A medley of delay.

So once again, it’s been almost a month since my last blog. Brace yourselves – this will be a lengthy medley of tangents. Some thoughts collected throughout the last few weeks.

1. It’s Aucky’s birthday today. : ) One year ago today, the cutest little dwarf hamster stood out in a cage full of many and Malcolm & I purchased him and made him part of the family. He was 3 weeks old when we got him. It was actually his first day at the pet shop when we took him. He scratched at the cardboard box all the way home trying to escape – probably really unhappy to be moving again. Ugh. Anyway – he remains to be my first ever ‘pet-able’ pet. Hamsters don’t have special ways of celebrating their big days – he remains in his cage slowly expiring. Very indifferent - but none the less very adorable.

2. The DaVinci Code. I’ll start way back in May where I left off. This will be a quick recap of my thoughts on the film. First off – I really didn’t like it as a movie in general. This has nothing to do with the fact that I am a Christian – but more so a filmmaker. The pacing was annoying and honestly – it really did drag on and felt like I was there for 4 hours. There were a lot of things that were expected/predictable and then there were moments of ‘whoa – didn’t see that one coming’ (Ian McKellen – how could you?), but not enough to keep me entertained. It was just slow. I love movies – and only two of note have brought me to a point of wincing in my seat, completely losing my attention or desire to see its conclusion – and yes, this was one of them. I could dissect it fully – but there is no point. But please, filmmakers of tomorrow, understand how important the pacing is – if your story gets in the way of advancing the film – rework it…please.

The biggest debate with this film, is in regards to the content and what it says about the Christian faith. But let’s face it – this film and the book – were involve the ideas of one person. This is ONE interpretation of history. There is some truth to the story presented on screen. Yes, there are some gospels that were left out of the bible. However, this is very public knowledge. They aren’t hidden – you can actually purchase them if you would like. There is a very quick overview of certain aspects of Christian history that could lose an audience member. If you don’t have a history with some of the elements brought about in conversation on screen, you might create your own interpretation with the wee bits of information you might be gathering. It’s possible that some people absorb this film as all truth – but that says more about the type of audience/society we are. This is a movie people. Let’s be realistic about this.

You have to take most films with a grain of salt. There were things said within the film that did get to me in a way I didn’t expect – a negative way. I could see where a ‘general’ public would misinterpret what they see. Howard tries to redeem himself with the ending of the film – however, it’s very vague. It honestly is a very general overview of what might be written in the book – and if you want to save the money, I might suggest reading the book. I myself have not yet read this book – however, I’m under the impression that it’s that type of situation – where the book is far better than the movie.

There are some powerful parts too – but the one character that truly bothered me was the character of Silas. He felt more of a threat to how Christianity is perceived than any other part of the film. He made me feel that there was a terrible hypocrisy with how the Christian faith was seen in the world’s eye. His character is portrayed as a diligent server of the Lord, who murders other men to ‘destroy the evidence and save the church’. After he murders a man, he goes into confinement and punishes himself while praying. He wears metal straps around his thighs to inflict terrible pain as well as whips himself with a multi-headed whip. As a ‘follower’ of the Catholic church, Silas may be seen (by an audience member) as someone whose actions are approved by God, since he slightly ‘repents’ for his sins. If we look back at the ‘Christian Crusades’ of history, a similar type of behaviour can be debated. I feel that this character could create the most doubtful reactions from uneducated audience members. There is a twisting of God’s true plans being played out on camera – that could confuse someone who doesn’t have a deeper understanding of the faith. That being said – this character was well played. Silas’ character definitely made me feel greatly uncomfortable – and that was the point.

After seeing the film, I don’t feel threatened within my faith – I actually feel renewed. But that may be because I was a Christian to begin with. If you go into this film believing it as fact, you may walk out hating the world and believing there are conspiracies left right and centre. Is the catholic faith corrupt? There is a possibility that there is corruption within the walls of the Christian world – but it is not the religion that is corrupt, it is the human. There may be fallen men within the faith – and that is true in all parts/divisions/sectors of religion/work/life.

3. My apartment. I have lived here for almost two years now – the longest I’ve ever been in one apartment in Toronto. I’m doing a mass cleaning operation. I’m trying to find a peaceful state within my little haven of a basement apartment. This has meant major rearranging. Also present – is the mass ‘time to throw out the junk’ stage. I’m in the middle of it and I’m feeling good. My bedroom is going to be transformed into an exercise room – and I’m so excited for when that wheel is in motion. I must admit I bought an exercise machine on the shopping network a few weeks back and I can’t wait to set it up and work out. All to get ready for my very lengthy backpacking adventure to come. Maybe I’ll test out my gazelle with a full backpack on sometime. Hmmm.

