Skipping Stones on a Sunday Afternoon

genuine

2009-11-21T13:37:00.002-05:00

Last night, a good friend and I went to go see the movie "Paranormal Activity". We like watching scary movies together - and somehow decided to watch this in the theatre. Neither of us knew very much about the movie - nor had seen the trailer for the film.

Where do I begin to comment on this horror genre gem. And I do call it a gem.

This film took two unknown actors (always a good idea with scary movies) and presented a genuine, real, relatable couple who displayed raw emotions as they tried to capture footage of the strange activities that have been taking place inside their house since moving in.

This is not a ghost story. Which is probably what made it far more intense. My friend Anton says it best - this movie dealt with demons, which is something that not a lot of people like to touch upon. It has been done before, yes, but I do not believe I have seen a demon-themed movie with such a compelling and raw emotional pull as you see in this movie with these characters. Scary movies that more closely resemble real life events are more often then not about ghosts, where as demons are generally found in sci-fi type scary movies. Movie monsters. But this is closer to something like an exhorsist movie.

After watching this film, I would take a ghost over a demon any day. Ghosts = humanistic element, can be neutral or intrusive in a character's life; Demon = think the worst, but it's not human, and it's not going to remotely be friendly.

As an audience member, you take on a voyeuristic stance as you watch the footage unfold with the camera locked in its spot at night, and then again as it travels around the house with the characters during the day, providing a glimpse into their relationship, and offering their reactions to the increase in activity in their house. The characters, asleep in their bed on the right hand side of the screen, are sometimes oblivious to the events unfolding at night through their house. If they weren't woken up, you simply watched the activities captured on film while they slept soundly. Micah would review the footage every day - and unveil his findings with Katie.

The worst part of this type of horror? There is nowhere to run. Talking about demons or ghosts - there are no limits as to where they can go. You can't hide under your bed, you can't shut a door in its face, you can't even see the darn thing. The only thing these characters could have done was leave their house and hope that the demon did not follow them...

so truth be told, you can run, but you can't hide.

At least with a serial killer, you can slam a door in its face, climb out a window to safety and hop a fence into a neighbour's yard or something...

You watch over the characters as they sleep at night, praying that nothing will happen to them, but knowing that when the clock in the bottom right hand corner starts to tick away in real time, that something is about to go down. During the day, you witness the toll that the hauntings are taking on the characters as they start to lose sleep as things get worse.

As the nights progress in the movie, obviously you see the paranormal activities intensifying. By night 15, you hate your life and don't want to watch another thing because you know it's only going to get worse. And it does.

***SPOILER ALERT***

I think it was night 20 when Katie is pulled out of the bed by an unseen force. Her terror - believable. I don't think I can say enough about the two lead actors. They were the perfect cast for this film. Their relationship was sincere and honest, the way they reacted to one another when they were scared was 100% how i would expect the people in my life to react - and in fact, I saw myself in Katie at one point when she shushed her boyfriend sitting in bed - when all he did was rustle the sheets - but she was listening so intensely at the noises in the house, that little sound that he made was too much for her - as it drowned out what she was straining to listen to, and almost hope would just stop.

Just creepy. Everything - from the simple sounds in the kitchen to the dramatic and intense interactions to the powder on the floor. The powder.

The moments where she is standing by the bed and simply watching over her boyfriend's body for hours on end - it was soooo intense. The last time she walks down those stairs in a very controlled and catatonic fashion, and the moments caught on tape where Micah is startled awake by the most intense, real and blood curdling screaming, you're dreading the moment where you find out what happens in the living room. You don't want to know. And you feel a sense of protection because the camera is locked on the tripod in the bedroom - so you don't have to follow them downstairs.

Silence.

Okay - so the very last thing that happens on camera will come across as cliche, but when Micah's body is thrown into the camera, that was intense!

At the end of the movie, a bit of laughter in the theatre started to roll through the crowd. But none of the laughter felt genuine. The chuckles were every bit uncomfortable and coming from a place where you just wanted to know that everything was okay and that this could not happen to you.

After a nice evening stroll following the movie and some 7-Eleven 5 cent candies, I went home. And no one was home when I got there.

Let's just say, I searched the apartment, turned on some extra lights and sat in the living room trying not to think about this movie. Haunting images and scenes.

Kudos to the film makers who let it be just a documentary-style film. At the beginning, a screen thanking the police and families for use of the footage (to make it come across as a true story). At the end, a screen explaining the situation that you just witnessed and one screen only of credits.

Well done.

You don't get to see films that often that make you appreciate this genre anymore. This was an interesting version. Simple. Very effective.

Just please, don't make a sequel!

With one fell swoop...

2009-10-18T12:55:00.002-04:00

...summer was over.

After almost an entire month of dry gorgeous weather, one little rain storm changed it all. This rain was nothing like that one day where the city was being overshadowed by funnel clouds. The day that saw me running for safety from the onslaught of the flood barelling from the sky. This was just a fall rain shower. But from that moment on, the temperature had dropped and fall was upon us.

I will miss wearing my capris and flip flops outside until the weather starts to turn in about 6-8 months. But I love fall.

At least the beginning of fall. When the leaves start to change on the trees and a light jacket helps you cope with the cooler temperatures. Maybe even mittens on a frosty morning. Fall - when the sun still glistens through the leaves on the trees, flowing as the wind blows through the city.

Walking along College street the other day, I enjoyed my time observing the night life. It couldn't have been later then 8pm, but the sun sets by 6.30pm these days. The crisp air was enough to keep you alert but appreciate the warm sweater hugging your upper body. People darted around the street at a quicker pace, bundled up and sheltering themselves from the new temperatures. We still need time to adjust our inner body thermometres before being able to accept the cooler weather. All a part of the ritual as we slowly adjust to the arrival of winter. In the winter months, days like these will be distant dreams we aspire to see again.

With every side street I passed, the wind would pick up and leaves would flutter along the sidewalk, the sound of scratching filling the air as their rigid bodies flank the pavement. Many trees are still holding tight to their leaves, unable to embrace the change of season just yet. Soon enough the trees will shed their spring time growths and the skeletal remains of its trunk and limbs will stretch out awaiting the snow.

Fresh snow on bare trees is a treat in the winter.

Standing outside on our balcony, I wait with anticipation as the tree that stands between our apartment and the view of downtown slowly reveals a little bit more of the CN tower with every passing day.

The changing of the season. The changing of the moods of those within the city. I will walk the streets and observe those around, appreciating the little changes that appear on our streets as the summer bows down to the fall.

Is God your GPS?

2009-08-14T11:21:00.002-04:00

I was chillin' out in Christie Pitts last night with a friend of mine. It's been so long since I've been to that park. It was a beautiful evening. The weather was spot on - not a cloud in the sky. Not too hot, not too cool. Enjoyed looping around the park area, following the labyrinth in and out of the middle, finding a quiet spot on the hillside and watching the baseball game taking place under the field lights, a small crowd of devoted fans speckled through the stands and up the hillside.

We spent our time catching up and talking about anything and everything. Eventually we got onto the topic of making decisions in life and if they are the right ones or whatnot, and ultimately the idea of regret.

Now, I'm a Christian. I only really came into my faith by choice when I was 23. I was raised in a Catholic household, went to catholic schools my whole life up to and including high school - but mainly because all the french schools were catholic in earlton & north bay, but I had some bad experiences with the Catholic faith - or at least the parishes that we attended. And it was enough to make me feel empty and really uninterested in continuing a life that felt more like a routine then a true worship of God.

ANYWAY - so at 23, I started attending Freedomize Toronto and through my experiences at that church and in God's time, I found a personal relationship with God.

All that just to explain my following analogy. God is the creator and center of my life. What I do every day - He knows. He sees. He smiles at my triumphs, He frowns at my mistakes, but He forgives and loves unconditionally. And in return, I am called to do the same! It's such a beautiful relationship - and anyone can have that relationship with God, which is simply incredible!

So when my friend (who is also a Christian) and I were chatting about mistakes of the past, I told him that the best way to look at how God treats our regrets, past mistakes and ultimately our free will - is by thinking about a GPS. And in my case, I picture my parent's GPS. The broken thing that calls drives (shortened to dr.) - doctors, and mumbles and mispronounces to a great point of amusement while listening to the darn thing. The same GPS that tells you to drive 300m then pull a u-turn, and if you don't listen, shortens the distance and encourages you to drive 200m then pull a u-turn.

So this classic robotic female voice tries to get you from A to B. And you listen and try to adhere to the path she has chosen. Then - oops - you miss a turn, or by choice (because you aren't controlled by the GPS, it is only a guide) chose to go straight instead of turning right. The next thing your GPS will probably do is say "recalculating". And the computer reassesses your route and tries to give you new coordinates and a new path to get you back on the right track.

That's basically what God does. Sort of. He gave humanity the Word. The most read book on this planet, the Bible. In it, you will see the story and the history of humanity. The good, the bad, the miraculous. It is essentially our guide. Our GPS. Here, laid out in every language possible, the Word of God is before our eyes. All we have to do is read it, contemplate it, understand it, and apply it.

But being humans, we also have free will. We aren't tied down to anything so to speak (except maybe gravity - but astronauts would disagree). We can choose whether or not we want to follow the Word or step away from God. We can choose to love our neighbour, or support gossip groups. We can choose to be a light in another's life, or put them down and take away joy.

Being humans, we aren't perfect. No one walking this earth's surface is. And through our lives we will faulter. We will fail ourselves, fail our families, fail our friends, fail our work, fail our community and fail strangers. BUT, we are always loved, always cherished, always forgiven for our sins! With that hope, we pick ourselves back up and do good in the world.

In this way, God is kind of like a GPS system. He sees a great future for each and every one of us - a path so to speak. We try hard to follow it, but sometimes try to take short cuts cause they looked like fun or looked really scenic, or we make wrong turns. When you fall off the route, your GPS isn't going to bail on you - your GPS is going to help you find your way back home. God will look at where you are in your path's diversion, and get you back on track as soon as possible.

that's a promise He brings to us.

He is always recalculating our steps. So that following our path will ultimately lead to love, to blessings, to happiness, to Him.

Beautiful!

Un-Official Hiatus begins today

2008-05-15T19:13:00.002-04:00

I have a pile of post it notes that contain stories and tidbits of my life that are anxiously awaiting to be posted online. I also live my life day to day, and don't write about it anymore.

I've been too busy lately. Planning this trip. Prepping this trip. Thinking about this trip. Blogging about this trip. And then living the rest of my life.

So, I have run away from my original blog for a little while. I'll try to update it a few times before I leave...but my focus truly is on my other blog. If you're interested - let me know and I'll send you a link. :)

Thanks to the readers. Worst case - I'll say good bye at the end of July for a one year hiatus!!

Peace.

Boxing by candle light.

2008-03-29T22:30:00.002-04:00

We just gased up. Prior to that, a big grocery shop. The fridge was freshly packed with fresh meats and cheese, fruits and juice. Cupboards were filled to attend to any craving. It was a special weekend.

Red (my first car, passed down to me by my mother upon her adoption of her new (now 5 years old) blue car) was safely taking us to Square One. My sister had never been there before.

Highway driving in the summer. Those moments that make you want to run away to the west coast and lead a different kind of life. Makes you wonder why people stay in a world they just want to run away from.

It was strange getting off the highway. A few blocks north of the QEW, the lights on hurontario were out. Surprisingly, despite the fact that we're talking about four lanes of traffic in each direction (4 northbound, 4 southbound and 4 both east & west bound) - traffic flowed smoothly exercising the four way stop rule. Trust me, I've never seen intersections flow that smoothly since. There was no one there to control the traffic - just common courtesy.

Everyone was leaving. Walking out of the mall. But it was early afternoon. Nothing could explain the flood of people we were moving against. The first store closed its doors to us. Luckily they offered an explanation. The power was out - they were obligated to shut down as they couldn't run their cash registers.

I guess we've all lost track of the ways of the calculator. Everything is so easy to us now.

Leaving, was not as easy. Police had set up in all the major intersections and traffic was now inching away. It was much nicer without the police assistance, but no one would know any better. They weren't there 15mins ago. Gas stations were jammed with long lines of cars. Something was up.

Red's radio wasn't the most reliable thing in the world. Usually died after rainfall. I packed a portable radio in the trunk. We grabbed that and two car heated drinks from my 'emergency' tupperware bin. It was a hot day. Drinking our scorched waters made me feel that we were better off dehydrated.

Very little information was offered over the radio waves at the beginning. But the power outage had spread. At first it seemed like just your regular section of traffic lights blown, but it was bigger than this. The QEW going home was a disaster. All the off ramps proved more challenging, which lead to extended times on the highway. It was rush hour for the westbound cars, yet eastbound was moving slower.

Terrorism was a thought. What happened here?

I don't recall how long it took us to park the car. I lived in the Queen & Spadina area at the time. It must have been a long time. We met up with my brother and walked around the city. It was incredible. Everything came to a stop. Street kids were controlling intersections, harnessing respect from motorists who became dependent on their traffic flow directives. They were mesmerizing to watch. I can't explain it.

As sun set that night, the city came to life. We had a corded phone in the house - so we were blessed with outside contact. Cell phones were dead. Cordless phones fell victims as well. We were able to talk to our parents in northern ontario - living the same moment in a different way. They had their power back that night I think.

I took out my camera - the ancient Hi-8 beast - and we walked Michael to work that night. He did night shifts for the TTC during his summers as a student. The subways were shut down, but they opened up the gated doors for him. (TTC sent a train through their system to pick up all their workers. All employees spent the night waiting for the power to return. It never did.) I set my camcorder to night mode. It was incredible. Armed with a flashlight or two and this camcorder, we found our way to Queen street. It must have been after 10.30pm. The night vision brought a new look on the world around us. I'm going to give a shout out to this greenish glowing vision - but it's incredible how great this setting works in the dark.

The world was dark all around us. Without any help, you would be bumping into people everywhere you stepped. On the main streets, we followed these two people walking with an IKEA lantern and a candle inside. I was enjoying what I was seeing in people that night. A real sense of community was emerging, even at Queen and Spadina.

At City TV, people gathered to find out what was happening. The weather for tomorrow was grim. Another hot and muggy day was upon us. I hoped for rain, especially knowing that there would be no where to escape the heat tomorrow. I videotaped the news broadcast to show my roomates.

A spontaneous party errupted on Spadina. My sister didn't want to go, so we went home instead.

We woke up to darkness. The living room at the apartment had no windows. Two roomates were away (Sarah we thought was missing, cause we never found her until after the blackout ended - and Carly left to go to a cottage to avoid the city). Dana, Jen and myself went to the pub for food. I don't know why - we had so much in the fridge that we were trying to eat.

We didn't know when the power would come back on.

Half price fare...not a bad deal. Pubs were in a hurry to get rid of their beer. I guess once its on tap, it can go bad. All refridgerated food was on sale as well. A precaution. I never did cross paths with an ice cream shop giving away free ice cream. Damn.

There wasn't much to do to entertain an out of town visitor. Casa Loma gardens. High Park. Outdoor activities were a thought - but not if there aren't any participants outside yourself.

Our area didn't see power until I believe sometime around 5pm the day after. It didn't last long. We were on rolling brown outs until the next day. Especially being downtown Toronto, there is a higher demand for a smaller area. Hospitals and emergency crews were priorities in receiving power. Makes sense.

I didn't have to work at the hospital that weekend. I was a SARS screener. It made for a memorable summer. Toronto was going through a lot.

Now i'm remembering SARS Stock.

I was called for a film job that day - to drive to/from New York City to pick up something for a commercial company. It didn't work out - I was too young (needed to be 23 to drive the rental). I wasted my Saturday night waiting for confirmation. It never came.

A quiet weekend. I think we ended it by watching 'Finding Nemo' at the movie theatre that Sunday. That night I was in contact with more of my friends - hearing all about what they did when the city went black.

There was no promise that the power would remain in our area at the beginning, but I don't remember it ever going out again that summer.

The CN tower didn't really light up the night sky after that blackout, until the LED lights were introduced almost a year ago. I remember missing the skyline for the longest time.

Earth Hour. Tonight from 8-9pm. All around the world, a global movement to bring awareness to global warming. An event started by Australia last year - has turned into a wolrd wide call to action.

I spent my night at home. By candlelight, I spent some time boxing with my bag (purchased on air miles points).

I miss my kick boxing years. It was nice to punch the bag and do leg training again.

I spent the time thinking about everything going on in my life. For one hour in the candle light. My mind finally had rest.

I think too much.

By the end of the hour, I was already reading about China...the last leg of our trip.

We will be in Wolong during the rainy season. A season they do not suggest you visit during. Leeches take over the park apparently.

This is what I learned in the dark.

Yuck.

Rust spot amidst the dirt

2008-03-20T12:04:00.001-04:00

Spring like weather last weekend.

It's snowing a bit today.

It's cold. Dropping temperatures.

Winter is creeping back. Yet, it's the first day of Spring.

Monday, I saw a robin.

:)

Alas, another snowfall

2008-03-08T18:54:00.002-05:00

Just when I thought I was in street parking prime, another whopper of a snowfall hits this city. I shovelled the joint driveway and both my landlady's sidewalk and my neighbour's - and twice the snow has since fallen. Sad times. The snowbanks are so high that tossing the snow off the driveway is actually quite back aching.

I'm just crying a river. I'm alive and well, and have a warm cave to hide in at the end of the day - so no real complaints. Although, most of the city is. I bet the government is - cause they spent A LOT of money cleaning up this city because the icy snowbanks were really getting out of hand, and now it's all back to the way things were.

A word to the wise - do not purchase movies at Pacific Mall. Yes, I did it. I did a bad thing. I'm in an industry - and I actually purchased pyrated flicks. Mind you - two of them, I would never pay to rent or watch in theatre, one was for someone else and the last one I DID pay to see in theatres and I bought it for my brother cause he went to the theatre to watch it and the film was interrupted by a power outage - so he's never seen the end of the movie.

NONE THE LESS - it's no excuse. It was a bad choice - and I paid for it cause the movie quality is CRAP. So bad on one of them, I didn't even try to watch more than a minute.

It's just not worth the attempt. Be smart, rent from the library for free!! :)

If the weather is getting you down - I advise you take a walk (or a drive) to visit this man, who I am positive is the happiest human being on this planet. I actually don't know his name, which makes me very sad - but he is the most amazing human I have met in a long time. Where might you find this gentle soul? He is a parking attendant under the building on the North West corner of Windosr & Front street. He is an asian man who works the later afternoon to evening shift on the weekends - and it generally only costs 5$ - so we park there for church.

I don't know how, but at one point Brent and I befriended him, maybe by making a comment about how happy he always is. He is beyond uber polite to every single person he comes into contact with AND his smile is contagious. Any worry you may have that day melts away with his presence. I have actually taken people to my car JUST to meet him on the way out. This is a man who works 7 days a week - and NEVER complains. He holds a full time job Mon-Fri and works on the weekends at this parking lot. He does this to provide for his family. We also run into him on holidays as people from the parking lot place call in sick, leaving him to replace him as his company knows he doesn't work at his other job on holidays.

His spirit is a great example for all of us. If only there were more people like him who walked on this planet - and then if only he was more visible to the world - he would infect way more people with his wonderful presence.

There are special people out there who you just have to tell the world about - and he is definitely one of these earth angels. I just want to hug him and bake him cookies all the time.

Wonderful. Praise God for blessing us with pockets of joy in the gloominess that has become this city in the winter months.

148 days to Skipping Stones' hiatus - yays and nays of life lately

2008-03-01T18:28:00.002-05:00

YAY - Four months and 26 days from now, Brent and I are taking off on our backpacking adventure in New Zealand.

NAY - this will put my Skipping Stones blog on hiatus until I return (as all the adventures will be captured on the NZ blog)

YAY - went to the Raptor's game last night. Split a couple's pack with Magali & Brent. Moved up to the front row of the Sprite Zone. Laughed a lot. Enjoyed the company. Scored free pizza = more than 100 pts.

NAY - the Raptors lost (despite the fact that they were playing a team they should have easily beat = Pacers). Snow storm = delay of our arrival by 1.5 quarters; also = fourth party missing game completely.

YAY - Working on a new kid's cooking show since January. Having a lot of fun. Every day is something new - from painting hockey sticks chroma green, scouting pacific mall, wardrobe shopping to transportation duties...I love the non-union shows for their unexpected surprises.

NAY - work ends right before Easter.

YAY - month off before (cross fingers) the Buzz comes back.

NAY - will be leaving my first film contract early with NZ departure.

YAY - pre the most recent snow fall, the city of Toronto had finally managed to remove some of the icy snow piles blocking all of the side streets (impossible for humans to break through with shovels!). Parking on my street went from like 3 spots that you wouldn't get stuck in (requiring shovelling and extra bodies pushing you) to almost our usual amount.

NAY - all of a sudden, everyone who has driveways began parking on the street as well, creating more competition for spots anyway.

YAY - Valentine's day. I received a lovely hand made card and a bag of my favorite misc candy from Brent. I received a lovely package from my parents. I spent the day counting my blessings and remembering the people in my life. I'm not the type of girl who demands roses and chocolates on this very average day. But was very appreciative of the thoughts that came my way.

NAY - leaving Loblaws on V-day and seeing the line up at the flower store. The sheer unhappiness on all of the men's faces was heart breaking. What were they thinking about? "Is this bouquet good enough? What if these are the wrong flowers? She's going to kill me that I waited until the last minute? Will she still love me tomorrow?"

WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW - that is how I look at the hallmark holiday that is Valentine's day - and exactly why no emphasis should be put on it. Love isn't something to only celebrate one day a year. It should be completely intertwined in your daily life.

YAY - Thinking about the time Brent and I went to Hot House for Brunch one Sunday. I had a gift certificate for the restaurant - 40$ and that is the exact cost of two people dining there for Brunch (no - I would not pay that price out of my own pocket for Brunch!). The spread was out of this world...from the deserts you first pass, to the omellete table, to the fruits, veggies, antipasto, meat platters, to the croissants and breakfast danishes, to the waffle spread, the homestyle breakfast dishes and the full on lunch meals. TOO MUCH FOOD.

NAY - the feeling after stuffing our faces (to get our money's worth). Trust me - all you can eat is a trap. I've never felt so terrible after eating in my life.

YAY - spending family day with Mike. :) We went to Mandarin to celebrate his quitting of his old job. :) The food is sooooo yummy.

NAY - A fire tore through a block at Queen & Bathurst and the city is currently demolishing its remains. An entire city block has been devastated.

YAY - Everyone got out of the fire without injuries!!!

NAY - I'm cleaning right now (well, taking a break from cleaning!)

YAY - Life is really good. Work = good. Family = good. Church = good. Boyfriend = great (I realized recently that we are like 2 peacocks. Prior to our relationship, both of us would make wardrobe decisions to try to grab the other's attention. Like we were fanning our feathers and propping up our beautiful tail. It's funny to look at it now.) Trip Planning = good, slow - but good. Going home for Easter soon enough = good.

YAY - My mom made homemade eggrolls which we get to eat when we go home next. Very yummy!!!

NAY - I have so much that I want to write about, but I keep putting things off in terms of blogging. So I feel bad. I wish this blog was more spontanious. I've neglected it terribly.

NEXT BLOG - a look at Canada's Identity. Then, a look at Taste Buds.

If it was possible, I would grow a garden of brains for people like this...

2008-02-05T20:37:00.000-05:00

Yes - that's probably a mean thing to say. BUT...

...and somehow I am justifying my mean-ess. There are people who cross your path in life that you just want to shake some sense into. I find a lot of these people on the roads that I drive - as a great deal of drivers forget that driving is a priviledge, not a right - and that my life is at stake for their stupidity.

This fine lady, who I would love to offer any amount of common sense to, crossed my path as I was crossing a road on Saturday. I was out enjoying the day after a snow storm, walking around my neighbourhood - doing some errands, when this woman, almost pegged me with her car.

Can I blame her? She did have a stop sign...but she probably didn't see it.

That's because of the amount of snow that fell the day before. Yes, it started snowing at 4am on Friday, and only stopped for a brief moment in the late afternoon, before resuming its steady pace. So, you know, the roads were covered and not the greatest. It was slushy. Most cars had been snow drifted into their parking spots on the roads or in the driveways.

But on Saturday, it was not snowing. Nope. And the stop sign, wasn't snow drifted in. Nope. This woman, who almost HIT ME...I watched in disbelief. She probably took a great deal of time, a mere minute, clearing off her windshield. It was spotless. Her CAR however, was caked in about a foot - 2.5 feet of snow. Her car probably fell victim to blowing snow and the build up on the car was significant.

Did I mention that her windshield was spotless - clear as day.

Oh, but the hood of her car was in fact entirely covered with a wall of snow 2.5 feet high.

HOW on EARTH can you see through your spotless crisp windshield if all you see is a WALL OF SNOW????

Like, honestly, mind blowing. This woman could only see out her side window - which is probably why she almost hit me. But like I can't explain how insane this car looked. Like, WHERE IS A COP WHEN YOU REALLY WANT SOMEONE TO GET IT??? A wall of snow - like she looks out the windshield and it's like a permanent white out. WALL OF SNOW.

Somehow, she managed to turn right onto the adjacent side street.

Lucky for the rest of the walkers/drivers - she crashed her car into a snowbank and got her tires stuck and had to forego any further driving.

Seriously people. This hurts my heart to see who is granted not only drivers' licences - but keys to a car.

And this is just another reason why I wish there was a way to cultivate some common sense and share it with the world.

:)

the year trickles to an end

2007-12-31T15:41:00.000-05:00

Christmas was nice. Mike and I drove up to North Bay on the 22nd and were able to spend some time relaxing until the 26th, where we would return to the T-dot.

I did my best impression of a couch potato in North Bay. Spent a good deal of time doing nothing. It's actually quite sad. I watched movies with my family and watched the entire first season of Dexter. How festive. It's a great show though - it's about a blood splatter analyst from the Miami forensics' department - but he's also a serial killer. It's hilarious and the cast is really great. Worth watching...maybe not during the Christmas holidays.

We sat and talked a lot. I miss my family. I like just sitting in the kitchen - which is sexy and new now (really nice!) - and just catching up with the folks.

Home cooked meals - and a turkey dinner. I've got to tell you - there's this one funny thing I love about our family's Christmas dinners. The firecrackers.

The colourful (usually red/green) papery/aluminumy gadgets that you share with another to pull two cardboard sticks in opposite directions to set off a 'bang' that doesn't do much more than make a loud sound. Then you rip into this once lovely table decor to find a toy, colourful tissue paper crown (that we used to have to wear...not so much anymore), and a paper with jokes. Now - my dad bought the firecrackers this year - and I don't know where he got them from - but the toys were bigger and 'better'. I got a toy top with a flashing light, he got a stapler, my brother a stuffed animal key ring and my mother got the greatest - a pocket sized asian game with a plastic foldable board, game pieces with planes on them and a dice. No instructions. My dad thinks the game is 'Sorry'. Let's hope.

But my favorite - is reading our jokes out loud to each other. The readings are in english, french and spanish - and it's either a joke, story, fact or question/quiz. The piece of paper doesn't have the same thing told in different languages - so it's like getting up to four jokes on one paper. But I love how we all read the english, then we read the french (my brother and I are bilingual, my parents are not - but they do pick up on the french ones once and a while)...then we read the spanish ones. At the end of the spanish ones, we always laugh. I don't know why - we have no idea what is being said - but we always give it a chuckle.

That's something about our Christmas that's different from others. It's something about my Christmas that I find special. It's strange and silly - but it's us.

We spoke to aunts and uncles and our three grandparents on the phone. It's lovely being able to hear these people's voices. :) My mom and I went on a google earth version of my trip to NZ, Vanuatu, China (Hong Kong --> Chengdu --> Wolong --> Beijing --> Shanghai), Vancouver, home. My brother and I chased each other around the house. I slept on the new futon my dad bought for my bedroom. We looked at pictures from Rome. :) We watched the Lookout and Santa Claus 3. We opened presents and shared presents. We laughed. We slept. We ate and ate and ate. We let Santa visit us properly this year - no sleeping on the couch.

It was nice to be home. Thank you for everything mom & dad. You really do spoil us.

Back to the grind in the city. I am working on the 2nd...but other than that - this is my last week off before the new show. There is much to do. And today - is December 31st - the last day of the year.

What can I say about 2007? It was yet another year that passed by very quickly. There were some memorable moments and some I would prefer not to re-live. I have to say that I like the snow though - a real winter...makes me happy. I've decided not to partake in what could be a very good snowboarding season though. I want to make sure that my knees are in tip top shape for the trip. It's difficult not to jump onto the slopes when the snowfall has been very good this year...but there's always 2009. :) I was blessed with a lot of work this past year - and I pray that 2008 will keep me employed for the first half. Prospects look good. Family - in good health. Yay. I was able to go through some physio for my knees - that was great. I bought my NZ ticket. :) Had some great moments with some great friends. This year, I smiled a lot.

I hope that 2008 is even more memorable and that my family & friends are blessed with good health and new adventures.

Stay tuned. Happy transition.

A new meaning to Winter Wonderland

2007-12-16T15:04:00.000-05:00

You know what a good part of winter is - the way it brings neighbours together.

Not so much on the roads...cause man, I have seen a LOT of stupid people do REALLY dangerous things in the last two days (and they wonder why there are so many ridiculous fender benders in the winter).

