Did you really see the sign?

Mood: confused
Music: Chill out mix…right now “Only One”

You know that feeling when there is something inside of you screaming to be heard, and whispers around you try to fade the screaming voice into the distance?

Who does one listen to? The strong voice – or the many whispers?

In church on Sunday, I felt guided. Completely. Things were funny. I had a great time with people, I loved the worship set, and the sermon was perfect (thank you David & Colin!). And I found myself in uncontrollable fits of smiling…and I tried to understand those moments and I couldn’t. And I want to fully confront this situation and figure it out – but on the other hand, was it the right path trying to guide me? What am I to do? Was He trying to tell me something on Sunday? Is He speaking through others through this week to deter me from what He might have been saying on Sunday? Is it even something He is telling me or something I’m imagining?

And thus – my mind trap. I feel like I’m standing in a space of nothingness with no guide to help me out. Just trapped. When your mind is speaking one language and your heart is speaking another one, it can be REALLY frustrating and challenging.

End part one.

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The tri-weekly recap…

For all of those who have made comments about my blog – I have been dubbed as having a ‘verbose’ blog – I present to you a short form blog. I will hold all the long formats of these stories in my heart. : )

That being said, I have not blogged in almost three weeks, so I still have a lot of short things to say. : )

Nostalgic moment: Water days at ESA. Our high school used to have ‘water days’ – a full day DEDICATED to the entire high school walking over to the Chippewa creek behind ‘memorial gardens’ in North Bay for a HUGE water fight. Water balloons, dumping people in creeks, dunking buckets over their heads, water guns – or as my friend Marc had one year – a full fledged firefighter/ghostbuster type pack and pump on his back – the biggest water blower ever…fun times at high school.


Three weeks ago

The week – started out good – relaxed, still unemployed. I ended up in a conversation with a friend about volunteering on his CFC gig – a television pilot program, doing locations for his first of two shows. I accepted – although worried due to complete lack of location management experience and also with another volunteering gig just before this – little concerned about money. Then of course, as always, God provided me with a job. I am now doing ‘production assistant’ work for a kid’s television show called “Naturally, Sadie”, season 3. Thanks to both Shannon/Jonathan (the coordinators) for doing the hiring. I’m very happy/blessed to be working for pay once again. Back to having a car too (always nice)…so hopefully I’ll be able to sneak in some road trips and drive in movie nights with friends before the show is over. : )

I’ll talk about the new show a bit later on – first up – the CFC. I absolutely have always loved working for the CFC. I have volunteered for them in the past and have always had a blast on every set with this team. Nothing different with this team – absolutely had a blast with them. I appreciate all the new friendships and the experience.

One thing that made me smile is realizing that I have grown a lot on sets – and clearly I don’t put up with bad attitude to people (when people act like they’re better than others and put them down) and I apparently don’t appreciate people flippin’ the ‘f’word over Channel one on the walkie talkies. Not a fan, but thanks for trying. : )

All being said…I learned a lot through the CFC gig. I have always had a great respect for the Location Department of any film shoot – and that simply grew while undertaking their department for the 10 days. : p