4. With the apartment clean up comes the mysterious mold. Ew. I moved one of my tables that houses all the board games and noticed there was some water damage on the wall. With this, came the mold. The apartment has been like this for over a year now – so who knows when this started happening. I have to talk to my landlord about it and see what needs to be done – but it looks like there is going to be some wall knocking happening. So Aucky might need a good home for a little while as they work through this phase. I don’t think animals fair too well with dusty situations that could cause respiratory issues.

5. The bugs. All a part of living in a basement apartment – all a part of living in a big city. I have the worst centipede problem ever. But thankfully, I am able to look at it in a positive light – with all the centipedes I have had to kill over the last two years of my life, I think I’ve conquered any such fear. Yay. As part of the cleaning process I’ve nailed a lot of spiders over the last few days. Left me thinking, I haven’t actually seen centipedes in a bit. Do spiders eat centipedes? If so – did I just kill all my centipede control? Uck. I hope not. The newest bug (well for a bit now) has been the infamous ant. Haven’t seen too much of the little ones since spraying a super strong bug spray directly to the rug. But I did have a very gutsy large ant climb onto my shoulder last week. Very strong death wish. Saw another one in the bedroom the other day. This has left me pondering if the little ant problem was so bad – cause if I start having a big ant problem – that is a million times grosser.

6. The neighbours. After about a year, I think I know who they are now. When I first moved into this apartment, there were 5 guys living next door. I live below my landlady whose eldest daughter lives on the third floor with her 5 year old daughter. We also had ‘cindy’ a Doberman pinscher that lived upstairs. I felt so safe. My apartment opens up to the backyard – just below the main patio. Cindy would chill in the backyard and I felt like I had a guard dog. She would never bark at me or really pay any attention. But if there was someone she didn’t recognize, she would go insane. I always knew if someone was coming down the driveway. Sadly, Cindy passed away last thanksgiving and the boys moved out last summer. It felt very quiet walking home every night.

So this house (next door) sat vacant for months. A team of ‘designers’ came in to decorate the place to put on the market. They do a killer job these people – it’s incredible. They finally put up the for sale sign – and it sold fairly quickly. But no one moved in for a long time. One day I finally saw a moving truck – but never once did I see a person. There is never anyone there. At one point late last year – you started to see a rotation of people, which made you question what was actually happening to this place – what is it being used for? Eventually, once I started noticing who appeared more frequently – I have come to a conclusion as to who lives there.

The fountain. I call it the west nile haven. One night, while walking down the driveway – I noticed a giant box sitting beside the neighbour’s house. On the side of the box a picture of a water fountain with four tiers was affixed. I walked further down and stopped staring at this fountain sitting in the middle of the yard. Sighing deeply – all I could think was that this would be the perfect breeding grounds for the mosquitoes. These people are NEVER home – and when it rains, the water is just going to sit there and the bugs are going to be living it up. It really is my west nile breeding ground.

7. The job. Still nothing. On a positive note – there are some tv series coming to Toronto – and I’m praying to get onto one of them. This would bring me into the next year. Here’s to praying for even just an interview. If I can line up a production gig – then I can enjoy the time off. Right now, I feel like I’m rotting away – not contributing to society or my own life. I go through my upbeat phases of looking into my travels but then remember about how I want to be working and busy. TIFFG never called. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. We’ll see what happens. I feel ridiculous though for not working. 8 more months until I leave…if I can land a job in the next month that is. Otherwise I might just take off sooner – there is no point in being a waiting duck.

8. Two weekends ago, I was in North Bay for the weekend. Two thing really hit me: I can’t wait for the end of the construction of the four lanes expansion on the 400 (still several years away I think – however, we only have 60some kms to go – yay for progress), and I miss having a yard. I love trees. Simply being able to sit in your kitchen and look up and see so much life. Walk out onto your patio and just appreciate the little haven that your fences create. It’s a bubble – but I loved growing up with our backyard. We have a really big backyard – and is why my parents actually purchased the house. Home was great. We had barbecue dinners and my favourite ribs & homemade potato salad. Watched movies with my parents (flight plan & history of violence). Went shopping with my mom – and didn’t bump into anyone!! Went golfing with my dad. You know, I did really well the first time I went and hit a bucket of golf balls with a friend. That day with my dad – I just sucked. I swung and missed 9 times out of 10. But I did have a lot of fun. It’s honestly a riot – I think I would be rather amusing on an actual golf course. And to top it all off, my mother bought Dilly bars and a DQ ice cream cake (yum). Went up in a cute little black Ford Fusion – almost brand spanking new from my boys at Enterprise. It was a nice trip.