Brent and I set out to go to Brunch today - as reserved on Tuesday. We laughed when we got to my car - cause it was burried and the street was covered by 1.5-2 feet of snow. I still went ahead and cleared off my car. We sat in it for a moment. I actually tried to drive straight. Laughed - cause that car is a piece of poo when it comes to snow...and then just shut it off and made pancakes instead.

After breakfast, we decided to walk to Yonge & Eglinton - so I could go shopping and he could catch the bus back home. And the walk was really fun.

Trudging through the snow and just stopping to talk to the people in the neighbourhood. It was really nice - and despite the amount of snow and amount of shovelling required, everyone was in good spirits. We even tried to free a car that was trapped on the side roads.

Everyone was friendly. It's not always the case with this city, so to me, this weather brought out a lot of smiles - and it was really nice.

Walking home from the mall, I took to the street, as the sidewalk on this one road was completely burried by a snow plow's work. I had to keep watching my back in case a car was coming. At the top of this one hill, there was a man who had just cleaned off his car, and he was just standing there staring in my direction. As I got closer, I could see how discouraged he looked (probably tired from uncovering his car). I noticed his wheels were completely burried by the plows that had probably passed 2-3 times since the night before. He just looked at me. I smiled. He didn't really smile back. I looked at his tires again, and said "I wish you luck getting out!". He looked at his tires, and then just started to laugh. Poor guy.

When I got home with groceries, I noticed my neighbour Trevor had already shoveled our joint driveway and the sidewalk. So nice. I thanked him for doing this - as I was thinking about doing this chore all the way home. I put away my things and then started to tackle a task that will save me a lot of time tomorrow morning - shovelling out an exit for my car - which is completely unable to perform in the snow. Once I finished clearing off my car...cause what's the point of shovelling around my car if I'm just going to dump another foot of snow on top of my clearing...Trevor came out to lend a hand and help me shovel a path for my car.

It was so nice.

Winter does good thing to people helping others - and for this - I'm grateful for the season.

That, and it's going to be an amazing year for snowboarding!!!

"Mom's Cell Phone"

2007-12-08T20:52:00.000-05:00

(a re-enactment of a phone call Saturday, December 8th, 2007)

Alison: Hello?

Mom: What are you doing here?

Alison (looks around the street as she walks down Manor Road): Here?

Mom: Yes, here! You didn't tell me you were coming here.

Alison: Where's here?

Mom: What are you talking about?

Alison: Huh?

Mom: You're just being silly

Alison: Are you in Toronto? Are you at the airport?

Mom: What?

Alison: That's not today. What are you talking about?

Mom: I'm calling home.

Alison: No, you're calling my cell phone.

Mom: No I'm not.

Alison: Yes....

Mom: I'll be home soon. Just wait, i'll be there in 10 minutes. Don't go anywhere.

Alison: I'm not at home.

Mom: Yes you are. I dont' know why, but you're here.

Alison: Wait, there is a dog right beside me, should I make him bark to prove I'm not at home?

Mom: I'll be right home.

Alison: Okay? But I'm not there.

10 minutes later.

My phone rings again. "ICE - mom & dad"

Mom: hi honey.

Alison: I'm not at home, am I?

My mother thought she was calling home to talk to my dad, but hit my number instead thought her contact list. When I answered the phone she had several thoughts pass through her head, two of which were: 1) she thought I was flying out to London with me tomorrow, 2) she was devastated because she is leaving the next day to go to london, and wouldn't be able to spend time with me. how sweet.

Forget the Strip-O-Gram

2007-12-08T18:59:00.000-05:00

I'm officially 27 years old.

It's an odd age I would say. You're in your late twenties (ugh, that's hard to swallow sometimes). 25 was a great age. 30 seems so old...yet so close. Thirty isn't really old, it's just that knowing where I am in my life right now and thinking that 30 is three years away is slightly scary. I'm feeling like I'm in limbo. I think when I get back from NZ, I'll have a better idea of what I want to do and where I want to be, and perhaps I'll feel more prepared to plant my feet. Maybe then 30 won't appear to be so intimidating.

My birthday was nice. Many people found ways to make it special. Facebook has a way of making you feel pretty darn special on your birthday with the mass amount of shout outs. A slew of special shout outs came from Deluxe & Decode - which is really nice. Emails and phone calls from family was really great. I really feel blessed to have my family and friends. My grandparents, my parents and my brother - were all on my mind.

Two special shout outs go to two special boys in my life. :) My Brent and my co-worker, who we shall call Sir Hops-a-Lot*.

*Sir Hops-a-Lot had his name changed to conceal his identity (as per his request).

So my buddy Sir Hops-a-Lot, started my work day off on the right foot. Actually, I think he leapt out on his left foot. As I made my way up to the third floor of the school, where our offices are, I was greeted by my co-worker leaping out of his office to do a birthday jig for my enjoyment. All the while, singing happy birthday to me. This happening at 8.00am. Oh - and did I forget to mention he was wearing his birthday suit - to commemorate my special day.

Don't worry, he was cupping himself. :p

And to Brent. Who ubber decorated my apartment in wicked streamers, balloons, banners and dollarama popping confetti (coolest things EVER!!!). But did it in such a wonderful way...it was really nicely decorated. All to make me feel uber special on my special day. And it was so much appreciated and really unexpected.

AND - he baked me a birthday cake. Which we have since agreed is a bad idea when there is only one person living with said cake. I've had cake for breakfast twice since my birthday. But is is SOOOO GOOD. It is a double layer marble cake with chocolate icing and he wrote a birthday wish ontop of the cake with red gel. The wonderful surprise's only flaw...the sparkly-glittery candles used atop that shed glittery-ness onto the cake.

I can't explain it - i just don't like sparkles. They never go away.

But THANK YOU Brent. I really did love every minute I was able to enjoy with you.

And to my parents for the lovely presents and phone calls. :)

I can now get orthotics. Yay. AND - i can buy a special knee brace now too!!! Happy Birthday indeed!! :)

RAPTORS

We went to a Raptors game on Monday Dec. 3rd. It felt like we had just been at the ACC recently. My brother was quick to remind me that it had been since February. Where did the year go???

We won. The game was against Charlotte. And yet, the crowd still booed. Cause we scored 98 points - and you need 100 for free pizza. It just sucked cause the last player to have the ball in his hands, ran the clock down by just dribbling the ball. One more basket - that's all we wanted. :)

It was nice to be back watching the game. Although, there was an incredibly distracting young individual in front of us. She was the epitome of 90's wigger. A 13 year old who was trying to be a gangster and at a moment's notice would break out into the 'chair dance moves'. Simply distracting.

Season's Change. Break out the hand cream.

Winter is here! I love it. I really SHOULD HAVE gone toboganning for my birthday. Every year I wish it would snow so that I could use my crazy carpet on my bday...and this year was the first time in forever that I've been able to. And...I didn't go. Cause I fell asleep instead (i've been tired lately).

Anyway - winter is here - and it's wonderful and frustrating all at the same time. I love winter. Snowboarding season might be really good this year. It will hopefully be a white Christmas this year - not Easter. I love the smell in the air, so crisp, and the way your footsteps sound as they crunch through the snow.

What I don't love - is my eczema flairing up (earlier than normal this year - and worse) AND the city of Toronto. It's like they are allergic to snow plow budgets or something. The mayor of this city is out to destroy us. When will this city ever accept that we live in Canada - and not only that - but we live at a certain lattitude of north america - which means we have four seasons - one of which being winter. And with winter conditions - comes winter driving. With winter driving, one should hope comes salting and plowing. Not for Toronto.

This is a whole discussion on its own. But basically, our city is trying to save money - and doing it by cutting the dumbest things. Like timely plowing. Or plowing at all. There is discussion to no longer plow side streets (which is most of Toronto) to save money. It's bad enough that the residents of this city shovel their driveways onto the streets making it harder to drive through, but to remove all potential for a reasonable drive is ridiculous. They think it would mean less people would drive to work. Well, what about thos who need their cars to do their work???

I can't wait to leave this city and contribute my tax money into another city that might actually do something better with it.

Ack.

Then comes the fate of the snowman built in a city living the teeter-totter winter. I keep driving by this one snowman that has seen the effects of the warming/cooling cycle of our 'winter' so far. His belly had begun to melt at some point, and he is now beginning to slump over, almost exasperated by his imminent death. It's quite sad. :(

Christmas songs have a different meaning to me. I've been listening to Third Day's Christmas Offerings this week - and two songs have really stood out to me. "Do you hear what I hear?" and "O Holy Night".

Christmas has a very special feeling to it. It would appear that people are in a warmer mood and seem to have more love in their hearts. That is more often than not, hidden by the rampageous crowd mentality that Christmas shopping in a big city can bring out. This is a very unfortunate part of the commercialization of the holiday.

When you listen to true Christmas carols, you can really hear what the holiday is about. It is about the birth of Christ and the beginning of hope to mankind. For on that night a son was born - to save us from ourselves and deliver us from sin and its hold on us. The best Christmas gift we could ever receive, and most of us will never really understand its truth.

Listening to these two songs in particular really struck me this week - because it's like we forget that this is a gift to celebrate every single day. I can't believe that God would actually give up his one and only Son for us - to save us - to show us a deeper love than we could every comprehend. It's completely mind blowing if you actually take a moment to think about it.

And Christmas will find its true meaning.

The path we all follow...

Remembering your past. I had the girls (minus Sarah who was in Victoria recently) over on Tuesday night for an evening potluck. One of the things that came up in conversation was the whole idea of "running into your past". Like - bumping into people from your past - and what feelings that might instill in your heart. Like how some songs can really help bring you back to a certain point in your life. As you get older - it's really interesting to see how you remember your past and who/what moments pop up on your head. I find the 'who pops up in your head' most interesting - a past friend, an old relationship...and what does it mean. It shows a lot of your growth. What you want now versus what you didn't know back then. I think when you look at these moments in your life it really helps you appreciate all the "living" you have come to do in our short time on this planet. This is a difficult 'thought' to put down into words. My mind is still wrapping itself around past moments that have been popping up - and it's been a really great period of growth. :)

I can't believe I've been in this city for over eight years now.

We shopped at Vaughan Mills last weekend. I must say - Purdy's hazelnut hedgehogs are yummy!! Shop before noon - or you will regret the day you stepped foot inside that mall.

And OMG - the Walmart superstore on Eglinton - is NOW open 24 HOURS to 'serve you better for your Christmas shopping'. What is WRONG with us????

1 week countdown to my major hair cut. ack. Enjoy the length while I still got it - I might not see it again for a few years (strange!!) I hope it goes well. Cause i don't plan on having long hair for NZ. I think as long as I go all the way with the length, i'll love it! This is a big step for me.

NZ feels soooooo close. For Xmas, we aren't buying each other gifts. Instead, we're going on a NZ shopping spree. I've been blessed with financial provision to buy a GPS unit (hopefully with an awesome boxing day sale), our tent and hopefully gortex pants. Wow. this adventure can't come soon enough. I can't imagine how it will feel to wake up every morning in the mountains of NZ. Every single morning. I am sooo blessed.

I'm 7 months and 19 days away!!

To new adventures in my 27th year...

(Photo of the American Falls at night from Niagara Falls, On July 28th, 2007)

my cactus has no name yet

2007-11-25T10:27:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to figure out what type of cactus he is first.

I've been on the computer for too long now....so this isn't a long catch up post.

It snowed this week. I like the beginning of winter. It's so crisp and beautiful. The drivers who forget that winter does not equal summer driving -- they are just about the only thing I don't like about winter. You know, we wouldn't have an accident every 60 seconds if people drove to condition. Oh well.

I caught the tail end of an Ellen episode while puttering around my apartment on Friday. And this SIX YEAR OLD girl was on the show. She was a very gifted and talented musician. She plays the piano as though she had been trained for years, and was playing her own compositions that she would come up with in 10minutes!!! It was so beautiful.

Pomegranates are yummy. If you've never had one...try it today!

I'm cutting my hair in the next few weeks. Two trusted people in my life have been sent emails with pictures and links and will most likely help me in making the final decision. I need a short, but not too short yet, cut for my pre-NZ hair cut. I plan on going short and shaggy for the trip. A worry free, care-free hair style. It's not like anyone in NZ will have known me pre-cut....so it's an easy cut to make. :)

Pilates are wonderful - and they work. I suggest them to anyone who is looking for a new work out routine.

I dropped Anna off at home last week - and caught glimpse of the "Behemoth" coaster being built at Wonderland. I was in awe.

Picture - the Behemoth, Canada's Wonderland - November 14th, 2007

About.com says this about the upcoming theme park ride:

"The sleek ride will not only rank as the longest, tallest, and fastest at Canada's Wonderland, but in all of Canada as well.

In fact, at 230 feet, Behemoth will take a coveted spot among the world's tallest coasters. With its 85-degree angle of descent, a mere 5 degrees shy of straight down, it will also be one of the steepest.

To fully experience the adrenaline rush of the 230-foot, 85-degree drop, Behemoth's trains will feature a new type of seating that will strip away the front and sides of the cars. Each car will include two rows of two bucket seats. The only safety restraint will be an unobtrusive lap bar. The seats in the back rows will be elevated and placed at the outer edges of the cars so that all riders will have unobstructed views of the hypercoaster mayhem. (A hypercoaster is loosely defined as a thrill machine with a height taller than 200 feet. Like Behemoth, they are generally designed without any inversions and feature extreme height and speed, as well as lots of airtime.)

And what mayhem! The out-and-back layout of Behemoth is deceptively simple. It will leave the station, climb its 230-foot lift hill, navigate the 77-mph, 85-degree drop, and then climb a second huge hill that should deliver a huge pop of airtime. After roaring down the second hill, Behemoth will enter a banked turnaround and deliver more soaring airtime as it flies up and down along three successive hills. A trim brake will tone down the momentum so that the coaster can spiral through a double helix. Two bunny hills will deliver a final couple of airtime pops before Behemoth returns to the station.

According to Canada's Wonderland, Behemoth will cost a hefty $26 million and represent the park's largest ride investment in its history. It is scheduled to open when the park opens for its 2008 season in the spring."

Craziness!! I look forward to riding this one. :)

Now, I am hungry. So I will bid you adieu. I will actually follow up with a real blog posting soon enough. :)

I'm excited to announce...

2007-11-18T15:13:00.000-05:00

That I am officially back online at my apartment. :)

yay.

I finally hooked up my wireless internet...watched over by this creepy kitty that my land lady is catsitting. I had to set up the account through their home computer, and the whole time this cat was stalking me. He has like mutant paws and seemed like he wanted to be vicious towards me.

But it's all done!!! The hook up and the cat encounter.

And you will finally get official updates with pictures. FINALLY.

First up will be my dinner date last night with Mike and Megarrah, and the yet to be officially named cactus friend of mine (a housewarming present from my brother!).

Oh - yeah, and the pot that the cactus lives in.

My apartment is FINALLY where it should be at...after two more full time days of cleaning to have it all uber sexy for my guests of honour.

It was lovely.

More to come...on life and last night!

It's soooo good to be back online. :)

Photo: Travelling home from Tobermory, On - September 16th, 2007

My biological age is 26; my virtual age is 16.6. I am expected to live until I'm 83.4 years old.

2007-11-12T10:17:00.000-05:00

You should check out these two websites - they are pretty interesting.

Life Expectancy Calculator
World Clock

Hmmm.

The world clock one - although they are "approximations based on past stats and estimates", can really be mind blowing.

It's an interesting break down of what's happening in the world now, today, this week, this month and this year.

seasonal change

2007-11-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

I love how winter slowly introduces itself to the city.

Driving down the DVP this morning, sitting in my car smiling.

Every other car was covered with snow.

The commuters from north and east of the city.

It's snowing in Ontario again. Winter is here.

Maybe, just maybe, this year... there will be enough snow to go tobogganing on my birthday.

I've been waiting 8 years for this to happen. Patiently.

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

2007-10-22T08:36:00.000-04:00

The ticket is officially booked.

A one way ticket to New Zealand.

This is going to be one hell of a journey.

wheremyfeethavebeen.blogspot.com

i know...

2007-10-03T17:46:00.001-04:00

...i know.

It's been ages. And trust me, I love my blog. But I don't have internet hooked up yet at home. Work as always has been crazy busy and takes priority over things like blogging.

I have to recap sooo much - and none of this will be tonight.

Highlights to look forward to.

September 24th - the injury. And the follow up story. Oh, my poor knee. This trip and fall accident that occured last monday might throw me into physiotherapy after all. Maybe for the best. I find out October 10th after meeting with my knee guy again.

Nuit Blanche - a la injured knee. I didn't last long. Best part was the balloon maze thing - with Elaine, Anton, Nicole and Brent. Goal - help build the structure and then spend time beneath it - going through the maze of balloons. Brent was probably the only one who made a significant contribution to the structure from our team. Some of us were too busy with our cameras. Oh digital media - so quick and easy. :)

September 15/16th. Tobermory - one year later. I can't believe it's been over a year now. We celebrated by reliving the beauty of Tobermory, ON - where it all began. Mind you, spending the entire night awake and with my finger on the panic alarm of my car keys wasn't the best sleep i've ever had. I woke up to a very heavy breathing/grunting something outside of our tent in the middle of the night. Whatever it was eventually walked away - as my mind raced around what type of animal could make that sound, and whose footsteps were as heavy... Oh yeah, and there was a bear sighting in our camp area the week before. Gulp. More on the story to come. But for those venturing up to Tobermory ever - bring outside firewood - we've never had luck with the stuff you buy on site.

Freek Out 4.0. Another year, another camping trip. Wahoo. It was fun. Especially the scavenger hunt, including the infamous 1/2 hour frog hunt, and Mission: Save Ricky the Racoon. Good times.

A day in the life of... I think I'll start a series of this. The first installment will be on Sam & Katharine & Sebastien. I was able to spend a day with them while I was hiatus - and it was fun. :)

My summer. I have no idea where it went - but things happened and need to be talked about.

My new pad. My last one in the T-dot for a bit.

NZ update - you might have to check my NZ blog for this. But i'll probably touch upon this subject. Tickets are to be bought by the end of the year - so that we can apply for our VISAs come January. Mid-July 2008. I should technically be there now - but then is just as wonderful.

Camera Wrap on The Latest Buzz, Season Two. It happens tomorrow. I'll be here until December 21st (what a blessing) - but the crew is on to wrapping out the school. The halls will be much quieter from here on.

September 25th, 1982. Twenty-Five years later. A celebration of my grandfather. My family and I were able to make it down to Ottawa to attend our first meeting with my grandfather. A very proud moment. A whirlwind of a trip - there and back in under 24hrs (left T.O. at 11amish on the 25th, left Ottawa at 3amish on the 26th to be at work on time...ish).

Breakfasts. I can't tell you how much I love making big breakfasts. Despite my apparent egg-tose intolerance, I continue to stuff my face with yummy omelletes. Oh - and Banana Pancakes - but they don't affect my stomach at all. :)

Updates - on what i'm going to do come January. Only 6.5 months at that point. Who knows. I'll probably just be bouncing off the walls with excitement for NZ. :)

Summer adventures...and trips.

Those are kind of the 'bigger' things.

Thanksgiving is this weekend - and I look forward to time with family and good home cooked food.

Recaps are coming.

I know I say that often - but it's true. I'll even finally post about our Mission to White Castle (which occured LAST year) and skydiving with my dad.

Hmmm - i dunno if i even have a readership anymore. If I do - i should throw it out there. I am going to be chopping my hair for my trip. Kind of like a shaggy short, but not too short kind of style. Think Colleen from Survivor season 1. Anyway - if you have any suggested hair styles for me - let me know.

It might happen sooner than I think. I'm tired of my hair right now. Ugh.

accidents happen

2007-08-13T20:02:00.000-04:00

Like accidentally mentioning that you used to play the spoons. Suddenly, I might become the coach to one of our actors who has to learn how to play the spoons. So Brent and I are going to freshen up on some musical spoon abilities we might both have.

I said it half jokingly to my boss - not really knowing that they needed a 'coach'.

Fun times on Manning Avenue.

Our apartment went through final inspections today. I have no idea what that means - especially considering it's pretty messy with half packed boxes and half empty rooms everywhere. I guess I'll find out when I get home tonight.

Friday nights at Downsview Park - they have free movie nights. (that's right - no more high park nights - le sigh). BUT - they also have FREE FOOD. So Brent and I thought - 'yay, popcorn'. We patiently waited through a very enormous line up (a few hundred people easy) and when we step up to get our free snack - a surprise. An individual pita break (apple & cinnamon), a mini bag of mini carrots, a small dip for the carrots and a bottle of water. So cool. I thought it was a really great thing for families to come out to and also encourages healthier snack choices. Much props to 97.3 EZ rock who are sponsoring this summer's under the stars series.

I smashed my arm against a steel plate last friday - and the bruise really hurts.

The weekend was full of packing and just existing.

Freek Out 4.0 starts this Friday.

I might not be able to move my big stuff until Thursday night. Man - we're going to be soooo tired after this weekend!!!

Note - Toronto drivers are getting worse and far more careless. It's quite scary to see the decline in driving abilities. And the accidents that are happening are far too preventable.

I think i'm done. I'm tired and heading out for the night. Have a good one.

Empty boxes are crying to be filled...

Don't be fooled

2007-08-09T19:33:00.000-04:00

So - for the first long weekend (that I've ever made real notice of) - the gas prices DROPPED on the Friday and remained STEADY through the whole weekend - only to DROP again on Wednesday.

Gas was 95.2 all weekend long through the city of Toronto - with 94.9 popping up here and there from the smaller gas stations. And then it dropped even lower after remaining steady for four days through a long weekend.

What is in store for the drivers of North America? Should we be optimistic of realistic gas prices making a comeback? Or are they (the profit guzzling gas companies/and government) setting us up for something else?

Cause once more people move to hybrid vehicles - and ultimately use less gas - which in turn means less profit - what will happen to the once ever soaring gas prices to compensate for the drop in fuel dependancy?

And by the way - don't be fooled. 92.9 isn't cheap. But thanks to successful gas hikes - the gas companies have made us out to believe that we are getting a deal once the cost drops below a dollar/liter.

Mind games - it's all mind games.

So - i'm without internet at home while I await my mid-month move (yay). I'm also living in and out of boxes. Not my favorite state. But it will be really nice once I'm settled in at my new humble abode for the next 11months before New Zealand.

:)

So much to catch up on. I have post its with blurbs to inscribe on my blog one day.

Weddings, in promptu trips, picnics in the park, softball fridays, summer road trips, shopping for pots and dishes (sadly, i was excited about getting the new ones!!! the old ones were kaput!), etc.

Our creepy Transformers experience - classic horror movie moment.

BTW - I have been to four movies lately this summer in theatres - and they were all gold in their own respects. Knocked up - funny. Transformers - the most beautiful integration of CGI and film to date. Ratatouille - cute and typical Pixar. Bourne Ultimatum - great action.

Renters haven't been terrible either. The Station Agent. Invincible (i love football movies!!!).

Working long hours. Working hard. Looking forward to the hiatus at the end of the month (although, it hasn't been confirmed if post production gets one or not).

Just busy. Loving it. Can't believe the summer is almost over - and once the CNE pops up - i'll want to cry...cause that'll be the end.

To those who still follow this blog - I promise more pictures and posts once I'm settled in.

Hiatus

2007-06-30T14:24:00.001-04:00

I'm officially on hiatus. For one glorious week.

Which I plan on spending with friends, geeking out at MEC, spending time alone, travelling home for a few days, working out, catching up on sleep - and just plain old relaxing.

I've been working straight since early February - on mad film hours. This rest is much needed and soooooo very welcome.

Today - I clean my bedroom. We handed in our two months notice today. Now our apartment has to be ready for viewing every day until we move out or it is rented out. Nothing like good ol' motivation to get you cleaning.

I'm excited to move. I'm going to spend some time this week looking for a new place - although it's hard when there's still two months to go. Maybe more so near the end of July.

Brent and I went to a cottage last Saturday. It was such a wonderful mini-break from the city. Jules, the wonderful woman that she is, rented out a cottage for a week and invited us to spend as much time as we wanted to. Sadly, we could only stay for the day - but none the less - it was great to get out of the city. The cottage is just outside of bracebridge. I haven't uploaded any pictures yet - but most likely throughout the week I will. Cause I have time!!! :)

I'm testing out sunscreens. Sounds nerdy - but kind of important. I find it's hard to find a sunscreen that you can actually enjoy. They are either greasy, smelly, shiny, sticky or just pore clogging. But it's super important to use. Especially with being back in the car on runs for work - i'm always out in the peak sun times. So, I have this Aveeno one for my face (pricey - also a turn off), and i bought two banana boat types. So far - i'm very discouraged. One of them is a spray on - and I really do think the mist sunscreens did something right. They are a sunscreen that a person can apply all over their body without another's help. Fantastic. Downside - it's shiny - really, really shiny sometimes. The other BB sunscreen I got was fantastic for the first 2mins of wearing it - it's this great dri-block. Goes on like lotion - dries like a powder. And it REALLY does work. I love it for the lack of greasy feeling. It's great. Problem is that it really does dry like a powder - and i wouldn't advise wearing dark clothing while using this sunscreen - cause if it's on your arms (for example) and you rub a dark surface, you basically leave a white mark all over. Kind of like old school deodorant on a black dress. So, i'm at a loss here - to be dry, you leave white stains, to be easy, you come out looking like a misted bodybuilder, and the good Aveeno stuff is just plain expensive.

The search continues.

I bought a box of Zoo-kies the other day. PC's version of the animal cracker. Brent eats the camel cut outs cause I'm allergic to camels. It's quite sweet actually.

We went to see Knocked Up last night (cause softball was cancelled). It was our first date in a long time. It was hilarious!!! I fully recommend people watch this movie.

We watched Epic Movie and Reno 911 throughout the week - and I can't say that i was wonderfully impressed by either of these movies. If you must see one - rent Reno. Although, Brent has the "Pirates of the Carribean" rap song stuck in his head now from Epic Movie.

Canada celebrates it's 140th birthday tomorrow. Wow - we're sooooo young, for a country.

I'm looking into the world of GPS units. *sigh* another trip expense.

Oh - good news - i'm only 400$ short of my initial NZ financial goal. That's only counting my NZ account. I feel soooooo blessed to have had this job opportunity and continued financial provision. Thank you God.

We're going to go strawberry picking next weekend - so happy. I love eating the sun kissed berries in the field. So wonderful and pure.

I am on a Winsor Pilates training schedule now - and I have spent some evenings laughing through the pain. You know when you are watching a work out video - and the trainer on the screen is like 'i know it hurts, but don't quit' - it's just funny when it really does hurt and you do just want to quit. You start to feel guilty for even thinking about putting your leg down.

I think I'm done. I have to start cleaning/packing up my room.

And tonight - i chill with Goose.

medley

2007-06-17T10:46:00.000-04:00

Yup. I'm back. Mind you - it's not that I haven't had much to say. I always have a lot to say.

It's been a while cause i honestly just DON'T have time. I try to avoid internet on the weekends, cause i'm planted in front of a computer for work day in and day out - and want to spend the rest of my time enjoying living.

It's summer, it's wonderful. It's my last full summer here. I'm soaking it up...but on the other hand I'm grateful it's my last summer here, cause this smog - I could do without. No offense to the city...it's a 'trying to keep my lungs healthy' kind of thing.

Last night, my university friend Sandra Elizabeth Leonardi wed long time boyfriend Robert Garcia. Congratulations to them both. It was a wonderful wedding and reception. It was soooo great to see the girls from the 'swine house' all together again, dancing to old 'time square' songs and the classic Thong Song. Woman, you looked amazing!!! Rob's a lucky man.

Oh - and I won the centrepiece. The lush that I am, ending up with the red wine bottle...

You know when you miss people in your life - but you don't always remember until you're all together again. At one point on the dance floor, when Sandra came to see us, it just hit me - how much I missed being with these girls. When you live together in residence for so long, and you're so used to seeing one another - it's just strange when it all ends. And worse, when you realize it's been FOUR years since we graduated, since we've spent nights sitting in each other's rooms talking about everything, or entrusting one another to make the simplest jiffy pop popcorn (burnt jiffy pop popcorn is narsty - and i'm not going to point fingers - but...).

Time flies.

I'm almost 27 years old. I have vivid memories of my youth.

Facebook. Here's what i love about the thing - when your friends post OLD SCHOOL pictures of you when you were like 12. And one look can bring you back through so many different memories.

Random. I had a squirrel run over my foot TWICE. He was trapped at the sutra tiki lounge - where a large group of us had gathered to celebrate Luke & Lisa's marriage (they were married in Cuba and hosted a fantastic little party for friends who were unable to attend the Cuban adventure). Sitting in the back enclosed area, the lot of us were the obstacle course for a very stressed out and trapped squirrel. The first time I felt a fluff over my foot and when I looked down I didn't see anything - and the ladies around me were shrieking. That's when i thought it was a rat and thought 'EW - not on my foot'. But it was only a little wee squirrel. Poor guy.

Playing guitar hero at work, the day before the big screen tv was sent packing. We were visited by two law enforcement officers - as there was a B&E called in by our security. There's more to that story. It was a strange night.

Winsor Pilates sent me fantabulous new DVDs. I've found a new interest in the exercise.