A few moments to note. Being back on a Canadian Film Centre production – always a good time!! Buddha – the pug who tried to eat pins and build-em-ups. I had to dig one out of his mouth to prevent him from swallowing it. Life at 80 Ward street – and I stand by that I think that place is haunted (I had to open a back door for JW the last night – I have never run so fast in my life – creepy at like 4.30am). Fun times meeting the people in the Ward/Wallace area – especially when I had to knock on their doors (after the Portugal soccer game – thank goodness they won that match) to ask permission to shoot until 3am in their area. Losing OPTION B after scaring an eleven year old girl at 11pm - getting yelled at by her mom and learning not to ‘simulate’ death sequences in back alleys late at night. Picture taking. Walking to city hall to deal with permits – appreciating how beautiful the city can look with blue skies and happy summer people. Meeting new people and getting to know them while on set and in the office. Dancing with Sandy on the cable mats on Friday afternoon. High fives and hugs all around. Walkie talkie head pieces that never cease to fall off your head. New smiles every day. Trying to cone off at 4am and slurring words cause you’re sooooo tired. Dropping off film at 111 Peter street (reminds me of University) – except for that one night when there was a stabbing right across the street. Scoring rides home every night – smile!! Trying to put locations back together once we’re done shooting. Fighting with greenboard to protect houses. Driving the cube truck. Spending hours talking with locals to make sure they’re chill with our film production. The beauty of being a ‘cute girl’ and how people will treat you vs a big man – when you’re asking people to do favors for your show, trust me it helps. Gear shifting in crowded pick up trucks. Meeting up with a lot of friends who I’ve worked with in the past – new friends, new challenges, ever helpful crew. Banging on abandoned warehouse doors while my friend sits in his car cranking the funkiest music, drawing attention to our situation. Friday night’s ‘joke telling’ in the TFS parking lot. The Craft Truck on Friday (one more thing off our shoulders – heaven). Being back at the HRRH on Monday – and working through that maze (spent 3 weeks there during ‘The Return of Zoom’). Fire watch. Being back at TFS – and seeing old faces. Smiles all the time. NO SLEEP – such a reminder of TS, it’s not even funny. Sleeping 2 hours a night and working through the days. Acquiring 79% of YESes in the Ward/Wallace area – with NO objections, only unanswered doors. Entrusting our equipment to a Weston road apartment. (locking the windows and praying) The Portuguese ladies who acted like they didn’t speak English, who cursed at me in Portuguese and then yanked the flyer out of my hand angry that I would think they didn’t speak English. Being first one in and last one out. Thank you to all of those who were there standing with me through thick and thin – Amy & Jdawg you both rock.

I feel it might be proper to give Matt West a shout out at this point – however, since I haven’t updated my blog in a super long time, I doubt he has found himself browsing this site again. : p So MW, thank you for being you. And really, thank you for being a kind voice on the office phone and a friendly smile when you visit Shannon.

My all time favorite moment of the entire CFC shoot was the red light that J-dawg drove through when I was his passenger. Between the office and the Weston road apartment set, is wonderful Keele street. I was on the phone with my brother when I noticed the light turn red, and we were not that close to the intersection. Jdawg, however, was not slowing down. There was oncoming traffic waiting to turn – when a cab driver decided to start to turn left, JW casually swerved around him like it was a kid’s ball accidentally tossed into the road. I hung up the phone and asked him what was up – and he was so sleep deprived, he hadn’t even realized what had happened. I can’t really describe the situation – but at the same time that things like that can be really scary, we were very lucky that everyone saw it happening and no accident was had. It was also kind of funny – only because of how smooth J’s driving was – it was surreal. No flinching. This is what the independent market does to people – no sleep. Terrible.

When J dropped me off on Thursday night (well, early Friday am) – we ran into the ongoing construction on Manor road – which has left my street (to this day almost 2 weeks later) completely dug up and waiting for repaving. This night was no special night. I was just across the street and a bit west of my apartment. There were two boys across the street from me that didn’t bother me at all – until J’s truck was out of site. The moment the black truck pulled around a bend, the words started flowing from these boys mouths – trying to speak French (really badly) and entice me to join them. They also jumped off their sidewalk to come towards me. We’re talking like 3am here – no one in the neighbourhood is awake. I pulled the fake phone call conversation and for some reason they continued walking…at which point I bolted down my driveway and got inside. Thanks to Johnny for giving me a ring and checking up on me within five minutes – I’m actually shocked that I was a target at that point. There is more to this story – but I’m trying to minimize details. They were scary, they were bigger then me and there were 2 of them. Middle of the night and trying to get something out of me (a reaction). I am not having much luck in my area lately. I almost don’t trust walking down manor road at night alone. Sometimes I wish I had a roommate – someone to take notice of your absence should something happen.

Then again, other times I’m so thankful that I live alone.

Got a sunburn on my last day on the CFC – and it hurts. I’m stupid. I didn’t listen to Baz when he told me to wear sunscreen.


