When will this thing ever end?

Aight people. The story of my apartment plague.

Should be fun. Grab some popcorn and get cozy - I don't know what type of writing mood i'm in just yet, so it could get long. : ) At least you got the warning now.

So THREE fridays ago it all began with the flies in the apartment. I blogged about this a little while back. This was followed by a couple of days of 'finishing them off'. So the fly epidemic stepped out of the way, and in came the 'giant' centipedes. Luckily, this only lasted a few days. So this is where I last talked about the bugish plague.

So two Thursdays ago I was cleaning my bedroom - which is soon going to be my new excercise room (sweet). I decided to start by putting on the second door to my wardrobe. My double bed blocked the door, so putting it on its hinges was of no use. so I'm all about being productive that night. Yay. I'm feeling inspired, good music is playing in the background, cleaning supplies are out. I move all the boxes away from the wardrobe and start to work, sitting on the floor.

Suddenly, I notice a faint, but perculiar smell. Confused, I look underneath of my wardrobe - as part of my investigation to finding the cause of the smell. Nothing there. Funny though, cause it appears as though the rug has been scuffed up. I climb over my plethera of junk to find my flashlight and check out the rug situation a little better. With the assistance of the extra light, it still appears to be a scuff on the rug. I go to the side of the wardrobe and look from another angle.

EW.

It looks like a dead mouse. I don't have mice!!!! I mean, there must be squirrels living between my ceiling and Leslie's floor (she's my landlord) but NEVER anything in my apartment. I have lived here for two years now, and this is the first time I've encountered a mouse. Although, about three days after Aucky passed away it did sound like something was scratching behind my tv one night. When I went to investigate, I found nothing. However, mice move like lightning when they need to.

Aight. So, I'm getting used to the fact at this point that my apartment is breeding problems. I put on one of my grip gloves and invert a plastic bag. Slowly, with the flashlight shining underneath and my arm going around the side, I pick up the dead mouse. I take a quick look at it before wrapping it up. Lucky me, two maggots are crawling all over him. So who knows how long this little guy has been under this wardrobe for.

I pack him up good in this plastic bag and dump his body into my kitchen garbage can. Then I continue to roll a can of intense bug killing substance underneath of my wardrobe and spray the crap out of the area. There is NO WAY that maggots are going to survive in this household.

Happy that this problem is over, I continue to work on my wardrobe door. I will toss the garbage outside in the morning and it will all be done with. Yay.

So friday morning comes around. I'm on the early shift on Fridays so that I can make it out to my softball games. That Friday (not this past one, but the week before) I woke up late (for me). Meaning really that I had to hop up and get ready and jet out the door. Kinda like University all over again.

I forgot to put out my garbage. The thought crosses my head as I'm driving down Avenue Road. Pshaw...nothing to worry about.

Softball comes and goes (the game we lost by like 20 points). Had a great night, great drives home, everything is making me smile and I walk into my apartment. The first thing I do now is listen for flying sounds. Nothing. Score - the fly problem must really be done.

Walk into my kitchen (is this starting to sound familiar with the kitchen adventures much)...

Oh my goodness, what the hell is on my floor?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Standing there looking at what appears to be a box of oats dropped onto the floor…scattered loosely. I was like ‘crap, do I have another mouse in the place that ransacked food???’. It didn’t make sense. I keep my food in the most impossible access areas - shelved drilled way high on the walls, with no route to get to them. Or the food is in the ‘storage’ shelves – same story. Or in the fridge (good luck little mousey). So none of this made sense...

I was worried. I decided now is a good time to crouch down and inspect the problem.

TIME OUT

Okay - in comes my disclaimer....

Disclaimer: Now, before I explain further – let me rest all the readers who don’t know me assured – I am not a filthy person in the least. Yes, I have piles of paperwork – but I do not hide food or anything like that…I’m not that type of gross AT ALL. Please be informed that I do not live in a pig-sty, and that this apartment like plague is a first time experience and has never happened to me before. Do not hold any of the situations that I have had to live through against me. :) I can be sensitive about silly things like that. Thank you for your understanding.

OKAY - quick recap of the series of unfortunate events. First the flies. Then the flies…and a bit more of the flies. Then the giant centipedes started surfacing again, along with them the giant ants. Then the dead mouse. Then my own idiocy.

It was late at night when I was dealing with the dead mouse. So I put him in a plastic bag and put that in the trash can in my kitchen.

No, I was not smart enough to bring it outside.

Yes, I learned my lesson.

I got home – smiled cause there were no flies. Walked into the kitchen and froze.

I crouch down.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

OMG – it was a mine field of maggots. I am telling you that I have NEVER had to deal with such grossness in my life.

Lucky for me, I'm not a squimish girl. I had to shut down my brain as I began the painful process of the clean up. Remember, this is at least 1:00am.

I tiptoed into the bathroom and began manually picking them up one by one and piling them into a plastic bag. One by one, aided only by a strong heart and some toilet paper. Through the bathroom, in the kitchen, hidding under everything. Trust me, I couldn't explain the problem. I kicked my kitchen garbage can into the middle of the kitchen as I plucked underneath of it for more maggots. Once the whole floor was clear of the squirmy little worms, I looked at my garbage can. As I stood there, very still, you could hear the bag moving. I had no idea how I was going to put this garbage bag into a new one to toss out. I grabbed my Swiffer mop and step it down onto my garbage pedal. Part two of gross. I used the swiffer to kick in the edges of the bag and tuck it in, as maggots were crawling in little pockets that they would find. Then without thinking twice I grabbed it and put that bag into a new garbage bag.

Then I TOSSED IT OUTSIDE.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I finished at like 3 o'clock in the morning. Considering, the problems I had been dealing with, I was cheerful. I am blessed to not be fully creeped out by this in a squirmish way. Ugh ugh ugh.

Oh my goodness, can I tell you that I am sooooo done living here.

SOOOOO, you would think that would be the end of my apartment wooes.

Nope.

I'll tell you about the better part of that weekend in a bit.

First off - let me tell you that this past week I was FOOLED into thinking that my apartment would be okay when I got home from Softball. It seems to be on Fridays when the fun stuff happens. Lucky me. I was even telling some friends the whole plague story on the way home, and since my week was almost completely bugless (outside of the normal little basement critters), I thought it would be smooth sailings.

I got home, and walked into my kitchen two nights ago - around 2 o'clock in the morning. What do i find but a mini field of mini flies. House flies that were just babies basically. There were like 20 of them sittin on the floor and on my stinking dishes. So, I spent some time that night swatting them all dead. Lucky for me they were slow and easy kills.

I think (knock on wood) that is it.

Gross eh? And yes, my dear friend Jamie Campbell, I think I might just be experiencing an 'Amittyville Horror' moment.

The end of the plague? Or is it....