on the road – cause I was sincerely worried about all the crew who worked the 18 hours who were on the road driving. Mags and I were in the same pickle – sleepy and stuck in traffic. Chris was okay and was already in Hamilton. Couldn’t get a hold of Martine/Lisa/Darryl. But considering that I eventually was in their cube truck, they were okay. They also had each other to keep up the energy. Goose and I were flying solo (very dangerous) and probably had the least amount of sleep in our systems.

We all eventually completed our tasks. I offloaded at Chris’ house with his wife and his brother. We took some time at Carter with the 15 seater drop off – as Chris was going over the details of the damaged van with the manager (the van was going to be with us for a few more days still). By the time we got to Toronto, the team was finished at WFW, so we never did meet up with them. We waited at Martine’s house to pick up the cube truck. Chris drove me home with his brother and then they returned to Hamilton with the last cube truck of the fleet.

It was a long and exhausting stretch of time. We were all so happy, but couldn’t express it due to the tiredness. I don’t remember sleeping well right off the bat – but I’m sure I passed out right when I got home.

: )

Good bye Hamilton. Will miss the family, the experience and that cute firefighter. : )

I’m such a girl.

New beginnings.

You know, I have a whole post ready to write about the film. We camera wrapped on Wednesday - I got home at 1.13pm. Man - That was a 30 hour day. And I have no desire to post it just yet.

I did returns with Magali yesterday - and John at T2W said that we should start our own company - because we're liked in the industry. That's encouraging to hear. :) I also totally love my guys at T2W - they are golden and great guys.

A lot of thinking has taken place in my world. Especially today as I wasted an entire morning staring at the tv flicking to unfulfilling shows that meant nothing to my life. My brain is fried. Normally when a show wraps out you feel a sense of closure, and I definitely didn't achieve that with this production.

This is my honest blog - don't judge it for it's lack of poetry. I felt like crap all morning. Feelings of hollowness. A lot has been changing in my life for sure. I'm very happy and grateful for all the changes that are happening - but when they happen all at once, it can become very draining. Malcolm has moved out - he'll be back to finish clearing out on Monday. The film is done - wrapped on the filmic end - and I miss my crew. They made it worth while - and I honestly had a great day on that last day because I didn't bring work with me to Campbellville. I was able to just be with the crew and cast and it was wonderful.

How do I feel about the production? Empty. I had a great talk with Martine today as I drove myself home when we were exchanging vehicle ownership with our dented production van. She was very inspiring. It’s just nice to hear from a crew member that they felt you did a good job – cause I was really doubting myself a lot on this production and at one point I gave up.

I felt unappreciated. Actually – when I think about it – I was always told I was appreciated, but never really told I was trusted. I felt that my role as a producer wasn’t taken seriously by some. I might only be 25 years old. I do have a great variety of experience in the industry – however, I have a great deal to learn. I felt as though people around me were challenging my experience to a point that I have no idea why they hired me in the first place. I was asked to produce a feature film, yet feel as though very little faith was put into my abilities. And this is where I’m left empty.

After much reflection, I truly feel that this will be my only film with this company. I have much love for the executives and mad love for my closest crew mates, but I don’t think I’m ready to settle into a city that I’m not feeling called to. There are other reasons that will be left for unpublished journals. This reflection time has really brought me to a new level and I feel really good about my heart’s awakening and the path that I’m being guided towards.

Sarah leaves for Nairobi mid May.

I’m ready to see the world. Travel and do film in different places. Make a name for myself wherever I go. I want to see so much, and I find that working in Toronto – as wonderful as it is and has been a noose around my neck. I think this is why I was not completely in love with LA, there is a love/hate relationship that you actually start to feel with certain cities – and I have always felt that about Toronto. Maybe I’ll miss it when I leave – maybe I’ll find myself when I travel. I think there is so much to be seen in this world that I am limiting myself by parking in one spot. At least at this point in my life, I don’t feel called to remain here. In some ways, I wish I did – cause I have found an incredible community here and also my family is near and my incredible circle of friends.

Days that leave you reflecting bring up long time asked questions. One keeps popping into my head over and over and over and I can’t shake it.