9. A look at my week – two weeks ago. My weeks start out really good I’ve come to notice. Church rocked on Sunday. Had a bit of a downer on Sunday night – but was able to spend it with a good friend and now I feel so much better. Mondays always seem to hold a good start to the week I have found in the last few weeks. Well, this Monday was just funny. I returned the little Ford Fusion today way downtown at Cherry & Front street. Surprise – when I woke up, they announced that the TTC was on strike (illegal walk out) and there would be no service that day (later in the afternoon two court orders ensured that the TTC was up and running by about 4.30pm). So I was prepared to walk all the way home after dropping off the car. Randomly, got a call from Todd inviting me to see the cut of the film. I was very excited to FINALLY screen a cut. I ended up spending the entire day working through the film with Anton (once Todd/Tore left) and walking/chatting (so good to do every so often). It was a great day. Just after midnight, I got back in touch with Jason, headed off to his & Becky’s apartment to finish Condemed – the Xbox 360 game we had started a few weeks back. Two games in the can now. Got home around 5.13am – spent some time talking with Jason about life then he headed home to bed. The gazelle came today – who knows when I will have time to set it up. At about 7amish I decided it would be a good time to nap before the rest of the days starts. It’s going to be a rough Tuesday – and I have yet to unpack from my trip home. Ugh ugh ugh. MEC tomorrow. So good!!!

Day 2 of intense 40+ humidity weather. Day two of editing. After firing off a very long email recapping any notes I had on the first part of the film to Todd & Anton – I was very encouraged to hear that my opinion was valued. Makes you feel good at the end of the day. I joined the boys at Anton’s and we worked through some changes. Then I headed out to MEC with another friend only to find out we would be kicked out in 6 mins. Ugh ugh ugh. Mad rush – didn’t get to what was needed. Scoped out the other outdoor sporting stores in the area. Smiled a lot. Went back to pick up the boys and then we walked to the Paramount to see Xmen 3 with a bunch of freedomizers – it was great. Nice day all in all. It’s 1.39am. Didn’t sleep last night – not much in the morning. So I am a little off ‘mentally’ right now. Need to clean the apartment.

Random thoughts. Good news – the new shampoo worked (thanks mom) was having a really strange hair problem – but no more. Although the other suggestion was that the water was possibly being treated with something – and maybe the chemicals have been filtered through. None the less – I am very thankful that it is over and done with. Thank God for everything wonderful. It’s the middle of the night and it’s warm outside. Rockin!!!!

I finally cracked a book that I borrowed from Tom many moons ago. It’s called “Pictorial Pilgrim’s Progress” – a story written by John Bunyan. The story follows “Christian” a lone man on his journey to the heavenly kingdom/celestial city. The story was written after J. Bunyan had being arrested for “holding unlawful assemblies and not conforming to the national worship of the church of England”. He spent 12 years in jail due to his beliefs. The story is very to the point – and enjoyable. I would suggest that everyone take the time to read it at least once in their lives. My favourite quote from the book is when ‘Christian comes to the cross and the load falls off his back’ – after the load fell off his shoulders, Christian wondrously relieved, exclaimed with a merry heart: “He has given me rest by His sorrow and life by His death”. These words are so beautiful and the truth behind them have so much power – the truth breathes life into you.

10. The weather is funny – we were under a thunderstorm watch all day (last Wednesday) – and the ‘big’ one didn’t ever really hit us. Small living room today. I started out in a quaint Second Cup franchise by the waterfront. Tom joined me then we went to Huso, where Sue later joined us. I had this chocolate thing that tasted like a liquid fudgesicle (Second Cup), then tried out Japanese food (bento) but my tummy wasn’t hungry enough. :( It was nice spending time with friends. Bumped into a random friend on our walk to the Japanese restaurant – she was rollerblading on the waterfront with another friend. She gave me word about a mutual friend (Aimee) who I haven’t seen since 2nd year of University – before she headed out to Australia. She now lives in Ottawa – I definitely need to hook up with this girl (miss her!)