Karate

Karate – was not my strong point TODAY or three weeks ago. Sadly, I missed it last week because I didn’t get to bed until 6something in the morning and by nine o’clock, I was completely exhausted and couldn’t move. After the practice three weeks ago, I couldn’t turn up with the way I was feeling – I would seriously get discouraged. It was a great lesson three weeks ago – I was just out of my element. I let myself down a bunch. Martial arts can be very trying. I absolutely love the exercise – it’s one of the best – but it tests your mind so very much. On the wrong day, it can be devastating. Today we were locked out of our dojo (forgotten key) so we took the lesson to the top of the hill just down my street near the stone church. Great secluded grasslot surrounded by trees – and lucky for us it was a beautiful day. Sadly, I feel rotten again – another practice that didn’t sit right with me. At first, I got decked a few times when we spared – and I’m definitely not used to sparring without gear AND getting hit. I just felt that I couldn’t sink my body into the right groove. Our senseis are great – and Ryan has been very patient and wonderful about training. He’s had to work me through some terrible combinations over the last few practices. I feel like I’m part of a dance squad where everyone is moving with the choreographer, and I am standing alone, the awkward monkey who isn’t giving up but can’t nail it down.

Hopefully, in the end, it will be a Cinderella story. I hope I can find more time to train and get the katas/basics down pact – so that I feel more confident again with my sparring. The one thing I truly feel works for me is that I don’t have fear in my heart when I fight – I don’t want to back down, I just want to push forward.

Rudy was on Family Channel when I got home. I love this movie – it gets me every single time. He is a true fighter and dreamer. A little bit of encouragement as I head into my weekend.

My double bed is still holding me back on completing my apartment renovations. I’m rearranging. I hope my brother might be able to have a look see today. My bedroom will be my new exercise room once the bed is gone and I have the space to set up my new junk. In the mean time, my apartment is simply embarrassing. It’s just a junk pile. I hope to get rid of a lot more things once the bed is out of the way. Ugh messiness.

Movies. I FINALLY saw Saw II with Anton last weekend. It wasn’t exceptional. Not as ‘thoughtful’ as the first one, but much better acting, which isn’t saying much. Sat Goose down to watch Napoleon Dynamite the weekend before – spent the late afternoon shopping and had some yummy dinner (greek food and my fave wendy’s salad).

411. I don’t like calling 411. You have to do voice recognition at the beginning, and I swear that ‘digital voice’ is evil. She misinterprets you all the time. Anyway – I always seem to have funny 411 operators who I end up in conversation with. I’m like my grandfather – I just talk and talk and talk. I remember this one time when I called a hotel looking for my friend’s parents (cause my friend was in my dorm room with me) I ended up in a 30 mins conversation with the receptionist…they were just super friendly and it was chill. And just so you all know, it is a two way conversation – I am usually trying to let them get back to their job…trust me.

Good news – I think my little ant problem is done. Bad news is that I might have a ‘giant ant’ problem. I have killed 6-8 at this point in time. Am awaiting a new army. It’s not the worst thing in the world, so I can’t complain too much about it.


Naturally, Sadie – Season III

I started my new job on Monday. Won’t go into too much detail. But I think it will be a great summer. It’s a really great office staff and so far everyone on the crew are terrific. They are all interesting and very friendly. Most of the people have been on this show since its beginnings, so that might explain the friendliness. But their arms are wide open to newbies too. There is an office dog named Hudson, he’s our PM’s pet Collie (purebred, white coat). He’s a funny dog – very chill and loves being pet. It’s nice having him around. There are also younguns floating around the office. Shannon (our PC) has a little guy and another on the way – as well as Michaela (Art Dept) has two little ones. I mention them because they have visited the office. It’s really nice having the animals and the kids around. It will make the summer months entertaining.

I am on my second production car. The demonic red one would not let me shut off the ignition. The key would stick in the ‘on’ position. Terrible. I would sometimes have to struggle for 5 minutes or more with the stupid keys. So I got a second Chevy Cobalt on Friday, and this one so far rides smooth and the key works!!! Unfortunately, it sounds like there is a metal hanger in the dash on the driver’s side rattling all the time. Oh well. It’s a car and that makes me smile. It’s been great being back on the road.

Chris is my partner in crime on this show – and I think we’re going to have a fun summer together. I told him on Friday that he was ‘chivalrous’ because he has opened up the only PA parking spot for me all week. That will more than likely change once the entire crew is on site. It’s a bad parking location – dog eat dog type situation. We’re shooting in a school near Dundas & Bathurst. We have this crazy little parking lot to fit our entire office and set crew/cast. It should get interesting.

