praying and waiting

My grandmother is in the hospital. I just found out last night when I called home. My dad is flying out today to be with her and my uncle - who has spent the last few years out East with her - taking care of her and all the elderly folk in her building. I am worried. I know it's not good and I know that I will be getting a call from my parents.

I'm praying a lot about this. I don't know what to think really. I look at death differently now as a Christian. I just pray that the angels take care of her when she is ready to pass on.

Regret is one of the worst feelings. Any regret you cause - is only to yourself. I wish I had written to my grandmother more often. I kept putting it off - and now I can't even call her, as she isn't in the state to receive phone calls. I can only reach her through my prayers. I feel a little hopeless.

I haven't lost a lot of family members in my life to date. My grandfather died when i was young and didn't fully understand what death meant. At least I can't remember it very clearly. When my other grandfather was in for heart surgery while I was still in university - I was totally fine with it until the hour of his surgery - then I started bawling my eyes out. I was so scared for him.

Losing a loved one is never good. Malcolm recently lost his grandmother as well. It's really hard when you know it's coming and you just need to sit and wait for it to come. It's pretty unbearable.

I know Grammy will be happier. I wish I could see her one more time.

I've realized something about myself - when I become overun by work - I make "rash" life decisions. They become very well researched - yet I get really fixated on the idea. This is where I think getting laser eye surgery came from - I was overun and the idea of this surgery was something that wasn't work that I could spend time on. I guess it's like a hobby? : )

Anyway - I have decided that I want to buy a condo. I found a great deal in a great area (near waterfront) and the one building has October residency - one bedroom overlooking the CNE and the lake - 187,900 - would be $2,000 down and 5% on move in, then just a mortgage. I figure that it's the same as paying rent and if I'm going to be here for a while making movies - this is a good time to buy. AND - this property will go up in value. There are no building plans for at least 20 years towards the south of this building (parkland) nor towards the CNE - so the views are protected (which is rare for a lot of the buildings going up - it's a question you actually need to ask).

So I'm sold. I want to go check it out today. There's only one left and I want to put a hold on it. Do you see how I get fixated? It's a nice break.

It might snow tonight. It was thundering/lightening on Friday - which made us shut the generator. Poor Hugh - he was head to toe Rubber. I was pacing on the porch as he disconnected the generator/ground cables - as it was sitting in pools of water (residential streets don't always drain properly).

We're into week 3. Four day week. Monday was a rain day - and it turned out to be half half. It was cold. But meh. I brought back my snow pants again - cause we're expecting snow this week and minus weather.

I will be travelling to the city to pick up the camera today - it was in the Panasonic hospital overnight. I truly felt like I was in a hospital dropping it off - I was alone sitting on this hard seat with the porta-brace bag beside me and everyone who would pass me had this grim look on their face, ask if i was okay, and I would thank them and say that a gentleman was already looking after the product. Then when the gentleman came out - he didn't say a word. He looked at me. I looked at him, grabbed the empty bag and walked up to the counter. He put down a card with all the serial #s relating to our camera.
"It's not good - the 'blah blah blah' has been pulled and all the parts have to be replaced". I just looked at him.
"We'll have to keep it over night - the earliest it can be released is 10am tomorrow" were his words. He's the camera doctor. Does that not sound like a hospital conversation? Anyway - I will be heading back to this isolated location for the pick up and medical bill. What had actually happened to the camera - while Darryl was on steadicam - I guess he ran and someone was standing on the RCA video output cable and when DA reached his cable limit it yanked the camera and the interior components. Sucky - but happens. You can't have a film with no repairs.

We're missing 2 walkies and 6 batteries. I'm very worried about that. And the random parts we're finding around locations worries me for the walkie talkies.

Karl told me that I'm a great cartoon. I think this might have something to do with the hand motions I do when I talk - but I'm not exactly sure. Anyway - I thought it was a great comment - probably the best one this week.

Slainte's is becoming almost a hang out spot for us. They are the busiest Irish pub in canada apparently - they sell the most Guiness around. Anyway - we had dinner there Saturday night and a meeting there Monday evening.

I'm out. Doing invoices and wanting to hit the road (sadly in rush hour) - got to make it back to help set up.

Prayers for my grandmother, my father and his family are greatly appreciated.

hugs and love.