Who am I living this life for?

I honestly don’t know. I know that I am living it for God in the first place, and that with Him I feel renewed in my life path’s mission. On the flip side, I feel like my brakes have been on for so long and I don’t know why. I am blessed for all that I have done in this life – but I want to add so much more to that list. I’m young, but at the same time, I’m not. I’m at that age where things are expected of you – marriage, family, house buying, career. While I want freedom, independence, travelling and adventure. I don’t think that I’m wrong it feeling this way in the least – but I almost feel counter productive.

All I know is that I’m ready to make a change. And this feeling I have inside is so inspiring – I feel that this is the right time and the right now for me.

I’m elated!

SPLINTER UNITS CAN BE FUN!!

The splinter unit has been a blast. Two days with minimal crew. On Easter I got a call from Kendall who offered to help us out on Monday for our first day – and thank heavens for him. We started the day in St. Giles with one actor (Tom – Nicole’s father) and a montage sequence of his final moments in his congregation. A smaller group of our splinter unit traveled up the mountain to capture some driving shots of the minivan in the film. We ended the night atop Hamilton Hill, permit-less with a very loud diesel generator in the city parks between 9 and 11pm. Everyone did everything on this unit – we all did grip and electric work. We all did construction, we all ran cable, we all coiled cable, we all helped each other out. It was nice. I drove our Sam & Jen actors home that night before starting our second day of splinter unit.

We had an easy day – day for night shooting in the forest, moving to the DeAth household to reshoot the backyard swing scene. This was a fun night. Less people than on the first night. Best part was in the dark – Anton, Lisa, Magali and I had to build a swing set. Two pairs working with both sets of instructions (could this one set be any more complicated?) and two flashlights. It was funny. And we most likely lost some bolts amidst the grass. Our shadow was in play tonight – by Mr. Jones himself. I hope this beast turns out better than the makeuped version. Eep.

Two shorter days, wrapped out by 11pm – and good thing too cause we have a VERY LONG day ahead of us. We will be shooting our 18 hour day starting at about 12pm through to 6am the next day with a wrap out of gear at our suppliers. Yikes people.

I feel a new hope for our last day. Even though at the last minute we had to ask our main crew to work the full 18 hours - as our secondary team fell through. We had a rough end to the week before. Don't get me wrong - last Thursday was fun at times. It was the day where we thought the case was stolen. The day where we had a good hour after set up before we had to shoot - so a bunch of us played frisbee and soccer. It was a nice day to speak with some crew members that I haven't seen in a while. It was also a rough day for the art department - because their truck didn't travel to set with the others. So I went back to Carter to pick up their truck, of course, after they were closed. I was at Carter standing outside their locked gates with Chris' son Josiah, stuck waiting for the next available person to drive down the mountain with the gate key (thank goodness we had this key). So the art cube truck arrived hours after it should have been and production on the tent for the proposal scene was very delayed. They did a great job none the less - but everyone would have been much better off without the stress.

This was also the day of the big 'rain out'. Although - this has continued to bother me. The team was only able to capture 4 shots that night. Not a very good thing at all. Some crew members blame the rain - however, they only pulled the plug about 45mins before the sun would have risen anyway. It was simply a bad day in the end. It's unfortunate to. I remember starting the day at the top of the hill, flyering the are the day before, coning off the parking lot and having our trucks move in. We looked like a real production - and it would be our last one with the RVs.

The next morning, we had to all pack up and head home for Easter and also clean out the RVs and drop off all the extras at the Jones' house. After packing up everything and picking up Karl from his breakfast hot spot, Darryl, Mags and I got some grub before hitting the road one last time before Easter weekend. It was actually perfect cause on most weekends we dont' know what to do with the van (cause I can't park it at my house without a permit) and Darryl was going to Barrie for the weekend - so it was like - cool, here are the keys. Even though the shoot was rough, it has always been nice to spend time with crew in the mornings and making sure that everyone is okay. It's reassuring.

After this 'rough' day on set, it was great to have a smooth splinter unit with great help and dedicated crew! So many memories.