11. The film. I think it is to be delivered today (june 7th). The beauty of a blog – an online journal where you actually might have an audience. The downfall of a blog – you do need tact to maintain a blog (some people don’t, but I personally feel the need). You need to have a filter about feelings sometimes. The film is almost done. The summer unit is set for mid-August. Might be very trying summer as I look for other work in the meantime. One lesson learned – when you are on a show for 6-8 months – working on a deferred basis is a very dangerous game. Sadly, bills don’t stop coming. I think that’s the biggest thing with film production – a lot of the work is volunteer based. I volunteered for years on productions through my university, during the summers, in high school and after university. Unfortunately, you reach a point where you have to be honest about your financial situation. God is there to provide for his faithful – however, you shouldn’t test him. I know He’s got my back, but I can’t help but be human and worry about finding more work. I’ve been out of the ‘Hollywood’ film cycle now for 8 months – and that can be a long time. There is light at the end of the tunnel – and despite the dollar starting to match the US dollar with every day – there is word of more shows travelling here. There might be a big line up to jump on the positions – but I’ll pray through it. : )

12. The first day of June. This day was difficult for me. I was going stir crazy. The lack of work is hitting me and I’ve fallen off track with finding my lost motivation. I worked with Anton on the film again. I think Aucky’s teeth are growing too long. I found a new toy for him that might help. My new hoodie has metal pins at the ends of the strings. Aucky goes nuts trying to catch them and chew on them. Yes folks – this is what a pet owner gets excited about. Outside of feeding him snacks, I’ve never seen him this excited. There was an explosion on the TTC today at Dupont station. Apparently a motor blew out. The first thing I hear when I turn on the news is “It is confirmed that this was not a terrorist attack.” Nothing more powerful to draw your attention. This happened to me at another point in time when some big even happened. It’s sad to think this is the first thing we have to rule out nowadays. I start karate on Saturday – so excited.

13. June 2nd, 2006. Today was a nothing day. At the end of it I found out that one of the three IGAs in my area is now a Sobey’s. For a brand new store – it has the most terrible layout. I didn’t end up making the food I meant to. Maybe tomorrow (bake/cook) Started to rearrange the apartment today – met a new challenge that I wasn’t expecting. I only have a dustbuster – and sadly it runs out rather quickly – so the cleaning is going very slowly - cause I don’t want to do it ‘half ass’. The dustbuster is a cordless – and you can’t run it off of AC when it’s on. It runs for like 5 mins then takes about 24hrs to fully recharge. Can you see where this is going?

14. June 3rd. Karate episode I. Karate today was GREAT! I was soooo tired and exhausted afterwards. How many sports can make you sweat from EVERY pore on your body…like the tops of your hands and whatnot. Anyway – there were three boys and me. It was tons of fun. It’s been eight years since I’ve trained in kb – so I’m really excited about this training. All I could think about afterwards was how fit/healthy I must have been 8 years ago after doing kickboxing for so long. I would love to keep up with this sport and see where it will take me. Later that night I was invited to go watch a film with Lisa & Magali – but decided to just chill at home and actually work (emails and whatnot). Tuesday’s screening has been cancelled by Todd. We’re going to have a Producer’s screening and a production debriefing instead. Word on the street is we’ll be shooting our summer unit in three weeks – yet, no one knows where the budget it and no one seems focused on this project anymore. Ugh. Where will this lead us.

15. Encouraging words to my diligent readers. Thank you for making it this far. I don’t know why you might have reached this point in the reading. : ) You rock none the less.

16. MONDAY – June 5th. So I got a call on Friday that took me by surprise. A reminder phone call that I had an appointment with a specialist – yet nobody told me about it. So I called my usual unit to confirm the appointment and the office said they didn’t know the doctor. I was puzzled. I had to actually track the doctor down on the cpso website and try to find out where she is based and also where my appointment is. I had a long conversation with the booking clerk (once I found the right hospital). She was very nice – but understandably frustrated. I recently changed family doctors for this exact reason. I have missed several specialist appointments because I was never informed of them (the responsibility of the doctor’s office). Now, I’m seeing another doctor – and my old family doctor goes and books this appointment and again doesn’t inform myself or my new family doctor. Anyway – I’m just annoyed at how the whole situation has come to be.