I got a 105$ parking ticket within the last month. You think you can park places cause there are 25+ other cars around you. A plethora of cars is not enough to determine if you can park in a location. It just means that the city has found a way to score $2500+ in one sitting. That parking officer must have met some kind of wonderful quota that day.

Rollerblading through the CNE grounds. Exploring the BMO field. Fun times.

Doors open toronto. I finally attended.

Cottage next weekend...uh, for a day - almost 24hrs. :)

A baseball story for my parents. See, when I was growing up in North Bay, it seemed as though all my friends lived near their extended family. Which was great - for them. Sad - for us. I always felt that I missed out on hanging out with my family and doing those big group outings together. Maybe that's not how other people see it - but as the outsider seeing my friends so close to their extended families - i definitely missed that.

Funny enough, here in my mid-twenties, i find myself hanging out with my grandparents in the city of Toronto. Not missing out on things that I always wanted - going to baseball games with my grandparents. I have to say - that we did travel around a great deal to visit family - and it was great. I'm very grateful for those times. But there's something so funny about being 26 and going to the games with your brother, and grandparents. I love every moment of it.

So the Yankees. They decided to come to Toronto to play a series. And my grandparents made the treck from Ottawa to check it out with my brother and I. Fun times. That's right popcorn eating, pizza snacking, quality time talking.

Mike and I made it out to two of the games with my grandparents (they attended all three games). The first night - we sat in the 100 level between third base and left field. I have never sat so close. We were in the fourth row - but by the end - had moved to the front row. Such a different view from there. The second night we sat up in the five hundred level between home and third base.

Side note - i've gone to three games now - and all three were attended with an open skydome.

Okay - back to the second night. There was a group of younger high school students in the rows in front of us attending the game as well. Probably from out of town - as they had a few chaperoning parents with them. Well, they were loud. So I thought - this is going to be great - we might get onto the jumbotron. Cause these kids wanted it bad - so they were very loud. Fun times.

When the cameras would start filming the crowd - i got ready with my camera to see if even our legs would make it into the shot on the jumbotron so that we could email our parents to let them know we finally made it onto the screen (after all these years of trying...). On one round - I finally spotted the group of kids in front of us make it onto the big screen. I took a snapshot of the jumbotron. Zoom in on the picture.

SCORE - my brother and I made it in the top left corner of the screen. (circled in red)

I'm a nerd - I get excited about this. More so just to tell my parents. Cause they always watch games we attend to see if they ever see us. Because they do sometimes broadcast crowd shots during the games. So yay - mission accomplished. We made it onto the jumbotron. woooo.

Now - if you all know Seinfeld, you know the ongoing thing with Georges and his boss Steinbrenner from the Yankees. Well, Ace, the Toronto Blue Jays mascot, was filmed in a few skits which involved him listening to Steinbrenner in his office. They were funny. ANYWAY. My brother is a Seinfeld fan, so I wanted to snatch a picture of the skits on the jumbotron. My mad photography skills provided me with this fancy shot:

I'm thinking - perfect. This is kind of what I was going for. I'm looking down at my camera checking out the shot. A moment later, my brother was like 'oh look, that's funny'. I didn't know what he was talking about...

A moment to make your parents proud.

The gang on the jumbotron. Lucky for me, they stayed on us long enough for me to take a picture. :p Check out my grandparents' facial expressions. So wonderful!!!

Wurd.

Thanks Grammy & Grampy for the good times at Skydome.

There was a freak storm last friday. Dramatic Toronto humidity meets a cold front. Whamo - hail, pouring rain storm, and tornado threats. Good times. It snowed in North Bay. Uh, june?

Happy Father's Day to my dad, my grandfather...and to all the old & new dads out there.

Today, we celebrate our nine months together. :)

More to come...

A comment on the horses on duty in our city

2007-04-17T19:59:00.000-04:00

It is my assumption that the horses that do police patrol in this city feel that they are above the law.

Apparently the 'poop & scoop' need not apply to these four legged creatures.

my question is - why?

excerpts of me

2007-04-14T17:15:00.000-04:00

Part I - a group of unrelated blog clips that I never managed to post online.

First and foremost - I owe Anna a blog. Ode to my Anna. Whose relentless love got me a job in the midst of unemployment and who never ceases to make each work day highly entertaining. We had a date last week - and it was fabulous. We went to a friend's film screening, we caught up with a long lost friend (Shannon), I kidnapped Anna to do a drop off in Mississauga, we had dinner - well, I ate my dinner, Anna was too busy dumping it all over herself. Then we drove home in the beginnings of the winter storm that hit Toronto last week. :p All that to say - I need to make a blog like dedication to this woman.

Watch "Dancer in the Dark"

I found old movie stubs. Two of which are of interest to me - on an entertaining side.
i) Little Miss Sunshine - September 2nd, 2006 at 7:00pm
ii) The Host - TIFF - September 8th, 2006 at 11:59pm

The first was a film that Brent and I saw together after he and three other lovely friends (Anna, David and Elaine) helped me move to my current abode. After dealing with a rice incident in the production van I had borrowed, Brent and I decided to go watch a movie. I must admit, that at this point in time, I did in fact have a crush on the poor boy. BUT - he ALSO had a crush on me. This was the first 'non-date' date we had. :)

The second was of a film I saw at the Film Festival. Sadly, I must admit, that I tricked Brent into attending this film with me. I had ordered two tix to see the film. Originally, my brother was going to attend with me (more so cause i can't stand the idea of seeing a midnight madness film alone). I then told my brother (who was indifferent to seeing the film) that I might try to ask the 'boy' to go to this film with me - and that I might fake out with a 'my brother can't make it' scenario. The story played out, and because Softball was cancelled that night, Brent was suddenly 'available'. End of story - it worked, and it was our second 'non-date' date. :)

I have no more 'non-dates' to report - but just to end the story -- the following weekend, four of us went to Tobermory - and in the early hours of Sunday, September 17th all hidden truths were revealed. Funny. The worst part to this story is that talking to someone in the middle of the night - with nothing but 'moonlight' around, is easy. Waking up in the morning and having to sit in a car with said person for four hours in bright sunlight = a whole new challenge to facing one's said feelings.

Last september - a group of UofT frosh were leap frogging across the street in front of our van. Harley and I were driving my new bed (acquired from Naturally, Sadie) to my apartment.

Have you ever seen the optical illusion of the colour castle??? (http://www.johnsadowski.com/big_spanish_castle.php)

2006 was the year of the monarch butterfly - and they literally were all over the place.

The night before (July 1/06) I went skydiving with my dad, I spent a great deal of time with my parents at the Delta Chelsea where they were staying. I kept re-enacting being forced out of a plane and kept flopping onto their bed on my stomach. It was my test jumping time. That night, i watched videos online - I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

At the end of "Naturally, Sadie", I spent a whole Friday collecting as many high-fives as I could from the crew. I can't remember anymore what i got up to - but it was an impressive number.

Terry coloured her hair blue by accident. A blue pen is to blame. The challenge lies in hiding it in blond hair.

One thursday evening, I drove home admiring a beautiful full moon. The following Friday morning, I woke up to spend just as much time driving in to work staring at the same goldenly lit moon.

Before I found out there was a trick to my apartment building's garage door keyhole, I would struggle forever trying to get the dang thing to open. On the plus side, I met a lot of people who lived in my building who would help me get into the darn garage. Eventually, my 7th floor neighbour revealed the magic behind the key.

If you go to the Toronto Film Festival - the the Elgin theatre's VISA Screening room - be prepared for CREDIT CARD DISCRIMINATION. My brother and I were near the front of the line for "Stranger than Fiction" - and just because neither of us hold a VISA card, we were at a loss. Everyone got in front of us because they were considered VIPs. But don't be fooled - you are only a true VIP with the GOLD VISA. FYI.

One time when my parents were in Toronto for a weekend away - my mom and brother went to see the Blue Man Group and my father and I went to see Lord of the Rings (theatre). I really appreciated the time I had with my dad prior to the show - we were able to walk around downtown Toronto and talked about our family. I learned a lot of things - and it was just a wonderful moment. :)

During the summer a friend once told me that screaming at the top of your lungs in your car can make you feel a lot better. I tried it - and it didn't help at all. Actually, it made me feel silly. And then i just smiled - cause God was being ridiculously silly this summer. But from this, I grew to truly appreciate all that He is for me. A surreal appreciation. But I do remember that night - I think it was the last time i banged my head against the steering wheel after softball. Funny.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a box. Sometimes, when I'm driving, and it feels like all the cars around me are going the same speed as me, and I can't move - I wonder if this is a physical manifestation of my emotional state. Sometimes, when you can't quite express your true emotions - you feel trapped - and all you can do is cry.

There are two feelings in the world that I despise. Being chased (it really just freaks me right out) and being bound and tied up. I can't say that i've ever been tied up, but the idea of being kidnapped and tied up and being rendered completely helpless is a fear that I have.

An episode from "Meet the Bulgers"

2007-04-11T22:09:00.000-04:00

Easter.

It was like driving home for a Christmas holiday or something. Snow all around. Hwy down to barely two lanes near Barrie. It's the beginning of April.

It's that foolish snow fall, right before spring really arrives. I say that now, seemingly forgetting that it's slushing outside (wet snow fall).

The weekend was lovely. It was Brent's turn to meet the parents. I guess it's easier when your family lives in the city that you live in. His family is all in Toronto, so meeting them is easier to coordinate. The first time we were going to travel up north to 'meet the parents' was at the beginning of March. Those plans were foiled by that terrible onslaught of a winter storm. So when I phoned home the Monday before Easter, I was a little shocked to hear my dad say 'we're keeping our eye out on the weather'. What weather? I'm completely out of 'the know' of the world. Lack of tv (trust me, I welcome the lack of TV - it's terrible how much time people waste in front of that glowing box). Hop onto ye ol' Weathernetwork.ca to find a snow storm is to hit ontario on the exact day that we plan to travel home.

Yeah, I didn't cancel my plans this time.

So home. Ah, i find such joy in scaring the crap out of people before they meet my parents (two of the most chill parents around). Michael had a hay day with Brent. We put out as many caution signs as we thought he could handle. poor guy. Once we hit the city, we had fun taking Brent around our neighbourhood, extending that agonizing period before the meet & greet with the folks. Although it might not appear at the moment, I do have a heart...deep down inside.

Meet the Bulgers (and the Clark grandparents). The weekend was lovely.

A point form account.

I did my taxes with my father (thank you father). I did not make my 'returns quota', so we will not be attending a night at Medieval Times on la Alison anytime soon.

We watched the Masters with my Hardcore Fan grandparents.

We played Taboo - my mom and I took on Brent and Mike, and kicked some serious butt. Maybe not serious - but i was very impressed about my partner. Considering how late we ended up playing the game, i'm shocked we all did so well. Final score 68 - 61.

I broke Lent with Brent with a Neopolitan Milkshake at 1:00am on Sunday. I didn't go crazy sugar on Sunday - cause my tummy couldn't take it. Also, i feel too healthy now. :p But the milkshake was wonderful. My dad mixed it for us, and Brent and I drank from these twirly plastic straws we used all the time as kids. Memories. Well, I almost made it to the milkshake itself, but caved mid-mix, and ate a spoonful of ice cream. You don't understand - there were soooo many homebaked goodies in my face for two days prior to Sunday - it was soooo challenging. Nonetheless, I don't even really want sugar at this point.

We went to see the obnoxiously decorated easter house. (what you see in the picture is only ONE side of the house) This man is talented in yuck. Apparently he was given a ticket for causing public obstruction or something -- as his house creates traffic issues on Cassels (a somewhat busy street in North Bay). This year, he's really big on the 'inflateables'. For Christmas - there was sooooo much junk around his house and like 8 different Santa and Reindeers. I would love to sit and have a conversation with this man and ask him what inspires him. Then try to figure out where he stores all the stuff in the off seasons.

Touring around North Bay, Brent and I ran into two deer crossing Ferris at Booth.

We laughed a lot this weekend.

Got a glimpse of my grandparents new Toyota Avalon. I must say, that it was a fine choice to go with Toyota. And with a very sexy blue. sweet.

We watched "The Latest Buzz" and the 'Poco Loco' and the theme song are now implanted in my brother and Brent's brains. Funny.

Left Claude in North Bay so that he may take off for Rome at the end of the month. We also introduced Finn to the family...a new beanie shark.

ASIDE - i love the moment in "Toy Story" when Woody spends his first night in the toy box. In the morning he asks if anyone has seen his hat, and the sqeeze toy shark pops up saying 'look, i'm woody. howdy, howdy, howdy.' before having the cowboy hat ripped off his head by Woody. Ultimate favorite TS moment.

I slept at the top of the stairs on the first night. For like 20mins. On the most comfortable pillow.
Typical, I fell asleep on the couch on the first night.

Didn't find Mike's old soccer gear - but I have to confirm with James if i'm playing or not. AHHHH. Can i afford new gear???

Ate turkey (the dinner was lovely and delicious). And turkey and dressing sandwiches.

The weather was up and down, so staying in was the thing to do.

It's always nice to be home. A nice relaxing weekend.

Wore my new glasses all weekend. I'm still deciding almost. I'm weird about glasses - they're not my thing...but I think I like these ones.

Church.

Good Friday service. My mother, grandmother, Brent and myself went to Holy Name church to attend the Good Friday mass. Right off the bat, we were all split up into different pews. First, they sat my grandmother, then my mom, then Brent and myself. Ack. It's always hard for me to go back to this catholic church. Maybe it was just the service itself, but it was difficult to sit through. There was this very strange moment midway through the service that I felt was contrived. Also, throughout the whole service, I kept looking around me, trying to find God in the community and I just couldn't find it. Maybe i wasn't being receptive enough, but it felt so empty. On such an important day in the Christian faith, it was really difficult for me. Maybe it's cause we had just finished driving from Toronto. I dunno.

So for Easter Sunday mass, Brent and I decided to check out this Pentecostal church near my house that I've always wanted to know more about. Gateway is the name of the church. A very loving and open community. Such a great little service on Sunday. This church is home to a very small community - but very friendly and welcoming. It was an interesting service. Comprised mainly of worship and prayer.

One song, that I have to point out, that really stood out to me was "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin. One of the lines really stood out to me: "You placed the stars in the sky, and you know them by name. You are amazing God!" It just really stuck with me.

It's a reminder about how precious we are. We are a very specific detail in God’s plan. There are bible passages that speak of how much we (humans) worry so much about possessions and clothes and food and basically God’s provision in EVERY way, yet He will provide for the flowers who do not sow their own ground, and He provides for all the animals of the world, and we are worth more to him than these. He knows every hair on your body. I don't know, but this song is really beautiful, and it really got me thinking about these passages. I was shocked when I discovered I actually had it in my iTunes library.

A beautiful reminder to TRUST IN HIM.

Just do it. Not enough people do.

One thing that I thought was really strange – on the drive back to Toronto, we realized that we didn’t have communion at this new church. On Easter Sunday...that just felt strange.

After we got home from church on Sunday, Brent and I made turkey and dressing sandwiches and when we got into the kitchen, I was overwhelmed by how wonderful I felt about life. Everything seemed so great. I was overcome by the spirit of Easter. An incredible smile to embrace God’s renewal.

The drive home – clear as day. The day started with many inches of snow over the northern city. By the end of church, all was melting away.

We stopped off at Webers on the way home. I can’t believe it was open. My brother was craving.
One downfall was constant knee pain whilst driving – dang it. Mother suggests getting a second opinion on the state of my knees. Dually noted.

Other happenings...

On Monday night, I had a lovely chat with Mr. Ottier. It's been too long.

I love when the sun is setting in the evening and shines a bright cast of light against a building that is backdropped by a stormy cloud setting. The way the building pops is incredible.

Damn facebook. So time consuming.

ON A SUPER HAPPY NOTE - my dear friend Hannah is engaged – congratulations lovely!

Work is calm. There are only a handful of us in the office. We spend lunch eating together - and it's been very lovely being in that setting. I really do love this group of people.

LIVING ROOM - wow. Can I just tell you how wonderful it is to be with this group. This is my second week with this group (work has kept me from attending prior to this - and before that my old living room sadly dissipated, but luckily joined up with Sam & Kat's LR). It's incredible how well we mesh. This week we had to revisit the history of our living rooms. When we started talking about how our LR came to be - it was amazing to see the stories come up. I just want to say how much of a blessing it is to still be able to share my LR experiences with Sue and Dan (and Rachel) but also start something new with this new group.

Wow.

I'm so happy right now.

end of March

2007-03-24T15:37:00.000-04:00

my blogging has been poor lately.

i would like to firstly say it might be due to my work. i sit at a computer for a great deal of the day (monday through friday) that come the weekend, i barely have any interest in consistently sitting in front of my own laptop to write about my life.

that being said - reading old posts is quite interesting. i should keep this thing more up to date.

it's 'spring'. by date. it is raining outside - and that's not very wintery. it has been mild through the week, which was actually really nice.

today is saturday, march 24th. i'm sick. i can't really figure out what i have -- but it's not fun. the good news is that it doesn't feel like the flu -- more just an extremely uncomfortable head cold and migraine (yay).

and yet, i'm very thankful this bug waited until the weekend to hit. Due to an unfortunate event, my boss Mike wasn't able to make it in to work this week. So I was alone in the post production office (well, in our office at least - there's still the boys next door -- the editing team). Mind you - i just started this job...oh, about a month ago. Let's just say this was a very interesting way to get my feet wet. I was challenged every day this week, and honestly learned a great deal. But in the end, I'm really looking forward to seeing my boss on Monday morning - I just hope I didn't forget anything important while he was away...

Brent was sick earlier this week, and i was really afraid that by mid week i would be showing signs - which wasn't an option when it came to working at the office this past week. Luckily, only Friday was affected by this head cold. I could barely focus on anything at that point. Very clouded mind. I was also pulling at least 14hrs a day at work though...so I was running low on fuel.

So catch up.

Facebook is like crack. I ONLY joined because I wanted to see these high school pictures that Brent's friends had posted of him. Then eventually, i caved under the pressures of the addictive site. It's actually a good thing (the site) - cause you can find old friends and it's an easy way to stay in touch and keep people in the know on your life.

Fun times.

So, facebook has been receiving more attention than my blog lately. my bad.

MEC last Sunday. Bought some poles, pole accesories, leg wallet and my daypack. I think that was it this week.

My show is going on another run of at least 13 episodes (could be 26). If it runs 26, i'll be here until the end of November. And at this point, it appears that i might be here until the end of this show's run.

I have mixed feelings. I've had numerous discussions about this with my parents and my boyfriend, cause i'm all over the place. This is a great working opportunity, so I don't want to leave. I can't wait to get to NZ. It's a toss up. I've actually grown attached to this show. Funny enough. I get a kick out of kid's shows. For some odd reason - like Zoey 101, don't even ask me why - but i would watch it every saturday morning when I had cable.

yeah - sad. But it was fluff. And sometimes, that's all you really want.

I'm excited for what will happen. If the show continues, and the company enjoys me, I'll stay on until the end of the show. Kid's show's usually run 3 seasons. We'll see what will happen.

No matter what - i will eventually get my butt out to NZ. HONESTLY.

Last Saturday was our 6 month anniversary. We spent it ordering my glasses (hahahaha) and waiting for them while watching a movie (Premonition - rent it if you really need to watch it). By the time we went to pick up my glasses, they weren't ready (so much for that 1hr rule). My frames 'cracked' the lenses apparently. They asked us to come back in like 10mins. We go back...same problem. Only this time, they had no more lenses to try for my prescription. So I still have to pick them up. They had to send my frames away to be fitted aparently.

At night, we went to the Keg. Yum. I haven't eaten there in forever. We had this great two person booth and a really great waiter (which truly makes a difference in your eating experience!!).

It was just a nice day. Oh - and I was able to get a personal guitar show. I've been bugging Brent about playing for a while now. I think i've heard him pluck away in his room once or twice, and before that only at Freek Out last summer.

What else is new. Not that much. I've really just been super busy with work (which has put some dates with friends on hold). Um...and sleeping...and trying to work out (although my knees have been really up and down lately - might be the weather).

Lent is going well. Even though i was sick, i still climbed up the stairs last night. But that elevator looked really inviting. But i would have felt horrible afterwards - being lazy about it. I have been dying for ice cream or candy or cake or deserts...so that's been super challenging. Interestingly enough, it's really shown me how much we as North Americans turn to sugar/food to cope with things. Cause when i'm having a hard day at work - i would love a nice bowl of ice cream to comfort me. Why exactly? I don't know.

I'm really looking forward to Easter in that regard. I think Brent and I will be breaking Lent together with a milkshake. He gave up everything to drink but water and i renegged the sugar side (which sadly included ice cream milkshakes). And a homemade milkshake would be sooooo lovely. Or dairy queen. Or something. On Easter day, there's no guessing what options will be open.

My parents leave for Rome soon. I'm excited about that.

My grandparents are coming to North Bay for Easter - so that should be fun. I'm bringin home Taboo and Mad Gab - at my mother's request. Apparently, i didn't kick their butts enough at Taboo at Christmas time. :p

I'm going to pay for that comment...

A week left until April. Seriously though...where does time go?

post it note blog

2007-03-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

I thought this was funny and picture worthy when crossing the boarder on December 3rd to catch a Buffalo Bills' game.

You can get this Bills' sweater for $29.99 - what a steal.

EXCEPT - that the regular price is $.00

Anyway.

Post it notes up the wazoo

if you know me - even just a little - you might name me a slave to post it notes.

mind you - i blame my mother, who continues to supply me with an array of decorative sticky notepads.

My life is on post in notes. To clear my mind, I write things down. 1) So I don't forget about them. 2) So i am able to clear some head space for new information to enter.

They make me feel slightly better.

Bad thing is that i don't always re-visit the notes i leave myself. Sometimes, I'm just too busy - and then I simply pack them up into a nice box to deal with later - and then somewhere down the road - oh, like 3 years later, i find a box full of notes that were never thought of after being written.

So why keep them at all?

I have no real clue to this mystery. None the less, I have been working hard at getting rid of the old and clearing my life as I get ready to leave on my trip.

Sadly - i'm using this post kind of like a post it note. I was going to jot down notes i had written to myself throughout the last year of what i've wanted to post on my blog. They were like little reminders so that i could write a longer post once i caught a moment. And for some reason - i never found a moment. And now i have an excessive amount of notes that pertain to my blog.

I just don't have the energy to locate those notes right now.

sorry.

but they will come.

In other news. I've been thinking about starting up a third blog (i won't, but i often think about doing it) that follows my cooking experiences. Brent and I cook dinners together - and it's always a lot of fun - and I always bring out my camera to document the event. I have a lot of fun with it. Cause, I'm a nerd. And I'm proud of the dishes we've accomplished. The first part to this whole story is me conquering-ish my fear of touching raw meat. With the aid of latex gloves, i have re-discovered my love for meat dishes.

This past Saturday night - we, for some odd reason, decided that making home made manicotti would be fun. Trust me - if you think you will get away with this recipe in pristine shape - you are soarly mistaken. It's messy. My advice - Ziploc FREEZER BAG. We made Zucchini and Red Pepper Cheese manicotti. Yummy. With a side salad and garlic bread.

I have pictures. they make me laugh. But no additional blog.

I think it would be neat though - and then like 10 years down the line, you know if blogging still exists, I'll be able to go back and re-visit my progress in the world of cooking food.

Other news. Softball is on its way. So very exciting.

I'm a D.I.T. at Freedomize. That's what Brent and I have coined as our term. We were invited to join the Deacon's team at church - and as we get ready to become Deacons, we're in training. :o) I'm excited about this new opportunity to walk with God. I hope that I am able to serve this community in the best light, with a loving heart, and that I am able to present the community with strength and dedication. I love it here - and feel truly blessed with this opportunity.

Lent is almost done. Sunday i was FORCED to break one of my 'lentings'. All because of my stupid car. I have given up sugar/deserts for Lent (omg - so challenging when you get catered meals every day, a craft service area on the first floor, and only sugary foods in the production kitchen). That - i have been very good with. ie - have not yet broken yet. I also gave up the "Easy Way" for Lent. This means elevators/escalators. So on Sunday, after the service, what happens - i'm unable to access my car by stairs. I asked the 'security/information' personel of the building if there was an alternate access to the parking garage - and she basically told me unless i had a special access card, i had to take the elevator.

gah.

technically - so not my fault. technically - it was sunday, and 'breaking' Lent on Sundays is okayish.

The weather - is wonderful. Mind you - i love snow. and again, missed out on snowboarding. missed out on toboganning. and again, i am sadened by the events. But spring is such a wonderful time. With the time springing ahead over the weekend, i wake up before the sun has time to rise now and it's light outside until at least 7.30pm. Very nice. You can see the shift in people's attitudes all around. maybe it's more apparent in a place like Toronto. People are far more 'smiley'.

I found glasses' frames on the weekend. FINALLY. I think i'll get them this weekend.

I have joined Facebook. complete crack. how is something so small, so addictive?

I still have four swedish fish chillin' out on my bookshelf beside my bed. They're waiting for April 8th to be ingested.

Under six months to go. Crazy.

In four days, we celebrate 6 months. Where did the time go?

No swimming lesson last weekend. We try again next Saturday.

I would like to camp more this summer.

I think the hikes are coming back on Saturday. Strange knee pains have halted my jump to keep at them over the last month. I really should see the sports medicine clinic and follow through with my physio. But why is it so much money??? :(

I almost discovered a new food allergy a few weekends ago, after my throat started to give me problems with my breathing - like closing in on itself type problems. Kind of similar to how i discovered my basil allergy. Upon hearing the story, Anna gave me a power boost of reactine today - just in case that happens to me again. Dr. Anna, Medicine Woman.

Work's great. VERY BUSY.

I have a pirate ship sitting atop of my work computer. And a working plastic canon blaster. Such a great toy. Thank you Nick!!!

Um, i think that's it for now. Very random, my apologies.

I am suddenly very tired. It's 11.45pm. I still need to shower before going to bed.

Post it note blog to come.

good night.

In the last two months...

2007-03-02T12:13:00.000-05:00

- … I’ve donated 6 viles of blood to testing for my own good. The very next day – got a call from the doctor’s office. (never a good thing) Follow up appointment. I’ve been declared HepA, Hep B, Rubella immune. (yay) My iron was singled out as being “low” – yet for the first time, to my knowledge, my iron levels were in the actual proper range for either my size or age. I felt like celebrating. The doctor none the less listed all the things I could do to continue to improve what I call ‘awesome iron’.

- … I’ve counted animals at the zoo. Saw a giraffe up close and personal. Saw a cheetah charge the plexiglass towards a tourist I can only imagine was taunting the poor animal in some way. Was locked out of the rhino exhibit. Climbed up and down this rock type stair case by some goat exhibit – that was covered in snow and ice and required full side rail guidance. Was completely amused by a little mouse that was eating a plant near a display. The mouse was not on display. Realized how FAR the zoo really is by TTC. Ugh.

- … I started a new job. Post production coordinator for “The Latest Buzz”. It’s great. Very busy – learning lots – love being back with the Decode crew. Like a filmic family. Back at manning. Fingers crossed that we go another 13 episodes…

- … I experienced the kindness of true friends. Anna. Love ya.

- … I was able to see Sarah. Back from Nairobi. Caught a glimpse of her in Toronto one weekend. Hope to do it again before I head on my adventure.

- … I watched some movies. Thank you for Smoking. The Prestige. Children of Men. Mortal Kombat (classic). Team America. Fahrenheit 911. American Beauty. Anywhere But Here. Brokeback Mountain. Ghost World. Waiting (boo). Slither. Meet the Fockers. Shawshank Redemption. You, Me and Dupree. Thinking there is probably a lot more – but I’m drawing blanks.

- … I spent some time with tony little and my gazelle. Lost major motivation after a week long knee problem. I should really smarten up and try that again.

- … I went glasses shopping, twice. Actually had an eye doctor’s appt. picking out frames as we speak.

- … I shopped at MEC. More than twice.

- … I drove around the city. The job has a big plus – a car. With a seat warmer. Very much appreciated during that cold snap.

- … I drove sideways down Bayview avenue after a heavy snowfall.

- … I got caught in a snow-fall downpour. All inclusive storm with thunder and lightning.

- … I had a lovely breakfast with the Trulls. Very lovely time.

- … I had a freedomize softball meeting – at the Sunset Grill (yum…)

- … I went out for breakfast and dinner probably too many times.

- … I spent some time enjoying the snow in the city. Sadly – no snowboarding this year after this weekend’s trip was cancelled (incl the car rental – which eliminated bluemountain – trust me, it hurt my heart). Still no toboganning. *sigh*

- … I have not started my swimming ‘lessons’ yet.

- … I have collected a pile of passport applications. I keep grabbing two, and misplacing them. And now they are all resurfacing.

- … I smiled a lot. Laughed a lot.

- … I shed tears.

- … I continued the NZ planning.

- … I started lent. Am currently in the process of lent. Gave up deserts and basically all sugar and overly sugary foods (and really unhealthy snacks…). Gave up ‘the easy way’ – so no elevators and escalators.

- … I learned that not defining the boundaries of your ‘lent’ – you can run into problems. Ex: can I eat maple syrup on my pancakes? Was that considered the type of sugary thing I was trying to give up.

- … I learned that walking up stairs is a more difficult task for far too many people…even really fit individuals. (why is it that everyone I know can’t walk up stairs without losing their breath?) And walking up with lots of bags in your arms – even more fun.