Week 3/4 of The Storm

DATE OF ORIGINAL ATTEMPTED POSTING: April 11th, 2006 (another hooped blog from when Blogger deleted my film entries)

Sorry for the delay on this blog – it also was deleted way back in April. I just never found the time to rewrite it until now. Although the writing is rushed and might not flow as smoothly. So have fund reading it. :)

Four days left with main crew and principle photography. Then the key supporters are going to shoot a 'splinter' unit together. :) This will be a two day stint with a pack of like 10 of us.

It's been a crazy week. I should have been more up to date with blogging - as I'm sure you have all been on your toes waiting. We FINALLY wrapped out of City Hall and that end of the downtown core this morning. Man alive - I've never met a sketchier city area.

I don't know exactly how to explain the situation in Hamilton. I mean - I live in Toronto - but after being here, I feel so much safer in Toronto than here. Isn't that nuts? There are more petty crimes and whatnot per capita here for sure. Also - there are many people here who display a great distress psychologically. Like - picture Queen & Sherbourne - only multiply the number of 'interesting folk' by like 100 - then add the fact that they aren't that friendly - then locate them all in one central area of Hamilton - and you will find the world we have been shooting in. At least in Toronto, you get to know the people in the area and you can even have conversations with them - as they are friendly and talkative. Here - there is a darkness that is unexplainable. May be due to the 'Mordor' factor - steel factory?

It’s pretty fascinating – when you drive through the city. There are some slummy parts and in the background you can see the smoke stacks spewing think smoke and the fires burning off the pollution. Then on the street corner, there are children playing in bright clothing, skipping, running – all happy. Such a contrasting moment – I was taken aback on our trip to the dump one day when this is all I kept encountering. I’m not saying you can’t be happy in Hamilton – more just that the contrast between the colorful & hopeful youth against the grimy city blocks, some which have been sorely polluted due to the proximity with the factories.

Back to our world shooting in the downtown areas of Hamilton – our one colorful week near City Hall.

We were shooting near St. Paul's Cathedral one night - and Chris and myself were on set, so we helped out by doing a lock off on the side streets. We were shooting the scene where David carries Nicole down an empty street. We had three PDOs that night doing the major intersection blockades, and they allowed us to stop the side traffic. Anyway. Here I am all alone on one side of the main street - where the bulk of the cars 'ruining' our shots are coming down. And across the intersection from me are Chris & one of the PDOs. Out of nowhere, this guy comes out to cross. I approached him and asked if he needed to travel through the street - as we would need to hustle him over very quickly as they were about to shoot. His response: "yeah. what's your name?". Is he drunk? Is he friendly? I don't know how to read this yet. I smiled and explained that we were shooting a feature film and if he didn't cross right away he would have to wait another 5 minutes. He let me know that it would be great if he could hang out on this side with me and continued to ask if anyone could walk through when we were rolling, and when I told him the goal was to avoid that, he asked me who would help me if I was alone with him on this side. So yeah - starting to feel a little threatened - because on top of this he is advancing and completely interferring with my sense of personal space. So anyway - at this point I began to walkie (as discreetly as possible) for Chris to help me out on this side - because I had a gentleman who wanted to cross and wouldn't. The guy was not happy with this at all - and his tone switched instantly. "Who's this? Why you calling over the boys? Do I have to beat them up? I'll beat him up!!!" At this point, I just said 'help' over the walkie and the PDO began to run over. It just sucks sometimes. He was escorted through the street and began to scream as loud as he could that he would come back and stab all of us. Now, on a normal day, wouldn't think anything of that type of comment - really affects you in a new environment. We still had a week to shoot in this area - why wouldn't he come back to stab us?

By the end of the night, I was offloading a bunch of location gear from our 12 passenger and loading it into the Location/Art cube truck - when I realized that I was all alone in the parking lot. One with a bunch of hidden alleyways/nooks and dark zones. I sat there wondering and very much aware of my surroundings - this guy could still be in the area - and he honestly came out of nowhere - he could do it again. This time, I'm alone - there's no one nearby and my arms are full carrying full loads from one vehicle to the next, so I had a steady path that I could easily zone into. So yeah - paranoid moments in Hamilton.