After my appointment ended on Monday, I came to a conclusion. I think I’ve had it with the Ontario Health Care System. I do appreciate that our tax money goes towards our healthcare – as it benefits everyone. Free healthcare is a very lovely part of being Canadian. HOWEVER – I have been tracking a problem for over two years – and as it progresses in severity – I sit bouncing from specialist to specialist and I’m left very frustrated. More so because with every new doctor, you have to retrace your entire history and pray that they understand and take the details into consideration. This brings me to my Monday experience. I had a 10am appointment. Lucky for me I got there 20 mins early. After the typical 30 mins wait, I was scouted into my ‘examination room’ at the same time as another girl was placed across the hall. We were both to meet with the same doctor. This was probably the most sterile examination room I have ever been in. There wasn’t even a medical poster on the wall to break the bleakness. I kept myself entertained as I twiddled my thumbs and hummed songs in my head. After what seemed like forever, I poked my head out into the hall. The other girl had already been seen – and there was no one around. I apparently have great patience when I’m alone – but eventually turned my phone back on to check the time. I had been in the little room for over an hour. Hello? I was almost at my breaking point of going out into the hall to ask if I could find out what the hold up was (at this point it’s almost 11.30) when suddenly I heard voices right outside the open door – someone was reading my chart out loud in the hall. The first indication of things to come – this is a full out discussion of confidential information. The way the two people were talking about my chart made me feel like the smallest person alive. Anyway – the doctor finally enters the room followed by a male student. She asked if I would allow for the student to sit in on my appointment. I very kindly, declined this request. For various reasons – at this point, it’s been so long waiting for them and I just wanted to have the one on one with the female doctor. I have allowed for students to accompany the doctors in past appointments – but I just wasn’t feeling called to it today. After very politely declining and apologizing to the student about how I felt (which wasn’t necessary – but is my nature) the doctor then went on and tried to make me feel guilty about the situation. She first said “well, it is part of my practise to bring along students and I ask for the cooperation of my patients to allow for them to join me as part of their learning experience”. I told her that I understood this – and confirmed once again that I have done so in the past, but felt that today was not a day to be sitting with a student. Anyway, after another protest, she left with the student and did not return for 20 more minutes. Could the day be any longer? So after 20 mins she waltzes in to go through my history – and trailing behind her is the student. He sat down right behind me. She opens my file and starts to talk to the student about the process of working through a patient’s history. Remember this – I haven’t agreed to his presence in my appointment – and now she isn’t even talking to me directly. She finally takes the time to ask me about what has brought me here. At this moment I point out that I haven’t agreed to allow the student to sit in my appointment – and told her that I didn’t want him to be here. To which she replied that ‘it’s okay, he’s only going to be here for the history’. For all of you who don’t know – this situation is illegal on the doctor’s part. My consent hasn’t been granted and she is persisting to continue on this path negating my disapproval. I should have just walked out – but I was so tired of waiting and after two years of trying to trace a medical condition – you really just want to hear an answer. So we began the history tracking. I mentioned that it is a two year history and she stopped me and said “well, make it quick”. Basically, she didn’t want to actually hear too much of the actual history and gave me about a minute. After jotting down her thoughts and asking very arbitrary questions which didn’t relate to the medical situation at all – she began to have a full discussion with the student about all the possible things that could cause my problem. Note – she is not discussing with me at this point. It was the strangest feeling – like I wasn’t in the room or something. After deliberating, they informed me of where to sit and to get ready for my examination. Ten minutes later, she returns to the examination room – once again followed by the student. I was really shocked. I put my foot down and asked for him to leave. In the end the doctor was upset at me. After being talked over and disrespected – I’m surprised the doctor had it in her to be bothered by my decision.
Is there a solution in store for me medically – who knows. I have to go back to my family doctor now and get referred back to my original specialist. This health care system is so round about it truly runs you in circles. Who knows how long this will go on for – but I can guarantee I will not be returning to Monday’s hospital any time soon.

17. I bought strawberries on Friday and I can’t find them anywhere. I hope that they are lost at the store and not in some dark place in my apartment slowly molding. Malcolm was very kind and surprised me with a new batch of strawberries after hearing about my query. Thanks dude – my fridge and tummy appreciate the treat.

18. More Karate on Tuesday. I love it. It’s a little challenging – as I have to train out a lot of habits formed from my previous training in kickboxing. I have a perception about how karate students are – and I’m fixated on perfecting my technique – at the same time the sensei wants to work this fixation out of my head. I foresee that I will be down in a full split once again in the next few weeks. : )

18. Today we welcome back Daniel from his month long stay in Africa. Fun times at the Duke of York.

Happy days to my little rugrat. I hope you are all having a lovely day.