- … I started a one week hiatus. Staying in the city running around. Sleeping? Catching up on work.

- … I spent V-day with my brother and Brent at the Raptors’ game – where we mopped the floor with the NJ Nets. Also spotted chuck & anton sitting across the ACC from us in section 311. hahaha

- … I spent groundhog’s day doing nothing special. Don’t really know if people celebrate the day at all actually.

- … I went ice skating a few times at night. I suck at ice skating – but I love my skates. No laces. Boa technology all the way. J how is it that one can do better on rollerblades over ice skates – they feel like they should be the same thing.

- … I have been walking around the city a bunch. To B’s house. From downtown. Hiked with claude. Up and down Mt. Pleasant through Jarvis.

- … I have seen an increase in migraine headaches and vertigo ‘episodes’ (boo)

- … I spent some more time enjoying the snow. Walking in fresh snow. Catching snowflakes in my mouth. Enjoying the light weather that sometimes comes with a light snowfall. Walked home in 0 degree Celsius weather Wednesday. Enjoying the ‘crisp’ air – that tends not to collect the Toronto smog quite like the summer heat does.

- … I put contact lenses into my eyes when they were still frozen from those infamous yellow drops at the eye doctors. Very strange feeling – touching your eye and NOT feeling it. creepy

- … I went on a Casa Loma adventure. After taking an available staircase upstairs, we discovered an unlocked door that probably normally isn’t locked and ventured through the upper level of the stables. Reaching a dark room with winding steel stair case that lead up to the stables’ tower. 50% regret not going up the tower.

- … I witnessed the humorous weather patterns that God presents to us. Beautiful Wednesday to snowy afternoon Thursday, to freezing rain evening to rainy night, to sunny Friday and very wet and melting day.

- … I didn’t cook enough. But did enjoy yummy chicken stir-fry last night.

- … I was the recipient of a homemade Valentine’s day card. Probably the loveliest thing ever.

- … I entered a six month countdown.

- … I took lots of pictures.

- ... I missed my blogs.

Auntie Alison

2007-02-10T11:07:00.000-05:00

To a newborn Leah Martin. Even though she was 13 days overdue, she was only 7lbs and 10 oz.

Congratulations to Brian & Jennifer.

Finally, unpregnant.

single tear.

2007-02-08T17:14:00.001-05:00

i just typed out an entire update - and it was lost by blogger.

instead, you get this sob blog posting.

:*(

wouldn't ya know

2007-01-25T09:11:00.000-05:00

Never underestimate the inviting effect of a pancake dinner.

So yummy.

Completely random side note - i think the company that produces the "Abreadcrumb and Fish" clothing line - is pretty witty. It might be due to the fact that I am an "Abercrombie and Fitch" fan. It might also be because I'm a Christian. But none the less...it's fun.

have you met my new friend?

2007-01-24T20:19:00.000-05:00

Yup.

A new stupid phone.

And so NOT my choice.

My unfaithful motorola died today. Like - white screen died. And now, my screen doesn't turn on at all. Yuck.

With only seven and a half months to go until I left, I was really praying that it would last me just until i got onto that plane. Even though, most of my phone calls were being cut off near the 10mins mark due to some issue my phone was having with accepting longer phone conversations. Try to explain to your grandparents why you hung up on them after 10mins on the phone. Poo.

So i had to buy a new phone. My circumstances - leaving in 7.5months, and not wanting to sign a new 2-3 year contract with rogers - left me with ONE option. A much music pay as you go phone. See - this phone pictured here on my blog - that's sexy compared to the one i own. I have a green holographic much music logo on the back of my phone. And MM video clips and vj photos locked into my phone. A courtesy?

Oh - and to add to the phone - there are four whitey/transparent rubber grips around the phone - and they LIGHT UP when the phone rings. With bright yellow, red and green lights. Ack. ugh ugh ugh

Anyway. I'm so happy that I was able to get something and not sign onto another contract. Some of you might be asking why i didn't just omit the idea of a cell all together. Sadly, in the film industry, your cell number identifies you.

I guess there was a bonus that we discovered as i wept over the loss of my phone book and my datebook (all logged into the other phone - i tell you people - RETURN TO PEN AND PAPER - DO NOT TRUST THESE MACHINES - they steal your information and never plan on returning it to you - ack!!!). It has a camera - which i can make videos with, and at least change the background from the obnoxious Much music logo. It also has voice recordings (yes, typical for most phones) but with only FOUR ring options - i have opted to create my own ring for my phone by voice recordings. We thought we could create a video to be my screen saver, but alas, it did not work. But now i have a silly video of kim dancing and laughing.

The bonus that i really see in this phone is that it is quad band. So i can bring it to NZ and hook it up there and it will work.

Alleluia. Not a complete loss of money.

Why does life cost you money when you are unemployed?

I have to tell you about my rib making adventures with Brent last Saturday (cause i photo journaled it). Next time.

I hope to find out about this one job tomorrow. None the less, I'll be doing a few days for a friend of mine next week. Which will be nice.

My laptop battery is in. Yay. I rescue it tomorrow morning.

And in the afternoon I plan on going skating with Shawna.

Next Monday - my doctor consultation about vaccinations. Wow - it's all coming together.

It's Wednesday night. I can't wait for Friday.

I think our feet deserve more credit in life

2007-01-22T23:59:00.001-05:00

- Tobermory, September 16th, 2006

Where my feet have been.

A new blog.

To log my progress as I prepare for NZ.

Otherwise, I'll just have a bunch of nerdy posts about how many miles I hiked each day and stories about new equipment purchased. Although, that might make me smile, I don't want to overwhelm this blog with such information.

If that kind of stuff excites you, as it does me, you can visit my alternate blog.

And if you hike with me on Saturday mornings, don't be surprised if you find yourself on my blog.

hollow

2007-01-20T08:39:00.000-05:00

I can't say that I love these days - where it honestly starts to feel like you're not good enough for anything.

Maybe it was just the day, maybe it's just some sort of hormone thing (cause you know you can't control those), maybe it's the strain of waiting to find out - about the union, about new job offers, about the future. It's the stress of knowing that with every week that I'm not working, more of my 'trip money' will be dipped into. It's the worry about the state of this industry in Toronto. It's trying to find the balance, and trying not to worry, because I trust God, but the human flaw to internally stress about these things. The unknown. Because I guess, when you're unemployed, you have a lot of time to think about that sort of thing. You very seldomly find time to enjoy the 'time off', because you're more focused on where your next contract will come from.

Maybe it was just the cherry on top of it all, but last night, i couldn't take it anymore.

It's like, when you hear something, and it's just like "okay." you take a step back. "okay. you win world. hopefully, only this time."

I just didn't feel good enough anymore.

So I didn't go out. Cause I wouldn't fit in. And getting back onto my elevator to go back into my little apartment, sucked.

So instead, Kim and I hung out last night. And together, we enjoyed watching television shows that had been taped and on dvd, until i fell asleep on the couch. Mindless television. Cause sometimes, that really does help.

Side note: I actually really miss watching the news. To know what is going on around the world. Seriously. I picked up the "Town Crier" (a local yonge & eglinton neighbourhood newspaper) from our lobby and the first article i read "police have found local man who has been accused of several sexual assaults in the neighbourhood". Uh!?! Huh??? That's good to know that there was a threat, AFTER the fact.

-----

This morning I spent about a half hour sitting on my balcony. In my ducky grandma pants, long johns (cause yeah, it's cold), the tank tops that I still had on from last night's outing attempt, a roxy sweater, and that ridiculously flowery blanket wrapped around my body.

Because this morning, the bright yellow cast of sunlight on the balcony wall was too inviting not to spend a few moments outside just sitting.

Praying. Knowing that I'll never be good enough in my own eyes for Him, but knowing that He loves the crap out of me. And you know what, it just makes you smile when you realize that.

Heaven doesn't have a dress code.

thank goodness!

I forgive you...

2007-01-17T14:12:00.000-05:00

Bell, Canada.

Despite the years of torturous 'customer service'. Despite the ignorant phone operators that I've had to sit with for HOURS on end throughout my 8 years of renting services from you. Despite the constant billing issues from past accounts. Despite your attempts to bill for unused services - which seems to be your forte. Despite all the problems, even though you put your "customers first".

I forgive you, corporate phone overseer. I understand that it's not your fault that you are the largest communications company in Canada. You're probably just adjusting to the fact that you grew to be so big. We, the customers, will be here allowing you to adjust as we wait for you to smile once again.

I forgive you for being Bell Canada.

And breathe - That feels better.

-----

We had a great sermon on Sunday about Forgiveness. (Matthew 18) Mind you everything about church on Sunday was amazing. Colin lead the one-man worship - with his guitar and kick. David preached. We were on setup/tear down. And it was a gorgeous day.

But the sermon was fantastic. Something that every person in the room could relate to. Whether is was a positive influence or bore a negative reaction. The reality stood there - we all need to learn to forgive. Every corner of darkness in our lives, no matter how dark, requires our attention and focus. At some point or another.

David posted a definition on the projector for us. Although, I can't quite remember who the author of the definition is.

"Forgiveness is agreeing to bear the consequences of another person's sin against me, without holding it against them."

A simple scenario. Someon has done something against you - whether it was something they said, or something they did. This event/action has a negative effect on you - it hurt you, lead to something else hurting you (physically or emotionally). Forgiveness means basically - you cannot claim revenge on this person who did you wrong, you cannot hate the person who did you wrong, and you cannot make the person who did you wrong pay for what they did. Forgiveness means that you cannot hold them in the wrong. Forgiving someone is the ability to free your heart of the darkness that this person's actions/words may have caused for you. You cannot bear the hurt - it is something that they must carry. It's the act of freeing your heart of the darkness.

The hardest thing in the world to do properly - for everyone I would imagine, is forgiving... everything. Including yourself. Yet, this act is the most important in so many ways.

Confronting your past. Making peace with your past.

Forgiveness. To forgive someone does not mean that you must allow them to hurt you again. You can protect yourself from their words, their actions, their presence. And protect yourself you must. But moving on in life. Freedom of the past. Releasing anger, frustration, hurt.

Breathing.

To breathe again.

My debt to God is unimaginable. Matthew 18's parable of the unmerciful servant is a reminder of this debt. I thank God every day for giving us His only Son, who bore all of our sins upon that cross that one day.

And because of this, I can breathe. A little easier. I still must stand up and learn to forgive a little more with every passing day. Until I can freely offer forgiveness to all those hurts, all those shadows, all those tears.

But my goodness, how good it is to know how loved you are. To know that you are forgiven by Him.

It makes me want to wake up in the morning.

-----

We enjoyed a very lovely dinner at the Kit Kat Club after church on Sunday. That's the one on King Street with the two cow halves jetting out of the building.

Just Brent and I. And it felt like we were the only two people in the room. It's funny how you honestly can tune out an entire world around you.

Great place. Very cozy. It can pull off the uber romantic theme, or just chilled out vibe. The wait staff was great. The decor was fun. And there is a wishing tree that grows through the restaurant.

-----

I woke up Monday morning to the sound of ice pellets hitting my window. You have no idea how overjoyed I was. After thanking God that i didn't have to be driving on the roads (which is the first time in a long time in a silly snowfall). I rejoiced in the beauty of what winter is. I was so excited for the season to finally arrive. To go skating, to go toboganning, to have a snowball fight.
Mind you - i had a snow ball fight (mini) two Sundays ago. I would say that I lost, cause my first snowball missed, and the second one was stolen from me. But it was fun.

I love winter.

Especially when the season finally allows for the snow to remain on the ground.

I'm buying ice skates after dinner tonight. For my date with the Fraynes this Saturday.

Also, this saturday, i'm attempting, with the few pots that i own, to make my mother's ribs and potato salad.

Yummy.

AND - i hope to make my first trek down Bayview this Saturday with my backpack. Maybe. If not - next Saturday for sure.

And - I still haven't heard anything from the union. It's Wednesday. I am praying that they call me today - but it's already 3.16pm.

Glimmer goes to camera on January 29th.

oh - and finger - it's doing fine. Hurts a TON. But it is healing. I might not even really scar - which in the end, is something you almost want - the 'war wound' as I like to call it. Proof that an incident occured. A reason to tell a story. I guess if i don't scar, i'll always have this blog. :p

AND - my BBH pamphlet came in the mail today. The planning is a happening. Quickly.

Here's what not to do...

2007-01-14T12:31:00.000-05:00

Catch a piece of broken glass that's falling.

So last night, our skating plans went into hiatus because I'm an idiot.

Talking on the phone with Goose, making dinner and deciding that I was thirsty - not the greatest of combinations for multi-tasking aparently. I had just finished making perogies. I was hungry. I was about an hour away from heading out the door to spend the night skating and watching a movie. I was thirsty. With the phone to my ear with one hand, I reached up to the cupboard to pick up one of my favorite big beer glasses from Ikea, when something catches my eye. Completely distracted, the glass started to slip. When I went to stop it, it hit one of the shelves and began the process of shattering. Sadly, I ended up putting my hand underneath the downfall of glass to try and prevent the breaking. Luckily, I caught one of the larger broken pieces with my finger.

Caught as in the thick glass was lodged into my poor joint.

Ew?

I let it go and pulled my hand back right away, and that piece continued to fall and shatter some more. Cause at that point, the kitchen wasn't enough of a glass landmine site.

Still on the phone, but holding a flap of my skin down, not really wanting to see how deep the cut was - i ran into the bathroom. Dripping blood but not wanting to turn on the tap - cause I just washed the stupid sink. And also not really wanting to pull away any pressure from my finger or even welcome the idea of feeling any pain.

"Hey Kim, can you do me a huge favor please?"

Poor Kimberley had to come and save the day by turning on the cold water and aiding me in trying to stop the bleeding.

Thank goodness my mother is a nurse, and sent me to University with a healthy first aid kit.

Relentless. A nice deep cut right on my stinkin' joint. The bleeding didn't stop for about an hour and a half. When i thought there was hope, I would take a look at it and everything would seem fine, and then the fine layer of red liquid would start again.

Dang it.

I was afraid of bending my finger.

On mother's advice - i went to the hospital. Especially cause I couldn't get the bleeding to stop. I felt stupid. Really stupid.

By the time I actually saw a doctor - somewhere between 8.30pm-8.45pm (the broken glass charade happened at 5.00pm or 5.01pm) - the bleeding had subsided.

I averted the lovely idea of stiches. Replaced by medical glue and a band-aid.

I am such a nerd. All of that for medical glue and a band-aid.

I am very lucky. I didn't sever my tendon.

By this morning - I think the glue disappeared into the hospital band-aid. I was supposed to keep it undisturbed for 48 hours. And fresh blood. Which concerned me a bit just cause i didn't want it to keep going.

It hurts - but it's honestly nothing compared to what it could have been if all those glass pieces had fallen into the palms of my hand. Ew ew ew.

You know you are loved when your boyfriend spends a Saturday night in the hospital ER with you smiling, laughing and playing Q20 and just hanging out. Thank you. I still am sorry that we didn't get to go skating last night.

Next weekend.

That my friends, is how I spent my weekend.

Oh - and a word of advice - which I learned as a young child. When you see broken glass, the broken edges may look very smooth and entice you to want to feel how smooth they might be. But don't. Cause I learned the hard way - that you get glass slivers and cuts that way.

So I now know NOT to touch what appears to be smooth glass - nor try to hinder the law of physics when it involves broken glass shards.

Right.

Although - most of you probably knew that already.

Yeah, well, i was like 8. And probably needed to experience it hands on.

okay then.

have a good sunday.

so apparently i lied

2007-01-13T11:04:00.000-05:00

You can actually put Turner on the wheel in the background and let him have a run.

Funny.

And you can feed him strawberries. I guess he's a little more exciting now.

----------

We made meatloaf last night for dinner. My first 'meat, potato, vegetable' meal ever i think, in my own apartment. I think i've mastered my fear of the ground beef - with the assistance of the latex glove - but none the less. It was lovely. And it was yummy. Although - next time we plan to cook a whole meal, we should pre-plan it so that the ingredients don't arrive at my place after 8pm. Gulp. Late night dinners.

----------

Monday i find out if i'm in the union. If i get in, there is a very good chance that i have a job lined up. This is good. This is nervracking.

ACTRA and the CFTPA may also be fast approaching a decision in their strike dispute. Again, good news for all involved. The copyright issue with the new media is a much larger discussion than previously thought and i do believe there is hope that they will settle the payment dispute and settle the strike issue, THEN revisit the copyright situation.

But who knows.

Praying for guidance with work. Knowing that He's working His magic, and allowing His path to be shown. So far, I see that He might have bought me the right amount of time.

----------

I visited Travel Cuts yesterday. I am very much excited for this trip. A new route was shown to me yesterday which will help me get to Chengdu a lot easier. I am very excited to where this could lead me.

I also bought an item off my checklist - a waterproof/rip-proof NZ map. Not the biggest item on the list - but an item none the less. And I also picked up a great little book called "Tramping in NZ" - it shows all the great tramps you can take, insight into the hut system, the costs and the day count, level of fitness per tramp. I hope that i might have time to do all the routes when I'm there. But who knows. Maybe it'll give me a reason to return one day.

Last new item to report was the purchase of hiking sandals. Went on a shopping mission to buy boots with Shawna, and came back home with very much discounted KEEN sandals. Good buy.

Score to my family - for I received a compass (thank you Michael), binoculars (thank you fake Michael) and a very generous MEC gift certificate (thank you santa parents) for Christmas. So exciting.

To me at least. And if i'm the only one who finds great joy in these little nerdy outdoorsy things, that's cool.

I haven't nabbed my pack yet - but i hope to sneak in some time before setup tomorrow. Which means I might be dragging poor Brent for another round of MEC shopping (poor guy). :o)

----------

I have been logging all the food I've been eating lately. That might sound strange - but it's a commitment to myself and into eating healthy. It's true - if you honestly write down everything you eat, and you KNOW you will be doing this - you make a little bit more of an effort to eat a little better. I eat healthy when i'm not working - but once i'm on a show - there is no time, the food is generally catered and not the healthiest of choices (awesome to know you have free food, but you have to be very careful), and sneaking in Wine Gums to make up for low blood sugar, becomes a sport for me. So this is to try to set me up for my next show. To see if I can maintain sugar self control and proper eating schedule despite the hours I work.

I'll let you know how that works out for me.

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Laughing.

I'm really happy in my life.

Because I choose to be. Sometimes I feel crummy, but accepting that it's a crummy day, allows me to filter out the bad and get back to smiling again. Shit happens - right? Honestly - probably not my best week this one that just passed. Not that it was bad - but there was a lot of moments where things were providing more clarity in places i didn't necessarily want to see. Bringing up the past and learning to conquer over the dark spots in your life. Everyone has them. They allow you to appreciate the honesty of your smile. The dark spots, and the art of getting rid of them, the load it lifts from your heart, that can bring forth great happiness.

I think people have forgotten the art of laughter.

I laugh a lot. You make me laugh a lot.

My family, very funny people. We laugh a lot.

God - very funny. He has a great sense of humour - trust me, I spent an entire summer laughing with Him. Clever sense of humour.

Genuine laughter. It feels good.

I was asked last night if I ever cried out of joy. And I have. There is the laugh so much you just need to cry, and then there's the overjoyed moments where your body has NO IDEA how to react so it cries - because expressing it is impossible. Which in the end is kind of funny - we are so limited with how to react to things, even though we have such a great range of emotions. Which might sound like a contradiction - but it isn't if you really think about it. We are still limited in our ability to absorb certain moments. Our range isn't as great as what our body is able to feel.

Is it that our hearts are far more complicated than we want to admit? We do only use so much of our brain (that tiny little percent). Maybe we just don't know how to understand our hearts and true emotions.

I wonder if our brain's capacity affects our ability to experience humour. Cause some people think a lot more things in life are funny - or have a greater ability to laugh more often.

Hmmm

----------

Today is good. It's cold - which is good - which means snow might start to appear and STAY on the ground. Which means there is still hope for snowboarding this season.

Today is good. Already so many smiles.

I'm hopping on the Gazelle. Me and Tony Little have a date with fitness. Funniest thing in the whole world - a Tony Little Gazelle fitness video. But don't laugh too hard when you're on a fitness machine - I think it can give you cramps as it alters your breathing and whatnot.

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"Take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back." ~anonymous~

Turner, the hamster

2007-01-11T16:03:00.000-05:00

I created this little guy ions ago - but haven't been able to successfully publish him in my sidebar. So sadly, he has become a post. That's okay though - he's only highly entertaining for the first few seconds.

Cute is more like it.

Actually, i guess his colour kind of makes him look ill.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Please take a moment to enjoy my hamster and have him chase your mouse icon around. Since his running wheel is nothing more than a mural, chasing your mouse icon may be the only physical excercise he gets today. :p

He's slightly exorcistic too - which is kind of creepy.

the mixed feelings i have in regards to our Health Care System

2007-01-10T20:20:00.000-05:00

Today. My long awaited specialist appointment. My specialist - the doctor I originally saw three years ago.

It's such a long and terrible story of the health system failing. And maybe more so a tale of a terrible family doctor that refused proper patient care. I'll never know.

All i know is that it's been a very long three years of not knowing, being dismissed, misdiagnosis, given tests upon tests upon tests, being shipped out to random doctors, retelling the entire history that grows with every new visit. Until today.

When i finally was reunited with my first specialist. Back in the same room at the same hospital in the same clinic. A wonderful staff. A caring attitude.

And finally - a diagnosis.

Why is it never in english???

Today i had a moment in the hospital, similar to the moment when I was diagnosed with osgood schlatter's disease back in high school, in terms of hearing the diagnosis and having the dumbfounded 'huh?' reaction.

Translation please? says the ignorant non-medically trained patient.

Thank goodness for the internet. You know that's the first thing I did when i got home - googled the dang term.

After three years, a treatment plan. Options. And when I read the websites online - it all just made sense.

FINALLY!!!!

This is why we have specialists!!! They are experts in different areas of the body. Very necessary for PROPER diagnosis.

I guess I now join the few who have been diagnosed with this seemingly rare condition. And enjoy the thought that there are already support groups that exist out there should I find the need to lean on someone down the road.

Your body is a funny wonderland of secrets. Thank goodness for all the advances in medecine.

a january of unemployment

2007-01-09T12:33:00.000-05:00

And the film industry finds new reason to move out West.

Actra began their strike yesterday.

If you were on a show that was already in production (meaning you began filming prior to the Christmas holidays), your company most likely signed a letter of continuance in order to proceed with filming through the strike.

If you were working for a production that has yet to put anything in the can, you are most likely currently without employment.

Argh.

The silly problems holding back the film industry from flourishing in this city once again. SARS was a huge blow to Toronto. It has yet to fully recover from the effects of that summer. Now with this ACTRA strike along with the possible premature closure of Cinespace's Queens Quay studio space (MT28), we may be looking at a severe decline in production work in Eastern Canada.

Here's to hoping the strike doesn't last too long.

Everything happens for a reason...and with that attitude, I honestly look forward to seeing what comes of this strike and the online petition to save our industry from more bruises.

Living within the boundaries of a calendar year.

2007-01-08T09:20:00.000-05:00

my internet is wonky. for some reason the wireless doesn't reach my room on a regular basis. i have since switched to direct ethernet connection. no more long vacations from my blog.

happy 2007 everyone.

i'm not a big new year's fan. i don't get hyper excited about celebrating the end of the previous year. i generally like to keep new year's eve pretty low key. and for the most part, i think it's silly to proclaim new year's resolutions, when you know a great majority of people will slowly lose touch with their intentions.

I'm not taking away from the fact that reflecting on the previous year can be very fruitful and is very important. It's good to look back on what you have accomplished over a period of time - so that you can see your growth and see what you still need to focus on.

But then again, why be discouraged when you fail to fully achieve a new year's resolution, and give up after a few weeks.

The best example of this are in gym facilities across north america - who see their peak season in January/February. And then slowly, the crowds start to fade and the regulars can reclaim their machines in a timely fashion.

Every day is a new day. Happy new day to you.

January first is just another day in the calendar year. Every day should be seen as a time to be better and to do more in life. Every day is a chance to live stronger. Living your life one day at a time can bring forth a simple joy and sense of accomplishment.

2006. How can you categorize a year? You can't. Every year is great. Every year sucks. How you embrace the greatness and the suckiness makes up how your year was - how successful it was. A year of turmoil could be the most successful year you ever see. Blessed are those who can embrace both sides to every story - learn, grow and live through the moments presented to them.

Embrace your yesterday.

my 2006. was good. A LOT of growth - especially spiritually. There was a lot of bad - don't get me wrong - but from the bad, I chose to survive, not fall. From the bad, I have grown a great deal in my faith - especially in the later half of the year. From it, I was able to embrace so many wonderful blessings. New place, new friends, new relationship, new jobs, new smiles, new tears, new eyes.

my 2007. what blessings i might experience this year are not up to me to decide. but i do look forward to certain new phases of my life. i do look forward to new employment. i do look forward to becoming an aunt this year. i do very much look forward to taking that first step onto an airplane to begin the long awaited journey to NZ.

my trip.

it changes almost every day. where i want to go, for how long.

How much should your new life influence what's to come?

buying the backpack. i want to start training in under two weeks. this will entail hiking every weekend with the pack on my back. from my house all the way down bayview avenue to the queen street construction zone, and back home again. slowly building up the weight until i reach my pack's ultimate weight.

buying the backpack isn't as easy as it would seem. Most women's packs are made for curvier women, they don't sit properly on my body, and then most men's packs' belt straps are too wide for my waist. Fun predicament.

i smile.

this is going to be an interesting year.

The hidden blessings. The things that He has planned for me that I have yet to discover.

I can tell you how much i appreciate the blessings that He poured into my life in 2006.

Things that i don't deserve. But things that He wants to give me because I am His.

I'm down with that. :)

the first time i saw tumbleweed...

2006-12-16T20:18:00.000-05:00

...i laughed.

i thought it was the funniest thing. all those cartoons were telling the truth. these things just randomly roll across desert roads like nothing.

we were driving to San Francisco. we were on the inner state highway. it felt like we were thelma and louise. not because we were about to drive our car off a cliff - more so the weather, the adventure, the two girls...

i've been busy.

work has been draining.

it's the atmosphere.

i love the crew. they were great. the office staff.

i could do without the negative. and for that the four day countdown remains.

at first, i thought it wouldn't affect me. but in the end it really had.

i didn't spend enough time praying through it. i did, but not enough i guess.

i finish on thursday, and from then, i promise more energy and more blogs.

i re-read my blog for FreekOut - it was never posted. it was nostalgic.

this was before a great deal of change in my life had occured.

last night, we went to brent's office christmas party. it was fun. casino night. 10,000 lost on my part. learning how to play roulette and texas hold em. brent's roulette winnings. eventually, a large basket of goodies. we missed out on the dance floor. suits and evening dresses. cosmos and beer in wine glasses. meeting the pioneers of the company.

you looked good. you belong there.

there was something about the evening.

it might have been the way he found my smile in the end. the look in his eyes. the laughter shared through conversation. just knowing. in-promptu photo shoot a la hannah. a trip to johnnie's. everlasting hugs.

i should have wanted to dance the twist.

you know when you just need to cry?

maybe guys can't relate, but i know that the women can.

i wanted to all yesterday. even though i appreciated my moments, there was something so unhappy about myself. there was something that i could feel all day. deep inside. one of those unexplanable feelings. the frustrating kind.

i almost did so many times yesterday.

today. this incredible peace on my heart. waking up and just feeling as though this is exactly the type of day you want to wake up to every day. knowing from the first glimpse, that everything you are living feels incredible.

and i christmas shopped today - so you would think that i would be soul destroyed at this point.

but i got everything that i wanted to do done - in a decent amount of time. always smiling.

i was singing. i felt like spinning. the day was crisp and sunny. it's mid december. it feels like spring. it smells like spring.

running through my head all day. it's always like that.

trust. knowing that you can give Him everything. understanding how to do that. opening your heart to the possibility. loving Him. feeling His love. appreciating the blessings that He provides.

this season is for Him and to celebrate Him.

I am overjoyed in a way that is without explanation. you would have to feel it to understand it.

i appreciate all my blessings. i feel so incredibly blessed. i don't want this feeling to end.

i finished watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind tonight. i love this movie. the way it is shot. the story. the characters. the creativity. the love.

the love.

for the first time, my heart felt very heavy. the kind of feeling where you want to throw up, theoretically. kind of like butterflies in your stomach - but in a bad way.

what if i am afraid to step onto that plane?

why are these thoughts plaguing my mind?

but you can't help but wonder. how do you say goodbye?

a day away, and for some reason everything feels really heavy.

will the beauty of my surroundings support me? will i be able to read strength in His words?

i'll be gone before i know it. the moment july turns around, it'll be done.

Christmas is already here. it feels like it was yesterday. it always feels like it was yesterday.

i'll be away next Christmas.

3 months tomorrow.

today, i Age

2006-12-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

it was my birthday yesterday.

