Honestly, doctor, I’m symptomatic!

Had a doctor’s appointment today. Good ol’ physical (yay).

I’m one of those strange people who LIKE going to the doctors/dentists – cause I like knowing that everything is okay.

Over the past two years – things have not been okay with me. I’ve been tracking a medical problem that has quite significantly been progressing through some lovely stages of existence. No one can seem to help me – or even really care to be bothered by description of symptoms. Unless you are showing signs, nothing can be done for you a lot of the time. Our health care system – as much as it can be wonderful – it can be ever so frustrating too. Ugh.

Anyway. Early this morning (like 2am) – I found myself feeling off. Kind of ill. I felt something coming on and it was progressing quickly. It didn’t really don on me that it could benefit me at the doctor’s today. But here I was, for the first time, showing physical symptoms.

It seems that very little can be done for a patient if their symptoms are not in full bloom. And Lord knows that when you wake up with a problem, chances of getting a last minute doctor’s appointment are slim. Sometimes tests can show the world all the problems – when the little cellular malfunctions can be found in all their glory; other times, seeing means everything – cause then you can assess what tests need to be done.

You know, I’ve been praying heavily about this situation and today was most definitely a small step in the answer to my prayers. As much as I wanted to cry during the testing phase because of a multitude of emotions (pain being number one, and overwhelming relief that this is the beginning of the end) I was smiling and laughing.

FINALLY!!!!

That’s all that I can say. Anyway. I am so very happy with my family doctor right now. She is new to me. I had problems with my last one – so I changed. And I was actually supposed to be visiting the other doctor that works in this office, but that doctor had left early and nobody notified me. So this doctor said that she would sit in and have the ‘initial patient consultation’ that you have to work through before joining a family doctor. Anyway – this doctor is so busy, she wasn’t accepting new patients…but after sitting through with me for 20mins or so, she didn’t want to make sure she saw my health concerns to the end. It just makes me happy – because she honestly does care. She is fantastic.

In six weeks, we should have that test results back – and I’m PRAYING that it comes back negative (if you pray, I would appreciate if you might keep me in your prayers through this time – thank you very much in advance). If this one is a flop, then my doctor has two other possible directions to go with the situation. Which is AMAZING. Just knowing that the wheel has been set into motion is so very encouraging. May God’s wisdom shine through these medical practitioners as they decipher my body’s ailments.

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My big toe hurts. Well, it’s kind of a little toe, but the biggest one of my right foot. Apparently I have arthritis in my toe. : ( It has been hurting on and off for a long time (months) – and I may have actually broken it back in the day. Problem being that toe’s are the hardest thing to help out in that situation. Anyway, the doctor was playing with it today and now it really hurts. Ugh. : p If you know of any ways to tend to a messed up toe, please feel free to post some advice.

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I weighed 98lbs this morning. One day, I’ll sigh at that number in a nostalgic sort of way. Right now I am trying to figure out how to raise that number to a healthier sounding one. Sadly, even when I eat more – I don’t gain the weight in places where I need it. I’d like to clear up that I do NOT have an eating disorder. I’m just small. None the less, it would be nice to look ‘healthier’ (aka – not so thin).

What does ‘looking healthier’ even mean?

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North Bay is cleaning up. Sadly there were a few deaths reported from the storm. A camper trailer was crushed by a tree in a park and a woman (who was inside) was killed. Another camper in a tent has been killed due to a fallen tree. And I believe there may have been other reported deaths. Storm ‘assessors’ are still in the area trying to figure out what exactly happened around the area. My dad thinks that many micro-bursts may have occurred in the city, but there is definite evidence that tornadoes struck the townships around the city. It’s so sad to hear about it. I just want to drive home and see the damage for myself. Crews are working around the clock trying to restore power to all the areas – but many are still running off of generators (if they are lucky to even have that). The small towns are going to have to start sending their hospital patients to North Bay, because they won’t be able to run 100% off the generators for too much longer.

We are sadly not getting any coverage. And why would these small towns mean anything to Toronto? : ( It’s actually quite sad. Thank goodness for the weather network and our hometown newspaper being online (www.nugget.ca).

States of emergency have been declared by several smaller towns. They do not have the resources to re-establish themselves. This has opened the door for the provincial government to become involved in rebuilding these towns.

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These past few days have been good.

There’s one thing that has been bothering me though – how ‘busy’ it’s been. I just feel that I haven’t had any time to just sit and be in my apartment (well, clean it – yes it is a long process when you are only able to work on it between midnight and 3am). I just want to exist and breathe. You know when you get like that? I have many projects coming up and I feel so overwhelmed by life. There is so much to think about and so much to do – and I feel that all of a sudden, July is almost gone.

gulp.

You see, I look at things differently. Everything to me is like ‘this is the last summer in Toronto’ or this is my last July in Toronto…and I think it’s an overwhelming thought.

When you leave on travels, generally you return to your ‘home base’. That’s where I differ. I’m not planning on returning to this city – so it’s a bigger ‘good-bye’ I feel. Maybe it isn’t. And we really should treat every day as though it could be our last – cause you never know.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.” I think James Dean said that. And it’s so true.

I just want to breathe. I just want to enjoy.

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Smiling none the less.

1) Drawing comics for the SIDES (shrunken down version of the call sheet as well as the script that plays on the day) package every night. I’m happy that it makes the AD smile.

2) Wine gums. (terribly addicted)

3) Having a job – and knowing that this is a wonderful provision. It makes my job easier every day. I can’t help but smile about how blessed I am.

4) Hudson. He lied down in the middle of the hallway that branches off towards the kitchen/copier room. But by lying down – I mean block the entire thing.

5) Summer in the city. Slushees just down the street (so refreshing, but man does your stomach ever hate you afterwards).

6) Driving on the highway with good mixed CDs playing.

7) www.cuteoverload.com

8) Looking at buying a new ‘yearly calendar’. When I was at Staples to pick up supplies for the office, I noticed the NEW yearly calendar from the brand I used last year (and I actually used it religiously). I was going through the pages and realized I will be leaving within this book. And THAT made me so excited and happy. I’m so ready to be traveling in those wonderful havens of the world.

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I might be craving Captain Crunch cereal. It’s time to drink some apple juice and eat my daily dose of almonds. : )

good night.