There were nights where strange local folk just wandered onto set and hung out. They would walk right up to our gear fidget with something then walk away murmurring words. Hamiltonites did come out and check out our set - and they were very respectable - they would ask us what was going on and simply watch a take or two. Film sets are entertaining, especially when you have never seen one work. We had the drunken crowds run past set screaming as loud as they could because they knew we were shooting. We were shooting right beside a YWCA on Friday night - and the film liaison office neglected to mention that there was a 'teen' dance party happening that let out at 10pm!!! Man o man alive. We had to stop shooting, because our actors kept falling out of the moment (and it was one of the actresses' dying scenes). Also - we were swarmed by a very large amount of teens in deep background. They were all over the place. Alot of the crew were at the end of the street trying to get the kids to keep on walking and also to stop any equipment from being touched. They just wouldn't leave. Some kids were banging on our vehicles, others were climbing our light stands. We didn't order PDOs for this night - so we were screwed. I spoke to the local police station and they did in fact send a cruiser over, which worked for like 5 minutes until he left. The kids cleared out when the cruiser was there - but the moment he left a large posse of young'ns came back around the corner to just float around in our background. We could do nothing but wait for them to leave. Bummer. Still made our day - by cutting shots. Ugh.

Last night - there were two windows kicked in right near set (huge store window as well as one from City Hall) - so there were cops at these locations waiting until the windows were all repaired at both locations. So - we basically had our own personal security for a long while. Comforting? We had gear on the bottom of the parking area of city hall as well as the overhead area. So we always had to make sure people were scattered doing gear watch.

The shot that cracked me up. We did a shot where the production RV was in the background for 3/4 of the shot. A bunch of us were around the monitor watching the take, when all of a sudden I noticed it in the background – it would start out smaller, then become the entire backdrop. We were doing a dolly shot – semi circle track – all terrible. Anyway, I told mags who couldn’t stop laughing, and she then told karl who told Todd – who did nothing. When they finally yelled cut, I was like ‘Can we please get another take?’ People started to argue with me when I said we needed a clean master without an RV backdrop. :p Can anything scream “we’re on a film production set” more than having a production RV in the background? Where do you ever randomly see RVs? Yes - it is possible for an RV to be displaced, especially at the end of all things, and that the thing ends up in an abandoned parking lot somewhere. Probably not what the audience will be thinking. It was our ONLY take – it was a terrible moment. Our script supervisor contested with taking a second take the most! I was like HOW??? If a producer asks for another shot, trust me, there is usually a very good reason they don’t want to move on. I did not play the ‘producer’ card on this film – but I definitely was going to at this very moment. Ugh.

Friday was a very rough day. It was pouring rain. Chris, Caleb and myself were on location coning off the parking spots, watching the water build up on the ground, thinking about Hugh and how he would want to set the generator if there are so many pools of water. I was on the phone with someone when Chris got a call and started walking away from me. He seemed hurried. I simply followed him, continuing my phone conversation with Anton or Darryl. Chris stopped suddenly, turned to me and said that Todd was just in a car accident. "Is he okay?" I don't remember what Chris said - but he kept walking away - because the accident had happened two blocks from us. We walked to James' street and you couldn't see the cars yet - but you could see traffic swerving around a mass. All I could see when I walked over the 'hill' was people walking around - and relief set in. Todd was at the corner and on the phone and it seemed like everyone was out of the car in the second vehicle.