26 years ago - my poor mother gave birth (by c-section) to a bell shaped baby (i'm not kidding you folks, i was a contortionist from birth - and it explains a lot). through the course of natural human progression and through my life journey's trials and tribulations - let me present, me.

still full of hopes and dreams. still with the travel bug bitting away at me. still young at heart despite the new number added to my age. still wondering, still searching, still progressing.

it's strange. birthdays that is. i'm not a big fan of them - for myself i guess. i love celebrating other people's birthdays - but when it comes to my special day, i don't really want people to make a fuss about me. i'm very strange with that type of attention.

yesterday - was nice.

a stream of emails from family and friends to start my day off on the right foot.

worked my 12 hours.

photobooth extravaganza.

the phone calls.

the nostalgia attached to hearing your parents sing you happy birthday.

coming home to a plethora of balloons chilling out in my room. taped balloon on my bedroom door - reminded me of little school when they would do that to your desk.

napping on that cursed couch - that thing is laced with something, it's far too easy to accidentally fall asleep.

thoughtful friends and good company.

duke of kent - to celebrate a three way mutual birthday with Galen & Jason. drinks & smiles.

a mutual hug walk home.

remembering how to smile.

your never ending smile.

late night chats with hannah.

falling asleep in my bed.
it was perfect.

SHOUT OUTS:

galen & jason - for picking the right day to be born. thank you to galen for posting and organizing the pub night.

michal, the wonderful 2nd AD from our crew, sent over a care package bday gift bag in the office. trying to brighten up my day - it was a big surprise and so touching. Later on, when I found my way to set, we ducked into the photo booths in the galleria mall (near base camp) for some glamour shots. fun times. The AD department were cheerleaders to me - making sure everyone around me knew it was my bday. (Jenn/Michal - you ladies get gold stars for your warm hearts)

Jonathan & Tracey for their hilarious duet in the producer trailer - with Tracey's enthusiasm, and Jonathan's woo hoo - it was an awesome mix that i wish i could have recorded. Surprise - i am welcomed with a gift bag full of every ingredient necessary to make long island iced teas. so funny. definitely my favorite drink to order at a bar, but i've never made them before, so this should be interesting. showered with birthday wishes, love and hugs from crew members and cast alike.

Kimberley - for your dedication to balloon blowing...for your love and friendship. for my new special friend. for the balloons that made me smile. (i love balloons)

Hannah - for your thoughtful heart and your desire to protect me should the worst happen on my travels to NZ. hahaha

Brent - for your patience. for your time. for your love.

Mother & Father - for everything. :) the emails, the phone calls, your love and support. i'll see you soon - xmas is like two weekends away...

Michael - who is so funny. thank you for the mystery package in the mail today. hahahaha i love my brother.

to everyone who phoned, emailed and msn'd me - you guys truly brightened up my day.

i am so very blessed to have you all in my life.

it was an odd day though. mood wise. i can't necessarily explain it just yet. there's a lot going on that has been playing with my emotions.

but it ended exactly how i wanted. feeling right at home.

my heart was smiling.

thank you.

ps - more to come on life pre-birthday, including my bday present to myself - the buffalo bills game. oh the goodness of the nfl.

the long way home

2006-11-25T08:43:00.000-05:00

Billowing fog

It’s that eerie fog. It rolled in around 7am this morning. We were five minutes away from Pearson, when we hit it like a wall. Since then, it has enveloped the city.

There is something beautiful about the eeriness that comes with this fog.

It’s Saturday morning.

5am. I loved waking up early this morning. It was so quiet. It was so beautiful. The city can be lovely when it is still.

I’m working. Yet, I’m at home, back in my pj pants and typing on my blog. I’m between my two airport runs. Not a bad day’s work at all. And today will be the only Saturday that I have to work – as our lovely PM has asked that all actors be driven by car service from now on. Which is great – cause now I have full weekends.

Something that is much needed after working a week with these hours. This week was long. It wouldn’t be terrible if I was on set – but working the equivalent hours in a production office can become daunting. I’ve been thinking a lot about the film industry and where I stand within it. With the application date approaching for the union, job offers that shift constantly and just trying to figure out if I’m crazy to want to work in this industry, knowing how little of a life you can carry while you are in production…my mind has been racing through scenarios. Mind you I think this happens to every single person who works in the industry – you don’t understand why you do it, but you keep doing it.

Then on my way to set last night to drop something off to our second AD, I see our package truck roll by, and I sighed. I love film. There is something very wonderful about the industry that I am attracted to. When I drive by a film set, I get excited. I’m a film nerd. I have a passion to make films and work within this ever changing industry.

When I get back from traveling, I really do want to focus on producing – so I’m hoping there’ll be an opportunity to work through this next phase of my life. I have options and I’m excited about it. This is what I want to do – so I’m going to pour my heart into it.

As always.

I’m a dreamer. A determined one. (aren’t we all?)

So – a crane moved in last weekend. I woke up Sunday morning and finally clued into some strange noises that I was hearing. I couldn’t figure out why the construction team was working on the site just outside our apartment. It’s Sunday morning!?! I peak out my window and spot this dude doing final adjustments on a plate on the ground. NO WAY.

I’ve lost my beautiful sunrise view – well, it’s still there, except now I have a lovely crane operator to share it with. Bonus – this crane’s closer than the other two – so I’m hoping I can actually get to talking to him with hand signals. :o)

Last week, I went into the Upper Crust bakery to grab our crew some goodies for their Tech Survey. This is a cute little place near Queen & Pape. I used to go there all the time on my Wild Card days to pick up the morning craft run. I was excited to see the woman who owned the place – cause it’s been just over two years since I last saw her. Right away – she recognized me and was so excited – she didn’t want to let me leave. She had so many questions for me. And it was nice. I keep bumping into all these people that I only ever carried brief moments with – but who I remember and who remember me. And just realizing the impact that you can have on someone’s life just by smiling and saying hello every day – people remember. It’s encouraging.

I made gingerbread cookies last night. Thursday night I was up until 2am making the dough. And last night I baked, as I caught up with my roommates on how they’ve been (cause I really haven’t seen them too much lately because of my work hours). Late night. Early morning. I woke up to the smell of gingerbread through my room – which was very lovely and a nice change to the cigarette smoke that billows into our apartment from the adjacent apartments. Yuck. I woke up one morning and thought there was someone in my room smoking it was so strong.

Time for sale. If you have some spare time that you don’t feel like putting to good use – I’ll buy it off of you. For real. I’ve been advised that I simply need to find time in my day to do the things that need to get done. Which sounds logical – except when you leave your house at 7am and don’t get home until 11pm or later. This is why I was up until 2am making dough – cause I was determined to do my work out, shower, then bake. This is all well and good for now – but as I get older, might not be the best idea. So, I’m going to start buying time and eventually I’ll have this time bank and I can dip into it whenever I’m in desperate need.

I’m sorry – I’m not complaining. It was just a hard week these last few days. Next week will be so much better cause we’ll be staggering the shifts (thank goodness – it was not my call to not stagger this week).

Last weekend was a time for catching up. Was on the phone with old friends and co-workers who I miss dearly…and then a date.

Last weekend was fun – Anna, a lovely little spirit who I met on Naturally Sadie, her husband David, Brent and myself all went on a double date. My first ever double date. It was lovely. Dinner at Marlowe followed by a two hour attempt at ten pin bowling.

That’s right – attempt. Although Anna and I brought the mad skills to the alley.

: p

Or not. I was very proud of my one strike and one spare through the three games. The boys were competing for the high score of the group – and they actually tied between game one and two before David stepped into first. It was that gosh darn #15 ball.

It was a lot of fun. I promise to have a photoblog about it – once I finally get my pics up to Flikr. (sorry for the delay Anna)

I actually had a great weekend. I felt spoiled all weekend – cause I was able to spend a lot of time with friends.

Friday night Midnight (more like 2am) screening of Amityville Horror with my friend Jason and Brent.

Saturday night’s double date.

Sunday morning brunch date at the Sunset Grill in the Beaches with Brent. Church. Dinner at Montana’s with Shawna, Esther and Brent – which was a farewell to Shawna as she stepped onto a plane for NZ the very next day (so lucky!!!).

That’s three meals in a row eaten at restaurants from Saturday to Sunday – not something I ever do. Especially on the weekends – cause I love to cook… especially after spending a week eating catering food.

There is much else to say. There always is.

I’m happy right now. There is always a reason to not be happy I suppose – but I choose not to look at that right now. I was so blah all week long. I was so discouraged – until a conversation I had with our lovely 2nd AD on set one day. Being reassured that you are not alone dealing with a situation is always helpful – encouraging. I don't like how work can affect you so much.

I really am looking forward to this film being done. I just want space from the negative energy that my coworker puts out. I wish I could show more compassion – and I do try during the week – but knowing how much it has been affecting my mood and spirit – I just want space. At the same time, I do hope that I can have a positive impact on her in some way from the time I spend trying to sway her negative outlook on everything.

There is so much light in life – and it is so beautiful – why focus on the shadows? Why highlight the shadows?

I am blessed.

So blessed.

It’s like yuck.

I’m going to head out for airport pick up number two – then off to do my errands. Tonight – Esther’s fundraiser for her mission’s trip to Costa Rica. ie: destination for fleet of gingerbread cookies.

It's the weekend - recovery mode is about to set in. Wish me luck as i finish my application for the union. And somehow try to find time to sleep in tomorrow.

hahaha

PS - A side note. An ode to snail mail. the joy of which brings you - Buffalo Bills tickets. A lovely present in the mail this week. *eep* one week away from that tail gate partying road trip. i'm sooooo excited.

my feet keep treckin', i'm just along for the ride

2006-11-16T22:59:00.000-05:00

White Castle - Port Huron, MI - September 30th, 2006

I want to write a photoblog of where my feet have been.

I have this strange fascination with taking pictures of my foot/feet/other people's foot/feet in different places. I have no idea if there is a simple explanation or if it's something very grandiose that has to do with how i remember where i've been and how i've grown in my life through the footsteps that i take.

Most likely - it's just a simple reason.

Today, is not the day for that photoblog.

Today is also not the day for posting about the road trip to Port Huron, MI.

I never posted my blog about White Castle. I owe this thing a lot of summer stories.

It's thursday night. I had a lot to talk about, but my brain decided to go on vacation for the evening - so i now find myself at a loss of words.

my current show, Young People, goes to camera on Monday. So tomorrow is going to be rough. A new found perk to this show - working on Saturdays. That's right folks - 6 day weeks. It's just part of the gig. We have a lot of talent traveling in from out west, and they always fly on Saturdays. So someone has to be around to shuttle them as well as provide them with their per diem.

One day of recovery each week is not the greatest.

Now, someone out there reading this is going to say something like 'i work 7 days a week, you don't understand.' Au contraire - i fully understand and respect people who do this, along with people who juggle more than one job (especially when it's two full time jobs - which is insane). And I'm not so much complaining about working a 6 day week - just more so putting it out there - that for my friends, who could start wondering what happened to me - now you know.

And on a side note - full time in my world is not the very attractive '40-44' hours/week. No, it is more like "60" hours/week. And working "60" hours a week on paper - which we film office folk do - isn't necessarily "60" hours. More often than not, it's far beyond that. So, at the end of 6 sixteen hour days, you might understand how one day isn't enough of a recovery.

Luckily, i haven't worked 18hrs straight on this show yet. So far i've been able to cap off at 14hrs.

oh film industry, why do we torture ourselves so.

today is a dumb day

2006-11-14T09:33:00.000-05:00

if sleeping in isn't bad enough

i locked my keys in my trunk at 6.15 this morning.

and for some reason, in that state of mind, you think you can actually just pop the trunk with your hands.

i was okayish. despite the 15min panic in my parking garage, acknowledgement of my idiocy and knowing that this was going to happen one day - and accepting my fate that if it was going to happen - it had to be on a day where i needed to be somewhere at a specific time.

acknowledgement that today is going to be a dumb day.

there is a certain mental anguish that comes with placing a roadside assistance call. i don't even want to get into it - but 20 minutes into answering the 50 questions this lady had, i honestly wanted to cry. slow and uncaring. the dumbest questions. and they want an answer for everything. i don't know how many questions ended with - i have to let them into the garage - i will be able to show them my car. and they don't place the call to the roadside people until they are done asking you the questions.

and despite the calls to Scotty (our transport guru) as of 6.30am (I knew he'd be awake - i'm not that mean), to poor Jonathan who had to basically go into work early to make sure what i had to do got done, and the fun times with Abrams' car service - i made it to the camera test on time. with everything in hand.

first day glitches out of the way. thank goodness it's not a production shoot day.

life - it's just funny sometimes.

ack.

a time for many things

2006-11-11T18:07:00.000-05:00

Sexiest burger - ever

That's right.

And you know what - i made it. I am such a nerd. I couldn't eat it until I took a picture. Mind you, slapping on all the extras - I wasn't thinking about an impending photo opt - so it's also the sloppiest photo burger around.

friday night - my last friday of freedom until the shoot is done. I'm not complaining as I say this - it's just the reality of film work - and quite frankly, i've been blessed (knock on wood) that since starting in long format, i've been on Monday - Friday gigs. I've only worked one saturday on Four Brothers and it was an easy day.

so, I figured it was time to take that giant leap and make the burgers. my mom's recipe. guinea pig - poor brent.

so it starts off with the shopping trip to pick up the final ingredients and then we head to my place to start the process.

can i just say - that you will never fully understand my aversion to raw meat until you see me attempt to make something out of it. i have no idea how dumb i am when i'm around the raw meat - but i know i become neurotic about cleanliness. something i warn people around me - so that they are aware that i will become compulsive about hand/counter cleaning.

maybe i'll calm down after cooking meat a few more times. MAYBE.

So it all begins with Brent putting the package of meat into the bowl. I couldn't even do that with my bare hands. At this point i'm definitely voicing how gross i think this all is - more so because i'm getting nervous about the whole event. it's like conquering a really dumb fear. i felt dumb all night. at the beginning i realized how dumb i felt that i couldn't do this without latex gloves on that i almost aborted the entire mission.

with my very vague recipe pinned to the fridge, i begin collecting the ingredients. first hiccup - add some carnation evaporated milk. SOME???? what is that supposed to mean?

right off the bat - a call to my mother - who can't help but laugh on the other end of the line. "add a splash" she says. How big of a splash? what's my splash to raw meat ratio supposed to be????

here i am nervous enough - cause i am about to do something i never thought i would have to do in my life - and on top of that - i talk so much about how much i love my mom's burger recipe, so i don't want to screw it up when introducing a new person to the meal.

she laughs some more before providing a bit more guidance. we hang up.

ingredients in. reluctantly, gloves on. i am alone with the meat my friends. and even with this thin layer of latex, i can't get myself to touching the dang pile of blegh. what if there is a hole in the glove? runs through my head. i'm ridiculous - i know. it's the strangest thing to try to explain to someone - honestly - it's simply an irrational fear i have built up inside me.

after poking at the pile a few times i begin to squish the ingredients together with one hand. it's not that bad. eventually, the ingredients find themselves mushed together as brent sprinkles on the remaining list of items. it was fun.

but i still felt gross.

we made four burgers all together. they were thick and juicy.

sadly - my george foreman grill (which i would like to plug for a second - cause these things are amazing - everyone should own at least one) - burns the top and the bottom of the patties. I haven't been able to figure this part of my grill out yet. you see - there is no temperature control on the two grill elements - and it was blackening the extremities even when the sides were still red.

they were still edible - man - i don't want y'all thinking otherwise.

after eating the first two - which i must say were yummy - moist - and just yummy once again - i thought i would be smart and put diana bbq sauce on the tops/bottoms of the burgers so that they wouldn't burn in the grill.

that didn't work. lesson learned. adding sauce doesn't prevent charring. it might increase the chances...maybe.

mission number one - accomplished. i'm like 100 attempts away from trying a turkey. :p

and the good part is - no food poisoning. :)

So that's me burger story.

Here are many other stories i'm currently working on...

Motivation for my work outs

I discovered how wonderful my gazelle edge is. I can do a very long work out on it and not really notice it. At first, i was only listening to music and watching the construction taking place outside my balcony door. But then on thursday, i decided to pop in a movie into my laptop. Bingo. Instant motivation. Mind you - i'm not focused on reps so much and more so just doing the actual gliding + variations. It's a start. :)

My 'home gym' is growing. thanks to wal mart. i bought more exercise thingies. This rowing thing and the good ol' figure eight elastic band. I haven't tried them to their full extent yet - but they are there to keep me entertained and never bored. They are really useful and simple exercise tools. I have yet to use my Pilate's circle that I purchased while living at Manor Road. See - i was so stoked and motivated to work out at that place and was on a roll UP UNTIL the insect infestations were kicking in - where i decided to avoid working out on the floor all together.

Things are looking up. It's hard to find time to really focus on working out with my work schedule - hence why i'm trying to 'pimp' up my bedroom with gadgets that are in very obvious places - in hopes of keeping myself on some sort of schedule. I have to get in shape for my trip - or by the end of the first week, i'll be paying for it.

so excited.

Work

I've been learning a lot about myself over the last two weeks. Less to do with work itself - and more to do with dealing with certain types of people in my life. These past three weeks have been very very heavy and dark for myself. While i try to err on the positive side in life situations - I've noticed that i've expelled a lot of my own energey trying to keep certain people on a high (or at least a tolerable level) that it has drained me in the end. At the end of the day - i'm empty. I'm feeling completely at a loss of motivation to do the things that need to get done. I feel frustrated at myself.

In the last two weeks, a lot of the negativity I've been trying to avoid from a coworker has really started seeping into my heart.

I started looking at my own life and questioning things. I can't explain it or understand it. When you are around such a negative spirit, it ultimately begins to weaken your heart. Maybe it's just me - but if i could put you in my shoes for you to understand - then you might think differently.

All I do while i'm at work is pray through every step I take. Every second that I am there. I pray for strength to make it through the show while maintaining a positive outlook on the work, this production, and every person involved on the cast & crew. You have to understand - the people I work with are all really awesome. Even the one person in question. It's just learning to deal with purely broken souls.

Wow. I can't even explain how much better this week has been. It's incredible the shift that occured. I thank God every day for His deliverance of the dark and for His guiding strength. I have seen such a positive change this week in how things worked between the two of us.

It's a personality issue. It's just the way that coworker is in life. It's very draining. Yet - there is a beauty in this person - and that's what I've decided to focus on. I filter all the rest out - even if that means not fully hearing a single word that is said about non work related events. It's just for my own sanity.

Spiritually, we clash. But it's not something we openly speak about. It's a mutual respect - which I value between us.

I can't explain it. All i can say, is I've noticed a shift in my attitude. The first week was really hard - because of how i started to see things in my own life. The second week - was different. It wasn't the same type of problem. It was more - I noticed the difference in how I decided to treat the situation (although, i continue to, since the beginning, show this person nothing but respect and attention) - and the outcome of my own actions - and of God's presence - and it was great. BUT - it left me completely drained every single night. Which, is fine, I guess, considering that it makes working tolerable. I just hope that as the weeks progress, I am able to see a continual growth on the positive side of things.

As for me - it's a new challenge. One that is both very spiritual and emotional. Something that is forcing me to look upon myself and how I want to grow in the face of these type of situations. I'm grateful for this opportunity to grow. It is a blessing in disguise. It is a lesson in patience and compassion.

And for those around me - it's a test of patience and compassion. By the time I get home at night - I'm spent. I have nothing left in me. And those around me get the brunt of it. Meaning more so that I have been seeking a lot of solitude over the last two weeks especially, and that means not seeing my roomates as much (my apologies Hannah & Kimberley), not being there as a roomate, and then there's my poor boyfriend who doesn't always have the opportunity to speak to the most upbeat human around. Just spent.

We all go through this.

It will pass. And it is well.

I will grow from this - and one day, it will be wonderful.

Earpiercing shrieks of horror.

Oh wait, that's just our fire alarm. I step onto my gazelle at 4pm. Twenty seconds into the workout, the fire alarm starts to go. Oh my goodness - you have no idea how terrible this thing is - i can still hear it ringing in my ear. It's obnoxious - but it works. I step out into the apartment, from my room, and investigate.

Nothing.

Open our front door - confirmation that it is the entire building.

So what's the first thing I do?

And this my friends, is where I feel dumb. I go into my room and get changed. I was so non-chalant, it worried me afterwards. I think it's from living in residence and all the false alarms pulled in the middle of the night. You just assume it's not for real.

Mind you, walking out in shorts wouldn't have been a great idea - it was cold and wet outside. i was solo. I got bundled up in a hoodie and pants and shoes and scuttled down the stairs. Strangely enough, i was one of the first people out the building.

It was interesting. I was able to observe a lot of people from my building. We didn't socialize too much, more so cause half of the people were frozen - wearing t-shirts alone (smart - they probably left without getting changed - they'd live through a real fire). I realized that there are some super friendly people in my building (which is encouraging) and then i met a posse of three girls that i felt were straight out of high school. Not age wise - attitude wise. They were being so rude to our super's wife - i couldn't believe it. Just snide and obnoxious. I was sad for them.

Three fire engines show up. And with the flip of a button - all is fixed. Wow - that was way too easy. Culprit - apparently someone in apartment 101 was making toast. I have no idea if their 'in-apartment' alarm was buzzing before the entire building went. I truly hope there is a delay in widespread alarm blitzes.

The soundtrack of my life.

On the road this morning, i popped in my Delirious Album - The Mission Bell (which i do plan on passing to Shawna if i can ever remember the darn thing). It's golden. At least - i have enjoyed it since my days on The Storm where I first discovered the album in Chris Jones' family van. It pulled me through a great deal of 24 hr days.

Anyway - i was listening to track number 11 today - and it's like i heard the lyrics for the first time- this one part just stood out to me.

The first song, Take off my Shoes' excerpt:

Why did you call, why did you wait,
For someone so guilty, someone so fake.

It's best if you know the entire context of the song - but basically, it's a love song for God. It's about this person who is so desperately seeking His presence but will never fully understand it. He is sitting there, in the presence of God, and still doesn't understand how he was blessed to be sitting with Him. It speaks of our shear and desperate desire for His presence. It's honestly the most mind numbing thing to grasp - why does God want to love me? Why me? Why you? Despite everything that we do - it's the most beautiful relationship. Anyway - for some reason this part of the song just stood out to me. Most likely because of how I've been feeling especially with how i have treated certain people in my life. I am really hard on myself when it comes to how i treat others. I always want them to know how much I appreciate them and how much I care and value their presence in my life. That isn't always what comes across - because, well, i'm a human, and i fall a bunch, and on the way down, i trip others around me.

And there is the beauty of these lyrics applied to your own life. It doesn't matter how many times I trip, it doesn't matter how much I faulter, God still wants me - He is still waiting and He is still calling out to me. He will not give up on me. I sin, you sin, we all do - and I don't mean to blame this on our human nature - but in the one sense, it really is why we sin. We aren't as strong as we want to be all the time. We are tempted by the beauty of sin desire. It is easier to sin sometimes - or so it would seem. There is a spiritual warfare happening around us - and we are all targets.

But that doesn't matter. It's where your heart lies that is important - and that's amazing. It's not a veto card that allows you to actively sin or whatnot - that's not the goal here. You are supposed to actively pursue a holy life - one that is godly - walk in the shoes that He left for you to journey in. I want to do good. He knows I want to do good. I want forgiveness. He provides. He will sit and wait for me. He will call out my name. He will knock at my door - until I go home. Until the new life. He has a patience and love that no man will ever fully understand - because we were not created with the same capacity - that's why this love from Him is so baffling.

But I accept it.

There is another song, Our God reigns, which doesn't so much apply to my moment, but whose lyrics really resonated with me when I first heard them. It's like with any song, you hear it over and over again, and then one day you really take notice of what is being said. Like a slap in the face.

The west has found a gun and it’s loaded with ‘unsure’

Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure.

Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime,

God didn’t screw up when he made you,
He’s a father who loves to parade you.

Man oh man - isn't that just awesome??? Honestly, it's all I can think of when I hear it playing on the cd player in my car. God didn't screw up when he made you - you are beautiful. He thinks you are the most beautiful creature this world has ever seen. Every single one of you. That is by far one of the most encouraging and beautiful reassurances. God wanted you to be YOU. That's something I've tried to apply in my own life - love who i was created to be. Love who He wants me to be. Because He loves me. He wants to see my smile shine from Heaven high. He is watching for it every second of every day.

And He wants it from you too. Incredible.

Anyway - with our image obsessed north american society - these words are a desperate plea against our reality. What is it that you see in the mirror? I can't say that I always want to look in a mirror - more so because i don't always want to face who I am. Nobody does all the time. But each and every one of us was created to be here in this moment, in this situation, with these people, with these challenges, with these realities, with these smiles, with these tears... and no matter how hard you try to understand - you never will, so embrace that reality, and enjoy the moment however which way you choose to.

Cause God loves to parade you. And while you're walking on this earth's surface, you are shining bright in His eyes - and man oh man alive - you look incredible. And He can't get enough of you.

So good.

So incredibly empowering.

Leaving you with one last little piece of enjoyment...

The purchase was made today for four tickets to the Buffalo Bills game on Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 - where they will face off against the San Diego Chargers.

I am soooooo excited you have no idea. MY FIRST NFL GAME.

I've been looking forward to this for soooo long. I'm such a nerd.

and done.

I'm gonna go make some food. As for tonight - i haven't decided. I might actually just want to stay at home. It's still wet and rainy outside. I have stuff to get done around here. I might hit up a pool hall where some of my friends are celebrating the freedom of my pal Andrew - who apparently has been hooked up to IV tubes for two months??? I need an update. Also, my bella Silvia's birthday party is tonight. What to do?

None the less, the weekend is almost over (crushing my heart). But i absolutely look forward to tomorrow.

In the next edition of my blog...

upcoming work rumours

a possible bowling date next weekend

so exciting!

things are looking up

2006-11-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

My first email - a reply to my MEC posting. An interested climbing partner.

Brent's convinced that I can belay someone heavier than 1.5 times my weight. There's a logic in what he's saying - with the self locking mechanism gre-gre thing. If anyone can confirm this - please let me know. But to my knowledge - i can only belay someone as 'heavy' as approx 145lbs (me being the measily 95-100lbs range).

You know what - maybe i can belay someone a bit higher than 150lbs. Maybe? Would you trust me as a belay buddy?

There is still hope. And this is making me smile.

here's to a happy wednesday.

RANDOM aside - I am currently enjoying my English to Pirate Translator on my Mactop's dashboard. :) It can only translate a mere 200 words into the declared 'pirate talk' - but it leaves me amused none the less.

That is all.

i got called ma'am TWICE today - what gives?

2006-11-07T20:36:00.000-05:00

i am officially a geek. i am the proud new owner of a paper shredder.

let me explain - outside of the fact that i did in fact name the paper shredder from my days on Wild Card - (really, i don't think that should count - cause his name was Monster and it was because he looked like a cyclopse for real) - it adds to my office supply nerdiness.

so - i continue with the purging of my life. Mind you - i'm less purgy lately cause my parents recently suggested that when I travel I should simply rent out a storage space instead of moving my boxed items back home. Either they really don't want to see my stuff at their house (don't blame them) or it's really more convenient for me to have it all in the city for when I return.

Either way - for some reason i've been more lax with my purging.

In comes mr. paper shredder. I have bills from 8-10 years ago in my files. At least a whole banker's box full. On the bills - banking information as i'm very addament with how I file my billing and keep track of all my payment records - cause you know one day something is going to nip you in the butt - and you'll have proof otherwise. I'm not a fan of just tossing paper like that - with sensitive information. And i'm also not a huge fan of tearing paper piece by piece - cause i'm compulsive at times and would want the darn pieces of paper to be small enough to cover any pertinent information -which in the end would drive me insane.

instead - i buy a paper shredder. i think my brother called it an early birthday present for myself. am i that nerdy?

i think it's a valid reason to own a paper shredder - that and the fact that it does make sense to eventually own one in the future with my job and working through the industry with sensitive information and whatnot. not with my job as a PA (hahaha), but more so when i return and focus on producing within the film industry.

Lame.

yes.

I posted on MEC for a rock climbing partner. I have wanted to join a gym for years now - and every partner i've teamed up with has not been able to commit to any regular schedule. It's sad. Also - with my work - i'm all over the place. But herein lies the beauty of the rock climbing gym...they're generally open until 11pm. There are some people who have mentioned interest - and i am very much still interested in hitting up the wall with these fine folk - but i would like to commit more time to this. It's part of my training for me trip. I can't do regular gyms - cause most of the fitness machines destroy my knees. Fine by me - i'll take the challenge of a vertical climb over an exercise bike any day.

mind you - somedays i wish i could bike again. boo.

it's raining today. it warmed up this week. but i was thinking about snow. we're past the beautiful colour changing part of fall - we're now into the dreary middle state awaiting the official arrival of winter. but then comes that first snowfall. i love walking outside in the middle of the night when the snow just starts to fall from the sky and just enough builds up on the ground so that people take notice - but not too much that it becomes a hazard to walk/drive in.

soon enough.

i'm not wishing for its arrival just yet.

however - i would like to go toboganning on my birthday. i've been wanting this for years - it's never snowy enough. oh well.

i'm at the airport before the crack of dawn tomorrow to pick up our director and our writer from their time in LA. i can't sleep in. wish me luck.

i am blessed.

and i honestly just want to talk about it all the time. not in a gloating fashion. not to rub it in other people's faces - but more just because it wants to burst out of me.

being blessed doesn't mean everything is peachy keen - heck no. it's more an understanding of where you are at in your life and for me, I feel blesed when I am in sync with God and feel that i might have an understanding of where He wants me in my life right now and embracing the good, the bad and understanding why He has brought either situation my way.

when i feel like this - i feel like my smile comes out more - on my face, through my actions, through my words.

there was something about how i interacted with these three people at Price Choppers this morning that made my day that much brighter. it was the quality customer service provided by the cashier and the two gentlemen who i had lined up with. i can't explain it fully. there was a beauty in the way we all communicated. the two gentlemen were deaf. we became entangled in this random price check situation and somehow met again paying for our items. they wished me a good day. i was smiling the entire time. everyone was. it's difficult to describe a moment like this - but it was what i needed.

when you're in good spirits you realize how much lighter your heart is. how much brighter the day really does feel.

a simple ten minute conversation on MSN today gave me strength to get through the day.

work has gotten a lot better. and i'm at peace with it all. and i think the way i handled things last week is really becoming evident in the shift with the problem.

the Sadie crew that has joined in on this feature make it really feel like home.

my first letter of recommendation came in the mail today. this taught me that placing a letter in the mail at night on a monday in the city of toronto CAN actually get to another location in Toronto by tuesday afternoon. Thank you Julie - a million times over.