Also really nice, and this might sound sad to some people, but being responsible for the prep schedule is fun. : )

Bonus. I work the later of the two shifts for the show with the APC Julie. Sad for some evening activities (like LR and Karate on Tuesdays) BUT, I asked about Friday nights and I’m allowed to snag the early shift every Friday so that I can play softball with FT people. So very nice to be able to partake in this season. Big thank yous to Chris for letting me snag the Friday early shift and Shannon for allowing me. : ) You guys are the nicest.

Bonus of our location – right down the street is a 7-11. AND, our PC is pregnant – and craves sugar. It’s a great excuse for us to go down there and pick up some thing. I on the other hand am not pregnant, but still crave sugar on a regular basis. And considering I’m a gummy candy fan, I haven’t decided if this 7-11 location is a good thing of a bad thing.

I predict great legs at the end of this show. Our production office is located on the third floor of the building – which, if you skip steps, is 20 jumps up four separate flights of stairs. Trust me, you’re up and down hallways and stairs all day. I am in no way complaining. I actually like the stairs – it’s healthier for you.

Bulger. My last name was recognized this week. Our props guy knew my name was from out East. He runs WWI reenactments – and is an expert in this domain and apparently a Captain or Corporal Bulger ran this very respected troupe out East. I don’t know much more about the story – and maybe that’s a terrible thing. He was probably a relative. Unfortunately there are so many relatives out East that I don’t know. : (


Church

Freedomize has been really good. I’m really happy with the transition to David & Cyrill. I think that this team will lead FT to new heights. David was born to lead this congregation as the head pastor. If you came to our church, you would understand. We’re a very eclectic group. A lot of very talented, smart and creative people. We’re a nice mix.

Anyway. One day, at the end of the service a few of us were chillin’ out down the steps in front of St. Andrew’s. David had left but came back to show the girls this ‘anti-rape’ move he had learned in this self defense class he was involved with. Go figure, I can’t remember it at this very moment…

Bless D’s heart for showing us that move, cause on my way home that night I found myself all alone in the basement of the Yonge/Eglinton centre and there was this scary guy who approached me. I was listening away to my iPod when this guy walked out from behind a pillar. At first he was pleading for money – which I honestly had none. And I apologized as I walked by him, but he wouldn’t give up. So again, I apologized and let him know that I had no money on me at the moment. Then he snapped and he started walking closer and closer to me, following me on my heels practically and screaming profanities at me. I was a little wigged out, but would never have shown him. It was nice to have just learned a new defense move to protect me should he have tried to grab my wrists.

Then again, I have the smallest wrists around – so my biggest goal if I am ever attacked is to ensure that the attacker does NOT get both wrists into one hand – because then he has a free hand – and that’s never a good thing for the victim.

Met some new faces at the AGM – which was really fun.


My reality TV

Watch Treasure Hunters – it’s fun. I’m playing the online game as the show moves on. One of the two games is actually open to us Canadians. YAY.

I don’t know what my rating is for “The Hills” yet. I enjoy LC, but this show is NO laguna beach. Not enough drama. : )


I’m just a girl

It’s summer, and as much as boys enjoy watching girls wear less and less through the smoggy humid summer days in Toronto…we women also notice the boys. All of a sudden we’re not in heavy overcoats and scarves and tuques…and you start to focus in on people’s faces. : )


ZANTA

So, I just found out about Zanta not too long ago from a friend of mine from church (Tom). There is this guy who lives in Toronto who wants to be famous. He goes around the city wearing a santa hat, shorts and generally without a shirt. He is seen a great deal of time on the TTC doing chin ups or push ups on the sidewalks. He seems like quite the character.

So APPARENTLY, Zanta made an appearance on our location when we were shooting at Weston & Eglinton for the CFC shoot and I MISSED THE WHOLE THING. Ugh. I thought some Toronto folk would enjoy that snipit of Toronto culture. I look forward to finding him one day – he’s kind of like a mix of Where’s Waldo and the Polka-roo.


The NIV Bible

Did you know that FOX owns the NIV Bible??? Argue with me if you want – but this was brought to my attention by a coworker. I then asked a fellow FTer, and he put it down on paper for me.

