the ups and downs of reality

today was a day.

fanfest was a miss - cause let me tell you how many people show up to a free event at the ACC. Well, i don't actually know cause we couldn't really find the end of the line up. It was 2.30 - when the event was supposed to start - people had been flowing in since 2.00pm when the doors opened. the line up was out the door, down the street, all the way down the enclosed underpass on york street, and then back up york for who knows how far. insane.

we didn't even bother.


church was nice. worship was good and the sermon was nice. and as always - it's nice to catch up with people after church.

Shawna, brent, kim and myself headed to our place for pizza and nintendo fun. Hannah succesfully avoided studying for a few more hours.


...


contradiction.

i write on my blog for me.
i write on my blog for others - family/friends - so they can be brought up to date on things in my life if they so wish to read up on my life. and strangers who feel called to read about my moments in time.
i write on my blog because i feel free.
i write on my blog using a filter - because i'm aware of who reads my blog and am trying to protect everyone around me.


i feel trapped.


somewhere i feel like i lost my freedom of speech on my blog. and it's my own fault because i've implemented my own filter.



tonight - i feel blah. that is me filterless.

then i feel guilty for posting an honest moment.

then i feel frustrated for feeling guilty for speaking my heart.

then i feel empty for not understanding what i'm allowed to do with my blog.

this blog is my outlet.

if it bothers anyone - should they filter what they read?

or should i continue with this filter?

have i lost hold of my speech?


i hope this moment passes quickly.



dreams. you know when you are in the middle of a dream and it feels so real and then you're woken up - jarringly or not - and your mind spins out of control cause you're pulled out of one 'reality' and into another one and it's sometimes difficult to absorb either world. that happened to me early saturday morning. i think my dream stressed me out and i remember waking up with a terrible headache.

why is it that our psyche allows us to believe that a dream is real anyway?

yeah - i just wanted to say that it sucks when that happens.



Shout out to Sue Erickson - who rocks my world. She took an obnoxiously XL men's toronto argonauts shirt and turned it into a cute top that i can happily wear to Saturday's game. i will post pics post game. Thank you so much lady friend - i appreciate your work and creativity. : )

i should have taken a before and after picture to give you a better idea of the enormous change.



song of the moment - Blindside's Silence. There is something moody and yet very beautiful about this song. there is an honesty and vulnerability that i can appreciate in the lyrics.



i'm out. it's half past midnight.

i'm not tired.

i hope that changes soon.

sleeping is one of the best things in the world. waking up to a new day allows much freedom for a brighter moment.

i wish it was friday

ugh.
good night.