Todd was travelling down from the hilly side and going underneath the train overpass, which completely conceals the traffic light, and at the last second noticed the traffic light - and it was red. It was raining also. He slammed on his breaks, but it was too late, as another vehicle was travelling through at the same time. He hit him right on his side - and the mini SUV turned into him on impact. The driver was brought to the hospital - but I believe he is okay - whiplash for sure (which can suck). The driver of the second vehicle was in good spirits - as good as they could be. Todd's initial 'accident adrenaline' was fading. We made the call to pull the plug on the day. About 25 minutes later - after the rain had finally let up and it felt as though a clearing was upon us, after the cast shuttle had been notified, cast had travelled home, chuck was on the road to brantford again and crew had been receiving the calls - Todd asked that we shoot tonight. So we did that too. We turned the shuttle around, called the daily crew and the cast to find their way back to the shuttle, cancelled the 'plug day' on crew and started to prep for the shoot. We had very grumpy cast (understandebly) - so we bought them Tim Hortons' goodness to cheer them up upon arrival. Chris remained with Todd at the accident - Karl and I traveled to the house and began the last minute scramble for supplies needed due to sitting water and a wet set (ex. Tar paper shopping).

On set - Todd's face had noticeably began to swell up/bruise - due to the impact on the airbag. Also, his body was beginning to stiffen and he experienced the seatbelt bruising/pain. All in all - he was in good spirits and he had a great shoot day. Although his weekend found him walking around like an old man, he came through the accident with very little injury - which is incredible.

I can't quite place what else happened last week. I mean we shot the 'Parousia' sequence last week - but I slept through it. :) I was at the house working through accounting stuff. Catherine (the lovely woman that she is) was feeding me vitamins and juice and trying to get more food in me as I worked at their house. I decided to grab a half hour nap before heading to set. That became 6 hours. You can't trust a friend to wake you up - because they are trying so hard to put you to sleep. Ugh. I peeked over the couch to see Magali putting on her shoes. I said something, then she asked me if I could print off the call sheets. I was like "now? it's before lunch!". She was like 'it's 5.30!!!'. Ugh. Oh well - it would have been great to be on set to see that scene being filmed, but whatever. :p

Poor Mags, so many times I’ve asked her to wake me up – and she honestly can’t break my sleep once I get to bed. I sleep talk to her. I found that napping on the Jones’ living room couch worked best for me – and it would always be while we were shooting. It’s cause I worked during the day time as well. And this comfortable couch was only really available during the night (when the family was sleeping). Otherwise you would have Grace and Cademum crawling all over you during the day. Sweet, but not sleep worthy. : )

This weekend was horrible for sleep. I was very tired - but never had a comfortable sleep. I don't like my bed anymore. I love sleeping on the couch, and find great enjoyment in it - however, I'm trying to recondition my body to sleep in a bed. I just took a 2.5 hour nap on the Jones' couch - and boy did I miss their couch (so comfy).

Not this weekend, but the weekend before - we spent Saturday bringing the Jones' household back to it's normal state (minus the fact that there are 6-8 extra people in this house at all times). That was fun. The art department had to put this 'frost in a can' stuff all over the windows for the filming, and man is that stuff impossible to take off!!! It's still on some of the harder to get to windows. It's an oil base substance that is just challenging. The house took the whole day to clean. We moved furniture in and out. It rained the night before, so tearing down things like the tent in the backyard was just messy. I was pulling out cardboard that we set down to minimize muddy puddles that everyone would be walking through. Well, the cardboard disintegrated into the dirt – so that clean up was slow and muddy. :) But it’s done. The rain held out – only minute drizzles. Thank God!!

After another annoying key search with Lisa, Karl, Magali, Chris and myself (like 2 hours this time – and they were found in a spot that we all looked) – most of the crew went to bed. Chris and I worked through tearing down the main things and cleaning things up. The crew had to sleep – cause if anyone can catch up during the shooting nights it’s Chris & I.

A side note – we really really really suck at losing keys. We have misplaced RV keys, and almost every vehicle key (even though they were all attached to big yellow plastic pouches). One night – I stayed behind from set because I had lost the van key – and could not for the life of me find it. Then when I was upstairs in the office, I heard something hit the floor. The keys were behind the radiator. They must have dropped when I put my coat on there to rest and fallen behind but not all the way. SO ANNOYING. Honestly.

Back to the cleaning story. The windows – I honestly can’t tell you how much I tried to clean these things. Only fantastik was working for me – and you aren’t even supposed to use that on windows. I had all these different sprays and solutions with me outside on a ladder testing them out. In the end, a week later, we found out that vinegar worked best. Wow.