I hope i'm doing the right thing.

LR tomorrow night - movie times at Dan's place. He has a projector and a screen that covers a large portion of one of the walls in his living room.

I finally have my specialist appointment lined up. January 10th, 2007. on the plus side - i think that one of the medications might be working. but it's difficult to tell. i'll let the experts tell me.

blessed. for so many reasons.

thank You.

thank you to my friends, family, community, and coworkers for being lights in my life.

and thanks be to you. you make my every day brighter.

three nights.

i still get lost in this smile.

it's nine. i have to make dinner. i have to go to bed at some odd hour to ensure the pure avoidance of sleeping in.

i'm encouraged. there are new adventures on the horizon.

My brother...

...the clown.

monday mornings.

2006-11-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

Happy 55th Anniversary to my dear Grammy & Grampy Clark!!

i had a good weekend. very busy. little sleep.

Magali is happily moved into her new apartment - her first place alone in the city. Always very exciting.

Saw Borat on Saturday night - funny. But very controversial depending on how you would like to look at the film and its content.

A brief overview of what will become an ongoing controversy. On the one hand - it's a mockumentary and when viewing the film, you need to enjoy it as such. And quite frankly, i haven't laughed so much at a movie in a long time. It was constant. It was everyone. Subject matter wise - there were some points where you laugh cause it's funny - but sometimes it's just plain uncomfortable.

Herein lies the biggest controversy that i've been reading about when people discuss this film - how movies like "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" are shaping the way today's society is viewing humour. You have people on both extremes - those who think that movies like this are setting the new 'norm' for what society wants to see in theatres - and the type of comedy that is selling. They look at these films as something to embrace. Then, you have the group of people who feel that allowing humour, such as this film displays, to take hold of the industry and become the norm - we will begin to see a higher tolerance for problems such as discrimination. The question being are we allowing too much freedom for discrimination? Where is the fine line? Were Borat's anti-semetic jokes too much? Or should we look at the fact that the actor himself is Jewish and is actually trying to bring to light our own ignorance - especially within the United States?

Borat's film is a funny film. I am very happy that I did in fact see it. This is the type of film that you want to see in its opening weekend so that you are spared from the mass critics' and public opinions. Controversial - maybe. Is it that we are being too uptight about the humour?

Does free speech exist anymore? What defines free speech? Cause here we have a film - that crosses A LOT of lines when you look at it as a wide release feature film. But when you slander a whole nation of people - even in good (debatable) humour - is free speech no longer acceptable?

I really dont' want to get into a huge discussion or description about the film. It is what it is - it's funny - it's difficult. You have to see the film to understand the concerns.

Oh, Borat.

Sunday was a day. It started off on a really good foot. More so - i remember waking up and feeling good about the day - things were nice.

The move. After pushing back Goose's move time - we eventually started the offloading at her new place at 10.30amish. It went quick. It's a quaint little first apartment.

Ran home - ate - ran out - church. Set up.

The sermon was really good on Sunday - i am really interested in the book of Acts - it's been a few weeks now that David & Cyril have been preaching from that book. Maybe i'll try to tackle that one next.

After church - we had a LR leader's orientation meeting. I was officially asked about possibly stepping up in our group. I meet with Daniel tomorrow to talk further about this - and also just simply talk to my LR about what they think - cause that's really important.

At night - the old spaghetti factory for our dinner date.

It's just amazing.

All the time.

You know when you sit and ask yourself why you deserve things - people ask this through good and bad times. I just feel overwhelmed with joy in certain parts of my life - and i don't know what i did to deserve them.

I exist.

That's why i deserve my smiles and my tears.

I exist because He created me to lead this life. And He wants me to shine and smile and find this golden path He's laid out for me. He's laid it out for all of us - it's up to us to understand this and seek it. He wants us all to be sooo ultimately happy. A lot of times, it's difficult to understand that - but i will forever appreciate Him and what He wants for me.

Sunday night was really nice. it was simple. it was exactly what i needed with you.

sitting on my balcony chair - so happy that i have one - and very appreciative of blankets to shelter from cold weather.

a hug.

a smile.

the simplicity of an honest heart.

the complexity of humanity.

i feel at home.

on the balcony.

in the hug.

so much to say.

i'm so happy right now. things are well in my life - there is a good balance.

thank you.

for being patient.

2.50 am

2006-11-05T03:15:00.000-05:00

a voicemail from a boy describing a girl he is looking for. he then describes himself. his entourage is shouting around him. at the end - you can hear them all discussing how that message was as they hang up the phone.

i love drunken messages - they honestly are hilarious.

2.52 am.

returned phone call.

so i was on a mission today. yet not a lot got done.

today i learned two things - finding a pack is not as easy at i thought it would be and coats i like are expensive.

I have been in "love" with an Arc'tyrex bag for years - problem - the price. it's over 400$. but it's a beauty with a lot of nerdy features i don't want to get into too deeply.

so i settled on the idea of the MEC replacement - the good ol' Brio bag. a mere $109. but MEC quality guaranteed that i would be in good hands.

SO today, at MEC, i spend some time with a floor rep, and do the next step in the backpack purchasing process...

The learning of the packing and of the eventual 'putting on the back' aspect - and ultimately learning about your abilities to carry your life on your shoulders.

And here, I learn, that the MEC brio bag does not fit me well. Major back pain - as it doesn't work with my back's contours. I can't even begin to tell you how much my back was hurting - and all i was doing was toting 30kgs around the bag section of MEC.

So i speak to the guy - and he suggests I try on another MEC brand name and then this one Arc'tyrex bag - ah yes - the one that i was always eyeing.

Now - here i have a problem. I do have to return and try on the Bora 65 vs the Bora 75 (men's vs women's) because i was having a problem with the hip belt jacking up - and this is like the most important fastener you will ever have - as it distributes 80% of the weight to your hips. The problem - i am facing the 400$ bag purchase scenario again - the same scenario that i finally cut out of my head. But man, that bag felt soooo good on my back. And to know that I'll be doing a hardcore back travel through NZ - it's best to get a great pack and a great jacket.

i do enjoy my back...

Packing these bags is funny. I have no idea what i'm going to do when i hit up NZ. The guy said you should never carry more than 1/3 of your weight. I am fine with that - cause i now know how 60ish lbs feels and it aint pretty.

anyway - it was a real eye opener. I really really need to start strengthening my back muscles - esp my lower back.

thinking about carrying your life on your back and actually trying to carry your life on your back - two very different things. i bet i'm going to leave with like nothing out of fear of overweighting myself.

So - that's the bag story.

On to part two - the inevitable need for a super strong shell.

My coat. This too has been something i've been working at trying to get for a long time now. I have been trying to find a good gore-tex shell coat that will be my everything coat - with layering for the colder months. Now - knowing this - i have to be prepared to pay a good amount of money for this jacket - cause it's going to be a very vital part of keeping me dry and ultimately happy as i backpack over the next year.

Gore-tex my friends - is not cheap.

The other part is the cut of the coats. I am a petite person - and the sad part of that is that most things at stores like MEC do not fit me properly. This includes their coats. Either they simply are too boxy and baggy or they just don't sit right on my body (arm length/shape). This has been a great letdown in the shopping department for a good coat. I have to love this coat. It has to keep me dry. It has to endure a heavy backpack grinding away at the shoulders and waistline.

In comes the new line of Spectre jackets at MEC. Beautiful new colours - i found a blue one that caught my eye. and they are a nice fit. for the first time, a size actually fits me in a way that i feel comfortable.

again, i'll spare you from all the product information.

My favorite part - the price tag.

$399.00 with tax.

Yup - read it and weep - and i mean that more to myself.

I'm not saying i'm made of money - cause i'm not - and i did have to crack into my last $100.00 GC from MEC. But in the end - this is a great coat. It just hurts to know i could bundle it up into the tiniest ball of material. :p

So now i've got my coat and my sleeping bag. the next two big hits are the bag and the boots.

wow - this is really happening.

upcoming

2006-11-03T11:10:00.000-05:00

Today is friday.

winter is approaching - it snowed yesterday. it is cold today. windy. i like it though - it's better than a downpour.

Tonight I have a dinner date with an old friend - the lovely Silvia. We dine at Grazie - which is chill cause it's near my house and also cause I've always wanted to go and never really had a reason (the wait time is tremendous esp. cause they don't take reservations).

Tomorrow is errands day. Yup. Fun stuff to kick off your weekend. Laundry, cleaning, sorting. LR meeting downtown. Hopefully a MEC date - none the less it's the weekend to crack into my last GC for that store - and i am looking forward to the shop. At night - a movie date - the feature - good ol' Borat. After this week - i need a good laugh.

Sunday is Sunday. I'm covering a fellow FTer on setup - so i'll be at Freedomize early pm. Post church, a long awaited dinner date with Brent. I look forward to the evening.

Then week two on Young People.

Other upcomings.

Meeting for the Coordinator gig.

Applying to the Union - yup, i'm caving. If you wish to comment on my plans to throw my life into a union - feel free. I am leaving soon on a long awaited and lengthy trip - and wise people told me it might be a good idea to join the union for several reasons. I agree with these reasons.

My first official NFL game. Sadly, it will not take place this Sunday versus the Green Bay Packers - but I will be travelling to Buffalo to catch the Bills in action versus the Miami Dolphins. Fun times on December 17th - in a open concept stadium - i must remember to bring very very very warm clothing. and mittens. With no television in my life right now - i can't actually follow the season. So i'm not saying that these are two teams I support this season - but being an NFL fan, my heart leans towards Buffalo, despite their not so hot shot reputation these last few seasons, but they are the closest NFL team around. And i'll support them - good or bad.

My grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary is happening on Monday, November 6th, 2006.

Participating in a Photo Scavenger Hunt mid November.

A plethora of Raptors' games. Maybe not so much a plethora - but at least two in Nov/Dec and another in the new year.

A Christmas work party - not my own, but Brent's.

A concert at Roy Thompson Hall - Handel's Messiah.

In a few short months i'll be an aunt.

a favorite upcoming - i'm attempting to make my mom's delicious ribs very soon. :)

There are more upcomings. These are the ones travelling through my head today.

It's been a rough week. I am very excited about the weekend. I don't think i get to sleep in this weekend. I was actually looking forward to extra sleep - which is unlike me. Oh well.

i bought a chair this week for my balcony. that's right - just in time for winter. i don't mind that however - i have blankets and can always make warm drinks. i used to sit on my balcony every night and just spend that much needed time alone. then i started rearranging my room and that door remained blocked by boxes as i sorted out my life. i miss my balcony. from it you can see the very tip of the CN Tower's top spoke. :p i overlook construction from my balcony - and i actually enjoy it - cause it's interesting to watch the progress. i also continue to think about communicating with the two crane operators that sit in their machines every day - thanks to a pocket reference book - i am learning how to speak 'crane' talk. :) let's see if this distracts them at all.

my 'home gym' is expanding. i have all these tools and things and i haven't really applied them to my life yet. i'm not a gym type of gal. i'm more into playing actual sports and rock climbing and kick boxing. But i'm trying. i think i have fun things - which is good, cause i get bored very easily with things. my gazelle is fun and all...but variety is better. also - i am still interested in joining a pool/rec centre. i definitely need to expand on my water abilities before actually thinking about taking up surfing in NZ. hahaha

i really have very little to report. i'm at work - and probably shouldn't be blogging. there is very little for me to do today. i am really just reflecting on things. which is good. i'm really starting to get nervous about the IATSE application.

ugh.

it's noon.

the day is almost half way done.

mishaps and misfortune. it's not all that bad.

2006-11-01T23:01:00.000-05:00

it really isn't. i'm really happy in my life right now. the hiccups i'm facing in my life right now truly are simple challenges that i am facing for a reason.

there's always a reason.

it's wednesday night.

MISHAPS: so far, this week, i have managed to stain my fingers orange TWICE. Once by an exploding highlighter - and i was alone in the office and couldn't leave the phones to go rinse off the streams of liquid orange ooze for about 20mins. So the highlighter liquid slowly seaped into my skin until it was almost impossible to scrub off. Another time, tonight, while cutting carrots.

An aside - so i cut carrots and my fingers now have this funky orangey tinge (don't worry - it's slowly dissipating). I make a salad for dinner and ring the romaine through my salad spinner, and the water is a very murky deep green. What gives with the colour loss in our vegetables? Is it cause i'm not eating organic?

Another mishap - a sample package of JIF peanut butter exploded in my jacket pocket.

rewind. we're at dinner for Hannah's birthday on saturday and Kim gets an omelette. With this comes their dish of PB&J. I have never seen a JIF PB sample - so i help myself to one. After randomly collecting different samples - i thought it would be fun to have a jacket full of obscure samples to offer to people. And this is why you don't do such a thing - exploding PB. Lesson learned - i am no longer collecting samples for my jacket pocket.

Another mishap - a slew of painfully located and random blisters on one innocent finger.

this one brings me back to my carrots folks. clearly, i'm not a chef. a new and clear sign of this is how i use knives. i can't necessarily be as strong a cutter if my hand is on the protected handle. I feel that i am too far away from the blade and cannot use as much force while cutting. So i hold onto the top of the blade for a more secure grip. We're not talking steak/butter knives - i mean the fancy big knives with the long blades/handles. Anyway - all that just to say that i cut a bunch of carrots and the entire time the top of the blade (the unsharp part) was banging into my finger - and i now have three blisters on my right index finger. what the crap people? what the crap.

I started work this week. I don't really know what to say about it yet. I finished the script today. Oh - for those of you who aren't 100% up to date - the title of the film i'm working on right now is "YPF", aka Young People F'ng. Yeah - so have a giggle about it and move on. The script is actually an interesting read - and it's not because of the content - it's because of the way it follows the different characters. Not really planning on going into details about this.

I feel very blessed - because this job will run until December 21st - so two months of straight work - which is so very lovely. And also, we're at TFS - which i absolutely love. If you're ever going to feel like you work at a real film studio in this city - this is the place where that will occur. Working with my long time co-worker J-dawg. And the producers and the team really are great people. It's a very small office in terms of people - and i forgot how nice that was to work within.

I have mixed feelings about different things about this job but i don't really want to get into details right now. Or ever for that matter - not on my blog that is. Let's just say, i have a feeling i'm going to be challenged in my environment and in the content of this production. Praying that i come out sane. : )

Smiles through the mishaps:

there's always a reason to smile. i have way more than this - but you have to cap it somewhere.

1) successfully setting up the printer to work from my computer, after several failed attempts in the office today
2) Colin's nike swoosh balloon that he drew for me at Enoch's party
3) the view from Mark & Laval's balcony
4) late night Nairobian msn conversations with the lovely Sarah
5) sitting behind a steering wheel once again
6) despite the struggles i'm facing with this new job - realizing how present God is in my life and feeling His protection
7) the weather - it has been quite lovely this week
8) a dinner date friday night with an old friend
9) knowing that on saturday i'm going to be purchasing my backpack for my trip

10) my boyfriend.

The boyfriend. So i've never really introduced this new character of my life to my blog world. I honestly don't know exactly why that is.

I'm not a big PDG (public displays of gushing) type of person. And it's not out of a lack of appreciation for my bf - i just don't feel it's what i want to share with my blog readers. But i've come to realize that he's probably going to be involved in a great deal of stories in my blogging life - so i figured I should introduce you to him...sort of.

what a classic way to do it.

wurd.

his name is brent.

blog world...meet brent. brent, meet my faithful readers.

slowly people are learning about this relationship and it makes me laugh. but to answer the recurring questions as to how it all came to be. we met through FT softball in the summer. Hung out a bunch and became friends through the season. and eventually, we decided to go the extra step and start a relationship.

tada.

i'm not trying to short change anyone of the story - cause if you know me, you know that i can't tell stories without really going into details. i'm also not trying to downplay how much i care about him.

i just want to make it official.

maybe a blog introduction is just strange.

enough gush.

My brother is safe & sound. Thank God. His slightly perturbed roomate (and i say that lightly) is out and a new one has moved in. I'm praying that all goes well between them and that the other knows better than to try anything else. If i ever saw her on the street, i really don't know how i'd react - but it wouldn't be a good day for her.

Enoch Khuu - is a great person. And because he's so amazing to so many people, our dear friend Elaine decided to throw him a surprise birthday party almost two months post the date. He was sick on his actual bday, and it's mostly due to how much time he was spending helping others with their projects - in the end, he didn't do much on his actual day of celebration.

The party was this sunday and it was a success. The entire time, he thought he was stalling Mark J from a surprise housewarming party and all the time, Mark was really stalling him from his very own surprise shindig.

We decorated, baked, cooked (all Elaine - yummy dinner) and awaited the fateful moment of his arrival. At first, he ducked into the crowd to cheer on Mark, thinking that we were shouting for MJ - it took him a bit of time to realize we were all cheering for him.

We love Enoch - boy's sign.
We love you more Enoch - girl's sign.
Hellium balloons with written messages.
A packed room full of 20ish friends and one Enoch.

It was nice.

it's really thursday morning now. sunday feels so far away.

it didn't seem that far away until last night.

this is nothing compared to the 4.5 month gap that is on the horizon.

why am i so freaked out about this lately?

argh.

I woke up to Your smile

2006-10-30T06:22:00.000-05:00

a rich palette of colours.

a prayful heart.

a thankful heart.

You painted the skies with such life.

You taught the sun to rise.

there are no words for my awe for You.

Life is great.

It's 6.20 am and i am so thankful to be waking up to the sunrise again.

I start work at TFS today.

I am so blessed to have work to attend.

Today, i simply woke up with a smile.

Thank You for teaching my heart to smile.

believing in the spirit of the game. Argos recap take 2.

2006-10-29T08:45:00.000-05:00

Here to disply mad acting talents and demonstrate what it's like to take part in a Toronto Argos CFL Football game, may I present to you the lovely ladies of the evening.

The players:

Magali - displaying her spirit in a lovely blue knit turtle neck and obnoxiously large men's Dominion Fan Pack T-shirt.

Alison - displaying her spirit in a SueE original created from an extra large men's Dominion Fan Pack T-shirt.

Scene One - the argos have caught the ball. Will they make it to their end zone for that long awaited touch down?

The fans hoot and holler as Bruce (#5) makes the catch and starts the run down from the 45 yard line.

He dodges left and jumps over #13 on the Alouettes. Bruce crosses the field on a diagonal, with his teamates close behind clearing the path for his agile feet.

He's at the 10 yard line - no one can touch him. Run! Run! Run!!!

TOUCH DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or, at least that's what it would look like, if we had taken pictures when the event did actually occur. It was half time and we were just enjoying the beauty that is a digital camera. But we did cheer on the team when we did succeed in scoring touch downs. And Bruce (#5) did have a wicked touchdown that was sadly challenged due to a foot barely touching the sideline - and the points were revoked. that sucked.

Scenario Two - the loss of the game.

And sadly - blogger has ceased the photo downloads. The fun must stop here.

Flickr people.

Not the best pictures - but it's funny when you think about the fact that some were taken during half time and the confusion on the faces of those sitting around us when we would strike such heartfelt poses.

Buffalo Bills are playing December 17th against the Miami Dolphins. Thinking about it.

I have rekindled my love of football.

by the end of the day, i understood CFL that much more...

2006-10-28T19:39:00.000-04:00

A photo journal - cause hey, it's seldom that my blog allows me to post my own pictures - so I say I'm going to take advantage of this.

Enjoy.

It all started with a Fanpack at Dominion. I dragged Brent around the Dominion at Y&E to try to find what this sign was talking about this one day. 25$ for two Argos tix and two t-shirts - oversized and terrible - but none the less. Buying two Argos 500 level tix through ticket master alone is 40$. Hence the attraction to this deal.

Oh the fun we had.

I had a blast at the game. I love going to live sporting events in general. And I have always wanted to go to an NFL game. This is the closest that I've ever come. What better way to spend a day than with your best friend being absolutely silly.

Magali and I enjoyed a lovely afternoon at the Rogers Centre today. The attendance was over 38,000 people today. Shocking. It took into the third quarter for the stadium to fill up.

We laughed, we cried, we cheered on the Argos as much as we could.

In the end - we failed to cheer them on loud enough. We finally got to see an interception - sadly it cost the Argos the game. Montreal took it home 21 - 20.

Oh well. It was a ton of fun. Here is my absolute favorite moments - those captured by my digital camera of magali and i going through an array of emotions. Funny enough - none of these pictures were taken while plays were being made. :) I think most of them were during the half time show. You never would have known - we're that talented!

ARGH - cancel that. See - my blog has randomly stopped allowing me to post the pictures. You'll have to wait until i make friends with blogger again. Otherwise, check out my Flickr account for more Argos fun.

Have a lovely evening everyone. We're celebrating Hannah's 21st birthday!!! :)

new day

2006-10-27T12:56:00.000-04:00

i woke up to a colorful sunrise today.

it's going to be a magical day.

last night was fun.

oh the beautiful ladies of freedomize.

to our dressers from FT - thank you for your help.

to all the lovely ladies from Freedom Clothing.

to an evening of professional hair and smokey eyes.

to all the double takes in the mirror.

to the backstage bonding.

to waltzing home from the subway all done up.

to all the peering eyes.

to the very long process of removing the never ending makeup.

i'm me again.

the transformation is actually quite striking. i lost part of my voice last night from yelling over the music - so when i got home my roomates were taken aback talking to me - different face, different voice.

late night runs to Mac's.

falling asleep on that comfy couch. it was always a good bed to me.

today started off on the right foot. i think.

i'm meeting J-dawg at the office mid-afternoon. the time keeps changing.

then it will be tonight.

tonight is date night.

i like date night.

tomorrow - my first live football game. i'm stoked.

look for me wearing a Sue Erickson original on your televisions ladies and gentlemen!

last weekend of freedom.

have lovely weekends.

i'll post some pictures of behind the scenes at Shear Madness on my Flicker Account. will keep you posted.

thursday

2006-10-26T13:23:00.000-04:00

i guess i am now officially a model.

last night's fashion show was an experience. it was a very long day/night. we all showed up around 4pm. didn't really get started until shortly after 5pm when we did our first walk down the catwalk. then the hair and makeup blitzing began. and slowly, we all transformed into night time beauties.

it was fun.

you must understand that i am very much not the type of person you would expect to waltz down a catwalk. i am the girl next door. t-shirt and jeans type of gal. someone who doesn't wear makeup - ever. the exact opposite of a fashion model.

it's fun getting all dazzled up - with the glitzy makeup and beautiful hair and just prancing around with this surreal attitude like you're hot shit.

you feel beautiful. it's actually something that i think every woman should try at least once.

we didn't start the show until about 11.20pm. and let me tell you: 15+ models, 5 dressers and a handful of designers crammed into a backstage area with piles of junk, mounds of bags and personal gak, and racks of clothing for several hours - not the most ideal of situations - but it truly gives you a chance to really get to know one another. it's really interesting to watch how a fashion show is run backstage.

it is chaotic.

last run through tonight. a team from Vidal Sasoon is coming to do our hair/make up tonight - so this should be interesting.

anyway.

an aside. kind of.

my life has been chaotic lately. not so much visibly to anyone around me - but inside. there has been a lot going on with personal matters that i want so much to express and then again without proper background information - the stories are lost.

i wish people would stop being so stupid.

my dear brother is going through a situation right now that i wish with all my heart i could shelter him from. the most i can do is offer him my apartment as a comfort during this time. i am happy it will all be over and done with soon. i had no idea it would escalate to this point.

for my parents - i love you guys. and i hope that you know that i am here for you always.

there are some things that i wish i could understand in life - and i never will.
there are words that i would like to express - and i don't know if i ever can.

i feel very vulnerable - in this moment of my life. with the good & the bad occuring.

i'm a very strong person - so this is difficult for me.

i'm frustrated that i can't protect those i love the way i wish i could.

to love is to be vulnerable.
in vulnerability, the truth of who we are is exposed.

and at the same time, i am so happy.

there is a smile in my life that balances out the bad.

i am so thankful for this gift.

i don't wish to understand any of it - i gave up on that a long time ago.

tomorrow is friday - everything will be better tomorrow.

here's to another trip-free evening at the whipper snapper.

i have just jinxed myself - haven't i?

sitting down for coffee with myself

2006-10-23T12:14:00.000-04:00

if i sat down for coffee with myself, i wonder what i would ask. i wonder what would be the first thing out of my mouth.

would i speak or simply observe.

i'm a month and a half away from my birthday and i sit and wonder about the changes i've gone through in the first 25 years of existing on this planet.

what growth have i shown?

what growth can i truly believe in myself?

last night - i spent a great deal of time looking at myself on the inside. lying on my bed, listening to music, and wondering. pondering.

He was there by my side listening - even though i didn't speak the words aloud.

there was no need for words. He already knows what I’m thinking.

personal reflections

something that we all go through in our lives and is probably one of the best stepping stones to our future. to be able to look back on where you’ve been so that your next steps have guidance and strength, understanding, knowledge and appreciation.

i can never find the right words

what did i see in myself?

changes that I can’t quite explain.
knowledge of things I need to work on that I am aware of and consciously applying myself to.
appreciation for my heart and how it feels and allowing it to feel.

understanding that if my heart hurts – I should allow myself to feel that way and not feel guilty for experiencing this hurt.

I’m overly apologetic. And through this part of who I am, I sometimes don’t allow myself space to be sad, or be upset, or be bothered. I take on another’s remorse or guilt and in the end, feel bad if I am the reason they feel remorse or guilt.

I don’t allow myself the freedom of that part of my humanity. pain.

often, I simply find a reason to be mad at myself in that situation. from this, a vicious cycle can begin. many people go through it. if you are one of those people – then you’ll understand what i’m talking about.

Why is it that we have a difficult time with handling pain?

understanding of who i have grown to be.

understanding of my personal limits.

my personal limits. knowing what hurts and what doesn’t. knowing how to handle how I feel. knowing to make space for myself to go through whatever time i need to spend on a moment to reflect on how i feel, how the other feels, and how it matters as a whole. knowing that when your heart hurts – you need space so that you can find your common sense again so that you can approach another’s heart in a way where you understand their intention for what is true…and not some negative vision your heart might have built up.

does this help any? does it ease my heart?

it opened my eyes that much more to my reflection.

separation

separation from a situation can be good and bad.

it's that frustrating melding of the two worlds that is so confusing.

it's never easy

you want to step back to calm your heart from traveling down a downward spiral of self doubt. you want to step up to confront your heart and find the truth. you want to be strong. you want to be weak. you want to erase any guilt that you build against yourself.

you want to express how much you understand.

you want to be a support for the other – and yet you need them to support you.

you want to smile again.

you wish it never happened so you didn’t have to think about it. you appreciate that it did happen so that you can grow from it.

you understand vulnerability that much more.

I think, if I was sitting down for coffee with myself, I would give myself a hug.

Cause maybe that’s all I need.

or better yet, I’d give myself a high five.

cause I know that would make me smile.

the ups and downs of reality

2006-10-23T00:08:00.000-04:00

today was a day.

fanfest was a miss - cause let me tell you how many people show up to a free event at the ACC. Well, i don't actually know cause we couldn't really find the end of the line up. It was 2.30 - when the event was supposed to start - people had been flowing in since 2.00pm when the doors opened. the line up was out the door, down the street, all the way down the enclosed underpass on york street, and then back up york for who knows how far. insane.

we didn't even bother.

church was nice. worship was good and the sermon was nice. and as always - it's nice to catch up with people after church.

Shawna, brent, kim and myself headed to our place for pizza and nintendo fun. Hannah succesfully avoided studying for a few more hours.

...

contradiction.

i write on my blog for me.
i write on my blog for others - family/friends - so they can be brought up to date on things in my life if they so wish to read up on my life. and strangers who feel called to read about my moments in time.
i write on my blog because i feel free.
i write on my blog using a filter - because i'm aware of who reads my blog and am trying to protect everyone around me.

i feel trapped.

somewhere i feel like i lost my freedom of speech on my blog. and it's my own fault because i've implemented my own filter.

tonight - i feel blah. that is me filterless.

then i feel guilty for posting an honest moment.

then i feel frustrated for feeling guilty for speaking my heart.

then i feel empty for not understanding what i'm allowed to do with my blog.

this blog is my outlet.

if it bothers anyone - should they filter what they read?

or should i continue with this filter?

have i lost hold of my speech?

i hope this moment passes quickly.

dreams. you know when you are in the middle of a dream and it feels so real and then you're woken up - jarringly or not - and your mind spins out of control cause you're pulled out of one 'reality' and into another one and it's sometimes difficult to absorb either world. that happened to me early saturday morning. i think my dream stressed me out and i remember waking up with a terrible headache.

why is it that our psyche allows us to believe that a dream is real anyway?

yeah - i just wanted to say that it sucks when that happens.

