thursday

i guess i am now officially a model.

last night's fashion show was an experience. it was a very long day/night. we all showed up around 4pm. didn't really get started until shortly after 5pm when we did our first walk down the catwalk. then the hair and makeup blitzing began. and slowly, we all transformed into night time beauties.

it was fun.

you must understand that i am very much not the type of person you would expect to waltz down a catwalk. i am the girl next door. t-shirt and jeans type of gal. someone who doesn't wear makeup - ever. the exact opposite of a fashion model.

it's fun getting all dazzled up - with the glitzy makeup and beautiful hair and just prancing around with this surreal attitude like you're hot shit.

you feel beautiful. it's actually something that i think every woman should try at least once.

we didn't start the show until about 11.20pm. and let me tell you: 15+ models, 5 dressers and a handful of designers crammed into a backstage area with piles of junk, mounds of bags and personal gak, and racks of clothing for several hours - not the most ideal of situations - but it truly gives you a chance to really get to know one another. it's really interesting to watch how a fashion show is run backstage.

it is chaotic.

last run through tonight. a team from Vidal Sasoon is coming to do our hair/make up tonight - so this should be interesting.


anyway.


an aside. kind of.

my life has been chaotic lately. not so much visibly to anyone around me - but inside. there has been a lot going on with personal matters that i want so much to express and then again without proper background information - the stories are lost.

i wish people would stop being so stupid.

my dear brother is going through a situation right now that i wish with all my heart i could shelter him from. the most i can do is offer him my apartment as a comfort during this time. i am happy it will all be over and done with soon. i had no idea it would escalate to this point.

for my parents - i love you guys. and i hope that you know that i am here for you always.


there are some things that i wish i could understand in life - and i never will.
there are words that i would like to express - and i don't know if i ever can.

i feel very vulnerable - in this moment of my life. with the good & the bad occuring.

i'm a very strong person - so this is difficult for me.

i'm frustrated that i can't protect those i love the way i wish i could.


to love is to be vulnerable.
in vulnerability, the truth of who we are is exposed.


and at the same time, i am so happy.

there is a smile in my life that balances out the bad.

i am so thankful for this gift.


i don't wish to understand any of it - i gave up on that a long time ago.


tomorrow is friday - everything will be better tomorrow.



here's to another trip-free evening at the whipper snapper.

i have just jinxed myself - haven't i?