After everyone was awake and the cleaning was wrapping up – and damage assessments were complete (my favorite was Wilkin letting me know that ‘a bit of paint had come off the wall’ - when it was an ENTIRE CHUNK OF PLASTER!!!) – the five of us (Chris, Goose, Lisa, Karl and I) decided to go for a drive around the nicer parts of Hamilton and go get some food. Ah Slaintes. We never did shoot there – but it was wonderful. It was because of this night at dinner that we decided not to shoot there – we realized how loud it really was. Incredible. We ate, returned to the Jones’ residence and watched movies. I actually just fell asleep next to Lisa on the couch – I was hooped. They ended up watching like 3 movies before calling it quits.

No more condos for me. After thinking about it – I decided not to get a condo in Toronto. Shocking. Actually – not in the least. It was more of my desire to have stability in my life – even though it is not the path I truly need to follow at the moment. Owning a condo would mean a place to go at the end of the day, a place to call my own. A place I can travel away from, and always come home to. Anyway, I had actually put one of the condos at Aquarius on hold – but after thinking about it, I declined. It was on the 8th floor overlooking Exhibition (so no construction would go before it for at least 20 years). It had a very large terrace that would allow for a south view. It was small but had beautiful finish throughout the condo. Oh well. The reality here is that I would love to own a condo in Vancouver overlooking the mountains and the ocean. I don’t need to settle just yet. But that’s my sporatic condo story’s conclusion. I am someone who thinks and researches a great deal before going through with big purchases or decision making. Sometimes it just takes me a bit longer to conclude. :)

My father is back from out East. He left after my grandmother had reached a stable condition. She is doing much better and will be going home at the end of the week – which is incredible. (thank you for all your prayers). My grandmother is not well in general, her health has greatly depleted and she doesn’t take care of herself. She is having great problems breathing on her own and will probably be on oxygen for the rest of her life. I worry for my uncle who has given up everything to move back out East to be with her and take care of her. My parents always say that he missed his true calling in life – because to see how he is with the elderly in my grandmother’s building is to see someone who has found his place in this world. He should have worked in the field of gerontology. It’s never too late, and he is technically working with them and for them – he takes care of all the people in her building. He brings them shopping and does errands for them. He sits and listens to them and talks to them (simply spending time with them is a great thing). He just isn’t paid to do it. I think my uncle is doing better too – it was nice for him to have my father out there to show some support. :)

Weight loss. Over the past few weeks, my weight has dropped significantly. As much as a woman loves to say ‘Hey, I dropped 10 lbs’, it very much is the opposite reaction with myself. Dropping 10lbs can be horrible for my entire system – and it has been. My eating is all out of whack on this project. I’m not eating right (all SUGAR and I’m addicted to stinkin’ Coca Cola again) and with my sleeping pattern and excessive schedule, it’s no wonder my system is unhappy with me. What scares me the most is the only people who have noticed are those working with me. Usually it’s people on the outside who look at you and say ‘wow, you’ve lost weight’…but here it’s my closest working friends. Magali has been worried about me, Martine made a comment the other day, Lisa said something to me, Catherine expressed some worry. I am worried. I don’t know how this is. I mean – I logically do, but it scares me. I’ve been down this road before – when I was living with a crazy roommate, I simply stopped eating. This is because she was eating all my food and I couldn’t afford to buy more food and simply have her eat it on me. That summer I dropped 15 lbs, and it was very hard to gain the weight back. Worst – it is difficult to gain it back in a healthy fashion. Your metabolism goes all out of whack, you need to find the time to exercise on a very steady schedule (which is difficult when you’re in production), and the last time this happened to me – I saw a glimpse of what it was like to be anorexic. Don’t get me wrong – I love food! But when you lose a good amount (%) of your body weight and see certain problem areas disappearing – it can truly play mind games on you. This time around, I did not have that same problem. I am very happily eating again at home on a regular schedule. Yum. None the less, I’m very disappointed in myself for this weight loss. I can’t allow this to keep happening on productions, or I will have to make the decision that this line of work is not healthy for me. :(

This is the film life. We’re almost done! Crazy.