Shout out to Sue Erickson - who rocks my world. She took an obnoxiously XL men's toronto argonauts shirt and turned it into a cute top that i can happily wear to Saturday's game. i will post pics post game. Thank you so much lady friend - i appreciate your work and creativity. : )

i should have taken a before and after picture to give you a better idea of the enormous change.

song of the moment - Blindside's Silence. There is something moody and yet very beautiful about this song. there is an honesty and vulnerability that i can appreciate in the lyrics.

i'm out. it's half past midnight.

i'm not tired.

i hope that changes soon.

sleeping is one of the best things in the world. waking up to a new day allows much freedom for a brighter moment.

i wish it was friday

ugh.
good night.

snap

2006-10-22T01:01:00.000-04:00

So it's early Sunday morning. About 1am.

Special Shout out to my father - who turned 51 yesterday. Woot. For his 50th bday, him and I went skydiving for the first time in either of our lives. He has no idea what i have in store for his 60th birthday. : )

Special shout out to my mother - whose birthday was September 17th - i was out of town on her birthday and I never did give her a blog world nod. Sorry mum. :) I love you just as much.

So my moment.

Recap of my life. I'll try to mind your time.

Friday night - date night. I look forward to this day - more so when i'm actually working - cause not only does it mean that i get to hang out with boy, but it also represents the start of the weekend. i appreciate weekends. don't we all.

so now that i've contributed such an insightful comment to the internet world out there - what was so special about friday?

well - i received a present from brent.

a thoughtful present.

and with this - i can conquer my fears.

meat is no longer safe in my kitchen.

latex gloves.

that's right.

it's funny cause i had just bought the missing ingredients to my mom's hamburgers and still couldn't figure out what to do with the actual making process. cause yeah - i really had no intention on actually making physical contact with the meat mush.

yuck.

I now look forward to my first attempt on my mom's recipe. She makes lovely burgers. Delicious. So i asked for the recipe. You have to understand that my mom is a real cook - knows her recipes so doesn't actually follow paper recipes for a lot of things. Burgers are one of them. Her yummy potato salad is another. So when you request a recipe - you usually get a list of ingredients with descriptive words - such as for the potato salad - 'lots of mayo...little mustard'. so you literally have to discover the recipe on your own.

this should be fun. i'm all about making people around me guinea pigs to my cooking and baking.

don't worry - my food generally turns out edible.

I bought a bunch of movies on friday - the Jurassic Park trilogy for 20$, Ghostbusters 1&2 for 10$, and Dirty Dancing for 7$. Classics for the shelf when i grow old. I have bought a slew of movies lately - but have yet to watch them. i feel bad always watching movies - but with no tv - it's our only viewing option. that and these terrible cartoons i have on dvd. i endure them, but they are quite terrible. ugh.

we made it through 22 minutes of Jurassic Park. i suck at watching movies late at night - generally i fall asleep very quickly.

So i'm modeling for a friend of mine this coming Wednesday/Thursday for fashion week. I discovered two things at the fitting on friday evening. One - i'm not a model (i walked into a room with very stylish and done up women - i am a t-shirt and jeans girl who doesn't believe in makeup....funny). Two - the waif look is out.

It was actually quite amusing. Another friend of mine, Kate, was at the fitting as well - and when one of the designers would ask me to try something on for them they would be like 'it looks really nice - but it should fit like this.' they'd do a little adjustment, look at kate, and ask her to try it on. she has more curves than i do. and never failing - the outfits would sit perfectly on her.

it was funny and sad at the same time. like nothing fit me.

i was too small.

i do have two outfits that i will be showcasing down the catwalk. wurd. one of which is this skirt that actually has to be pinned onto me or it will fall off. egad.

we have a four hour pre call - for about a minute on stage. it's going to be a lot of fun - a new experience that i can appreciate. it is a different type of art form and i truly respect the designers and their pieces.

Anna - i'll give you more details - remind me if i forget - but i could always just take pictures for you.

Bell phoned today - at noon exactly, as they told Hannah. i answered the phone.

BELL: "this is bell phoning to speak to the person who set up the account on september 5th"
ME: "i'm afraid Kimberley is not at home right now. My name is alison, i'm the one who phoned in on September 6th to make all the adjustments, can i help you with anything?"
BELL: "Oh, well we are just phoning today to conduct a satisfaction survey...."

NOW - if you know me and my entire history of Bell - you will know how quick this call was. I'm not a fan. They screwed me over big time in university - and trust me - i will not forget how they continue to treat their customers.

I am not mean - sometimes i get really completely bothered. I don't cuss them or yell at them. But i AM firm.

So when he said that - i smiled on the inside. After asking me for ten minutes of my time, i informed him that he would not require ten minutes to complete the survey - that he could take every question he had to ask me and answer himself 'completely unsatisfied' for every question - because that would be our communal response (between the three of us). Following his computer screen and probably completely thrown off that i wouldn't take ten minutes - i reassured him that if he had any reason to believe that i was not completely unsatisfied with my service provision by Bell and every single employee that we have spoken to on the phone between the three of us - he could review our account, and then listen to all the recordings of every phone call we have had to endure with the Bell staff and from there he could completely understand why i no longer have ten minutes to spare to complete a bell satisfaction survey.

am i mean?

hannah laughed. i was actually quite disappointed that it was that simple.

today was another day of crazy headaches. for the last two months now - it's been on again off again with these headaches. what happens is a 'normal' headache will start - and i don't like taking pills so i try to sit through it alone. then it starts to shift as it intensifies - and the vertigo kicks in.

migraines i do not experience. vertigo i do. it is how my body responds to what would be a migraine. that might sound strange to some people - but it's actually what they discovered through a summer of medical testing. it's also a genetic problem. migraines and vertigo.

ugh.

SOFTBALL.

it was raining. i think it scared some people away. none the less seven of us did show up - the troopers - Jamie, Dan, Brent, Shawna, John, Goose and me. it was fun-ny.

it was spitting. but it had rained - the field was a mess. puddly and muddy. and when you stepped out into the grassy outfield - it sounded like there was running water underneath of you - very strange.

Hendon Park.

we played catch to warm up until we had enough people to do some infield practise and eventually batting practice.

on the other diamond - there was a team of players that were gathering to play a game of baseball. eventually they came over and asked us if we would like to join in on a game with them. i called it - i had been watching them for a bit and thought they might want to play since they themselves only had 8 people.

we didn't end up playing a game today.

in the end we hit up Smilin' Jack just down Yonge street. ate, drank, talked, laughed.

headed south for the evening. Shawna, Brent and i hit up DQ on the way to my place - despite the cold we at ice cream. then went to my place where we joined Kim in a viewing of '10 things i hate about you'.

end saturday.

tomorrow fan fest. church. evening outing.

good night.

rewatchability factor is key

2006-10-20T12:12:00.000-04:00

combined, hannah, kim and myself have a good amount of movies on our shelves right now. which is great. but there is one thing that was truly missing in our collection - one of those classic girly type flicks that you can watch over and over again and never be bored and never miss a beat with the same emotional response.

for a while now, kim and i had been talking about the movies we felt would fit into this teen like romantic comedy genre. we have been craving it for so long.

and we came up with a film that we both have been since longing to see....

not the easiest movie in the world to find for sale anymore.

fear not - cause kim rocks.

she bought it for me yesterday.

it now sits atop our television waiting to be seen.

oh this calls for a movie date.

soaking wet left foot

2006-10-19T18:14:00.000-04:00

it is thursday today.

i have been in a lull since yesterday at about 6.45pm.

i blame time. there is just too little of it sometimes.

maybe it's because there are moments in your life that you want to prolong and in thinking about it - you worry about the time and eventually worrying about time only makes it so that you aren't enjoying it to its fullest and sooner or later you realize that it is escaping you. and eventually it does just end.

this week has been lovely. despite the fact that i have lost a great deal of motivation to do much of what needs to be done. but news on the work front might just give me that extra needed push to get my act in gear.

monday

first official trial on the Gazelle Edge. timed and logged.

a 20 minute break for lunch and a snipit of a movie turned into a 2 hour screening of Ever After. I've seen it before - but once you start a movie you don't want to stop it. at about 3pm, my brother phoned me and the plans were set in motion to visit Mr. Finn Finnerty at good ol' Dundas & Bathurst hospital.

He was in for his second hip replacement surgery. Mike and I spent about an hour and a half with Finn & Linda, again on his last night in the hospital (as we did during his first surgery a few months back). It was lovely to see both of them again.

And man - did he ever score a stellar view of the city from his room.

Finn was doing well when we saw him. We bought him a stuffed bear with a cast on his leg to encourage him through this second healing process. We both signed the cast for fun. :)

Later that evening, I was able to grab a mini moment with Magali to catch up on life since her summer travels. much too short but enjoyable none the less.

tuesday

busy day. it all started on a bad note. a two hour phone call with Bell to deal with almost 400$ of over charges on our first bill. not my happiest of mornings. and now, the classic part of this entire moment, is that they have since called twice trying to get to speak to the person who set up the account - and both times, kim and i have not been here, and both times they were arrogantly rude to hannah - who by nature is a very kind & gentle person. so they are now harrasing us with very hostile tones. I look forward to their next phone call.

none the less, the day must go on.

today was the day that i would find out that i have a hole in my left shoe. which would explain why that foot always feels wet from the bottom up when it rains..

add shoes to the shopping list.

I spent the afternoon with Shawna. we walked through the rain to the Yonge & Eglinton centre. dined at the Pickle Barrel, with a window seat overlooking the gloomy fall day. now - one thing to note for any dinning experiences with the Pickle Barrel - read the menu fully - like word for word. i was craving a burger and decided on this lovely little number that talked about a greek feta burger served with vegetables and a side salad. yummy. what i DIDN'T read was that it never said it was served on a bun. and better yet - i got a burger, served on top of a bed of grilled veggies, with a pile of feta sprinkled overtop.

hmmm. it was still good - but it was just silly.

quick trip to Toys R' Us for a candy fix. and on our way.

we hit up famous players (which for the record, i do not wish to support as they do NOT have matinee prices for the general public - what is up with that???) and caught Scorsese's new film "The Departed".

good movie. but...

i can't say that i was feeling all gung ho after seeing about 20 people get their brains blown to bits...

i'm reading from the book of Joshua right now - which follows the story of Israel's conquest over the Promised Land. Eerie in the depiction of the violent battles that occured back in the day.

now - might not seem like much - but with both the stories i'm reading in the bible and watching a movie such as the Departed, i sit and wonder.

i'm not going to say that the movie glorified violence - cause it wasn't it's sole purpose. but it is about life in the mob and with that, the murderous and violent realities will be played onscreen. and trust me, there were some terrible moments in that film. great acting, but terrible moments.

i wonder. if someone goes into that movie and takes in the information in the complete opposite way that i did. they take it as a great inspiration. they feel encouraged from the film. they cheer on the violence that they see.

and i wonder, cause i'm not really someone who was ever bothered by violence in films. i love a good action movie - trust me. give me a good fighting movie any day - and i will enjoy it. but for some reason, maybe it's my headspace with life - this one struck me.

i wonder if someone who has never read the bible and doesn't understand the history of Christianity - if they randomly opened up the bible to the book of Joshua - how would they react - would they cheer on the constant stream of violence or would they shut the book in disgust, claiming hypocracy among the Christian faith due to the violence, without understanding the backstory.

maybe these two things don't relate at all. maybe they do. in my moment - these two different streams have crossed my mind and made me think a lot lately.

and now i'm just rambling. for all those dedicated readers who are still with me - you all get gold stars.

TUESDAY night - i had the lovely opportunity to spend the night at the Smiling Buddha Bar with some fellow FTers to catch a glimpse of Andrew perform his work as Songs to Wear Pants To as well as Joel & Anne Clayton Ravine. It was a great night out. i'm sad that we left when we did - cause the band that followed had a chill sound.

five minutes turns into late night travels.

people took notice. things are changing.
i loved every minute of being with you.

wednesday

baked a batch of blondies for the first time. i love making my living room guinea pigs. poor guys. although they were a hit. sent out the mass email for softball - game this saturday - and boy have i been looking forward to getting back out on the field and tossing the ball.

can't say that my wednesday was very eventful. it was very scattered. heard word about a job prospect that was on a limb (which has since cleared).

hmmm. very scattered indeed.

ttc date to osgoode station where the pizza makers parted ways. waited forever for the streetcar and none the less was terribly early for dan's place. so i strolled around queen & greenwood. probably not the best of neighbourhoods for walking alone at night as a little lady - but very picturesque - there were some real quaint nooks in the area. if only i had my digi cam with me.

living room was lovely. becky, dan, sue and i. played catch up with becky who has been away from us for a while now. chilled out and listened to a sermon by the preacher at Redeemer Presbyterian in NY city. It was a great sermon on faith. The ladies traveled back into the heart of the city and dispersed.

all night my heart was restless. at home, nothing felt right. i was in a strange place.

this is where bedtime is heavenly. sleeping always brings hope that tomorrow will be different.

thursday

today. was a good day.

that's a lie. maybe i'm just saying that cause the day is done.

it was a long day. it was the type of day where you wish it was tomorrow and you watch the clock and it's almost like it's purposely not moving forward at all. painfully slow day almost.

but it's the type of blog where i tell you details - so here they are.

it's just that type of blog day.

i did errands. i filled a very old prescription and am actively trying to solve this problem. but can i tell ya something - readin the three page print out from shoppers when you get a new prescription can sometimes be discouraging. the side effects and long term effects of this one prescription made me think twice. ack.

i did the dumb thing of going to shoppers right as the high school nearby was on lunch break. man - walking in front of that place is like a warzone. they take over the sidwalk. and worse - because i might actually blend in with that age group - i sometimes wonder if someone will ever say something to me.

i emailed people today. maybe that sounds boring - but it's important. catching up with long lost friends and cleaning out a cluttered email account.

puttering around in my boxes of unimportant paper that for some reason i've latched onto. i'm such a pack rat.

and i'm working on it.

went shoe shopping with anton tonight. found out that i could wear a size 4.5 in boys - and will now consider kids' shoe shopping as they are cheaper and tax free. yay to being small footed.

did some mall browsing. did some 7eleven hiking. did some candy buying. did some catch uping. did some movie watching. oh 1985 - the year of the fantasy film (as anton would say).

and - i saw a preview of the spec spot. looking good boys.

home at a late hour. bed time. fitting tomorrow. and maybe some karaoke with the old gang.

i'm so happy that it's now Friday.

good night

inside of me

2006-10-17T19:29:00.000-04:00

begin post

i have a secret.

and it makes me happy.

end post

I could never be a chef.

2006-10-17T08:55:00.000-04:00

Maybe i'm just quirky - but i have two very strong aversions to two particular food products.

Butter and raw meat.

The aversion: touching them - ever.

The butter one might sound really funny to some - but i think it was due to how we stored butter when i was growing up. We usually had it on the counter in a tupperware container. We only stored it in the fridge during the summer months. I remember when i would be asked to bring that container to the table for dinner - i would do everything i could to only use two fingers, one on each side. There would always be butter that had been wiped off by a knife that would find it's way just outside the lid area and make everything slippery and gross.

I also don't eat butter on anything outside of air popped popcorn and corn on the cob. If i put it on my toast - it's honestly the most minimal amount - you'd be surprised I even bother trying - cause buttering tiny amounts over an entire piece of bread is labourous.

I do not enjoy the feeling of butter on my fingers.

I also have an irrational aversion to touching raw meat - in particular beef and chicken.

I love eating meat. It is delicious and if I could, i would cook it every day (not trying to offend the vegetarians out there who don't eat meat cause it's cruel). I was raised on dinners of 'meats, potatoes, and vegetables'.

I used to cook recipes that required meat - make everything up until the meat was needed - wait for roomates to come home - have them plop in the meat - and then happily continue on my way.

Mom, dad, you would be proud of me.

sort of.

i cooked raw meat for the first time ever on Sunday. Although it hurt my insides to peel away that saran wrap on the packaged meat product - and i never physically connected my skin to the actual meat - it's a good first step. :)

so technically, i transfered forkfuls of ground beef to an awaiting frying pan.

and sadly, i'm slightly proud of myself. : (

sad, eh?

i couldn't have done it without moral support. so thank you. and funny enough i don't know how much further i could handle the meat. I really want to make hamburgers with my mom's recipe - but i haven't reached the point where i'm comfortable touching the meat, let alone smooching it up into balls and patties.

this is me. silly and sad. i keep myself entertained.

i wonder if i'll ever get over these aversions...

lingo

2006-10-14T16:27:00.000-04:00

favorite words of the moment.

plethora - [pleth-er-uh] - overabundance; superabundance; an excess.

obnoxious - [uh b-nok-shuh s] - highly objectionable or offensive.

obscene - [uh b-seen] - offensive to accepted standards of morality or decency; abominable; disgusting; outrageous.

words that have found their way into my every day conversation lately.

All of which could describe this haunting Mastercard bill that is in the mail trying to find its way to my soul. Ugh.

This is what happens when you forget what you use you MC for.

ah, life lessons.

suck sometimes.

mom & dad - don't worry. it's just funny to me. :p

the best thing to ever happen to the North Bay Centennials...

2006-10-14T14:12:00.000-04:00

Was being sold to Saginaw, Michigan.

OHL will never be the same. My hometown's team was bought out in 2002 by Michigan.

What happens to the Centennials after transforming to the Spirits? They gain a number one fan.

Not just any number one fan.

No, no. They get none other than Stephen Colbert.

Apparently the team has since named their mascot after him (Steagle Colbeagle, the Eagle), and Colbert does nothing but support the team. He talks about them all the time on the Colbert Report.

This american team continues to play in the OHL. My brother was watching the show the other day and Stephen showed highlights from the Saginaw Spirit's game VS the Sudbury Wolves. So funny.

If you don't follow OHL, you probably don't care too much about this new information - but to me it's absolutely hilarious. Colbert has made comments on US national television stating to the public to speak to their local newspapers if they don't already cover OHL action.

so yeah.

while i'm on the topic of sports - sad news came today as the Raptor's tickets officially went on sale. The first game, on November 3rd versus Milwaukee was not available. Not only is most of the arena sold out - but you couldn't even really get TWO seats together, let alone three. The best option was sitting in a diagonal, with rows of other people in between. ugh.

none the less, along with my brother on the phone walking me through the teams he'd like to see, we're hitting up at least two games this season - starting on Sunday November 26th, 2006. Later in the month than I expected, but i'm not going to complain too much. :)

I am still really interested in trying to get tickets to one of the Argonauts' playoff games. Their last game in Toronto before the Grey Cup will take place on Saturday, October 28th VS the Montreal Alouettes.

Maybe i'll buy tix for that.

In other news.

Our Town was fabulous on thursday night. Jen McNaughton played one of the lead roles, as Emily. She did an awesome job. Was able to spend the evening with Shawna, Sue, Lisa & Rob from FT. Hit up the Yellow Griffin pub post play. Despite the random bits of blizzardy snow spells, the evening was nice.

Friday I had a ton of fun drilling holes in my walls and having the stinkin' things crumble on me. Lesson learned. There are TWO walls in my room that no one should attempt to put holes into - they explode on you. Ugh. I have since decided to hang up pictures in those areas.

Don't worry - i repaired the holes. I am quite the handy woman. :p That and for some reason I own a bottle of Mono.

Unemployment has got the best of me again. I'm addicted to a new show. Grey's Anatomy. It doesn't help that it's the only tv we really have (since we get ZERO channels on the actual television). I will be joining Zip.ca in the next month. Let's see what other TV shows i can get addicted to. :)

I don't actually want to plan a new addiction.

Last night I actually thought that the reality of my moment would become more visible. Somewhere we missed a beat.

We went to our friend Esther's store Freedom Clothing. This quaint little store, which showcases a lot of very talented local fashion designer's works, also puts art on display for local artists. They were revealing their next line of art work last night at a mini gala almost (it was soooo packed). It was lovely.

Very very packed - so I didn't want to stay too long. I have no idea why...i'm not clausterphobic, and i love being around a lot of people - but last night i didn't feel right. Maybe i've changed since my days at the underground music shows where ever direction you turned there was another body beside you and you could easily fall into conversation with complete strangers.

Maybe i was just being funny.

Tutti Frutti came our way and at the end of galavanting around the store, I decided that not buying candy was not a viable option anymore. Too much candy.

We ate and walked and ttc'd home. He walked me to my door like a gentleman.

mutually losing a simple challenge.

i don't know what to say.

My roomates make me laugh.

I fell asleep on the stupid couch again. We have all proclaimed that there is something in the couch that puts all sitter oners to sleep. It's way too comfortable. But at least now people understand how it could be my bed at my old place.

Tonight i play with the Swine girls. It's been far too long.

how to avoid a biopsy 101

2006-10-12T14:19:00.000-04:00

a ttc date.

duke of york. banquet burger. excellent company.

rainy nights. puddles growing up your pant legs. no umbrella can save you.

random ttc encounters. masking friend's eyes isn't always the best idea.

waltzing home.

late night living room laptop conventions.

hannah's hospital escapade.

sleeping in. accidentally.

mom's banana bread.

over an hour in the waiting room for a scheduled doctor's appointment.

worst case scenario ruled out over a month ago. simultaneous attempts at solving the problem. next step is not so fun.

walking home. in a texting battle with an old work buddy.

lost in the crisp air. swishing my feet through fallen leaves. enjoying the wonderful random shuffle on my iPod. breathing in what is ontario's fall.

i love fall.

i took my mittens out today.

my hands don't love fall as much as i do.

eating salad and enjoying an episode of the only tv show we own.

spending my last few moments before hashing at the room again.

my to do list is so long, i've been ignoring it for a while. time to attend.

our town tonight.

tomorrow maybe an evening on the town.

pet vulture...a moment of thanksgiving

2006-10-10T21:18:00.000-04:00

there was something about the way she delicately ate her pie.

in this moment, I couldn’t help but admire my grandmother. It’s a moment I can’t quite put into words.

i did the only thing i could.

sit and appreciate my surroundings. my family.

Lost in a moment. I took in the idea of appreciating every bite. Of appreciating every moment you are given.

Home was nice. It was short. But it was nice.

An hour outside of North Bay, I grew desperately tired. So did my brother. Lucky for him, he wasn’t driving.

At home, we were greeted with open arms to my parents and my grandparents (on my mother’s side). It was lovely.

The conversation was constant. From every direction.

At night, my brother brought out a recording device he purchased in Toronto. It’s a small mixer of some sort.

Time flew as we played with the different settings. We laughed.

Then we all laughed when my mom’s laughter was captured by the microphone, and distorted by this one preset. It was creepy.

I remember all the smiles.

Thanksgiving was nice. Dinner was lovely as always, and despite falling sick, my mother played the lovely hostess to all of us.

For the first time in a long time, we took pictures. We had two digital cameras, my own and my parents’.

We heard all about New York. I look forward to visiting that city one day.

Being at home always plays with that nostalgic side of you. Sitting in my room at 3 in the morning, I examined every corner. Remembering.

My warped wooden door that barely closes anymore.
Playing the piano. Hearing the piano being played by others.
The coo-coo clock.
Lying down with my mom and spending one on one time.
My father.
Staircase antics. Climbing over the banister.
Lying at the top of the stairs in the most obstructive way – and talking with family.
My ballet shoes.
Listening to my brother’s recordings from his mixer. Envisioning an independent film that it would be a score to.
Eating at Webers.
Never failing to fall asleep on the couch with everyone around. Never wanting to go to bed until the very end. Never wanting to miss that last moment.
The pine tree in our front yard that is enormous. I remember when it was ¼ of the size.
Our pet cemetery.
The neighbours – and all their personalities.
My street.
West Ferris in general.
Driving down Booth.
Waking up on the couch at 2am, with the television on and the lights shining brightly. Knowing that your parents gave up on trying to get you to bed.

I looked through all my high school year books.

so much has changed…

to be that person I was 10 years ago and see the world again through those eyes – what did I ever think?

thanksgiving…

I have much to be thankful for.

For the last year that I have lived and the growth that I have experienced.

For my family. Through thick and thin, I love them. I miss them. Always, I pray for their happiness and safety.

For His strength and never failing love. For walking me through every second. For opening my eyes to what life really means.

For new friendships that have blessed me in ways I could never express. For old friendships that hold strong through the years.

For a relationship that surprises me more with every day. One that I never expected and still don’t understand how I deserve…

For employment that came after 8 months of unpaid work.

For the promise of tomorrow.

For home. For my community. For my moment.

I must say that I am very thankful with where I am with my life right now. I have been extremely blessed throughout this last year in particular. I stop and quite often ask myself what I’ve done to deserve any of this happiness.

thanksgiving…

a day where most people find a reason to reflect on their lives. To reflect on their last year. A reason to appreciate. It can be a very powerful moment or simply a brief thought passing through one’s head.

Knowing that people are making an extra effort to reflect upon certain parts of their lives… it’s a nice thought.

thanksgiving…

the drive home was longer…but not terrible considering traffic. The clown mask made an appearance, but was not as big of a hit as last year. I remember that one car who kept finding us on the busy highway a year ago.

they actually took a picture

After dropping off my brother, Shawna and I FINALLY went rollerblading – after several botched attempts over the last few weeks. There’s this park right near my place that I never knew about – at Leslie & Eglinton – with great trails.

It was great to be back out on rollerblades. It was really nice to catch up.

It was a gorgeous fall day.

At night, by the lake, the weather was still just as lovely. The company was delightful.

deep breath

I feel like there is so much in me that I want to write about. I hit a wall when it comes to this one part of my life…because I don’t know how much I can say.

thank you for the evening. I definitely appreciate your company.

i am thankful

for all of the smiles

May the rainbow be certain to follow the rain...

2006-10-05T23:00:00.000-04:00

I can't actually believe it's already October. Another day, week and month have gone by. Soon enough, 2007 will be here.

...one night...

I’m smiling right now.

I feel so blessed.

I have lost myself in smiling moments throughout the last little while.

I’m loving every minute.

Today was good. I had a coffee date with Sue, and it was lovely. It was the type of day that you can really appreciate. The fall weather was crisp. The colours were sharp. The sky was so blue. The clouds were so white. The grass was uber green. I don’t know how to explain how my mind was absorbing the world around me.

I’m on a work break – and I really had a lovely day. We sipped our drinks outside the Starbucks and enjoyed the fall day. Despite the fact that I had a banana cream frappacino (thanks to my brother and introducing this drink to me during the TIFF) – which is a cold blended cream drink, I wasn’t terribly chilly.

Walking back to the subway, I was dreaming about wool mittens.

I miss walking. It’s not that I don’t walk places when I have a car, but usually when I’m working, I don’t have time. I love it. Especially downtown in the evening light. It’s a very unique time of day.

I enjoyed listening to my iPod. It’s been a while.

I pick up a car tomorrow for Mike and I to drive back home. I hope he brings the clown mask. Last year was wicked funny. We leave Saturday morning. Not too early though – cause you gotta hit up good ol’ Webers on the drive home.

Ramblings:

Had a funny moment with an older gentleman on the subway. Made me smile. You can still find happy moments in this city.

Worked a day on a commercial on Tuesday – for Ali. A wrap day. It brought me back to my days on commercial sets. Can’t say that I actually miss those days anymore. I enjoyed my time with my commercial team…sadly, that was a different me. It was great seeing Ali again and meeting the PM. Also, their office was on the TFS lot – which is always fantastic – cause the same people from my Wild Card days work there still. I even had my amigo at OutTakes make me a special lunch. So lovely.

My landlord reassigned my parking space on me on October 1st. He actually gave it to someone else, despite the fact that I am currently paying for it. I was not very impressed. There was a surplus of cars in the lot that night too – and I had to park in this odd place. He phoned the next day. I believe the car has been relocated.

My parents just got back from New York city. I look forward to hearing about their adventures. I have yet to make that treck. I’m thinking about it…

Bell disconnected our door buzzer. We can’t buzz anyone in from downstairs. The repair call is going in.

I am going to be modeling for a friend’s fashion line at the end of the month. I am so nervous. I thought it would be good for me to do something I wouldn’t normally do – and I absolutely love the clothing line that my friend has produced. She runs a store with other fashion talents new Bloor & Ossington, called Freedom Clothing. It’s a cute store with very chill fashion items. I have a fitting next week. I’m super excited about this…despite the nerves. Being done up with dynamic makeup and fun clothing – it is exciting. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Enjoy today…

Tomorrow I hope to put together this Gazelle Edge that has been a presence in my life in box format for several months. Finally.

I say this now, but tomorrow will be a very busy day.

a marriage of the good and the bad.