The breakdown.1 – Zondervan (a bookselling company) first publishes the NIV New Testament in 1973 w/ the International Bible Society.
2 – In 1987, Harper & Row was acquired by News Corporation.
3 – In 1988, Zondervan becomes a division of Harper Collins Publishers.
4 - In 1990, News Corporation acquired William Collins & Sons (publishing company). HCP was developed with the combination of both of these companies.
5 – The Fox Network is the News Corporation.

RECAP – Harper Collins Publishers owns Zondervan (the publishers of the NIV bible). HCP is a subdivision of News Corp. News Corp is FOX Network.

It’s kind of terrifying to think that a big wig broadcast company owns a part of the most important book ever written. There is no escaping corporate takeover. Ugh.


The Blue Line Toronto Bus System

Can I talk about this city’s nightlife? Outside of the sad reality of the shootings in broad daylight and in busy areas filled with many innocent people – we have a vibrant multicultural atmosphere that can be mesmerizing. After watching Saw II last weekend, Anton walked me back to Yonge street to catch the 330am blue line bus. This 24 hour bus is always entertaining – and for a while, every time I stepped onto this bus, I would bump into somebody that I knew. Well – tonight was entertaining. We have the drunk soccer fans having scream fests trying to outshout an opposing country. There was a very rowdy bunch of Argentina fans and like one Germany supporter followed by a handful of Brazil cheerleaders. It was like our High School East West games with the two sides trying to win the battle of the lungs. Then there were the two ever so entertaining dancers. I felt bad for this guy sitting two seats ahead of me – as he was surrounded by these two dancers. This girl who was decked out in her clubbing gear pulled out her iPod and started singing to a song, while her flamboyant and sharply dressed friend listened in on the second earbud. The ENTIRE trip from Queen to Eglinton these two replayed this one song, all the while grinding to invisible partners and constantly watching their reflection. It was so funny to watch how self obsessed these two were. Then this poor older gentleman was stuck there trapped by these two mirror lovers.

I laugh cause I had just finished a conversation about how much I missed going to clubs and dancing – and at that very moment on the bus, I was wondering why I missed dancing at the clubs. I absolutely love spending time with my friends and with the right crowd – the dance floor can be a riot. But then, it’s true, that there are those who go to serve the club as a meat market, which I’m not the biggest fan of.

That being said, I have had some great times with the gang at the many clubs in this city – and I do miss chillin on the dance floor after a few Long Island Iced Teas with the lot of you.

Tom was out in Nova Scotia checking out Halifax before his big move out there at the end of the summer for his first year at university. I was reading about how he’s adapted to the idea of living there for a year. He was very open minded, but leaving a city like Toronto is difficult. This city has a lot to offer – and for artists, there is a great deal of support in this city. I sat there reading his stories wondering how I would miss Toronto when I leave? It truly is a great city at times and you can feel at home so easily – so much happens and the harbourfront is wonderful. Will Vancouver feel like home? Have I become artificial like a city? There is something beautiful about the skyline of Toronto at dusk and dawn. The city you grow to love and hate all at the same time.

So it was the CN Tower’s birthday the other day – Happy belated 30th. Crazy.

I booked our skydiving this week. I’m soooo excited. At the same time, I started having nightmares. Ugh : (

A friend of mine wrote a blog about a fictitious award ceremony that involved people he knew. I scored two hits on his awards presentation for ‘genius’ and ‘most ambitious’. Cool. I think he pitted me against another guy he felt was a ‘genius’ and the other guy was said to have won cause he could beat me up – but I say my martial arts training would kick in and I could defend my title. : p

So that’s it folks. I’m getting psyched for Sunday (eep). Meeting new people has been fun. I’m happy about being a girl. The summer has been great so far. I’m loving work right now and I love the time I have to spend enjoying the summer.

I look forward to tossing the ball around on Sunday and Monday nights – getting ready for Friday’s big game. LR’s been fun – chilling out watching rain storms and enjoying shakes on sticks. We were introduced to Lady Catherine de Burgh too – Sue’s new kitten. Lucky for me kittens don’t have dander – so I could enjoy holding her and petting her. (so cute)

I have some stories to say about my poor brother and much more – but they are worthy of their own blog posts. Here’s to summer lovin’ and celebration. I’m so happy where I stand right now – and I must say that He is amazing.

God has been such an amazing provider. I am very much excited about the path to come.