2006-09-26T23:38:00.000-04:00

sometimes it's hard to face yourself in the mirror.

i'm finding today to be one of those days. i'm in a terrible funk.

my words are not my own. it's a struggle.

over the last month I have absorbed so many words from people around me, and somewhere in the middle, i lost my filter and things started to build up. the good & the bad. trapped in a similar pocket of contemplation.

and deciphering my feelings is difficult.

i thank God for every blessing He has provided in my life. i also thank Him for the less attractive things in my life - because they too need attention and in the end, facing these things will complete who I am as a person.

words are like daggers. your spirit can only take so much before wanting to explode.

i feel that i'm at a point of overload.

the beauty of the words provided to my spirit far outweigh the shadows.

the light still shines.

the beautiful things that you say to me honestly make a difference in my day. you will never understand to what extent.

i want to be open.

oh, the hiccups.

i am afraid that i will build a wall around me that no one can penetrate. it's a defence mechanism. we all seek a different kind of shelter when dealing with our shadows.

why can't i just be me? i feel as though i am letting people down everywhere i turn.

i am happy with where I am in my life right now. i wish they could understand.

tomorrow has come.

i just want my workday to be done.

maybe all i needed was a hug.

maybe i'm just being a girl.

ugh.

change of season

2006-09-26T09:46:00.000-04:00

in Tobermory, i discovered that i really have no skills when it comes to skipping stones. i was proud if my stone bounced off the water once.

funny.

i still enjoyed watching the boys toss the largest stones they could find and still manage to have them skip across the water's surface.

i saw a card the other day and absolutely loved what was written on it's cover.

When I see you, my heart starts smiling. I'm tripping over rainbows.

it was just a nice smile to read last week.

i'm contemplative today. it's tuesday. i wish it was wednesday.

i have much to say - to everyone really. i am in a talkative mood, yet i'm holding back. i don't know if it's a practice of patience or something on my part - but i'm curious about what is holding me back.

i have a white bean in my altoids box. it now smells like cinnamon. it is my reminder of my 20mins date. every day, i will spend at least 20mins meeting with God in the scripture. i am really excited about this. at church on Sunday, i was staring at this silver bowl at the front, near the pulpit and i didn't know what it was for. i was in conversation with God and at one point i wanted so much to see His face. i was looking for Him in the reflective surface. then the announcement came about the beans. on my journey to the communion table, i took two beans. one for me to keep. my reminder. one to put in the bowl, kind of like an anti - to let God know that I want to be a part of His challenge. and for a moment, I met Him. standing beside the silver bowl.

i'm walking a new life with Him. I am very much in need of his presence and am truly looking forward to spending that time with him every night, on my balcony, looking over the darkened city. thinking. praying.

my heart is smiling. i'm terribly distracted.

you feel right.

admitting the hidden truth

2006-09-19T11:17:00.000-04:00

my heart feels more peaceful today.

tobermory was exactly what i needed.

short trip with the boys. the hiking was peaceful and beautiful. sitting by the lake at night, lost in thought, staring at the stars and wondering.

masked by night time, you can find your voice.

i have much to say on Tobermory. much will be posted soon.

my canon came out of the box for the camping trip - and the pictures look great (will post when internet finds its way onto my computer).

i fell off a boulder. actually, two boulders. and i walked away with only a bruised upper left shin and a bruised left forearm. very lucky girl - right here. although, the rest of my body is now in a state of achy-ness. and i've had a few bouts of mild vertigo over the last two days. it could have been worse. my head could have connected with the jagged rocks.

i think we're firing Bell. tired of the lack of customer service assistance in dealing with our internet, rogers may have won us over for cable internet.

softball championship game last night. 6 people showed up. funny. we played none the less, 3 on 3. the rain left us calling the game after the third inning. with the most random regulations, red team scored one point. blue team walked away with strong attempts, but no dice. we're rescheduling the real game for october.

skydiving this weekend is being put on hold. rain is forecasted. i would prefer to be at home setting up my room none the less.

my mind is racing. beating around the bush to find the truth to unspoken thoughts. distance is subjective. even nearby, it feels just beyond my grasp. such a strange feeling.

i'm curious. i'm nervous.

when i think about it, i smile.

time away - counting down the hours

2006-09-15T17:53:00.000-04:00

my soul is fried. too much has been happening in my world lately - emotionally, physically, work wise - everything. i was best described last night as being frazzled. scatter brained - unable to complete my thoughts in an effective way. just tired and drained. everything has been weighing heavily on my heart.

i moved two weekends ago. and i'm soooo thankful and happy to be at this new place. i welcome amazing sun rises in the early hours and spend solo time on the balcony every night before going to bed. but alas, i'm still living among boxes. it's kind of like a game of Rush Hour (that traffic jam puzzle game) - the boxes keep shifting around to make different arrangements barely leaving a pathway to move around. It's been a very strategic cleaning game. It's not that bad actually...but it's ever shifting. my bed is like a cave right now - with walls of boxes all around it - it's slightly amusing to wake up to in the mornings.

last night was spent eating cake with my roomates Kim & Hannah (Andrew - your baking rocks!! i don't know how my skor cake will compare to your apple pie). baking cookies until like 1am because there was far too much batter - which included the mandatory 'test a cookie from every batter' instilled upon my roomates. and sorting through all my boxes to find all my camping supplies.

i'm leaving tomorrow morning for Tobermory, Ontario. I have been looking forward to travelling there all summer long. Everyone i speak to simply loves it there. Sadly, it will be a short trip, but so worth it. This weekend has been set aside on standby for this trip for a long time coming.

early drive. long hikes. extremely beautiful weather. if we're lucky, maybe the northern lights. solo time alone on a cliff - it's going to be amazing.

Have a good weekend everyone.

ps - internet update - lucky us Bell sent a NON-working modem. that's two down. what will they mail us next. we're lucky if we get the internet next week (sad)

pss - remembering the blessings that are our weekends. all smiles.

back blogged

2006-09-13T20:57:00.000-04:00

the stories that have yet to be told.

i don't have internet at home yet - and it's creating a huge hiccup in my blogging life.

today is the last day of main unit production on Naturally, Sadie. The end of a show is always filled with mixed emotions. You are going to miss the people. You are stressed about the next job.

Today was not my best day. I'm feeling very unsettled. much is going on in my life and i don't know how to place myself among all the happenings.

thank goodness for my APC Julie P, and her Lindt surprise to cheer me up. A Lindt ghost choco pop - milk & white chocolate happiness.

i bought a digital camera last weekend - my Canon Powershot sd700 was $100 off - and out the door I was. I'm going to test it out this weekend when I head up to Tobermory for a short but well needed trip away from my city moment.

my finger's splintless now. kind of feels off at times - but much better than it was before.

i have so much to say. no where to start. a flustered mind that lacks its usual organization.

this has been going on for weeks now.

thank goodness that He is with me every step of the way. church was sooooo amazing on Sunday - words will never do it justice. and that my friends, is getting me through this week.

rough start - praying for a smooth ending.

stay tuned - we should have internet by this week...

the oddities of today

2006-09-02T03:03:00.000-04:00

It's 3am. And I'm not tired. I only slept about 1.5 hours last night - so I'm thinking my Saturday night might be slightly rough.

Softball at Moss Park tonight was a miss. Only five of us showed up again. :p

On top of that we were competing for our outfield with two different soccer games (little kids and then the big kids).

Due to the turnout, we decided to have a nice little practice. It was entertaining - as they generally are when there are so few of us - and when we're not always on the ball. Many laughs have been shared.

So i have found out over the weeks of playing softball, that I actually really like playing first base. I have come to terms with not being a good 2nd baseman or short stop, and my inability to catch pop flies (a judgement problem) makes me less useful in the outfield - my second favorite position might have to be 3rd base (there's just something about the base extremities).

So everything seemed to be going well tonight. The lights once again slowly shed light upon our darkening field. We were finishing up our batting practice with Shawna, who had to try to keep the balls in the infield - as part of our outfield had been coned off and claimed for a soccer game's boundaries. A nice hit in the infield, i take my place with one foot on the base and the ball comes right at me, with a bounce on the ground (i think?) and whap - right in the glove. If she was running, she'd be out.

But wait a minute. What did i do here? I'm feeling terrible pain within my glove. I call myself out of the game, and the guys toss the ball around as i try to figure out what to do. I ask if Rob could cover the first base, cause i didn't think I'd be able to catch anymore balls tonight. Then after thinking about it for a minute, and being coxed by my teamates, i head over to the dugout to seak medical attention. Luckily, shawna is a nurse. :)

Don't be alarmed folks - it's only my finger. Only a finger!?! That's right - i busted up a stinkin' finger. But not just any finger...this my friends, is a re-injury from a finger that actually continues to give me pain every once and a while since that lovely football game for the Budweiser cup round robin at York U.

I severely damaged two fingers back on the fall day, while catching a pass during practice. Yup, not even during the game. I snapped back two fingers when i jumped to nab a high pass. Caught the ball - but that didn't matter anymore. We ended up taping my finger with scotch tape that someone on the other team happened to have with his bag. Played with the injury, and it worsened through the game.

Over the next two weeks, two kinesiology students from my rez house would help me by taping up my fingers every day before i would head off to classes. I could not straighten my finger - it hurt a great deal if I tried and also it felt very heavy. I was desperately swollen then. I went home two weeks later for Thanksgiving and my sister and I headed out to pick up a finger splint to help with the healing. When I asked the pharmacist what she might suggest for this type of injury (expecting to hear something simple) she looked at me and said 'if it's been two weeks and you can't straighten it, i think you need to go to the hospital to get checked'. I thanked her for her suggestion, grabbed a finger splint and left. There's no way i'm going to spend hours at a hospital to confirm what i already know - they can't help me with such a silly injury (i thought).

So i didn't. I just shoved my poor finger into this splint (ouch man). After only a few hours in the splint - i realized I now had a new problem. I no longer can bend my finger.

Oy. I'm not winning here.

So - in the end, it took another month to actually heal (as much as possible). But i continue to have recurring pains in both that finger and the one I broke playing basketball.

This brings us to tonight. I know for a fact that it is how I caught the ball that messed me up - cause i felt my finger jab down hard. The ball drove all its pressure onto that one spot - my one finger.

Thanks be to Shawna for taping up my fingers together, even though I could no longer continue with the game. The tape really did help a great deal - cause once I took it off - the pain rushed back.

So that's my story. And this my friends is what i'm going to look like for the next little while (although it's the finger next to the pinky that is injured - and it's on my Left hand.

At the moment, I can't really straighten it - but having the cot on is so very lovely.

Also to note - my injury marked the end of practice - Dan called it. Boo me for being a bum.

I'm still packing. Even though I have a TON of boxes, it's still not enough. Man, living in one place - you really do collect a lot of junk. I can't wait to sort through it all.

Random smiles of the day. Keith's monstrous Kinder Surprise collection on his office desk. Kevin & Keith doing the robot - even though I missed the live action event, the thought alone would make you giggle. Besides, K did a dance in the prod office for all to enjoy afterwards. :p Anna for being so generous (honestly, hun). First dibs on Sadie's bed. The set dec boys for the panel van. That guy who was rollerblading with custom made rollerblades - it looked like he was moonwalking when he would power his way down the street. The hula dancer on the panel van's antenna.

Today felt like the last day at work - there was something in the air. Just under two weeks to go - crazy. I have to start looking for another job. And then, I don't really want to say goodbye to this gang. I'm too social at work - I'm going to get in trouble for this one day.

Other work things. Chris came by for a visit after ending an early day at the CBC. He bought me a Jesus action figure that has been made into a pen holder by the boy. Funny - but don't worry, it's a respectable figurine. There is an entire story behind this - that started back at the beginning of the show. Short form - we are located in a catholic school, one day chris finds this coloured image of a disciple and decides to tape it to our 'TO SET' box. He claimed it was Jesus. I did not agree. Yada yada yada - he finds this toy and tells me about this levitating Jesus action figure and how he wants to buy it for me. Shows up today with it - but the dang figurine doesn't do so well on the levitating action.

I was late for work today and felt off for the rest of the day. That sucked - but it's okay, cause tomorrow offers new beginnings.

Aight - i'm so tired now (what a difference typing a blog makes). So i'm either going to go nap (pray that i wake up early...) or continue packing. Last night in this apartment.

Moving stories to come.

I'm going to miss living on Manor. : (

Blessings.

mind games

2006-08-30T23:03:00.000-04:00

we are a funny species. a funny thing about us, is that we get so proud when we find a good deal.

the best example i have of this - is finding cheap gas. that's right ladies & gentlemen, when we drivers find cheap gas prices AND gas up at that cheap gas price, we get cocky about it - for some odd reason. honestly - why is that?

so, i gased up today at 80.1. i thought that was pretty good. the night before, j-dawg gased at 84c/litre - so this shows the prices are continuing to drop. tonight - the prices were 78.9 in my area, and they were rumored to have been as low as 74.9 in the city throughout the day. the last time we saw gas this low, might have been last november - for a freak moment.

now, my friends, i sit here and wonder once again why we are all so happy about this - a mere two years ago we were gasing up for MUCH less. *sigh*

luckily, hurricane Ernesto did not find its way to the gulf this time around (it's been a year since hurricaine Katrina). ocean oil rigs were destroyed in that storm, and the gas prices shot up tremendously last summer. there were comments made on television today that the reason the gas is still dropping is because the hurricaine shifted away from that area.

whatever the reason may be for the falling prices, i wonder when it will shoot up again. kind of takes away from the enjoyment of the moment.

--------------------

ah, gas stations. reminds me of my trip to buffalo with Sarah & Magali a few Januarys ago - for the sole purpose of eating at an IHOP. On our way back, we drove through a US Tim Hortons to get directions back to the border. at one point, the server told us to drive between two gas stations - the Sunoco and the Noco - that were right across the street from one another. we were amused.

this moment is caught on tape - and is quite funny when viewed. not so effective in writing.

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the week's been chill - late nights at work (it's all good) - the late evenings bring out funny characteristics of different crew members. never a dull evening.

- end of show discussions happening (the stress of what to do next...) Glimmer might not start until the new year now...

- i am meeting up with the PM/Producer of the other show at the end of September. i'm praying that this one will work out - would be coordinating a documentary/re-enactment show in the new year if everything pans out...

- the fire alarm went off yesterday evening due to the use of sparklers in a scene...three fire trucks showed up, despite being warned by our locations department that our alarm was a false alarm immediately after they sounded (i must say it is an interesting way to put a hiccup in your day - when 3 truck loads of firefighters come searching through your school)

- we're on our last set of episodes. the show is almost over. and i'm really going to miss this group of people - sad.

- my partner in crime Chris (alt PA) left us last friday for another show (he has since been repl. by our Ted). Chris, however, did not leave with a bang - more like a bust (sorry dude). i kicked his butt at 'rock, paper, scissors' for like the first time ever (a method we used to use to determine who would be able to go on runs throughout the day). ALSO - i whooped him in bowling, scoring a 198 (online personal best) with a stellar series of strikes & spares. Hmmm- i'm being too proud. It was just such a strange day - very backwards. Oh chris, the office is different now that you're gone - hope you're having fun on the new show.

- shout out to Tom & Bethany who have both set out on their respective Eastbound travels for the next chapters of their lives. Tom will continue his travels to Halifax tomorrow as Bethany settles in Ottawa tonight. Good luck guys. We'll come visit soon. : )

- toronto internation film festival is coming. mike and i are working out our 10 coupon pass booklet as we speak. it's due friday by 1pm. i have ONE weekend of opportunity to see the films i'd like...this should be interesting. we might go see a WETA film about killer sheep - it looks hilarious. ah midnight madness flicks - the joys.

Pros & Cons of the TIFF - pros: i'm in film, i enjoy watching the films (but i'm not huge about it). it brings in good revenue for the city of toronto. we host the 2nd best festival in the world. the city is very lively. cons: (1)being in line ups (waiting for a film) with people who are comparing autographs they received from the same person - honestly, i have been there and it's not a pretty picture, (2) being surrounded by people who act all snooty about their knowledge of the industry when it's all a loud of poo (no offense to these people, but being in the industry, it can get to be too much listening to these people - they are very smart talkers these TIFF folks, but sometimes, it's not even close), (3) not being a star struck fan - yet being trapped in a flock of those who are. we went to a midnight screening once and the film just before us was staring Orlando Bloom. there was a flock of women (all ages) waiting to see his face, snag a photo of him briskly walking away...lucky for us, the super fans were all waiting at the main doors. UNFORTUNATELY there was a door directly to my right, and that was THE door that Orlando and others exited from. needless to say, a group of us hopped up onto this semi-tall cement wall to avoid being trampled on by the supa-crazed fans. I'm telling ya - i just don't understand this star struck nature.

I'm not a star struck individual in the least.

that is all i had to say for the evening. not the most blog worthy post - but that's because my mind is pre-occupied.

we move kim tomorrow. wish us luck.

a moment to show no fear

2006-08-28T23:44:00.000-04:00

maybe it was that i felt guided. i don't feel as certain anymore when i think about it now. it was very clear back when it all began. was He really trying to tell me something? did i misread Him? was it all in my head? then a friend of mine reminded me that sometimes He simply shows you the direction, and allows you much freedom on the path you take. He will always be there with you, no matter how you travel. but He does give you direction.

i like to live my life with no regrets. why bother bogging your heart down with regret - the only one it ends up affecting is you. if you step up, trust in Him, brave the unknown - you did all that you could - and for this, your heart will not carry the burden of regret.

you must come prepared. for this in no way protects you from pain and sorrow. you will not always succeed. but then again, life isn't about winning all the battles.

so what path do i take?

---------------------------

i had a lovely weekend. when my head stops spinning, i will write about it. tnx to mom & dad for coming down.

my test results should be in on wednesday.

i encountered a new species of bug when i got home tonight. i did not make friends. i am happy that i will no longer have to meet these friendly basement dwellers. i will simply embrace whatever new bugs might come my way. and quite frankly - after living here - i feel highly prepared for whatever Canada has to throw at me.

i desperately need to pack. i also need to cancel things...

a group of us did make it out to high park tonight for the screening of Ice Age II. it drizzled throughout the entire film - but we all came out okay. we even played a game of suchige post movie. : p

i'm looking for a bed to sleep in for the next year. ikea did not inspire me this time around. i can't remember for the life of me who suggested that i speak to the set department at my work place about purchasing Sadie's bedroom set. none the less - tonight when i was passing out paperwork - i came across the bedframe chillin' out in the hallway. it's nice - so i spoke to our set designer about it. i might have scored a good double bed. fresh from a tv set ladies & gentlemen. : p

------------------------------

sadly, i have nothing more in me to post. much is travelling through my head - but very little wants to come out. i guess it's comfortable in there.

good night

transitions to the unfamiliar world of tomorrow

2006-08-24T22:12:00.000-04:00

we wrapped at 8.45pm tonight. i left work tonight, and it was dark outside. summer is nearing the end of its reign here in Toronto.

the CNE is in town - usually the moment that pops up, you realize that yet another summer has flown by. where did this summer go? it was very busy and amazing - which makes it harder to see it go.

so, it's been a great deal of time since I last blogged. Don't worry - i haven't forgotten about my blog. Life's just been very busy for me lately - and i've been spending a lot of time just pondering about events and moments instead of writing about them. they remain logged and may surface this weekend.

i feel that with every blink, a new transition in my life is exposed. the whirlwind of a moment that we are given to exist and i feel as though it is slipping away so quickly. i'm playing catch up to the moments that don't want to wait for me to understand. it's been a very interesting month.

we had living room last night and it was amazing. Rachel is back from her semester abroad + travels. Tom & Bethany are leaving us to pursue their degrees in both Halifax & Ottawa respectively. It was amazing to almost all be together. I can't express how blessed I feel to know this amazing group of people. and last night, spending it with them, was one of those moments that you want to hold close forever. i absolutely love each and every one of them. we welcome back one, and wish two others adieu for the moment. a new transition. they will be missed. can i tell you that we played 'suchige sa pa poe' (spelling?) together - and it was hilarious (thank you Katherine for teaching this hilarious game at Freek Out). the night ended with a inpromtu roadtrip to Grimsby to bring Rachel safely back to her humble abode. Completing full circle - Operation Hahnus Abductus - with great success. thanks to Daniel's clever kidnapping skills.

transition: preparing for my return - seemingly funny, since i'm not gone yet. my GICs will be opened in the very near future. i tracked my package today - and it arrived safely this morning at my financial investment institute. it's difficult to see your bank account drop dramatically. i guess my dad's investment talents have motivated me to be more prepared - it must have something to do with how i was raised. we're all really good with money, and i'm very grateful that my parents instilled a financial understanding in us at a young age.

i think i was six or seven years old when i realized that my absolute favoritest stuffed animal, Saddoggy (a mutated plush panda bear), was on his 'last leg' (he's still around to this day - what a trooper). I was devastated. my parents would talk to me about preparing for that day to come. i had to find (purchase) a replacement panda bear. i honestly think this is where my ability to save kicked in. i saved up all this money (from birthdays and just general nickel collecting) and bought a new plush panda bear to have on standby for when Saddoggy bit the dust. i remember my parents being really proud about how i had saved up the money on my own and purchased it on my own. they prepared us at a young age to understand the reward of being wise with your earnings.

all this to say, that a large fraction of my money has left me to become GICs that will blossom here in Canada while I travel abroad. their sole purpose (thus far) is to grow until I return. That way, when i come home from however long i plan to travel for, i will not start off from scratch. i'll be able to get settled in comfortably as the next chapter of my life will begin.

it's just scary thinking about it though. planning for the future is very important, and when you begin working full time after University, it becomes a huge part of your financial planning & management.

when I was driving home, I couldn't stop thinking about the future. travelling eastbound on the Gardiner, before it splits off to the DVP, i was imagining that I was on the Lion's Gate Bridge in Vancouver. It was solid darkness all around me, so it was easy to imagine. and you know what, it felt right. i'm excited for when that chapter meets my moment and i am living that part of my dream.

transition - removing the bad in my life. television & bad food. out, out, out. I'm actually amazed at how well parts of this transition are going for me. Ever since we began buying the Tropicana Orchard Style Apple Juice at my work, i've stopped drinking pop all together (again). And i feel great. i'm now even drinking water a bit more. honestly - i usually just drink juice and maybe power drinks (powerade/gatorade). So the addition to water is a very big step for me.

I'm not doing as well on the sugar/bad foods just yet. But there is a lot of hope. the problem i see is that when my eating is thrown off, i turn to snacking. and when you're at work and there is nothing to do, snacking gets worse. My eating habits are always thrown for a loop when i work on a show. I have to really focus on this problem and work hard at it. the week before our camping trip, i avoided all sugar and i felt great at the end of the week. i'm attempting to go at it again. mind you, i will not promise to stay away from sugar all together - as i have a great appreciation for milkshakes and good ol' corner store gummie candies.

i'm rocking it on the television factor. I will be moving in under two weeks - and i pray that we don't cave and get cable (mind you, i will miss the movies on TBS). i like the idea of avoiding the life-sucking box (except to watch movies for real). i have lost too much time in a trance in front of this terrible thing. I really only watch two shows right now, Treasure Hunters and The Hills. Mind you - i have missed the last two weeks of both shows. i will still watch the Amazing Race and probably even Survivor. and i will miss the MTV shows that i have grown to enjoy (shame on me). and i will most definitely miss watching all the reruns of Saved by the Bell, that i must have seen at least 10 times over the last 8 months.

transition - life in general. where do you start explaining all the things that seem to be renewing themselves in your life. you can't really. a lot of things are changing. i'm moving in under 2 weeks and i'm very excited about this new beginning. moving is hard but change is good. Naturally, Sadie will soon come to an end - and who knows what other show I might attach myself to. we're all still praying that Glimmer gets picked up - as it would mean steady work for several months for a good deal of people. with the summer months coming to an end, so to are the summer activities. i hope that we are still able to sneak in that last camping trip up at Tobermory before the end of September. there is so much more that is weighing on my heart - but now's not the time to delve into all the details.

Yeah. so that's me right now. There is a lot of newness around me.

plethora of things...i think softball might get rained out tomorrow. (sad) my parents are in town this weekend. i'm going to look at beds at ikea this weekend. i might even buy a digital camera (finally) - have been eyeing the Canon Power Shot SD700 IS. after i'm moved into my apartment, i head off to MEC to buy my backpack (it's all coming together soooo nicely). test results should be in by next wednesday. nervous, scared and anxious about that. rollerblading around the office at work tonight was fun. my toaster allegedly jumped off of the dehumidifier the other morning - ending with a loud thud and a very confused me. there is no real explanation for this. my box fortress is growing by the day.

nothing but smiles, even through the rain.

know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum

2006-08-15T06:46:00.000-04:00

(weekend recap to come - i promise)

A song that was in my head today - and i feel can speak volumes on those days where your heart is a monster teeter-totter.

Yesterday was an incredible day of ups & downs for myself. Sometimes, it can be very overwhelming.

Baz Luhrmann Presents:

everybody's free (to wear SUNSCREEN)
The Sunscreen Song (class of '99)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists.

whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power

and beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay
before you
and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective
as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind,
the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.

The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know
at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're gone.

(note from me: take this one seriously

- if you don't have bad knees - protect them.

I'm 25 and i definitely miss the abilities my knees used to have)

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate
yourself either.

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.

Use it every way you can.
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people
think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but i've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can"

Get to know your parents. You never know

when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle,
because the older you get, the more you need the people
who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old.

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young,
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble,
and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair

or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy,
but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
and recycling it for more than
it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can
everybody's free
everybody's free
to feel good"

Bon Echo Provincial Park

2006-08-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

Rob J sang Kumbaya over msn today.

I smiled. I am so much looking forward to tomorrow night's drive out to Bon Echo.

See this little piece of heaven (in the photo) - this was taken at Bon Echo. So gorgeous.

Two days of enjoying the outdoors with fellow Freedomizers. Two days away from the cemented city of Toronto. A whole weekend of beautiful weather.

I feel very blessed. I can't imagine how much more I'm going to feel this once I set eyes on the park Saturday morning.

We might be piggy back driving with another car out to the park - which will be good for the both of us drivers. It's nice to know you have a partner out there.

Ack. I can't wait. I pray that my eyes find strength to make it through the entire drive.

un dodo.

Today was uneventful. Still trying to sort out the whole Skydiving video thing. Still waiting to hear back about the apartment. I know for a fact that it's between us and another group of three girls. But the guy keeps changing the price, and i was firm with him about where we stood with this. I am praying so hard that by noon tomorrow we will have the best news! :)

i have so much to do before the day is done yet. packing and prepping and cleaning. i'm off. have a great weekend everyone.

a little thing I like to call my security blanket

2006-08-09T19:53:00.000-04:00

my sleeping bag

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To some - this might appear to be a sleeping bag.

I call it my little piece of heaven. I have officially started shopping for my worldly adventure. The first lucky piece is this ravishing sleeping bag. Isn't it gorgeous? :)

It's a MEC hybrid synthetic/down mummy bag. For those adventure geeks (like me) out there - this bag is a combination of Hyperloft and down. The down is the reason that it is so light (only 1.5kg) and also creates a great insulation. The hyperloft is the first layer inside the outershell, protecting the down and also preventing it from becoming the disasterous wet beast. Down sleeping bags + water = BAD NEWS.

I also bought a compressor - and i'm so excited - the sleeping bag shrinks down to NOTHING. It's fantastic. All thanks to the down. Synthetic materials do not compress this small.

Fun smiles. I finally narrowed my list of sleeping bags down to three. I was looking for an employee to simply run me through a quick overview of those few bags (to make sure I hadn't missed any details important for the final decision). I find someone who just finished helping another customer. I got a confirmation from the customer that they didn't need him anymore, and jumped into my question. I stopped and stood there - with a face of recognition. I was like 'you look really familiar' and he responded with 'i was just thinking that'. Moment of silence (not awkward) "rock climbing shoes", he exclaimed. I smiled. You need to understand that I LOVE MEC. I am in heaven when i walk into this store - for real. So, a few months back, a friend and I went to MEC to check out their rock climbing shoes. We were about to go check out the Rock Oasis for the first time together - and were thinking about joining the gym. Buying your own gear is A LOT cheaper than renting everytime. Anyway - long story to say this guy was so amazingly patient with us as we tried on almost every type of rock climbing shoe that they had at MEC. We were there for like an hour. He was super chill. It almost felt like an old friend - we couldn't stop gabbing about stuff (mainly trip taking, my camping trip, and climbing). It made me happy. One of my new roomates is interested in rock climbing - and this guy climbs at Rock Oasis too - so our paths might just cross again. I think it would be an interesting run in.

Three hot air balloons floated on by tonight.

Tomorrow morning, I'm going on an adventure. I'll fill you in tomorrow. I apparently have to pop two tylenols before I go to lower the pain. What?!?

Today was a silly day. Not as busy on the road as Tuesday. Thomas and David came to visit (David to work, Thomas to just play - he's only 17 months old).

Some guy in our neighbourhood (of the school i work at) took a knife to one of our seeway cable patches that we run off of the roof. A local man got into an argument with him, bothered that he would try to vandalize our property. Anyway - this local man bumped into Shannon who had to go investigate. Later in the afternoon - david was asked to go up on the roof to pull the whole cable up (to avoid further problems). I went up on the roof with him. We have an AMAZING view from up there. Clear view all the way to downtown Toronto. Gorgeous. Especially on a day like today.

Two days to Freek Out. Two days to a very interesting day/evening/night. Two red bulls, four passengers. A plethora of mixed cds. Good weather forecast. This is going to be classic.

Woot to Freek Out Tree.Oh